It's a story about a girl in love with another girl. A story about a loss of said girl.
It's only short (about 3400 words), doesn't include sex, but hopefully includes feelings of love and loss. (I have personally never felt the loss of anyone that close *knock on wood*, so critique on that part is especially welcome.)
I know it's a bit cheesy and the end is way too easy to guess, but as with almost all my stories, I just had to get it out.
I'll email/PM/post on the net the whole story if anyone is interested in reading it (and perhaps offer a few pointers about what should I change
).
--- Part of story below this line ---
First Snow, Part 1
Chapter I: Remembrance
On the third floor, there was an apartment, it had a single window which had a view to the streets of the city. You couldn't see very far, as the enclosing buildings were much taller, but you could see a few streets filled with people hurrying along while the first snowflakes of the winter floated by and formed small white spots all around for a very short time, before completely melting.
Amanda lay on the bed, eyes closed, her long brown hair spread all over the blanket. Her arms were crossed on he chest and she held tightly on to a photograph. The showed two young girls sliding down a hillside in midwinter, their eyes were gleaming of joy and they were grinning widely. The other girl in the picture was Amanda, some years ago, when she still was at school. The other girl was of Asian origin. Her short jet-black hair pointed in every direction below her red woolly hat. They were holding hands. There was curly writing on the lower corner of the picture, it said 'Always remember the first snow. Yours, forever.' It was signed by someone named 'Yuki'. Although the photograph was probably much older, the writing was dated exactly three years back, on the day. The clock stroke ten times, and Amanda couldn't help herself any longer, she begun to sob slightly. Trying everything in her power to stop her thoughts from drifting to that fateful day one year ago, she hugged the picture so that the frame gave a little creak under the pressure. It was always like this, year after year. It had been way worse at first, but it didn't feel any better this time around either. The radio was playing When You Came Into My Life by Scorpions and on the note of '...just forever, in love...' Amanda couldn't help it anymore and burst fully into tears, the salty drops falling from her cheeks onto the bed. She tried to cling on to the moment, but try as she might, she couldn't help the photo-accurate time-machine that was her brain from going back, and back, and...
Chapter II: Ano Hi Ni (To That Day).
--- Part of story above this line ---
It's only short (about 3400 words), doesn't include sex, but hopefully includes feelings of love and loss. (I have personally never felt the loss of anyone that close *knock on wood*, so critique on that part is especially welcome.)
I know it's a bit cheesy and the end is way too easy to guess, but as with almost all my stories, I just had to get it out.
I'll email/PM/post on the net the whole story if anyone is interested in reading it (and perhaps offer a few pointers about what should I change
).--- Part of story below this line ---
First Snow, Part 1
Chapter I: Remembrance
On the third floor, there was an apartment, it had a single window which had a view to the streets of the city. You couldn't see very far, as the enclosing buildings were much taller, but you could see a few streets filled with people hurrying along while the first snowflakes of the winter floated by and formed small white spots all around for a very short time, before completely melting.
Amanda lay on the bed, eyes closed, her long brown hair spread all over the blanket. Her arms were crossed on he chest and she held tightly on to a photograph. The showed two young girls sliding down a hillside in midwinter, their eyes were gleaming of joy and they were grinning widely. The other girl in the picture was Amanda, some years ago, when she still was at school. The other girl was of Asian origin. Her short jet-black hair pointed in every direction below her red woolly hat. They were holding hands. There was curly writing on the lower corner of the picture, it said 'Always remember the first snow. Yours, forever.' It was signed by someone named 'Yuki'. Although the photograph was probably much older, the writing was dated exactly three years back, on the day. The clock stroke ten times, and Amanda couldn't help herself any longer, she begun to sob slightly. Trying everything in her power to stop her thoughts from drifting to that fateful day one year ago, she hugged the picture so that the frame gave a little creak under the pressure. It was always like this, year after year. It had been way worse at first, but it didn't feel any better this time around either. The radio was playing When You Came Into My Life by Scorpions and on the note of '...just forever, in love...' Amanda couldn't help it anymore and burst fully into tears, the salty drops falling from her cheeks onto the bed. She tried to cling on to the moment, but try as she might, she couldn't help the photo-accurate time-machine that was her brain from going back, and back, and...
Chapter II: Ano Hi Ni (To That Day).
--- Part of story above this line ---
, feel free to send me teh rest if u want a full review critique edit etc.
