Posted a story here. It's my first on this site and would love more input/feedback. It is in the Gay Male category and the title is "Memories". I accept all honest input but if you're just throwin hate..well you know the deal. Anyway, thanks to all who read
Anyone who cares to read and respond
- Thread starter NC_Bob
- Start date
Nasha
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2006
- Posts
- 173
link
I'm not quite in a feedback frame of mind, but here's a link to "Memories" so people can find it more easily.
I'm not quite in a feedback frame of mind, but here's a link to "Memories" so people can find it more easily.
Nasha
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2006
- Posts
- 173
Hi there, NC_Bob.
The sex in your story is hot. Yum.
I'm afraid, though, I wouldn't have gotten to it, if I hadn't been reading to offer feedback. The opening is several paragraphs of dry exposition, and didn't capture my interest.
Then, when the narrator meets Bill, they head off for the hotel in the matter of a single paragraph, and I haven't seen enough of either to care about the sex I know will be coming on shortly.
Personally, I think your story would have hooked me much more if, instead of all the exposition at the opening, you'd have revealed all that about the narrator through his conversation with Bill. By doing that, you can show, rather than tell us, that Bill has a quick wit, and something else. And, by the end of that conversation, if you handle it well, you'll have built up some sexual tension and the reader will not only understand why the narrator wants to fuck Bill, but will want to see it because s/he'll be invested in your characters.
I hope that's helpful.
-Nasha
The sex in your story is hot. Yum.
I'm afraid, though, I wouldn't have gotten to it, if I hadn't been reading to offer feedback. The opening is several paragraphs of dry exposition, and didn't capture my interest.
Then, when the narrator meets Bill, they head off for the hotel in the matter of a single paragraph, and I haven't seen enough of either to care about the sex I know will be coming on shortly.
Personally, I think your story would have hooked me much more if, instead of all the exposition at the opening, you'd have revealed all that about the narrator through his conversation with Bill. By doing that, you can show, rather than tell us, that Bill has a quick wit, and something else. And, by the end of that conversation, if you handle it well, you'll have built up some sexual tension and the reader will not only understand why the narrator wants to fuck Bill, but will want to see it because s/he'll be invested in your characters.
I hope that's helpful.
-Nasha
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