Arranging for Respite Care

[bailadora]

My mother has been taking care (along with another sibling) of my grandmother for the past several years, but things are reaching the point where caregiving is adversely affecting their own health (physical and mental). For reasons unknown to me, assisted living is out of the question. A recent conversation with my mother has escalated my concern about the whole situation and I want to start looking into respite care options, so she'll at least have a little break each week. The problem is that googling "respite care" and the city and county yields mostly nursing home or assisted living facilities. Since I'm trying to do all of this from out of state, I'm not sure how to find or connect with a local network who'd have the information I seek. Another thing is that outside of the obvious questions (medical qualifications, background checks, cost), I'm not sure what sort of things I should ask in the vetting process. If anyone has any insight (things to do, things to avoid, questions that should be asked) as to how to go about arranging for this type of care, I'd greatly appreciate it.

 

[Patchouli]

some of the larger companies have access to services that can help you with this. i know my husband's company does, and also my stepdad's. if you (or your spouse, if you have one) work for a larger company, ask the human resources department about it. we found them very helpful when dealing with my grandmother. the service helped us locate a good nursing agency and also possible nursing homes. i'm sure they have other advice too.

also, there may be an office for the elderly in the state they are in. new york has one and i think washington does too. they are full of good info.

i hope this helps.

 

[Eilan]

We have an Area Agency on Aging that can help set up families with respite care providers. Some nursing homes also provide respite care as well.

You and your family have my sympathy. My mom went through something similar with my grandma, and my mom was too damn stubborn/proud to ask for help. It definitely took a toll.

 

[PublicAffection]

The senior center in the town/city that your grandmother is in may also have some great resources for finding qualified respite care. Even if they don't have outright recommendations, they probably can introduce your family to members who do.

Another resource that is often overlooked is your grandmother's doctor and nursing staff. While her insurance carrier might not have good referrals, chances are that your grandmother's direct medical team will have insight on to who to call for her specific needs.

 

[Noira]

The senior center in the town/city that your grandmother is in may also have some great resources for finding qualified respite care. Even if they don't have outright recommendations, they probably can introduce your family to members who do.

Another resource that is often overlooked is your grandmother's doctor and nursing staff. While her insurance carrier might not have good referrals, chances are that your grandmother's direct medical team will have insight on to who to call for her specific needs.

Very likely, yes. You really have to ask around locally to find what'll meet your specific needs, because people all over the world on the internet will have different facilities that meet different needs... in this case, you have to go to the real-life caretakers (such as the doctors and nursing staff I'm sure your grandmother deals with), or call up the hospital, call the lodge, call the extended care facilities. I live in a small area, but respite is handled through our long term care... we keep a specific room set off for respite patients, who may come in and spend the weekend, or spend some vacation time for their primary caretakers in the care facility's hands. While I'm not sure if this is common practice, you might want to take down a list of those assisted living facilities and nursing homes and call them and ask if they can do respite care and/or can direct you to someone who does respite care.

Really, this is the point where I'd recommend getting Homecare to come in (ours goes through our local hospital, but even if yours doesn't, they'd be able to direct you to where you can find nurses who do home care), because if her mind is still there enough to want to live at home and even be inappropriate for her to be in a care facility, having someone come in every day or every couple of days to aid with some of the tricky things might be just enough to take the burden off of your mother's shoulders. I know many people of various ages who have Homecare come in, whether for medication administration, or more extended care such as bathing and toileting, but are still independent enough to live at home.

Here's a list of questions to keep in mind when looking for an assisted care facility. http://www.drizinelderlaw.com/library/questions-to-ask-when-selecting-an-assisted-care-facility.html They will likely be the things you'd want to keep in mind when trying to find a facility that does respite care as well: will they meet the needs of your grandmother? Is it a well-run facility? What training does the staff require? What's the menu like? Is it clean? Is there entertainment? Things like that will raise red flags or not as to whether or not it's a quality establishment where your grandmother will be safe and have a secure quality stay that benefits her lifestyle while your mother takes a little break from caring for someone who's likely becoming quite exhausting... taking over the complete care of another individual is not easy work!

Your health comes first when you're caring for someone, and if the care is adversely effecting hers, it's time to look at other options. While it might be hard on the ego to look for help, if your mother gets sick from it, it isn't going to get any better.

 

[tocurpussy]

Not sure if all hospitals have this, but at the hospital here locally they have a dept that does this type of thing. Would suggest you try calling the local one there and check and see. They come in for a period of time every day that is worked out between the staff and the primary care givers along with what insurance and or medicare will pay for. Worth a shot anyway

 

[sweettreat601]

Is it time perhaps to invite Hospice in to work with your family? Many people have a negative connotation of hospice, but in reality, a hospice can be a wonderful resource. They may be able to provide nursing care, nursing assistants for home visits to assist with bathing, etc., a social worker, volunteer companions, a chaplain and respite care among other things. Hospice is also covered under Medicare. Contact a hospice in your Grandmothers town and speak to an intake coordinator to see what they offer and if it might work for y'all. Many hospices now have "hospice houses" where they care for patients for a brief time for respite care and symptom management/stabilization until the patient can return to their own home.
Best of luck to you, I have been in your shoes and will be again. It's a tough place to be!

 

[sdineen]

yhg

Hospice can help. I just wish people in the rehab caring fields werent so burnt out. Disabled f can't tell you the nonsense i put up eith

 

[SweetErika]

Yep, I was going to suggest local hospices. Even if that's not the best option for your family right now, the hospice staff will very likely know who can provide appropriate respite care and whatever else is needed.

When my MIL was sick, the hospice staff we worked with were amazing people, and while she was still at home (she did go to the hospice house to die), they helped her with plans, medical equipment, offered patient and family counseling, home health nurse visits, respite care, etc.

 

[Boundlife]

I don't know how to navigate the US system, but here you would go through home care. We also have an adult day program that is like day camp for seniors. They do activites, feed them lunch, and have beds for naps. Would a social worker be an impartial source of information? (Universal health care is so much easier)

 

[bailadora]

Thanks, guys. I knew you'd have some great ideas. Someone suggested contacting AARP to see what kind of leads they'd have and as soon as I read that, I felt a bit like Homer Simpson - d'oh! I think part of the problem is that I'm too close to the situation in terms of worry for my mother. Not that I don't love and worry for my grandmother, but there's not much I can do for her that's not already being done.

Your health comes first when you're caring for someone, and if the care is adversely effecting hers, it's time to look at other options. While it might be hard on the ego to look for help, if your mother gets sick from it, it isn't going to get any better.

I realize this. Getting my mother to realize it is another story. In our culture, family takes care of family, period. End of story. I'm not quite sure how to convince her that asking for outside help is not a failure on her part.

 

[NomadLady]

I spent the last 18 months caring for my mom so I understand the definate need for respite care but living in a small town I quickly learned it wasn't available. Luckily the sitter I used for my mom during the day was able to stay overnight as well so I was able to get time off when I needed it.

Good luck and please make sure your parents take care of their own health during this time. It is extremely stressful mentally as well as physically.