Approach that someone at work..

[VSE]

My turn Figure its time to end my celibacy experiment, just not sure whether my new year is going to start with the friends speech or not.

Needless to say I am both rusty, and still male, hence anything that might be a hint has probably gone over my head but...

Lady in question has pointed out several times that she is single and given a few other hints that she might be interested (I'm guessing at this bit, in my current state being female and breathing is a statement of intent).

Over the past few weeks I've been delivering coffee from the one decent machine a few floors up mainly as an excuse to stop by and have a chat. Response to this has gone from "thanks" to a much more, erm, appreciative response.

The bit I cant make up my mind about is how to go about it. Do I casually drop in a "fancy a drink other than coffee sometime" or try something a bit more fanciful? I did, for example, have the idea of trying a few mysterious net send messages that would pop up on her PC, but thought that might come across a bit geeky, not to mention potentially creepy (nothing too blatant, I'd hate them to get reported to service desk). Would a Rose or two delivered to the building or left in/on her car be just as bad?

 

[Jim311]

Honestly, I think asking her out for a late night drink would be your best bet. The email message would sound kinda geeky and she would would probably think you are too shy to ask her in person. It might seem old, but it's effective to just ask her out for a drink. It might turn into a lot more

 

[Noor]

next time she lets you know she is single, ask her if she'd like to go out for a drink with you sometime. seems pretty simple. I would make sure she actually drinks first. In my case, I don't drink so asking me out for a bite would get you a better response.

 

[VSE]

We both drive to work, but she finishes two hours before me so the "drink" question is kind of a hook more than a "come out and drink booze" thing. I'm more interested at this stage about getting to talk to her outside of work so I'll offer to come walk her dogs with her if thats what it takes.

Either way, I'm getting the impression that the simple ole "drink after work" approach is probably a simpler option.

 

[Noor]

lunch? brunch on the weekend?

 

[Bindii]

Bite the bullet and just ask the girl out. Since you both finish work at different times asking her for a drink after work may look like you are expecting her to hang around for two hours till you knock off.

Ask her to dinner, I'm sure that she will be flattered.

 

[dollface007]

You can invite her to go out for drinks or you can invite her along the next time you go out with friends. If she really isn't interested, then you can just write it off as a friendly thing. If she is interested, then it will progress.
If you send her roses or something, she might feel obligated to go out with you just to be nice. Giving flowers is a super sweet thing to do, i would just wait until your further along in a relationship. Also, doing something that others at work will notice (such as flowers) may make her uncomfortable. If she's interested, she might want to keep it on the DL for a while.

 

[mm_tue]

Interesting thread

Similar situation for me 1 I incredibly shy face to face !

Just what bit what does keep it on the DL mean ??? Sorry I a bit thick tonight !

 

[dollface007]

Re: Interesting thread

Similar situation for me 1 I incredibly shy face to face !

Just what bit what does keep it on the DL mean ??? Sorry I a bit thick tonight !

DL = down low = hush hush

 

[VSE]

Personally I was preferring to keep it low profile from a work perspective, especially if it all blows up in my face anyway.

She finishes earlier than me, so was wondering, assuming if the invitation is accepted whether I should let her choose the time and place (ie somewhere more local for her so she doesnt feel like she has to hang around for a few hours miles from home etc). We do at least have showers at work, so a change of clothes isnt too hard to arrange for me when I finish work.

or you can invite her along the next time you go out with friends

Wasnt sure whether this presents an advantage of being relatively "neutral" or is a bad thing because of being with all my friends and basically none of hers.

 

[DuckLover]

She finishes earlier than me, so was wondering, assuming if the invitation is accepted whether I should let her choose the time and place (ie somewhere more local for her so she doesnt feel like she has to hang around for a few hours miles from home etc). We do at least have showers at work, so a change of clothes isnt too hard to arrange for me when I finish work.

The simple answer is: Yes. "When would be best for you?" is a simple, clear way to arrange a time. Based on her response, you can then offer a location-- perhaps a bar near the office, or one somewhere else in town that you know is good. Amazingly enough, clear and direct communication is usually the best option. It may seem a bit cliche', but it's true. And besides, cheesy lines and innuendo are MORE cliche' and rarely work, often backfiring.

Good luck, and keep in low pressure for a while.

 

[DuckLover]

And since nobody has yet mentioned it, I'll be the bad guy and point out that office romances are risky. If it turns out poorly, you could be in for a lot of awkwardness or trouble, including potential sexual harassment charges. Those can even come from OTHER coworkers who feel uncomfortable or discriminated against because of your relationship (the "hostile work environment" clause).

These risks increase significantly if the two of you have a power differential in your positions (ie. boss/employee).

My comments are not meant to pass judgement, merely to ensure that you are aware of the risks. Good luck; I hope it works out for you.

 

[dollface007]

Wasnt sure whether this presents an advantage of being relatively "neutral" or is a bad thing because of being with all my friends and basically none of hers.

It depends on whether it would make the situation more comfortable for you (or her). You would end up paying special attention to her b/c of the very fact that she's the odd woman out. However, if this doesn't strike your fancy, or if you don't think she would be interested in hanging out with your friends then don't do it.
A one on one thing is definitely more intimate and will make her feel special even if you don't make an official move on the first outing. I would say the group outing is a good alternative if you're afraid to ask her out for a one on one. If you're not afraid, then forget it!