Are there really Doms out there that "get it"?

[Cirrus]

Warning: ranting and raving, and possibly impersonating ~Dream~ ahead. Read at your own risk.

I have had a friend for a while...a guy I have been playing with. He's basically a good guy, and I did trust him. Still we had a "parting of the ways" tonight, over the SAME argument my ex and I had.

The threesome, and how no way, no how am I going down on another woman. He thought, in the heat of moment, he could talk me into it. Uh...no. I'm not going to agree to try and then embarrass the other woman by not being able to go through with it. The idea repulses me. I have nothing against girl/girl sex itself, just ME performing it.

The argument started out as joking. The real catalyst went as follows. I joked that if he had me by the hair, there wouldn't be much I could do...except refuse. And then I said, if he thought I was kidding, try me.

He took that as, as he put it, "a battle of the wills". He said we could get into a fight tonight, but it really wasn't on his agenda. I had no intention of fighting, but then I got mad because it shouldn't be a battle of will...it should be a fucking LIMIT. One that is to be RESPECTED. No, eating another woman out wouldn't put me in physical danger, but I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING DO IT!!

Are there really Doms out there that understand:

1) Even if you don't have many hard limits (like me), the ones we DO have are to be respected, not challenged, unless WE give the okay to try it. We may be submissive, but we are humans, not toys. We still have free will, and some amount of say in what we do or don't do, and who we do or don't do it with.

2) That all women are NOT closet lesbians or secretly bisexual, and for some of us, the thought of homsexual sex is ICKY. Sure, I watch and enjoy lesbian porn, but I have rape fantasies too. That doesn't mean I actually want to BE raped.

3) That submission is a gift, not a given. Just because I choose to submit to a certain man doesn't mean I MUST do whatever he wants if he doesn't respect my limits. Submission is about trust, not force.

Really...I'm tempted to go 'nilla again. Well.....

 

[Ebonyfire]

Warning: ranting and raving, and possibly impersonating ~Dream~ ahead. Read at your own risk.

I have had a friend for a while...a guy I have been playing with. He's basically a good guy, and I did trust him. Still we had a "parting of the ways" tonight, over the SAME argument my ex and I had.

The threesome, and how no way, no how am I going down on another woman. He thought, in the heat of moment, he could talk me into it. Uh...no. I'm not going to agree to try and then embarrass the other woman by not being able to go through with it. The idea repulses me. I have nothing against girl/girl sex itself, just ME performing it.

The argument started out as joking. The real catalyst went as follows. I joked that if he had me by the hair, there wouldn't be much I could do...except refuse. And then I said, if he thought I was kidding, try me.

He took that as, as he put it, "a battle of the wills". He said we could get into a fight tonight, but it really wasn't on his agenda. I had no intention of fighting, but then I got mad because it shouldn't be a battle of will...it should be a fucking LIMIT. One that is to be RESPECTED. No, eating another woman out wouldn't put me in physical danger, but I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING DO IT!!

Are there really Doms out there that understand:

1) Even if you don't have many hard limits (like me), the ones we DO have are to be respected, not challenged, unless WE give the okay to try it. We may be submissive, but we are humans, not toys. We still have free will, and some amount of say in what we do or don't do, and who we do or don't do it with.

2) That all women are NOT closet lesbians or secretly bisexual, and for some of us, the thought of homsexual sex is ICKY. Sure, I watch and enjoy lesbian porn, but I have rape fantasies too. That doesn't mean I actually want to BE raped.

3) That submission is a gift, not a given. Just because I choose to submit to a certain man doesn't mean I MUST do whatever he wants if he doesn't respect my limits. Submission is about trust, not force.

Really...I'm tempted to go 'nilla again. Well.....

I think that not honoring hard limits is unacceptable.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have noticed that there are many men who think that women are all bisexual but do not know it or just need a good man to introduce them to it.

Get a grip guys, it ain't necessarily so.


Eb

 

[WriterDom]

I have noticed that there are many men who think that women are all bisexual but do not know it or just need a good man to introduce them to it.

Get a grip guys, it ain't necessarily so.


Eb

Why shouldn't they feel that way? It's not my "thing", but at least 50% of the women I've come into contact have bi feelings.

 

[bunny bondage]

I have noticed that there are many men who think that women are all bisexual but do not know it or just need a good man to introduce them to it.

Get a grip guys, it ain't necessarily so.


Eb

LOL! funny you should mention that, i've been told that i'm NOT bisexual, but straight, and i haven't had a good man who could "fuck me right".

we are who we are, and if we want to expand our limits, we do it at our own pace in our own time. and if we have hard limits that are unchangable, then those should always be respected. no good dom/me would pressure or force a sub into anything they were set against. hey, if eating out another woman makes you go "yuck!" then to hell with the man who wants you to do it anyway just so he can get his jollies.

 

[Cirrus]

Yeah, but WD, these women have TOLD you they are bisexual, at least to some degree. This is something they know for certain.

The ones who say they are not, like me, really aren't. If a woman tells you she's not into other women, take her at her word, OK?

Edited to add: That means half the women you meet ARE NOT bi...so why shouldn't you think that most women aren't bisexual?

 

[WriterDom]

Yeah, but WD, these women have TOLD you they are bisexual, at least to some degree. This is something they know for certain.

The ones who say they are not, like me, really aren't. If a woman tells you she's not into other women, take her at her word, OK?

I'm not fishing in that pond. I would hope that she'd be into me.

 

[MissTaken]

Why shouldn't they feel that way? It's not my "thing", but at least 50% of the women I've come into contact have bi feelings.

And fifty percent didn't? Well, if it is a coin toss, it is not worth assuming anything, right?

"They", meaning Doms at large, shouldn't think that "we", meaning subs at large are all bisexual because each one of them should recognize that each one of us is an individual with individual tastes and vice versa.

It does no good to categorize any train of thought by "Domly" or "subbish."

I am not picking on you, WD. It happens quite often and I am guilty as well, at times, of the same offense.

 

[WriterDom]

And fifty percent didn't? Well, if it is a coin toss, it is not worth assuming anything, right?

"They", meaning Doms at large, shouldn't think that "we", meaning subs at large are all bisexual because each one of them should recognize that each one of us is an individual with individual tastes and vice versa.

there are more bi subs than het subs.

IMHO

 

[lark sparrow]

I can understand from the opposite side. Giving head to a man is repulsive to me - I've never done it, vanilla or otherwise, and have absolutely no plans to ever do it. I wouldn't be with a Domme who considered it ok or necessary to force the issue, or couldn't understand/respect it being a limit for me.

I have however played with men before, as you may enjoy playing with women at times - but oral sex is out of the question. Makes sense to me, and I don't blame you for being frustrated.

Men in general, and many male Dominants, seem to find two women together sexually a very erotic fantasy or act, and less threatening then male homosexuality. But try suggesting that perhaps they too "haven't met the right man" - the old standby line for men hitting on lesbians. Then it's offensive.

 

[MissTaken]

There could be, I suppose.

Of course, have you ever run across a sub who was agreeable to a rainbow of activities, posturing with experience in all those activities and then in real life, she flipped out when you spanked her virgin ass?

I do think exploration of bisexuality is part of a process many women go through if and when they decide to open their mind to different plains of sexuality.

So who really knows?

I still think asking is the best answer.
And accepting the response is the next logical step.

 

[WriterDom]

There could be, I suppose.

Of course, have you ever run across a sub who was agreeable to a rainbow of activities, posturing with experience in all those activities and then in real life, she flipped out when you spanked her virgin ass?

nope.

all my virgin asses loved their 1st spanking and came back for more.

 

[MissTaken]

nope.

all my virgin asses loved their 1st spanking and came back for more.

You must be good!

(Or good at weeding out the fakes!)

 

[WriterDom]

You must be good!

(Or good at weeding out the fakes!)

there aren't many sub fakes. A few cock teasers, but maybe they are subs in waiting.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Why shouldn't they feel that way? It's not my "thing", but at least 50% of the women I've come into contact have bi feelings.

You do not represent my neighborhood WD.

There are more women than the ones you have come into contact with.

 

[Ebonyfire]

LOL! funny you should mention that, i've been told that i'm NOT bisexual, but straight, and i haven't had a good man who could "fuck me right".

we are who we are, and if we want to expand our limits, we do it at our own pace in our own time. and if we have hard limits that are unchangable, then those should always be respected. no good dom/me would pressure or force a sub into anything they were set against. hey, if eating out another woman makes you go "yuck!" then to hell with the man who wants you to do it anyway just so he can get his jollies.

Let the church say amen.

Eb

 

[MissTaken]

there aren't many sub fakes. A few cock teasers, but maybe they are subs in waiting.

Waiting for the right man?

 

[thejamesuk]

Warning: ranting and raving, and possibly impersonating ~Dream~ ahead. Read at your own risk.


2) That all women are NOT closet lesbians or secretly bisexual, and for some of us, the thought of homsexual sex is ICKY. Sure, I watch and enjoy lesbian porn, but I have rape fantasies too. That doesn't mean I actually want to BE raped.

Now you really have shattered my illusions!!! Is that really true that not ALL women are really lesbian... my gosh, and I thought that ... well, you learn something new everyday...

just as a thought, it has been a fantasy of mine for as long as I can remember to be with two delicious women, and have even discussed the possibility... and you know the truth is.. that I am just a little on the older side of youthful that makes me wonder whther I could 'handle' two simultaneously!!

Cirrus, stick to your guns, limits is limits is limits... and do not be manipulated into breaking them. Encouragement is good.. manipulation is bad... which is which, I can't easily define, but you'l know the difference.

Oh, and personally I prefer chocolate chip mint, with a dash of strawberry, and some lemon!!

 

[Goddess Helena]

LOL! funny you should mention that, i've been told that i'm NOT bisexual, but straight, and i haven't had a good man who could "fuck me right".

we are who we are, and if we want to expand our limits, we do it at our own pace in our own time. and if we have hard limits that are unchangable, then those should always be respected. no good dom/me would pressure or force a sub into anything they were set against. hey, if eating out another woman makes you go "yuck!" then to hell with the man who wants you to do it anyway just so he can get his jollies.

I agree.
Hard limits are hard limits.


Helena

 

[rosco rathbone]

What is the big deal about two women fucking each other anyway? That's a major "whatever" to me personally.

 

[WriterDom]

Yeah, but WD, these women have TOLD you they are bisexual, at least to some degree. This is something they know for certain.

The ones who say they are not, like me, really aren't. If a woman tells you she's not into other women, take her at her word, OK?

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but I didn't have anything to do with it. I've been talking to someone a lot in the past month and haven't even asked if she's bi.

are you bi?

 

[lovetoread]

Really...I'm tempted to go 'nilla again.

lol, I already had that thought. Its tempting.

If you talked about it, and he knew, then he should be gone. Period.

Personally, I am not bi. Its not something I think about, being the odds of my ever being in that situation is nearly nil.

 

[P. B. Walker]

I have to agree Cirrus, if it's a hard limit then he has to respect it, otherwise there is not trust. Without trust there's no relationship. Now if it were a soft limit, I could see him having a leg to stand on. But right now, he's got shit to back him up. Not to mention, he's now forced the issue and it went the wrong way for him. Hopefully this person will wise up and take this experience and learn from it and not let it be an ego buster.


As for women being gay, bi, or straight... I've learned long ago to never assume anything. And just like I'd never want them to force me into being gay or bi (seeing as I'm straight), I'd never force them into it.


As for the title, are there any Dom's that "get it". Yes there are. I truely believe it.

[Completely my theory]I've come up with this philosophy that hasn't proved me wrong yet. Approx. 30% of the population is bordering on moronic retardation. Approx. another 30% is below average, and Approx. another 30% is average or above. And that last 10% are either complete moronic retards or genius. So you need to limit yourself to interacting with that 60% of the population that are just below average or just above it. The rest are just no fun or too much hassle. [/end theory]

PBW

 

[SaltydogNH]

stop means Stop, No means ?

sounds like there was a challenge given, vs a simple "I don't want to do this, please don't push it"

I always respect limits, stated and those that I can see looming in the eyes.

I always also make sure that the color commentary of "no, no... etc" is just that.

Would rather spoil the mood being cautious than assume that every thing is fine.

It is hard to know when some are being coy, and expressing latent desires that are "unspeakable" with a challenge or a preference vs a simple "no, don't go there"

Your clarity will vary

Salty

 

[Cirrus]

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but I didn't have anything to do with it. I've been talking to someone a lot in the past month and haven't even asked if she's bi.

When I say it did have anything to do with you?

You asked why you shouldn't assume that most women have bi leanings, because half you've talked to do. I just said, then what about the other half?

And I wouldn't call it a bad experience, I'd call it an "irreconcilable difference of opinion". This guy and I were just play friends...no harm, no foul. Moving on.