Appreciation- What's wrong with saying a 'Thank you'?

[TerragonSix]

Not really a BDSM topic, but here goes:

Lately, I've noticed more that people seem to be a lot less thankful in today's world, and less considerate. In everyday kind of things. For example, I was in a supermarket, picking up groceries, and as I was loading them into the truck, I saw a woman fumbling with an arm full of groceries.

Naturally, I asked if she would like some help. She said "Yes." (no please after it, mind you)

So I go ahead and help her out. As soon as I am done, she gets into her car, drives off and doesn't say anything. Not a thank you, NOTHING.

In EMS, (I work for a private ambulance now), people at their worst, in big trouble or if their family is in trouble, might, on occasion, say "Thank you."

Since when did appreciation stop at emergencies only? Geez.

Personally, I don't care. But you know, when you see somebody do something nice for you, occasionally show them you appreciate it, instead of grunting and going on your way.

This may be a trivial thing get mad at, but it still aggravates me.

(Sorry, I haven't been having a good day.)

 

[caela]

Nothing to apologize for at the end of your small rant. This sort of thing annoys me too; makes me want to ask people if they were raised in a barn or by wolves or something. When did basic manners go flying out the window?

Hell I work in surgery and am constantly saying "please" and "thank you" to co-workers for doing simple things that they are expected to do...when someone goes out of their way to actually help you it deserves a smile and a thank you no matter how bad your day has been.

 

[TerragonSix]

When did basic manners go flying out the window?

Hell I work in surgery and am constantly saying "please" and "thank you" to co-workers for doing simple things that they are expected to do...when someone goes out of their way to actually help you it deserves a smile and a thank you no matter how bad your day has been.

If you look back on history, there were more mannerisms 50 years ago than today. Of course, there were a lot more restrictions of what was considered, "Normal and proper" as well. Is there a correlation? Maybe, maybe not.

Whenever my partner helps me out on the truck, even though it may be something that he/she is supposed to do, I give them a thank you.

But you know, some might say overappreciation is more irritating than helpful or mannerly. Which can be true. But I think that is less irritating than some butthead thinking they don't have to respect or be considerate to others.

 

[WriterDom]

There was a cute girl who worked at the grocery store. She would always greet me with a Sir and say thank you Sir. I loved going through her line but she didn't work there long.

 

[caela]

If you look back on history, there were more mannerisms 50 years ago than today. Of course, there were a lot more restrictions of what was considered, "Normal and proper" as well. Is there a correlation? Maybe, maybe not.

Whenever my partner helps me out on the truck, even though it may be something that he/she is supposed to do, I give them a thank you.

But you know, some might say overappreciation is more irritating than helpful or mannerly. Which can be true. But I think that is less irritating than some butthead thinking they don't have to respect or be considerate to others.

Over-appreciation can be irritating at time yes but I find it vastly preferable to under-appreciation. It's such a simple thing to say "please" and "thank you"...just a simple show of respect to another human being that has helped you in some fashion.

Perhaps there is a correlation between the fact that there were more expectations on mannerisms 50 years ago vs today but I think it just as likely that there were just as many people who were just as rude and unthinking then as there are today. We just choose not to remember that part when we make movies or write books on things that were "normal" then.

 

[EmpressFi]

This is only the tip of the iceberg with me. Please and Thank You seem to all but evaporated from the vocabulary. But just as vacant is chewing with your mouth closed, covering your mouth when you cough and/or sneeze, talking on the phone or just talking outloud while at the movie theater, letting someone who's older than you have your seat or go through the door first, or interrupting someone while they're speaking.

I think we're so wrapped up in ourselves and have lost so much personal interaction because of cell phones and email and the internet, that we've reverted to a new age neanderthalism that's both disgusting and disheartening.

 

[caela]

lol...I hadn't even thought about all of those Fi!!! I think you're right to some extent about cell phones and email depersonalizing our interactions but I think the problem really goes deeper than that. I think the root of the problem is a simple, basic, DISrespect for other people. Some of it probably has to do with technology, some could probably be blamed on so many parents having to work to make ends meet etc. etc. but in the end most of those are really just excuses in my mind.

An adult disrespecting the other people around them is choosing that course of action. None of the excuses really factor into my mind, they are simply choosing to be rude and display behaviour toward others that they would, most likely, find inexcusable if it were directed toward them.

Turn the cell phone off at the movie theatre.

Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.

Learn to say please and thank you.

Show respect to the other people around you because god knows you'd want them to show some to you.

None of this is difficult but it seems to go flying over the head of most people these days. Young and, sadly, old alike. I often see older people acting worse than younger people when I am out running errands. These are people in their 70' and 80's who were, most likely, raised to know better! acting like children who didn't get their way. They're people and thus deserve a certain basic level of respect and politeness but having managed to make into old age without falling prey to some accident doesn't automatically make you the recipient of some higher degree of obsequious, instead of respectful, behaviour.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Good manners are always appreciated by a gentleman or a lady. And anyone in service to me _will_ have good manners drilled into them if they don't have them already.

 

[caela]

Good manners are always appreciated by a gentleman or a lady. And anyone in service to me _will_ have good manners drilled into them if they don't have them already.

Hehehe...can we send you into schools to do seminars???

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hehehe...can we send you into schools to do seminars???

Nope... because I can't take a single tail to the ungrateful little bastards and bitches... Or their parents who don't have the balls or gumption to enforce good manners in the home. You show me a rude kid and I'll show you rude or lazy (or totally effing clueless) parents.

 

[celticsunspiral]

I know what you mean. As an educator of early teens I see this every day. We as teachers bend over backwards for our kids to not only make sure they learn enough to make it in the world today but also help them in many other ways. Some things that I have found out in the years I have been teaching.

• Kids who are respectful are those whose parents take an interest in them, there school, future, etc.
  
• If a parent is a jerk and expects everything to be handed to them the kid does to.
  
• Many people today do not know social skills and because they were never taught them.
  
• Teaching manners does make a difference, people with manners generally try harder.

I have added some basic manners lessons to my classroom and I am always pleased with the discussions we have about the things they did not know previously. Why do we do this? Where did it come from? Remember that for alot of people if you are not taught something you just do not learn it. The school system I am in believes so much that social skills are important to succes that they have added it to the required curriculum.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Netzach]

Manners are nice, and important, but I really wish they'd teach the ethics that are the foundations of them - the basis of respect for other people. It doesn't mean indoctrinating kids any which way, but asking the ethical questions and getting them to develop a sense of ethics - this can be a subject. Some of the erosion is an erosion of investment in other people and an increase in self-absorption , some of it is a failure to understand one anothers' codes at times or accept anything other than certain cultural standards.

I'll use interruption as an example. Sorry, WASPS, if you have a mediterranean style of interacting, it doesn't mean you don't care or you're not listening, quite the opposite, it means you're listening and engaged and care enough to add your own perspective. If you venture out of your own cultural turf to some degree and expect all the same rules, it's not reasonable.

 

[celticsunspiral]

Ethics is a required curriculum topic for my classroom. Business ethics, hacking, plagiarism, etc. I will say that Ethics as a whole is a difficult subject to teach and alot of the information out there talks way over my kids heads. I try to relate it to their lives and choices they make based on acknowledged social rules. But alot of times I just don't think some of them get it, and it seems to be the ones growing up in the "hood" that really need to understand that have the hardest time.

 

[FurryFury]

I always say thank you. Once I ran into someone in a grocery store with a cart by accident. I meant to say, "I'm sorry." I was so out of it and tired I instead said, "Thank you."

It's funny now.

It wasn't then.

Ethics and manners are important things IMO. I teach these things to my kids but of course my ethics are what I consider hard core on a sliding scale and not necessarily the same as everyone else's.

I like 'em better.

 

[1HF]

I always say please and thank you. It's a big pet peeve of mine when people are rude and don't say anything at all when you do something nice or polite.

If someone does something nice or helpful for me I acknowledge it and let them know I appreciated it.

Rude people suck.

 

[FurryFury]

I always say please and thank you. It's a big pet peeve of mine when people are rude and don't say anything at all when you do something nice or polite.

If someone does something nice or helpful for me I acknowledge it and let them know I appreciated it.

Rude people suck.

And they don't swallow . . .

 

[cherokee_dove]

i think it comes back on how we were raised. We were raised to say please, thank you, my apologies...etc. To have and USE our manners.

Todays kids, due to a lot of different reasons; such as the parents working longer to make more pay....kids roaming freely after school...the court systems saying that corporal punishment aka spanking is not allowed; those kids have just been allowed to forget what manners are.

My children know that if they don't remember their manners and USE their manners, they will be in trouble with Mommy. i wont put up with it at all.

 

[1HF]

And they don't swallow . . .

Mean people suck..

Nice people swallow.

 

[graceanne]

I don't, personally, do this. But I know it happens a lot, because when I say thank you for stuff (you know, like at the grocery store or the gas pump or whatever) people are surprised. You should see how shocked they are when I tell them to have a nice afternoon or whatever. Totally bowls them over.

Another thing that surprises people (like sales people) is when, after they've asked how my day is going, I ask how theirs is going.

 

[EmpressFi]

Master's first visit, I picked him up at the airport and as I was paying the money to leave the parking lot, I said to the attendant, "Thank you, have a good day..." Master just said, "awww arent you so nice..." Then he realized over the extent of the trip, that it's just what I do n

 

[the_mgp]

Bad manners infuritate me also... it's not hard to say "please" or "thank you" or "have a good one mate!". Just taking that extra second to show appreciation that someone has given you a hand takes next to zero effort, but can so make someone's day. It's not hard people!!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

One of the first things I noticed here was the manners....people saying thank you/please are one of the most common things you hear in your daily comings and goings, from people on the street to the shop assistants, it is everywhere.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

This is only the tip of the iceberg with me. Please and Thank You seem to all but evaporated from the vocabulary. But just as vacant is chewing with your mouth closed, covering your mouth when you cough and/or sneeze, talking on the phone or just talking outloud while at the movie theater, letting someone who's older than you have your seat or go through the door first, or interrupting someone while they're speaking.

I think we're so wrapped up in ourselves and have lost so much personal interaction because of cell phones and email and the internet, that we've reverted to a new age neanderthalism that's both disgusting and disheartening.

What about talking on the phone while your in the drive thru?

This drives me crazy. People already treat me like I'm less than dirt because I'm serving them food, but when they are talking on thier phone while they are in the DT it's like they're saying I'm not even worth acknowledgement.

 

[rgraham666]

One of the unspoken tenets of today's society is 'Nice guys finish last'. Lack of courtesy is simply one of the more visible symptoms of this belief.

 

[caela]

What about talking on the phone while your in the drive thru?

This drives me crazy. People already treat me like I'm less than dirt because I'm serving them food, but when they are talking on thier phone while they are in the DT it's like they're saying I'm not even worth acknowledgement.

Now see that just sucks. I try not to be on the phone when I'm ordering food but it does happen sometimes. When it does I tell the person I'm on the phone with to hold on a second and still take the time to give the person handing me my food a smile and say "thank you" when they give it to me.

A phone is no excuse to be rude, if someone uses it as one then it should be taken away from them.

Oh man my daughter is going to hate me when she's older lol.