anyone like my stuff?
- Thread starter FulBak41
- Start date
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
Please provide links
Fulbak41,
It helps to ease the search by providing links to what you would like read:
Here they are:
"A Dollar's Worth of Erotic Story"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=15483
"Dick Dallas In: Dirty Floors, Dirty Whores"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=15700
I'll give them a read soon and send you feedback.
- Judo
Fulbak41,
It helps to ease the search by providing links to what you would like read:
Here they are:
"A Dollar's Worth of Erotic Story"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=15483
"Dick Dallas In: Dirty Floors, Dirty Whores"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=15700
I'll give them a read soon and send you feedback.
- Judo
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
A $'s worth...
Cute story. I liked the conversation format. I could see you really going place with a erotic chat story like that.
The story contained within the conversation could use a lot of work. Setups, like catholic school, father's, etc. should come more towards the beginning and not surprising in the middle.
So, I have to ask.
Was this an actual conversation then? And the story was basically done "on the fly?"
If so, it's cute, fun and I guess, a nice introduction to a format that could deliver a lot more if you actually choose phrases, words more carefully and deliver a real punch.
Set it up and knock them down.
I'm on to read the next one.
- Judo
Cute story. I liked the conversation format. I could see you really going place with a erotic chat story like that.
The story contained within the conversation could use a lot of work. Setups, like catholic school, father's, etc. should come more towards the beginning and not surprising in the middle.
So, I have to ask.
Was this an actual conversation then? And the story was basically done "on the fly?"
If so, it's cute, fun and I guess, a nice introduction to a format that could deliver a lot more if you actually choose phrases, words more carefully and deliver a real punch.
Set it up and knock them down.
I'm on to read the next one.
- Judo
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
Dick Dallas
Well...
Not really my cup of tea. The Dick Dallas tale is such a comic book account of a sexual encounter. The details of which are so plainly stated that the reader doesn't have a chance in hell of getting involved with the action.
The narrative reminds me of one of those old romance novels that you might buy in a grocery store for young teen girls, but with lots of "hard this" and "bulging that" thrown in for the X rating.
The action of the scene is so non-involving that I feel like I must be missing a joke or something. Almost like you meant this to be a humorous telling of the story.
Perhaps the over-the-top action and 2 dimensional characters is what you intended and certainly many stories have been created successfully with less, but ask yourself. "What reaction am I looking to get from my reader?" "How do I want them to feel when they finish reading?"
It wasn't exciting sexually. Wasn't all that flip with it's humor to compell the reader to laugh. So, what was the intent besides getting something down and introducing Dick?
I would suggest looking for ways to make the characters not-so-willing. If everyone is so willing, where is the heat in that?
Perhaps Dick could catch the cheerleader and she's embarassed and not willing to go any further, but later has to give in because she needs a sexual release and another is not forthcoming.
- Judo
Well...
Not really my cup of tea. The Dick Dallas tale is such a comic book account of a sexual encounter. The details of which are so plainly stated that the reader doesn't have a chance in hell of getting involved with the action.
The narrative reminds me of one of those old romance novels that you might buy in a grocery store for young teen girls, but with lots of "hard this" and "bulging that" thrown in for the X rating.
The action of the scene is so non-involving that I feel like I must be missing a joke or something. Almost like you meant this to be a humorous telling of the story.
Perhaps the over-the-top action and 2 dimensional characters is what you intended and certainly many stories have been created successfully with less, but ask yourself. "What reaction am I looking to get from my reader?" "How do I want them to feel when they finish reading?"
It wasn't exciting sexually. Wasn't all that flip with it's humor to compell the reader to laugh. So, what was the intent besides getting something down and introducing Dick?
I would suggest looking for ways to make the characters not-so-willing. If everyone is so willing, where is the heat in that?
Perhaps Dick could catch the cheerleader and she's embarassed and not willing to go any further, but later has to give in because she needs a sexual release and another is not forthcoming.
- Judo
thanks
The becky story was an actual conversation! I just cut and pasted it into the submission box. So definitely that was done on the fly and i really had no consideration for grammar or anything like that. Dick Dallas i wrote in about an hour. He's really based on this janitor at school. I dont know his real name but he looks like he could be in a 70s porno. My friends and I are thinking up the stories to some more Dick dallas adventures "Dick Dallas does the gymnastics team" or maybe "Dick Dallas in space" Anyways Thanks for everything!
The becky story was an actual conversation! I just cut and pasted it into the submission box. So definitely that was done on the fly and i really had no consideration for grammar or anything like that. Dick Dallas i wrote in about an hour. He's really based on this janitor at school. I dont know his real name but he looks like he could be in a 70s porno. My friends and I are thinking up the stories to some more Dick dallas adventures "Dick Dallas does the gymnastics team" or maybe "Dick Dallas in space" Anyways Thanks for everything!
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