Are they idiots or simply stupid to begin with?

[MasterSnatch]

I realized that I have not really posted much in these forums despite my interest in the BDSM fun and games scene but I suppose it might be that nothing has stirred my interest here much, that and quite frankly I forget this forum even exist half the time however it shall do nicely for this post.

So what is it about?

Basically it is about how some men out there go about trying to get a woman that is a sub looking for someone. We’ve all seen them, post made by doms looking for women, most of which goes ignored so when a woman post looking for a dom you know she is going to get flooded and then some with PM’s and a few post in most cases in her thread.

One of the things having talked to another dom about is how many of the men do act in regards to the woman which is to say the least very childish and poor at best. Not always but you see some of the idiocy displayed openly but if you read some of the threads by the females then you might have heard some tales of how they get PM’s or messages that are basically:

“I want to lick UR pussy” which goes to show that the person is a twit to begin with and needs to stop typing with his penis.

“You are my slave now, you shall not need another” too bad a dozen other people try the same weak line.

It really is surprising how many of these fools act in the same way saying the same generic things when quite a few of them can not even properly spell out what they are saying. It does not take much to know many of them are nothing but jerk offs, people looking to have a quick moment of fun and nothing more, they certainly don’t get what being a dom is all about nor how to sate the desires and needs of a sub or slave.

Even worse is when most of the women who are intelligent tells off the fools as they deserve to be causing many of them to reply saying the women are not real subs or slaves or else they wouldn't respond as such, they get uptight and defensive even as they get their sorry asses handed to them by the women they actually thought they could jerk around. These people are suppose to be doms? Don't make me laugh.

When people think about BDSM they think of it in a pure sex way and yes sex is a big part of it but as I like to say it is more about the psychological and the effects of a Master and sub working together to achieve a state of being that both desire, need, crave and wish for. If it was about a quick fuck anyone could get it and that would be it.

There are some people out there who try to be a dom and need help, others who try to act like a dom and have no clue and more than a few subs who get fed up with having these posers try to walk the walk but end up falling flat on their faces.

It really does not take that much to please a sub and it does not take much for a sub to please the Master but it takes both pleasing another to really be successful and give what each other needs in ways that most can never understand.

For many out in the world they will never understand because it is not for them, they got their own way of living and there is nothing wrong with that at all but when I see some males trying to be a dom as they are and failing so pathetically I want to strangle them. Especially when I know the sub is feeling unfulfilled in every possible way.

Whew felt good to rant on that.

Would have said more if not better if wasn't so blasted tired.

 

[Haku_Z]

good words though I think it can go both ways... sometimes the sub doesn't play the part... or only at times when they choose to be submissive - part time subs. It's all in the mind... everything is... a sub can be happy with a Dom/me while another sub would be totally disgusted with them. People are puzzle pieces... sometimes they fit... sometimes they get crammed into a space where they don't belong.

 

[FLButtSlut]

Well Said

Very well put MasterSnatch! I am one of those that never hesitates to tell off the idiot who writes to me with the stupid one liners, and as you say the typical response (if they have not already been blocked) is that I am not "real", "true", or the ever popular "you must be a fat ugly bitch no one wants anyway".

Sometimes, I may read a forum post (elsewhere) where the statements made are just so convoluted, you know they can't possibly think that people believe what they are writing is true.

Haku Z, someone who wants to be sub only "part time" is no less a sub than anyone else. They are just looking for a different level, if this is a partner. Of course if they are not "your" sub, then they are not obligated to play any part at all. That is my favorite "myth" that wannabes try to pass off. That a sub must act submissive to anyone claiming the title of "dom" or "master". Sorry, but a submissive or slave is not obligated to be submissive to anyone who is not their "owner", unless their owner directs them to. Like it or not, there is a time and place for everything and sometimes, it just is not the time to be submissive.

 

[brioche]

good words though I think it can go both ways... sometimes the sub doesn't play the part... or only at times when they choose to be submissive - part time subs. It's all in the mind... everything is... a sub can be happy with a Dom/me while another sub would be totally disgusted with them. People are puzzle pieces... sometimes they fit... sometimes they get crammed into a space where they don't belong.

i agree with most of what you say, but i think part-time subs are acceptable as long as they are open and honest about it right from the beginning. If the PYL knows right off the bat that the pyl is not always submissive then that's ok in my book. The degrees of submission are so varied that i don't think anyone can be truly considered a waste of time - except for the wanna be Doms mentioned in the first post - but then they're not really part of the spectrum anyway.

 

[graceanne]

There is an entire thread along these lines. I forget what it's called, maybe someone else can link you. But suffice to say that most of the people on this forum agree with you.

 

[Killishandra]

Good rant, MS.

Just wandered in to say hi to you.

 

[ShyNymph]

I agree as well.

It's funny how they'll just assume a sub will submit to anything. Being submissive does not mean being desperate! (And no, I'm not a fat ugly bitch no one wants, thankyouverymuch.)

~ShyNymph

 

[Vixandra]

Dom's are not the only idiots.

I swear there's a huge population of stupid male "subs" out on the net. Despite claiming to have read my profile, they PM away. And get promptly ignored. I started out by replying but got fed up with it. Far too many idiots to waste time on. Iggy and move on, just like my profile states on my collarme.com account and a few others.

Thankfully, I've yet to see a stupid male sub here on the BDSM Talk/Cafe areas.

Stupid people are in every catagory of people, from dom to sub, 'nilla to hardcore. *shrugs* Part of humanity.

 

[foxinsox]

Nice rant, very eloquent.

A large number of the issues you raised contributed to my recent assessment that the D/s community is overpopulated with fools, morons, players, pretenders and twits of both genders, and of all proclivities.

Frankly, I'm now more than happy with my own, newly assigned label of vanilla with a twist of evil and semi-depraved kink.

 

[TaintedB]

I agree with those who have said that female subs do and say equally idiotic things. You don't hear about their antics as much because of the online dom-sub demographics: there are more male doms looking for female subs, which makes the latter relatively rare and therefore artificially valued.

The stuff you're saying above, while true, is awfully obvious. You've mentioned the most common and also the most stupid things that online "doms" do. I'd be interested in seeing a discussion here of the subtleties--of which there are hundreds, on both sides of the power spectrum.

I'm not saying this is true, but sometimes a post like yours, especially when it appears as part of a personal ad (such as in the collarme "journals") appears to be of the same nature at the utterances of those it criticizes. What I mean is that another common online dom ploy is to try to make himself stand out from all the others (if you remember this is all about demographics and "apparent" scarcity of female subs a lot of otherwise incomprehensible acts in personal-ad sites become clear) by ingratiating himself with certain sort of female sub by critiquing the competition.

The sort of thing you've written above appears on scores of hetero male dominant profiles on collarme, although critques of female-sub behavior still outnumber those that diss their own sex and orientation. A very small minority of male doms even "specialize" in dissing the female doms for some reason, lol. While I am not saying you're doing this, I do think that turning against one's own fellows and talking about how stupid they area is another typical way "get the girls"--or a certain type of girl. The underlying assumption that such a person wants the sub to make is: If I can see and criticize these things, then I must be much better than the run-of-the-mill dom who commits the acts. A lot of subs will assume that upon reading a critique of things she dislikes so much, but it is not necessarily true. Such a dominant is often doing equally harmful or, at very least, off-putting behaviors, just not the ones he mentions in his rant. When used in a personal-ad venue, I find this sort of "disdainfully diss the competition" ploy so that you appear to be wise, insightful, or above such things as personally obnoxious as these other antics you've pointed out.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I agree with all you have said but will add that there are large contingents that fall into other categories.

There are quite a few men that confuse abuse, and a disrespect of women as a sign of their Dominanace. It has nothing to do with this, it should be all about Honor, Respect, Loyalty, and of course Love.

Then there are women, through some sort of physical, or emotional issue, think that having a man that will abuse them under the guise of BDSM is acceptable because they are getting attention.
The problem lies in that abuse is unacceptable in any form, and these abusive "Doms" can jade people to a chance at enjoying our wonderful lifestyle.

On a regular basis, my sub gets PMs, emails, or some type of inquiry from other "Doms", she is quick to call them out, and put them back under the slimy rock they crawled out from. She regularly tells them that if they wish to speak to her, they should first contact me, and my email address is providied, funny, I haven't heard from anyone yet.

 

[His_pita]

When people think about BDSM they think of it in a pure sex way and yes sex is a big part of it but as I like to say it is more about the psychological and the effects of a Master and sub working together to achieve a state of being that both desire, need, crave and wish for.

That's exactly how we feel about it and how we treat our D/s. I'm also only submissive to my Dom. Of course I am new to this lifestyle, so it never occured to me that I should be submissive to anyone calling themselves a Dom or anything else.

 

[Bandit58]

It clearly states in my profile on collarme that I have a Master and we're engaged to be married - but still I get messages from Doms who want to meet me for play sessions, or male subs who say they want to just chat but it soon turns out they want to basically cyber. I even had one who wanted me to "feminize" him HELLO I'm a SUB I don't do Domination

All messages from Doms are ignored/blocked and subs I message back and say that I don't cyber and that Master will be reading any chats I have with them - funny I never hear from them again

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'm not saying this is true, but sometimes a post like yours, especially when it appears as part of a personal ad (such as in the collarme "journals") appears to be of the same nature at the utterances of those it criticizes. What I mean is that another common online dom ploy is to try to make himself stand out from all the others (if you remember this is all about demographics and "apparent" scarcity of female subs a lot of otherwise incomprehensible acts in personal-ad sites become clear) by ingratiating himself with certain sort of female sub by critiquing the competition.

The sort of thing you've written above appears on scores of hetero male dominant profiles on collarme, although critques of female-sub behavior still outnumber those that diss their own sex and orientation. A very small minority of male doms even "specialize" in dissing the female doms for some reason, lol. While I am not saying you're doing this, I do think that turning against one's own fellows and talking about how stupid they area is another typical way "get the girls"--or a certain type of girl. The underlying assumption that such a person wants the sub to make is: If I can see and criticize these things, then I must be much better than the run-of-the-mill dom who commits the acts. A lot of subs will assume that upon reading a critique of things she dislikes so much, but it is not necessarily true. Such a dominant is often doing equally harmful or, at very least, off-putting behaviors, just not the ones he mentions in his rant. When used in a personal-ad venue, I find this sort of "disdainfully diss the competition" ploy so that you appear to be wise, insightful, or above such things as personally obnoxious as these other antics you've pointed out.

Ding ding ding.

 

[MasterSnatch]

Glad to see some replies here, wasn’t sure what some might say or think and so it was indeed insightful to read what many of the people here spoke of. There is so much to potentially talk about but I’ll try to cut to the heart of the matter on some.

Yes there are some subs that to put it frankly lousy subs, there might be some that have their limits and that is understandable, if a sub or slave has certain things she does not like they should not be crossed in my opinion, causing discomfort, pain or otherwise to ones female that she does not enjoy nor desires is hardly the way I believe things should be done. There are certain situations or cases that might be different but it depends on the situation.

Bottom line that both people the Master and sub/slave should tell each other upfront what they expect, desire and know what is allowed and not otherwise trouble can and usually happen judging from what I have read/heard about.

Yet there are those subs who at times will come off rather dom like and show that they have littler understanding or use for being what a sub or slave is all about. Like some said yeah we don’t hear about it much because lets face it there are a vast larger number of doms out there, especially men than woman subs/slaves. Plus it is easier to think that the dom was the one who did wrong than a sub or slave, society has always had an easier time taking the side of a female over a male, especially if that woman puts on a convincing act.

The stuff you're saying above, while true, is awfully obvious. You've mentioned the most common and also the most stupid things that online "doms" do. I'd be interested in seeing a discussion here of the subtleties--of which there are hundreds, on both sides of the power spectrum.

I'm not saying this is true, but sometimes a post like yours, especially when it appears as part of a personal ad (such as in the collarme "journals") appears to be of the same nature at the utterances of those it criticizes. What I mean is that another common online dom ploy is to try to make himself stand out from all the others (if you remember this is all about demographics and "apparent" scarcity of female subs a lot of otherwise incomprehensible acts in personal-ad sites become clear) by ingratiating himself with certain sort of female sub by critiquing the competition.

The sort of thing you've written above appears on scores of hetero male dominant profiles on collarme, although critques of female-sub behavior still outnumber those that diss their own sex and orientation. A very small minority of male doms even "specialize" in dissing the female doms for some reason, lol. While I am not saying you're doing this, I do think that turning against one's own fellows and talking about how stupid they area is another typical way "get the girls"--or a certain type of girl. The underlying assumption that such a person wants the sub to make is: If I can see and criticize these things, then I must be much better than the run-of-the-mill dom who commits the acts. A lot of subs will assume that upon reading a critique of things she dislikes so much, but it is not necessarily true. Such a dominant is often doing equally harmful or, at very least, off-putting behaviors, just not the ones he mentions in his rant. When used in a personal-ad venue, I find this sort of "disdainfully diss the competition" ploy so that you appear to be wise, insightful, or above such things as personally obnoxious as these other antics you've pointed out.

You know its funny but most of what I said is obvious and should be common knowledge but there are many out there that just do NOT get it. It’s like when you got to repeat something over and over again to a person before they get it through their thick skull, even then some won’t get it, understand or even bother to try and listen in the first place.

You are also right that many do say pretty much what I said in order to try and make themselves look better and thus get someone as such. I’ve seen that as well but it was not my intention by any stretch of the imagination, if I want to find a sub or slave I got my own ways about going to do it. No what I got tired of was talking to some people who I know that are in relationships, married or otherwise that have or had doms that think they know what to do and how to act but clearly do not “get it” at all. For example one doms idea of being the Master was to simply order the slave to take out the trash and pay the bills.

Clean the trash and pay the bills? I’m sure when she gets told to do the windows and scrub the toilet she’ll be orgasming like there is tomorrow!

It’s stilly, it’s stupid and as some said yeah collarme.com is a perfect example of how some women have to deal with some people out there, just browse through some profiles if not the top ones and you’ll see from time to time the same complaints about guys not reading the profiles at all, people who go after someone even though they’re only into a certain age group, sexuality or need the person living close to them. Even if they’re taken as another here already said happens to her people still write them even when in the profile it says not too.

I mean come on….

It just irritates me and annoys me at times to see people being treated if not outright abused because the person doesn’t know any better. It’s one of those things that bugs me to no end, I’m sure everyone has a few such things like that in their life.

Besides like I said it was nice just to go off about it all, been thinking/feeling that way for ages now and was great to just let it all out there. If people agree or disagree hey no problem, its their right as this is an open messageboard where everyone gets a chance to say what they think, depending on how they say it though will be the basis if people agree or not.

The Masters out there who know what to do and do things right got no trouble with, I rather enjoy listening to the subs and indeed other Masters/dom talk about how everything is working so great for them, the stories they share and everything else, especially if you get to hear it from both people, it always brings a smile on my lips to hear when things just click so perfectly. It doesn’t happen for everyone and some go through a lot but there is always someone out there that can make a person happy, finding them is the tough part.

But no one said life was easy no?

 

[Xelebes]

It's an epidemic in the Maleland. Penisitis is consuming us all. Save us. SAVE US!!!

 

[Killishandra]

It's an epidemic in the Maleland. Penisitis is consuming us all. Save us. SAVE US!!!

I'm sorry. We tried to find an antidote, but nothing works.

Looks like we're going to have to amputate.

 

[MasterSnatch]

I say we should do what the people of Rome did with rapist.

Stone the person's penis.

Yes they did do that.

Oh and hello Killishandra, saw your post the other day but had so much to type up at the time but I hope things are improving with you, don't let anyone get you down or give you shit.

 

[Netzach]

No what I got tired of was talking to some people who I know that are in relationships, married or otherwise that have or had doms that think they know what to do and how to act but clearly do not “get it” at all. For example one doms idea of being the Master was to simply order the slave to take out the trash and pay the bills.

Clean the trash and pay the bills? I’m sure when she gets told to do the windows and scrub the toilet she’ll be orgasming like there is tomorrow!

I have a slave for purposes like that and the point isn't to make him orgasm, never was.

Man, the MDom scene is different from the FemDom one, isn't it?

Or perhaps I'm just horny and need my dick reined in. Hook me up with a chastity device.

 

[oddity83]

I've bummed around the net for a better part of five years looking at and exploring the lifestyle. I have seen way to many fakes demanding to called "master" news flash for the fakes, you call your self what ever you like and say what you want, your still going to be a worthless, closed minded troll with no clue in a week. The people that respond to ads and such with hate mongering and ass nine comments are truely the down side to the lifestyle and I hope the 'nilla world doesn't think they are what we all are. We all have a different view and level in the world and so long as we all welcome each other and tolarate one an other the lifestyle will raise over the influx of fakes.

 

[curlygirly32]

Haku Z, someone who wants to be sub only "part time" is no less a sub than anyone else. They are just looking for a different level, if this is a partner. Of course if they are not "your" sub, then they are not obligated to play any part at all. That is my favorite "myth" that wannabes try to pass off. That a sub must act submissive to anyone claiming the title of "dom" or "master". Sorry, but a submissive or slave is not obligated to be submissive to anyone who is not their "owner", unless their owner directs them to. Like it or not, there is a time and place for everything and sometimes, it just is not the time to be submissive.

AMEN! Thank you for saying that. No one can say that often enough for my taste!

 

[Xelebes]

I'm sorry. We tried to find an antidote, but nothing works.

Looks like we're going to have to amputate.

Mass amputations, everyone! We can't have the blood be drained from our heads just so our penis can be too long whenever I look at something that is similar to me but does not have the penisitis that I am afflicted with.

Like seriously.

*gasps air*

 

[Private_Label]

On a regular basis, my sub gets PMs, emails, or some type of inquiry from other "Doms", she is quick to call them out, and put them back under the slimy rock they crawled out from. She regularly tells them that if they wish to speak to her, they should first contact me, and my email address is providied, funny, I haven't heard from anyone yet.

Heh... I have a bit of the opposite problem - I first identified myself as a sub initially yet got messages from both ends of the Dom-Sub spectrum. Some just wanted to give me orders on how I would sit/dress/act as I responded to e-mails, and on the other end, clingy types that I hesitate to label with anything.

To the first I said thanks, but what I am really looking for is blah, blah, blah...
to the second set I said, "You really didn't take the time to read my profile did you? This is what I am looking for..."

I had a few who continued flirting even after the first PM but generally the first response scared off most of them. Seems as soon as I mention wanting to be friends first with possibility of Long term relationship...

I'm beginning to think I am more of a switchy type, or a sub who is less than 24/7, or a very easy going less than 24/7 Domme... While I don't mind sharing the load for household upkeep and such, I can't see myself as directing my SO to do household tasks (OK... I would LOVE an SO who did the household chores - but only because I can't do as much of the standing, bending and kneeling any more due to health issues)

Unless there are some service oriented subs out there who would do it for satisfaction of a job well done and maybe chocolate and cookies. I'm a pack rat and could use some assistance thinning out my collections of odds and ends (mostly books, a good many papers and a few other boxes of household stuff).

I also have some pretty specific requests (health related issues, mainly) that may put some people off.

There have also been a few that I have contacted in PM that agreed we might get along great, but due to distance (less than 300 miles) or a desire to not be as open as I currently am in the lifestyle (mainly because I am new and still learning)... sigh.

This is why I hated the "dating" game in the 'nilla world.

 

[Spider Rand]

Rant/Advice

Part One - The Rant :
Okay, first off, the BDSM community doesn't exist in a bubble, so it is plagued with the same kind of idiots that are everywhere else in the world. The worst, in my opinion, are guys who are assholes in everyday life, and think that calling themselves a Dom is a license for them to treat someone like dirt. Then, there are more than a few so-called Doms out there who outright hate members of the opposite sex(yes, I am including female Dommes in this) and view the BDSM lifestyle as a way to carry out their aggression without suffering any consequences.
The subbies are not without fault, and by far the most off-putting to me are the ones who will bend their neck to anyone and hold no loyaly to their Master. A sub who is automatically submissive to anyone, regardless of the person or situation, is about as appealing as a woman spreading her legs in the middle of the street, and saying "first come first served."
You obviously have the guys who think BDSM is a way to get easy sex, and also people who think a sub is code for a cleanning maid. You have the full-timers that look down their noses at the part-timers, as though they are just pretenders; and part-timers who look down their noses at full-timers, and wonder how they can live their daily lives like that.
You have the so-called experts who think THEIR way is the ONLY way. Then the newbies who want to be treated as equals in the lifestyle by others, and yet are unwilling or just too lazy to learn anything from those that have gone before.
And finally you have those who can't seem to get what they need from their D/s partner.
Part Two - The Advice :
Most of these problems can be cured by one thing: RESPECT. Give it to others, and demand it in return. Don't try to force yourself, or your opinions, on others. Behave in a manner worty of respect yourself. There is no ONE way to live the lifestyle, people are individuals, and unique, and each with their own wants and desires. BDSM is a big-tent, a tapestry of ideas given form, not a rule book. That said, it would not kill anyone to learn from those with more experience. It is much easier to build on an existing foundation, and far better to learn from the mistakes of others, than to make them yourself.
Secondly, trust is vital, and should be earned. For a sub to truly submit, is to make themselves vunerable to both physical and emotional abuse far beyond anything consentual. People will engage in very risky behavior with those that outside the lifestyle they would not trust to walk their dog. It is important not to let desires blind you to the reallity of your situation, and the people in it.
And finally, the D/s relationship is a relationship like any other, and is just as much, if not more, vunerable to problems from lack of communication with your partner. Be clear on what your limits are, and what your desires are. And guess what, limits and desires change over time, so this is not a one-time conversation. People are also a lot more willing to push and expand their limits, and embrace the desires of another, when that person is someone they can trust.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert, and do not claim to be one. The above is just my opinion, and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of others. Although, it really should.

 

[CuriousJack]

As someone who is VERY new to this dom/sub stuff (only on the net at this stage, learning about it) i would feel even more nervous at expanding my interests in BDSM, at the fear of being labelled an idiot/lame/etc, just because i don't really have any experience in it and am unsure of a lot of do's and dont's.

So i'd just like to say, if someone is new to all this, please give them a LOT of slack, it is nervous/embarassing enough getting into this sort of stuff for the 1st time, even if its just on the net, then to have some guys bagging you because you said the wrong thing or suck at it!