art of eros

[dark stranger]

you sit there sometimes
like a painting waiting
to be brushed again

you say I am your artist
and my eyes are warm
along the edges of you

when I am close to you
your sounds are on my skin
like the wet of you

when you lean over my eyes
I am but humble clay
waiting for your fingers

to make me hard and thick
and your lips
to shape my end

you are the artist then


©Dark

 

[KatPurrs]

dark stranger

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. The first stanza really grabbed my attention. The remaining stanzas were a delight as well.

My only suggestion is to remove two words - the "and" in the 2nd line of the following stanzas. I felt they were visually pleasing but unnecessary. I read this poem out loud many times and found it sounded better without them. What do you think?

when I am close to you
your sounds are on my skin
like the wet of you

when you lean over my eyes
I am but humble clay
waiting for your fingers

The "and" in the following stanza was left in.

to make me hard and thick
and your lips
to shape my end

you are the artist then


Very, very nice, dark stranger. Would love to see more!

Kat~

 

[dark stranger]

thank you ms

I agree...it works well without the "ands"

I appreciate your gift of consideration...

 

[KatPurrs]

It was my pleasure, dark stranger. Feel free to call me "Kat".