Are These Sentences Equivalent?

[dr_mabeuse]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

 

[oggbashan]

I think she ought to pull away before gasping.

Og

 

[glynndah]

I feel they are different somehow and mean subtly different things, but I'm hard pressed to explain that difference.

 

[JagFarlane]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

No, they don't due to the tenses used.

If I were to use A..it's more of a past tense sentence and would modify it as "Joyce gasped, then pulled her lip from me and kissed me back"

B...I would need more context to understand what sort of tense and such you're using

 

[jomar]

No.

My first impression is that B is hotter since to me it implies more urgency and fluid passion. If that makes sense.

The A sentence has more of a surprise, or moment in which she gasps then responds.

Depends on what you're going for.

 

[sr71plt]

No, they aren't quite equivalent. The first one (which a U.S. publisher would add a comma to before the last "and") is a timed sequence of three events--gasped, pulled, kissed.

The second one, technically is pretty impossible, all three events happening at the same time. gasping and pulling can happen simultaneously, but it's pretty hard to pull and kiss at the same time, and nearly impossible to gasp and kiss at the same time.

So, of the choices, A (with another serial comma) would seem preferable.

Also possible, depending on the sequence you really are after is:

Pulling her lip from me, Joyce gasped and then kissed me back.

I'm not wild about any of them, though. Too much counter action packed in one sentence. Pulling away and kissing in one movement is probably always going to seem a little awkward and "off."

 

[Elianna]

No, they aren't quite equivalent. The first one (which a U.S. publisher would add a comma to before the last "and") is a timed sequence of three events--gasped, pulled, kissed.

The second one, technically is pretty impossible, all three events happening at the same time. gasping and pulling can happen simultaneously, but it's pretty hard to pull and kiss at the same time, and nearly impossible to gasp and kiss at the same time.

So, of the choices, A (with another serial comma) would seem preferable.

Also possible, depending on the sequence you really are after is:

Pulling her lip from me, Joyce gasped and then kissed me back.

I'm not wild about any of them, though. Too much counter action packed in one sentence. Pulling away and kissing in one movement is probably always going to seem a little awkward and "off."

While I agree with SR, I think that I like using the "ings" because as stated above it draws you into the moment. It makes it feel as though it is unfolding as you watch it. But he's right. You've got to get your sequence so that it makes sense.

1) usually both lips are locked on a person's body or mouth. "Pulled her lip" sounds awkward and I'd kinda like to know where they were, too.
2) The actions are opposing and perhaps shouldn't be in the same sentence, as SR suggested.

Maybe something like... (I'd put a little more description in there, but it hits the 3 things you mentioned in the first sentence.)

"Joyce pulled her lips from me gasping. Her eyes darkened with passion and she kissed me back."

Okay. Back to work

 

[Pure]

the first describes three event: gasped, pulled, kissed.

the second describes one event, 'gasped', which co occurs or is immediately followed by two processes: the first process--a pulling--occurs, and then is followed by a second process, kissing.

---

as a couple posters noted, it's a bit hard to imagine a gasp as the first event, occurring while lips are joined (as i read it).

IF the first event is during a kiss, it could be a shudder, or her body jerking, etc. then she pullls back, but kisses again. one might have to explain the last event.

 

[Varian P]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

The simple past tense in example A suggests a series of actions: first she gasped, then she pulled her lip from him, then she kissed him back.

From the second sentence I infer the gasping, pulling and kissing occur simultaneously.

I prefer the second--it's just more efficient if you can multi-task during lovemaking.

Actually, quipping aside, the second sentence seems to flow better, feels less like a choppy list of events unfolding in chronological order.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Well I agree that they're not equivalent. The first one describes three sequential actions: she gasped, pulled her lips from me, and then kissed me back.

(B) says she gasped while pulling her lips from me and kissing me back, which isn't possible.

While (B) sounds better phonically, it doesn't mean the same thing as (A).

I'm going through some proofreads and all my (A)-type sentences have been changed to (B)-types and that doesn't seem right to me. I'm getting aggravated.

 

[Liar]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

Before I check what others have replied...

(A) is a chain sequence, three things done after each other

(B) is parralell happenings, three things at the same time (which is kind of impossible, sonsidering the things that are being done)

 

[sr71plt]

Well I agree that they're not equivalent. The first one describes three sequential actions: she gasped, pulled her lips from me, and then kissed me back.

(B) says she gasped while pulling her lips from me and kissing me back, which isn't possible.

While (B) sounds better phonically, it doesn't mean the same thing as (A).

I'm going through some proofreads and all my (A)-type sentences have been changed to (B)-types and that doesn't seem right to me. I'm getting aggravated.

Yes, and more important, as you note (and I noted), B, as nice as it sounds, is physically impossible. Gasping and kissing don't happen simultaneously--and then when you add pulling to those simultaneous actions . . . well, it just isn't a pretty sight.

 

[Pure]

doc, A is not possible either. if she "pulls" away, her lips before that are likely joined to his. so she cannot gasp except into the other's mouth.

 

[Varian P]

Yes, and more important, as you note (and I noted), B, as nice as it sounds, is physically impossible. Gasping and kissing don't happen simultaneously--and then when you add pulling to those simultaneous actions . . . well, it just isn't a pretty sight.

Unless there's an airtight seal assumed in the kiss, one could gasp while kissing. Or is it during the lip-pull that one can't breathe?

 

[sr71plt]

Unless there's an airtight seal assumed in the kiss, one could gasp while kissing. Or is it during the lip-pull that one can't breathe?

Ahem. The one doing the gasping wouldn't be doing any kissing then. One would be kissing, the other gasping, methinks. Do try doing both at once.


Regardless, in a literary sense, if it's an action a gaggle of writers can't agree on, it's pretty sure to stop any reader actually following the text closely to stop and try to reason out. Which, in the land of writing, isn't a good thing for a reader to be doing on a passage like this.

 

[Varian P]

Ahem. The one doing the gasping wouldn't be doing any kissing then. One would be kissing, the other gasping, methinks. Do try doing both at once.

I guess I'm thinking of a broader definition of kissing, like lips brushing over lips (I'd call this part of kissing, even if both parties' mouths are open enough to allow for breathing), tongues brushing over lips or tongues, and other fun aspects of kissing that don't preclude breathing/gasping.

Regardless, in a literary sense, if it's an action a gaggle of writers can't agree on, it's pretty sure to stop any reader actually following the text closely to stop and try to reason out. Which, in the land of writing, isn't a good thing for a reader to be doing on a passage like this.

I agree completely.

 

[sr71plt]

I guess I'm thinking of a broader definition of kissing, like lips brushing over lips (I'd call this part of kissing, even if both parties' mouths are open enough to allow for breathing), tongues brushing over lips or tongues, and other fun aspects of kissing that don't preclude breathing/gasping.

Oh, well, if you're going to get artsy fartsy (in which case the sentence under review would have been more elegant to begin with, wouldn't it?) . . .

 

[BarondeSade]

Llittle confusing . . .

1) One can gasp with lips covered . . .

2) But kissing with one lip would be rather difficult . . .

3) And kissing while pulling back would make it even more troublesome . . .

I think the sequence of events needs to be better defined . . .

Joyce gasped, pulling her lips away and then crushing them back against mine in a long, passionate kiss.

Just a thought . . .

 

[voluptuary_manque]

1) One can gasp with lips covered . . .

2) But kissing with one lip would be rather difficult . . .

3) And kissing while pulling back would make it even more troublesome . . .

I think the sequence of events needs to be better defined . . .

Joyce gasped, pulling her lips away and then crushing them back against mine in a long, passionate kiss.

Just a thought . . .

I'm sorry but that is so clumsy anyone would think I'd written it.

Sucking on a woman's lower lip often elicits a gasp, it's pretty powerful. Once aroused by such a maneuvor she would respond by kissing back. Obviously, 'A' is preferred.

 

[DeeZire]

I like B, because it's more immediate, regardless of the sequence of events. However, my initial reaction led me to assume the action would proceed as follows:

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back. Then we turned around and she kissed me front.

 

[champagne1982]

I'm just wondering why you have Joyce's lip in the first place?

I think you may want to mention that she pulled her lip free from -- wherever you had it caught.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'm just wondering why you have Joyce's lip in the first place?

I think you may want to mention that she pulled her lip free from -- wherever you had it caught.

Hmmm, now the question becomes "which lip?".

 

[cantdog]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

Well, if it were any other sentence,

the first, with three verbs, one would take to mean the actions were done serially and likely also in order.

the second, using the participles, would mean the two -ing actions took place while the action of the first verb was going on. Context would determine if they themselves were simultaneous or whether they (the two -ngs) were taking place serially.


She tripped, pitching forward into the fruit stand and tossing her handbag under the horse.

But if she didn't chuck the handbag until after her fall:

She tripped, pitching forward into the fruit stand, and tossed her handbag under the horse.

 

[NoJo]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

I don't particularly like either of them -- the listing of three items makes for an awkward, lumpy sentence that's hard to follow, will break the spell, and being best suited for humour.

Of the two, I think (B) is far worse. The disconnectedness of the two actions "pulling her lip from me" and "kissing me back" makes me think of schoolyard challenges: "Joyce gasped, patting her head and rubbing her stomach with her hand counterclockwise."

Also "kissing me back" I misread (and others will misread too), as "kissing my back". Why? Because it's not so normal to think of kissing (lips to lips) as an action that gets reciprocated, like rubbing your back or kissing your neck. Of course, one person may initiate a kiss, but that isn't the "kissing" itself.


EDITED TO ADD:

When screenwriting, I followed the standard practice of avoiding "and", as the word is almost completely redundant. This became a habit with me: I elide "and"s whenever possible. I really like the spare, present-tense style of screenwriting narrative.

So I would have written the sentence somthing like

Joyce gasps, pulls her lips from him, returns the kiss

 

[shereads]

Do these sentences mean the exact same thing to you?

(A) Joyce gasped, pulled her lip from me and kissed me back.

(B) Joyce gasped, pulling her lip from me and kissing me back.


Do you prefer one over the other?

It's got to be B unless all three actions are simultaneous.

Joyce may be able to gasp while she pulls her lip away, but I don't think she can pull her lip away and kiss back at the same time.