Approach

[impressive]

I've been thinking a lot about character interactions and how they mirror (or, more importantly, don't mirror) "real" interpersonal interactions.

When you meet someone new ... in person or online ... how cautious are you?

Do you take people at face value and hold that opinion until they do something to make you think otherwise -- or do you doubt their sincerity until they prove themselves to you? If it varies, how? Gender? Age? Looks?

Lately, it seems I've encountered so many cynical doubters. It's a real downer. Sucks the joy out of life, in a way.

Thoughts?

 

[Guest]

Thoughts?

Yeah.

I solved Lit cryptogram. What did I win?

 

[rgraham666]

I am very much the 'innocent until proven guilty' type.

It just makes life easier. Constant doubt and fear can easily degenerate into paranoia and can cut you off from the world.

I will admit to being doubtful, and a cynic. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy life, and people.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Nice idea for a thread,imp.

I'm totally different in RL from online. Online is a scary jungle - took me ages of skulking in the background here before I felt comfortable to join in.

Person to person, I've always been a kinda instant person - that old black hats, white hats but no grey hats approach. First impressions seem to work prett much - as long as you can look deep in their soul.

 

[Guest]

I am very much the 'innocent until proven guilty' type.

Try telling that to Francis Younge!

 

[sophia jane]

I mostly take people at face value. I usually think everyone is honest until they prove otherwise (exception would be if my gut tells me differently). Online is harder though- very difficult to know who to trust online.

SJ

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I mostly take people at face value. I usually think everyone is honest until they prove otherwise (exception would be if my gut tells me differently). Online is harder though- very difficult to know who to trust online.

SJ

Couldn't agree more! It's not just the kids that need protecting online!!

 

[dreampilot79]

I very much take people at face value.. but both on line and in person.. my antenna stays up for a while.

They have to prove themselves guilty.. but I'm watching for signs of guilt.

elfin........ I'll protect ya dear

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I very much take people at face value.. but both on line and in person.. my antenna stays up for a while.

They have to prove themselves guilty.. but I'm watching for signs of guilt.

elfin........ I'll protect ya dear

What total bodyguard cover, DP

 

[dreampilot79]

What total bodyguard cover, DP

what can I say m'dear.. what a body to guard!!!!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Online is much different than face to face. People can't hurt you as badly online, so I tend to be a lot more open and forthcoming. In real life I'm much more cautious about trusting other people with my real feelings, but online I figure what the hell. What can they do to me but tell me to fuck off?

I don't think that there are really that many evil and malicious people. Certainly they exist, but they don't seem to be that much more common online than they are in real life, at least from my experiences. More common are people who are either dishonest or delusional or both. You've got to look out for those.

I've made some really good friends online, people for whom I have a real affection and respect. I probably would never have gotten to know them in real life, given the constraints of social interaction. I can't think of any cases where I've been duped or hoodwinked or used, at least not past a certain point.

Although I must say that the deal I had going with the wife of the former oil minister of Nigeria didn't turn out as I'd hoped. Mrs Ngumbe? I'm still waiting for my twelve million...

 

[elsol]

When you meet someone new ... in person or online ... how cautious are you?

Do you take people at face value and hold that opinion until they do something to make you think otherwise -- or do you doubt their sincerity until they prove themselves to you? If it varies, how? Gender? Age? Looks?

Women always get the benefit of my doubt; the hotter, the more benefit.

Men always get my doubt.

Online, I assume a really hot woman is going to read everything that I write so I give everyone the benefit of my doubt.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[elfin_odalisque]

what can I say m'dear.. what a body to guard!!!!

So this is where you bin hidin'!!

 

[Dar~]

I ama really trusting person. I agree with Mab, When Ia m online I am more forth coming b/c theres really nithng you can do to me but tell me to get lost.
I do sometimes get my feelings hurt b/c I am overly sensitive. Online it doesn't bother me as much.
Is this what you are looking for?
Dar-

 

[logophile]

I feel like I have two different brains on this subject, at least for online interaction. I believe what people tell me about themselves, I trust that they're being honest. I like to hear people's stories and always encourage more sharing.

However, at the same time, I am VERY aware that it's quite possible to be lied to online, because the likelihood of those lies being proven is minute. And so there is a big part of me that is always placing qualifiers on those things, i.e. "He's a writer. Well he said he's a writer, but I met him online..." It's not that I don't believe people, it's that I reserve a bit of healthy skepticism for protection.

In real life? Well, in real life it's hard for me to meet new people. I get freaked out in groups where I don't know anyone. Would rather busy myself cleaning up or serving drinks than try to make conversation.

 

[cantdog]

I bet you can guess mine.

Live said it (from the Mental Jewelry CD).

Brothers Unaware

So many people
I know only a few
Yes I may say that I love this man
And that man
But what keeps me from loving you?

Date of birth, geography
The color of my skin, ideology
You got ten fingers, two legs, one nose
Like me
Just like me

And it's as simple as that
You see

And if I don't know who to love
I love them all
And if I don't know who to trust
I trust them all
And if I don't know who to kill
I may kill myself instead

From the mouth of a baby
Will come the world-saving words
That will save us all
And from the lungs of a child
Will come the everlasting breath of God

Increasing peace and honesty
And not carrying on despite of me
Don't you know
This ain't about no race, no creed
No race, no creed

And it's as simple as that
You see

And if I don't know who to love
I love them all
And if I don't know who to trust
I trust them all
And if I don't know who to kill
No suicide
I'm already dead


About wariness. I notice all the time, to the best of my attention at the moment, and I do admit the likelihood that self-interest will trump their impulses to fellow-feeling and service, unless it is some Buddha which is before me. I expect little kindnesses and small amounts of compassion only. That way I'm surprised well, by a genuine act of service, and not surprised badly by a sneaking inwardness of nature.

My own openness and will to be helpful often means I meet good people, find them wherever I go. People generally mean well. Just not that well and not all the time. In most circumstances, you are risking relatively little anyway. Most of the days of your life, you are not exposing yourself to great loss if you trust someone provisionally. Love them all, trust them all, as a default position in the absence of data to the contrary.

Data to the contray includes the perception that you are being maneuvered, especially if you're being positioned in a place of risk. The position detailed above won't work if you merely walk around smiling. You need to be aware, and to have judgement.

 

[sophia jane]

I feel like I have two different brains on this subject, at least for online interaction. I believe what people tell me about themselves, I trust that they're being honest. I like to hear people's stories and always encourage more sharing.

However, at the same time, I am VERY aware that it's quite possible to be lied to online, because the likelihood of those lies being proven is minute. And so there is a big part of me that is always placing qualifiers on those things, i.e. "He's a writer. Well he said he's a writer, but I met him online..." It's not that I don't believe people, it's that I reserve a bit of healthy skepticism for protection.

In real life? Well, in real life it's hard for me to meet new people. I get freaked out in groups where I don't know anyone. Would rather busy myself cleaning up or serving drinks than try to make conversation.

Logo, are you my other half? Because this is exactly me, online and in RL.
Weird, but cool.

SJ

 

[cantdog]

*sigh* Mmmm. Pick either half of either, put 'em together with the other half...

What a lovely fantasy. Designer babes! Build-a-babe!



I doped out the solution. See, what has to happen is, I have to be in the crowd of people every time, so you'll know someone! It'd work!

 

[Guest]

 

[cantdog]

I wish a certain woman had said that to me.

Then when I wanted her to flake off (and I really did) I could just tell her in a sincere tone that the sun came up in the west today or something. Convenient, it would have been.

 

[Belegon]

Hmmmm...I tend to take everything with a grain of salt. Everywhere. But I also have a good portion of the "I trust you until you lose it." in me. But I am open about some things, quiet about others. What city I live in, favorite sports teams...very open and honest. Pic of my face, real name, company I work for? Not until I really think I know you...less than a dozen people here know my real name. The pic in my av is the most all but a few have seen of me...If you have my work email or real name...it means I feel strongly about you. But the instincts that serve me so well in my work are muted online.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hmmmm...I tend to take everything with a grain of salt. Everywhere. But I also have a good portion of the "I trust you until you lose it." in me. But I am open about some things, quiet about others. What city I live in, favorite sports teams...very open and honest. Pic of my face, real name , company I work for? Not until I really think I know you...less than a dozen people here know my real name. The pic in my av is the most all but a few have seen of me...If you have my work email or real name...it means I feel strongly about you. But the instincts that serve me so well in my work are muted online.

I wish I could have said that!!

 

[Op_Cit]

As an exercise I once considered the concept of out in the open communication between cells (as in "terrorist" or "underground revolutionary" cells).

It was after public key encryption came out. I wondered what form of communication could be used to communicate between separate cells in a manner that would prevent the rest from being uncovered if one was compromised. You know, if you have a code/system in place and the enemy takes over one cell what form of communication would prevent them from infiltrating, subverting, and/or bringing down all the remaining cells.

Anyway, the result of my analysis was a really simple but ultimately impossible method: Truth.

Truth could never be compromised or manipulated. (If you're still reading, hold on and keep your mind open.)

See the problem is, everybody in the world is too caught up in their own world. Everybody makes up their own version of reality, their own mythos that makes them feel the best. And, in order to be most content, they filter what they hear and see in order to support, maintain, and enhance their reality. One can learn to see the truth and understand, but that is not what people are raised to do, and I think it is because it goes against human nature.

So, anyway, to bring this stupid, silly, tangential point I'm making back on subject...

People seek to interact with people that reenforce or enhance their personal mythos. When others do not, they react in a manner consistent with their personal reality: shock and dismay, dismissal, or outrage, etc.

But when that moment of disconnect comes, how many look inside themselves for the reason?