Arrrrrh, Mateys!

[carsonshepherd]

Ahoy, let's have a thread about pirates.

Pirates are so sexy, what with taking captives and locking people in the brig and such. And flogging... oh yes, I think someone needs twenty lashes!

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Ahoy, let's have a thread about pirates.

Pirates are so sexy, what with taking captives and locking people in the brig and such. And flogging... oh yes, I think someone needs twenty lashes!

I was going to say "enough with the pirate theme, people", but that last part caught My interest. I'm in the mood to flog someone tonight.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Where's Shanglan? Is the term "friggin in the riggin" under copyright?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... Is the term "friggin in the riggin" under copyright?

I believe the answer is, "Yes."




Friggin In The Riggin
by The sex Pistols

It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ, ya shoulda seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast, a mammoth penis

The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one place to another

Chorus:
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do


The captains name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day he'd stop and play
With his fuckin' organ

The first mate's name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper.
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor

Chorus

The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
Till they crushed his cock on a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy

The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fuckin' nigger
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

Chorus

The Captain's wife was Mabel
To fuck she was not able
So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the barroom table

The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
And by her squeals we knew the eels
Had found 'er sexual quarters





Should I have put this in the Sex Song Lyrics thread.

 

[Vincent E]

Arr, arr, arr.

You all be a bunch of sissified landlubbers. I predict that this thread will sink to the bottom of Davey Jones' locker before I can make any of ye walk the plank.

Arr, arr, arr.

 

[Guest]

Pirates are sexy.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Well, all I know about Pirates is if they can get a good starter and tighten up their infield, they might make a run at the National League pennant next season.

Yo-ho-ho

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Pirates are sexy.

I especially like the battery-operated Long John Shivers.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Where's Shanglan? Is the term "friggin in the riggin" under copyright?

I am, of course, delighted that my name springs immediately to mind in the context of pirates and flogging. Many thanks, MissScarlett.

I think it's partly the clothing, by the way. It seems obligatory that all pirates have a dashing, exotic, and delicious sense of style. The clothes do indeed make the man in many cases ... think how much less delectable - although still considerably so - Captain Jack Sparrow would be in jeans and a T-shirt.

Enclosed below - my own personal preferrred lyrics for "Frigging in the Rigging," also sometimes called "The Good Ship Venus." Perhaps we might go on each adding a verse or two?

Shanglan


Our good ship was the Venus
By fuck, you should have seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast a mammoth’s penis.

The captain of this lugger
The dirty evil bugger
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one ship to another.

[chorus]
Friggin’ in the riggin’
Friggin’ in the riggin’
Friggin’ in the riggin’
‘Twas fuck all else to do.

The first mate’s name was Morgan
An ugly fucking Gorgon
But I hardly knew a man of the crew
Who hadn’t played his organ.

The second mate was Andy
Fuck me, he had a dandy
‘Til they bashed his cock with a broken rock
For coming in the bandy.

[chorus]

The captain’s wife was Mabel
Whenever she was able
She’d give the crew their morning screw
Across a galley table.

His horny little daughter
Once fell in deep seawater
Her delighted squeals told us the eels
Had found her nether quarters.

[chorus]

The ship’s cook’s name was Carey
A dedicated fairy
He’d lay in wait with the captain’s mate
To bugger the unwary

The boatswain weighed the anchor
That highly practiced wanker
Once shot a junk with a load of spunk
That fucking nearly sank her.

[chorus]

The cabin boy was Kipper
A cheeky little nipper
He stuffed his arse with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The ship’s dog’s name was Rover
The whole crew did him over
They’d pound and pound that faithful hound
From Singapore to Dover.

[chorus]

(and on ad infinitum …)

 

[oggbashan]

Done Pirates...

Extract from Chapter 01 of The Worst Chain Story Ever:

"I need to get something from my special walk-in wardrobe. While
I do can you tell me about English Pirates?"

"Yes, Magdalena."

(Note to reader: I had to get this and the next story in somehow so I have used a cunning plan to get John the Dong to tell them while his wife is in her special walk-in wardrobe. They have nothing to do with the story but I'm the author so I can do what I like. So there! Sticks out tongue at reader. If you don't like it you should have been deterred by the title of this story.)

"When John the Dong was young, tales about Pirates on the Spanish Main (which was no more Spanish than my arse (or ass if you are American)) were like the morality tales of the Wild (American) West.

There were GOOD pirates (Hurrah! Wave Jolly Roger) who fought the Spanish enemy (Boo!) and BAD pirates (Boo!) who robbed, raped (but this word was NEVER explained) and pillaged until they met the GOOD pirates (Hurrah! Wave Jolly Roger) or the BRITISH NAVY (Three Cheers! and wave Union Jack) and were sunk (with all hands) to the watery grave they deserved.

BAD pirates (Boo!) could sometimes become good by attacking an overwhelming force of the Spanish enemy (Boo!) to give time for the BRITISH NAVY (Three Cheers! and wave Union Jack) to catch nd destroy the Spanish enemy (Boo! then cheer because they're destroyed) but TOO LATE to save the not so BAD pirates who had sunk (with all hands) in their gallant attack (After all they were Englishmen. One faint cheer) on the Spanish (Boo!).

BAD pirates (Boo!) were ALWAYS sunk with all hands because they were bad. They could not be allowed to survive.

GOOD pirates (Hurrah! Wave Jolly Roger) either retired to run Ale Houses where jolly pirate songs were sung, or to become pparently sinister but actually benign characters in children's stories, OR became Lieutenant-Governor of Jamaica - as actually happened to Sir Henry Morgan (ex-(GOOD)-pirate)(Hurrah! Wave Jolly Roger AND Union Jack) until he was sacked for taking more commission than was usual even for Lieutenant-Governors.

The difference between GOOD pirates, BAD pirates and peaceful British trading ships was always difficult for foreigners to understand. All the ships carried heavy guns which they would use to rob and pillage the native population. GOOD pirates called it war, BAD pirates called it loot, and British traders called it profits from fair trade which was free to all as long as you were British and had a ship with large enough guns. Between them hey made The British Empire great. (Wave Jolly Roger, Union Jack and flags of Joint Stock Companies) (who were more unprincipled han almost any one else including BAD pirates but BAD pirates idn't have titled Directors who went piously to Church nor did they bribe (did I say bribe, silly me, I meant support with financial assistance for timely advice) Ministers of the Crown to preserve the Joint Stock Companies' monopoly to rob and pillage nations that didn't have big enough guns.).

Did you follow that, Magdalena?"

End of extract.

Og

 

[cheerful_deviant]

I especially like the battery-operated Long John Shivers.

HAHAHAHA!

 

[Sabledrake]

Mmm ... ooh ... pirates ... love the pirates!

Sabledrake

 

[English Lady]

The first ever romance book i read was about a pirate falling in love with a lady (corny eh?) and it had all this sex stufff in it (well obviously it wasn't really sex stuff but i was only about 13 at the time) and I used to masturbate to the sexy bits. Oh yeah.


I love pirates

 

[Guest]

Where's Ed Teach?

 

[Goldie Munro]

Where's Ed Teach?

My thoughts exactly - oh and of course Pops!

 

[Edward Teach]

Arrrgg

Tinny me got mate!! Me narly missed tha thread!!

Take us on some more hardy mates an wenches an rum an cast off fer tha main. Good times and treasure surely awaits! Yo Ho Ho

send the one wi the jiggly butt to me quarters

Eddie and The Cruisers
(c Virtual-Burlesque)

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I've had a love of pirates since I read Treasure Island

 

[Guest]

I just likes me them blokes wot talk funny like.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I am, of course, delighted that my name springs immediately to mind in the context of pirates and flogging.

I would say I started this thread for you, but I don't want anyone to make me walk the plank....

A good flogging, now, that might be a different story.

 

[sincerely_helene]

I just likes me them blokes wot talk funny like.

Ditto.

 

[Wholemanz]

I just likes me them blokes wot talk funny like.

Hmm...

Dad was born not far from Penzance...

 

[BlackShanglan]

I would say I started this thread for you, but I don't want anyone to make me walk the plank....

A good flogging, now, that might be a different story.

Generous though I wish to be with all of my friends ... if there's any flogging to be done in this particular locale, I'm going to be involved

You know, Carson ... every time I see your little sailor man icon, he becomes a little more hypnotic.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Re: Arrrgg

Tinny me got mate!! Me narly missed tha thread!!

Take us on some more hardy mates an wenches an rum an cast off fer tha main. Good times and treasure surely awaits! Yo Ho Ho

send the one wi the jiggly butt to me quarters

Eddie and The Cruisers
(c Virtual-Burlesque)

Yo ho ho.

Who you callin' a ho?

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/zensiert/girl.gif

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I am, of course, delighted that my name springs immediately to mind in the context of pirates and flogging. Many thanks, MissScarlett.

Oh, you're very welcome. I'm all about the flogging, unless it's me who's being flogged.





Yo ho, yo ho, the pirate life,
The flag o' skull and bones,
A merry hour, a hempen rope,
And hey for Davy Jones.
(Not to be confused with Davey Jones from The Monkees.)

 

[carsonshepherd]

And hey for Davy Jones.

Also not to be confused with the real name of David Bowie, right?