Arousal Through Physical Hitting

[twysted73]

I've been told by a lot of people I'm the most open minded persona they've met. And so for those of you who fill this particular roll among your peers, you know what I mean when I say you "field" a lot of thoughts and ideas from those around you who don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about it but you.

Having said that and laid the ground work, we finally get to our topic:

I've been in contact with a lovely friend who's left her restricting relationship of 3 years and is branching out. She's come to me to help mer find her more adventurous side and has asked if we could talk and I could help her find it through conversation. (Yes, I said "through conversation" )
So at this point it's friendly and helpful.
She's expressed a desire and arrousal around topics involving degredation, objectification, and (what brings me today) minor physical abuse before and during sex.
She enjoys pain. She enjoys rape fantasies and mentions this to be her ultimate sexual fantasy (at present).
She has asked me if there is "something wrong" with being hit/ "knocked around" and forced to have sex with a trusted partner. I told her that so long as she's safe and her boundries are respected, there's nothing wrong at all asside from the potential questions at work or an overly concerned coworker who calls in officials to investigate.

So I'm opening this to anyone who'd like to put their two cents in. As always, your constructive input is welcome.

 

[nh23]

I've been told by a lot of people I'm the most open minded persona they've met. And so for those of you who fill this particular roll among your peers, you know what I mean when I say you "field" a lot of thoughts and ideas from those around you who don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about it but you.

Having said that and laid the ground work, we finally get to our topic:

I've been in contact with a lovely friend who's left her restricting relationship of 3 years and is branching out. She's come to me to help mer find her more adventurous side and has asked if we could talk and I could help her find it through conversation. (Yes, I said "through conversation" )
So at this point it's friendly and helpful.
She's expressed a desire and arrousal around topics involving degredation, objectification, and (what brings me today) minor physical abuse before and during sex.
She enjoys pain. She enjoys rape fantasies and mentions this to be her ultimate sexual fantasy (at present).
She has asked me if there is "something wrong" with being hit/ "knocked around" and forced to have sex with a trusted partner. I told her that so long as she's safe and her boundries are respected, there's nothing wrong at all asside from the potential questions at work or an overly concerned coworker who calls in officials to investigate.

So I'm opening this to anyone who'd like to put their two cents in. As always, your constructive input is welcome.

I'm not really sure what your question is... but rape fantasies are very common. Even among women who are rather vanilla from what I've seen. I'd say that your advice to her is great.

 

[twysted73]

I'm not really sure what your question is... but rape fantasies are very common. Even among women who are rather vanilla from what I've seen. I'd say that your advice to her is great.

Well I suupose my question is this: What is your opinion on the physical "abuse"? I don't want to use the word, especially since it has a negative connotation in reference to something a lot of people enjoy. *raises hand as part od the sadistic crowd*

But when she describes the type of physical hit, she means the type one would find in an actual abusive relationship. One where the woman is hit in the face or mouth to force her to submit to whatever the abuser requires.
Think "domestic violance" without the negative feelings between the two involved.
How do I classify this? I feel I gave her "good advice" but it's rather generic one might give to someone who wants to use black candle wax instead of white or red.

What else could I say to her about it? I'm at a loss as I can't place myself into her flavor of kink. Something I usually do in order for me to better understand it when I advise.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[catalina_francisco]

My thoughts on it are that she needs to be sure it is a real desire and not just fantasy she thinks she would like to be reality and then possibly find it is the last thing she really wants and/or needs. The fantasies are not that uncommon amongst women, but voluntarily making them reality is rarer and more dangerous. Often women who have restricted themselves sexually or been in a relationship they felt limited them will begin to feel they want to experience such dramatic contrasts...sometimes it is a real desire, sometimes it is more a desire to break the mold and not at all what they want.

I also would advise she be careful about who she expresses these desires to, that she get to know and play with a partner for long enough to establish real trust based on real knowledge they have her best interests at heart and are not just out to abuse her, and that she is fully aware of her own health and as CM says, the health risks before hand. Even boxers (eg. Muhammed Ali) have experienced debilitating conditions as a result of blows to the head even with protection. I have worked with women who were abuse victims and had lost sight, hearing, noses, and had titanium plates placed in their face and head to try and repair damage caused by an abuser. Whether it is consensual or abuse, the outcome can be the same with the wrong person or a little careless miscalculation.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Just as there are ways to whip someone that do not result in the permanent cross hatch covering the back of many antebellum slaves, there are ways to pop someone across the mouth without sending them to the hospital. (Literally popping someone across the mouth = high risk activity of course. I stick to the meaty bits and cheekbones and don't get too crazy, it's more about what's being SAID than what's being done)

Look up "faceslapping", research punching kicking and rough play. Know that you're doing edgeplay with some risks. I like those things in modified versions, not the edgiest here. More importantly, what cat said is key because facial hitting is a psychic landmine for a lot of people and you don't need someone deciding retroactively, no she *didn't* want you to hit her like that.

 

[nh23]

Well I suupose my question is this: What is your opinion on the physical "abuse"? I don't want to use the word, especially since it has a negative connotation in reference to something a lot of people enjoy. *raises hand as part od the sadistic crowd*

But when she describes the type of physical hit, she means the type one would find in an actual abusive relationship. One where the woman is hit in the face or mouth to force her to submit to whatever the abuser requires.
Think "domestic violance" without the negative feelings between the two involved.
How do I classify this? I feel I gave her "good advice" but it's rather generic one might give to someone who wants to use black candle wax instead of white or red.

What else could I say to her about it? I'm at a loss as I can't place myself into her flavor of kink. Something I usually do in order for me to better understand it when I advise.

Oh, I gotcha. I have nothing to add though. There's been some great advice offered by the others already.

 

[twysted73]

Thank you all very much

This is precicely why I felt comfortable bringing this here. She knew I was in the lifestyle and knew enough to be able to tell her a few things but as I had stated earlier, I didn't feel as if I had given her the full picture. She also knew I had a medical background which helped me tell her most (but not all) of what was listed here in the sports medicine category.
As for the psychological, I feel (as CutieMouse had mentioned) it may be her wishing to go to the extremes not realizing what she's asking for only seeking something a little more then what she's been restricted to thus far in the past relationship. (he was close-minded only, not physically/psychologically abusive so no worries there).

I feel (through this verbal exploration with me of her new possabilities) her imagination may simply be getting away with her much like a child in a toy store. I'll let her know of what we've spoken about here and advise her not to persue it without the utmost caution and patience. I know her well and I do not believe she truly wants the abuse she's inquiring about. I think her recent sexual freedom is opening doors for her and she wants to catch up on all she's wanted but never had. Much like one starved of food, you don't want to feed them too quickly.

I think she's interested in humiliation personally. I told her "babysteps".
Thank you all for your help in this matter. In educating me I will educate others.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Etoile]

BTW, the term for BDSM acts involving physical hitting is called "impact play" and it includes punching, kicking, etc.

 

[questnboy]

Etoile

UK and kicked me anytime you want it to find and that black dress what is two tight

 

[reignophelia]

.....

 

[SLUT13]

my kinda girl hehe. im exactly tha same way, i love being controlled and knocked around, especially in bed..rape me and beat me, and ill have endless orgasms..but as long as its all done with her consent, and makes her happy, then i dont see anything wrong with it at all.

 

[visionskate]

hell yeah ...consentual rape is always fun. nothing wrong with fantasies if theyare controled

 

[boutrosboutros]

you don't need someone deciding retroactively, no she *didn't* want you to hit her like that.

That was my first reaction on reading this thread. Relationships end, and sometimes they end in a messy way. I wouldn't want to find myself in the position of suddenly being accused of anything....untoward, shall we say?...by an angry ex.

I mean, no matter how strong the bond of trust is between the two parties, you never know when that bond is going to break.

 

[rosco rathbone]

she means the type one would find in an actual abusive relationship. One where the woman is hit in the face or mouth to force her to submit to whatever the abuser requires.
Think "domestic violance"

I've done it, and it's hot as hell. DOn't try it at home--these men are experts.

 

[Etoile]

UK and kicked me anytime you want it to find and that black dress what is two tight

Wow, I have absolutely no idea what this means.

 

[LittleJade]

Flat out, I'm a pain whore. I dig pain- hair pulling, spanking, slapping, harsh hitting (on my bottom, but not other parts of my body, and nowhere near my face), contortionism (painful bending for the sake of bondage), etc. I dig it.

I don't encourage danger, I encourage edgeplay with someone who has experience, sure hands, and confidence in their abilities... someone I can trust.

My greatest fear is suffocation... and recently, during an orgasm, someone put his hands over my mouth and nose.. just for a moment... it was terrifying.. but exhilirating... incredible... I can't wait for him to do it again.

 

[BiBunny]

I used to love this and get off so hard on it. I really haven't worked my way past face-slapping as a Top, though. Maybe someday.

 

[twysted73]

I used to love this and get off so hard on it. I really haven't worked my way past face-slapping as a Top, though. Maybe someday.

Aw, thanks for dropping your thoughts.
I like my evil eyes. I even turned em blue to match meh.
As for impact play, I think I'd need so much more experience to even broach and approach, you know?
I passed on to her all the things that were suggested in a helpful manner here and she seems less..manic to have it done.
Which is good because it turns out she wanted me to be the one to do it.
*grimaces like Letterman*

Why do I have to be the local kink magnet? (tho sometimes...it works out well..*coughInvernesscough)
*le sigh*

 

[Bill3250]

As a submissive male I envy female subs because it is so much easier to find a male dom. Mostly, except for a two year period when I was allowed to exist as Lady Isabelle's property, the women I've been forunate enough to be dominated by have not been totally into their roles and were unable to provide me with the exquisite pain I craved. Lady Isabelle regularly whipped my behind with her riding crop, used a freshly cut switch to whip my erection (the most invigorating pain imaginable) and attached sharply toothed alligator clips to my nipples. Except for an occasional gentle slap, she never struck me above the shoulders