Are we just cursed?

[curvyjae]

I’m in a relationship… have been for a while now and I am a good girl by not talking to anyone in any way other than platonically staying in touch with a few people from here. Which is a change from relationships in the past, and I don’t really desire sexual talk with others but damn do I miss deeper connections. My partner and I have a good connection to a point but there’s some things lacking that leave me missing connections where I feel valued and pretty.

Anyone in a committed relationship and have similar issues of wanting to be faithful to your relationship but missing connections with like minded people??

 

[Vinylguy]

I feel the same way. We connect but we don’t CONNECT. If this makes sense?

 

[sr71bph]

Hi I am a 55 year old man in a stable but emotionally empty marriage missing having a special connection with someone. Sex is not that difficult to find in the real world but a really close friend is something special.

 

[Plasmaball]

I’m in a relationship… have been for a while now and I am a good girl by not talking to anyone in any way other than platonically staying in touch with a few people from here. Which is a change from relationships in the past, and I don’t really desire sexual talk with others but damn do I miss deeper connections. My partner and I have a good connection to a point but there’s some things lacking that leave me missing connections where I feel valued and pretty.

Anyone in a committed relationship and have similar issues of wanting to be faithful to your relationship but missing connections with like minded people??

So you miss the high.

 

[curvyjae]

I feel the same way. We connect but we don’t CONNECT. If this makes sense?

100% makes sense.

 

[curvyjae]

So you miss the high.

Perhaps. Mostly just miss feeling understood maybe.

 

[DirtyDieselTech]

I’m in a relationship… have been for a while now and I am a good girl by not talking to anyone in any way other than platonically staying in touch with a few people from here. Which is a change from relationships in the past, and I don’t really desire sexual talk with others but damn do I miss deeper connections. My partner and I have a good connection to a point but there’s some things lacking that leave me missing connections where I feel valued and pretty.

Anyone in a committed relationship and have similar issues of wanting to be faithful to your relationship but missing connections with like minded people??

So I'm married. Have been for almost 8 years. In the beginning, our connection was on point. Shes the one who introduced me to the world of bondage. So over the years, I've discovered many more kinks that I find extremely sexy, her not so much. And now, our sex life is beginning to slow down and get ever so slightly boring and repetitious.

I feel that our connection has begun to lessin in the last 2 years. We arnt on the same brain wave as we have been in the past. Idk if it's just a weird phase we are in with raising 4 kids or if it's something more.

 

[Plasmaball]

Perhaps. Mostly just miss feeling understood maybe.

This isn't a sex thing. It's an emotional connection that excites you. You say good morning and good night. It's a relationship without the relationship.

You most likely had it with your current in the beginning and it slowly faded away for you. Now you are chasing it again because your current doesn't supply that "drug".

This is a problem with social media. They create these fake issues that are of our creations. Fake may be the wrong term but that's what popped into my head.

You need to understand you don't actually need these connections. Not in the way you think you do.

 

[Plasmaball]

So I'm married. Have been for almost 8 years. In the beginning, our connection was on point. Shes the one who introduced me to the world of bondage. So over the years, I've discovered many more kinks that I find extremely sexy, her not so much. And now, our sex life is beginning to slow down and get ever so slightly boring and repetitious.

I feel that our connection has begun to lessin in the last 2 years. We arnt on the same brain wave as we have been in the past. Idk if it's just a weird phase we are in with raising 4 kids or if it's something more.

This isn't about sex. Your issues are not the same as hers. Yours is just a natural progression of people evolving and changing over time.

You are spiraling with kinks and she isn't.

 

[curvyjae]

This isn't a sex thing. It's an emotional connection that excites you. You say good morning and good night. It's a relationship without the relationship.

You most likely had it with your current in the beginning and it slowly faded away for you. Now you are chasing it again because your current doesn't supply that "drug".

This is a problem with social media. They create these fake issues that are of our creations. Fake may be the wrong term but that's what popped into my head.

You need to understand you don't actually need these connections. Not in the way you think you do.

I had lit before I was active on social media so I don’t believe that has anything to do with it. And with my current there never was a “spark”. He was my best friend and it became a relationship. Still good morning have a good day messages once we are at work. Go to bed together nightly. Nothing has changed in our relationship, it’s what had always been lacking but I try to be good and such.

 

[Plasmaball]

I had lit before I was active on social media so I don’t believe that has anything to do with it. And with my current there never was a “spark”. He was my best friend and it became a relationship. Still good morning have a good day messages once we are at work. Go to bed together nightly. Nothing has changed in our relationship, it’s what had always been lacking but I try to be good and such.

Lit is social media kiddo. Just an older form of it.

It's not the same and you know it. A good morning from that connection is 100x times more amazing than from your partner with no connection.

( I'm not saying your relationship is trash or anything. Just different)

You need someone who can read you like a book.. see right through your games but in a good way.

 

[curvyjae]

Lit is social media kiddo. Just an older form of it.

It's not the same and you know it. A good morning from that connection is 100x times more amazing than from your partner with no connection.

( I'm not saying your relationship is trash or anything. Just different)

You need someone who can read you like a book.. see right through your games but in a good way.

Agree with the last sentence.

 

[Plasmaball]

Agree with the last sentence.

It's a rough one to not have when you are used to having something.

 

[Plasmaball]

I think you need even more than that.

Well sure but I was being short with my comment.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Hi Curvy,

I can relate. Been married for nearly 20 years and my wife and I make a good parenting team (I mean, as good as flawed human beings can be), we manage life and its upheavals well, and we've been to hell and back on more than one occasion. What I'm getting at is, we make great business partners and are fairly well aligned on most topics, but there is no connection. She's into art, I'm into music. She's into hiking, my back says hell no. Etc.

She doesn't know me, the real me, and as we've aged, I've found we don't have some of the basic values that we started out from. I tried for so long to get to know her inner self, but that's been a more shifting target than a wave upon the sea.

Now, there's a mortgage, and kids, and aging parents, and on and on. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't given up. But I have. I trudge on in my own cell of purgatory until death do we part. She hasn't admitted to it, but I have; knowing what I know now - which includes knowing myself, I wouldn't marry her again.

We don't have a spark, never have. And I only know that because I briefly encountered a spark shortly before I knew her and I acted the fool and lost that opportunity. Then, only a few years ago, I found the soul-binding connection with a most unlikely candidate. But it was there, and it was real, and it was what I'd hoped for - but it couldn't be.

I sound like quite the complainer, don't I? But I feel cursed, I really do. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.

Hopefully, my diatribe was a meaningful contribution.

 

[Dudeqwe]

I’m in a relationship… have been for a while now and I am a good girl by not talking to anyone in any way other than platonically staying in touch with a few people from here. Which is a change from relationships in the past, and I don’t really desire sexual talk with others but damn do I miss deeper connections. My partner and I have a good connection to a point but there’s some things lacking that leave me missing connections where I feel valued and pretty.

Anyone in a committed relationship and have similar issues of wanting to be faithful to your relationship but missing connections with like minded people??

Gotta be true to yourself. If you miss those connections now, imagine how much you’ll miss them down the road?

imho

 

[curvyjae]

Hi Curvy,

I can relate. Been married for nearly 20 years and my wife and I make a good parenting team (I mean, as good as flawed human beings can be), we manage life and its upheavals well, and we've been to hell and back on more than one occasion. What I'm getting at is, we make great business partners and are fairly well aligned on most topics, but there is no connection. She's into art, I'm into music. She's into hiking, my back says hell no. Etc.

She doesn't know me, the real me, and as we've aged, I've found we don't have some of the basic values that we started out from. I tried for so long to get to know her inner self, but that's been a more shifting target than a wave upon the sea.

Now, there's a mortgage, and kids, and aging parents, and on and on. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't given up. But I have. I trudge on in my own cell of purgatory until death do we part. She hasn't admitted to it, but I have; knowing what I know now - which includes knowing myself, I wouldn't marry her again.

We don't have a spark, never have. And I only know that because I briefly encountered a spark shortly before I knew her and I acted the fool and lost that opportunity. Then, only a few years ago, I found the soul-binding connection with a most unlikely candidate. But it was there, and it was real, and it was what I'd hoped for - but it couldn't be.

I sound like quite the complainer, don't I? But I feel cursed, I really do. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.

Hopefully, my diatribe was a meaningful contribution.

I relate to this on so many levels aside from I can’t seem to make a marriage last that long

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I relate to this on so many levels aside from I can’t seem to make a marriage last that long

If it makes you feel any better, I wish mine hasn't!

 

[curvyjae]

If it makes you feel any better, I wish mine hasn't!

I understand that. I was incredibly happy when my 10 year one ended. I have some remorse about the end of my last one but I also wanted a chance to find what I needed that he couldn’t give. I found half of it. The other half I think is mythical.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I understand that. I was incredibly happy when my 10 year one ended. I have some remorse about the end of my last one but I also wanted a chance to find what I needed that he couldn’t give. I found half of it. The other half I think is mythical.

I don't think it's mythical, but I do think it takes time to find. I wistfully dream of being single again, but it'll probably never happen. I'm too terrified to try at this point.

 

[ShowMeYourSmile]

This. 100% this.

Ditto....I couldn't agree more...

 

[TheEternalBeachBum]

I’m sure many of you have read or been exposed to Esther Perel’s book and TED Talk, Mating in Captivity. There’s plenty of Phd babble in it but one point stuck with me that I’ll attempt to paraphrase:

It’s an awful lot to ask of one person, your significant other, to be all of these things to you over the course of a relationship:

Best Friend
Lover
Parent of your children (if applicable)
Financial provider (sole or shared)
Soulmate
Household organizer/fixer/cleaner/do’er
Source of inner spark (to the points above)

So maybe the French have had it figured out all along.

 

[Ocean33]

I’m in a relationship… have been for a while now and I am a good girl by not talking to anyone in any way other than platonically staying in touch with a few people from here. Which is a change from relationships in the past, and I don’t really desire sexual talk with others but damn do I miss deeper connections. My partner and I have a good connection to a point but there’s some things lacking that leave me missing connections where I feel valued and pretty.

Anyone in a committed relationship and have similar issues of wanting to be faithful to your relationship but missing connections with like minded people??

I swear it's like you can read my mind. Love to talk to you about this more

 

[Cheshire_cat71]

So I'm married. Have been for almost 8 years. In the beginning, our connection was on point. Shes the one who introduced me to the world of bondage. So over the years, I've discovered many more kinks that I find extremely sexy, her not so much. And now, our sex life is beginning to slow down and get ever so slightly boring and repetitious.

I feel that our connection has begun to lessin in the last 2 years. We arnt on the same brain wave as we have been in the past. Idk if it's just a weird phase we are in with raising 4 kids or if it's something more.

I am So happy I met you

 

[nyguy1980]

I think this is the most common problem of any relationship. We all go into stuff with hopes and dreams but at some point we drift away or start taking each other for granted.
Plus we all evolve with time. Desires change and sometimes our partner are not on board with what we want.
Starting over is hard and expensive at times.

So that is why most of us are here..at least that is my two cents.