Anyone here a Kajira?

SheDevilShay

Really Experienced
Joined
Jul 30, 2007
Posts
269
Here's some information I found on it, and for some reason I am really really drawn to this....


Rules

* kajira will always act with the utmost respect and honor.
* kajira will speak in the third person no I, me, or my’s.
* kajira are always spoken of in lower cased letters Masters and Mistresses in caps.
* kajira will enter in full karta and beg permission to enter.
* kajira will never touch any weapon or anything that could be considered a weapon.
* kajira should remember they may not always agree with a Master but the kajira’s word are the last in any disagreement they will be, Yes, Master.
* kajira remember that your collar carries the honor of your owner. Your attitude can make is as light as a feather or as heavy as a mountain.
* kajira also remember jealousy and possessiveness have killed more slaves than disobedience.
* kajira know that the merest whim of your owner is your highest law. and lawbreakers are punished

Silks

(ONLINE DEFINITIONS)

White Silks (glana):
The White Silk slave is not necessarily a virgin, merely reserved for their owner's sole use. These slaves are generally permitted to serve drinks and food. They are allowed to converse with any Free Person, but from their knees. No laps and alcoves (sexual use) are permitted to them. Any Free Person insulted, may embarrass, confine or display the slave, but may not strike, punish or abuse the slave in any way, nor permit another to do so. It is the owner's right to punish the slave for their actions and behavior. Remember: A collared slave is someone else's property. Keep your hands to yourself. No Free Person with Honour would cross the restrictions of a White Silk slave.

Red Silks (falara):
The mark of the Pleasure Slave. Red Silk slaves are considered to be well trained to please in all ways: sexual, service wise, and dancing.

There are two types of Red Silk slaves:

Collared Red Silk:
Pleasure slave but reserved solely for the owner's use.

True Red Silk:
Pleasure slave, collared or uncollared, and the slave's sexual pleasures are allowed to be used by ANY Free Person. If an uncollared slave claims to be a Red Silk, then the slave should be prepared to be used as a Red Silk.

Yellow Silks:
Denotes the Tavern owned slave. Her use is rented and negotiated with the Tavern owner and may include sexual favors at the owner's discretion.

Gray Silks:
State owned slaves.

Black Silks:
Denotes the uncollared slave.

Positions

BARA:

This position is used for a variety of reasons, sometimes for punishment. The kajira lies on their stomach, face down and turned to the left, wrists crossed behind the back. Ankles should also be crossed for binding.

BELLY:

This position has varied uses as well, usual just to please the Master/Mistress. The slave falls to the floor face down, forehead resting on the floor, arms to the sides legs spread wide and slides to the Master/Mistress on their belly.

BRACELETS:

This position is used to put a slave in bracelets for chaining a slave. A common place to chain slaves is to their Master’s/Mistress’s bed or at rings in the walls of a tavern/castle. The slave places their hands behind their back, shoulders pushed back, chest thrust forward, hands clasped tightly behind the back…ready to have the bracelets put on.

CRAWL:

This is very similar to belly but there are differences. The slave gets down on all fours, palms to elbows are flat on floor, their ass is in the air with their forehead close but not touching the floor and crawls to just an inch from the Master's/Mistress's feet.

GOREAN BOW:

This position is very painful to maintain for longer than 5 minutes. They kneel in nadu position and bend their body backwards, their head to the floor, they place their hands by their head, and pulls up into a back bend.

HAIR POSITION:

They stand, their feet flat on the floor, and bow gracefully at the waist, that their hair might fall forward for display, to be shorn, seized, or used for any purpose that the Master/Mistress desires.

HEEL COMMAND:

They go to Master/Mistress and kneel behind the left foot, awaiting their movement whereupon they stay to the left and slightly behind following as they move.

HIGH BRACELETS:

They stand with their feet a shoulder width apart, holding their head high with eyes lowered submissively, their arms out before them with wrists pressed together, ready for binding.

HIGH LESHA:

Similar to lesha except done from a standing position. They stand with their back to the Master/Mistress, their hands crossed at the small of the back, their feet shoulder width apart, back and shoulders slightly arched, their breasts/chest thrusting forward, head held high and tilted to the left with their eyes lowered in respect and submission.

KARTA POSITION OF OBESIENCE:

They kneel on the floor, their thighs spread widely to allow them to lay their chest upon the floor, they lean forward placing their breasts/chest and forehead against the floor, then reach out with their arms fully extended, palms against floor, fingers parted. Ankles may be crossed or uncrossed. Shows utmost respect. Requests may be made from this position.

KO LAR or COLLARING POSITION:

Also called "the Position of Female Submission." They kneel at the Master's/Mistress's feet and lean their body back, sitting upon their heels, with their arms extended upward, crossed at the wrists, and their head beneath them lowered in supplication.

LEADING POSITION:

They stand and move behind their Master/Mistress, bending at the waist. They places their hands behind them and puts the side of their head to their Master's/Mistress's hip, that they might lead them easily by the hair or collar while walking.

LESHA:

This position is used to attach a leash. They kneels, their back to their Master/Mistress, with their chin lifted and head turned to the left, offering their collar for leashing. Their wrists are behind their back, ready, if needed, to be snapped into slave bracelets.

NADU:

This is the most basic of all the positions. This is the position a slave is in most of the time. They kneel before their Master/Mistress, their head held high, eyes downcast, knees spread wide open, shoulders back keeping their back straight (or arched slightly), breasts/chest thrust outward. Their hands lie on their thighs, palms facing upward.

OBEDIENCE POSITION:

They go to the floor, lying upon their stomach, face down before the Master/Mistress. They turn their head and place their cheek against their feet, kissing them lightly in a gesture of love and submission.

PROSTRATE:

This is used when waiting to enter a room. They kneel and touch their forehead to the floor stretching their arms out before them with palms face down and fingers spread.

RUN COMMAND:

When this command is given, they run toward their objective, taking short rapid steps, with their legs almost straight, feet hardly leaving the floor. As they move, their back is straight, their head is turned to the left, and arms are at their sides, their palms facing outward at a 45 degree angle to their body. Upon reaching their objective they drop gracefully to their knees and typically resumes the position of Nadu.

SHE-SLEEN POSITION:

Also known as "assuming the modality of the she-quadruped." They fall to their hands and knees, their head down on the floor, their hindquarters thrust high for viewing and/or pleasure use. "Serving in the modality of the she-quadruped" is an instruction whereby the slave performs their regular duties upon hands and knees, without the benefit of the use of their hands. In this mode they may not rise to their feet and may use only their mouth and teeth to grasp and manipulate objects.

"SLAVER'S KISS" POSITION:

They fall to the floor upon all fours, and lower their head to the ground, with their buttocks thrust upward and their thighs widely spread, exposing their hindquarters fully in preparation for the caress of the leather against their body. Common Gorean usage of this position - They falls to the floor upon all fours, and keeps their head straight, their eyes looking forward, with their buttocks thrust upward and their thighs widely spread in preparation for sexual use.

SLAVE LIPS:

When this command is given, they turn their head up to the Master/Mistress, their lips pursed in a sensual kissing position, they remain motionless, their lips thusly puckered and may not move until they are granted a kiss.

SUBMISSION:

They kneel, bending at the waist, placing their cheek to the floor, takes the Master's/Mistress's right foot and places it upon their neck, placing their arms behind their back, crossing them at the wrists.

SUGA:

This is very similar to Karta but in this their wrists are crossed. They kneels, knees wide apart and lays their head to the floor, forehead down and arms stretched over head with wrists crossed, lying quietly.

SULA:

They lay on their back, their hands at their sides, palms facing upward. Their legs are spread wide open... and they await Master's/Mistress's inspection. Sometimes a variation of this is the slave has their arms outstretched above their head, wrists together.

SULA-KI or "ALTERNATE SULA":

This position is almost identical to the Sula position, except once they have assumed the sula position they slowly lift their hips up off the floor, as if beckoning with their body, encouraging their sexual use.

TABLE:

This command is used when a Master/Mistress is in need of a table to rest their drink or to just rest their feet. They go to all fours, locking their elbows, making their back smooth and level, holding their head level as well.

TOWER SLAVE Position:

This is another variation of Nadu in which they kneel the same way, but with their palms down and their knees modestly together. This variation is typically reserved for underage or white silk slaves, or slaves who serve their Master/Mistress in a non-sexual way.

WALK COMMAND:

When this command is given, they turn in a graceful pirouette, their hair swinging. They then walk, gliding across the room, their feet hardly seeming to leave the floor, their hips swaying sensually, their body erect and proud. When they reaches their objective they halt and stand, their body erect, their shoulders back, their chest thrust forward, their belly in. They turn their hip out a bit, their hands at their sides, and points one foot. Their head is up and eyes are lowered.

WHIPPING POSITION:

They first assume the Nadu position, though with their arms crossed in front of them. They then lean forward and place their head to the floor, first sweeping their hair forward over their shoulders in order that their back might be utterly exposed to the whip.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kajira


Kajira is the term for "slave-girl" in John Norman's Gor novels. Slaves in the Gorean lifestyle will refer to themselves as kajirae. The phrase "la kajira" is said to mean "I am a slave-girl" in the Gorean language, the most widely-spoken lingua franca in the known regions of the planet Gor (this is one of the few complete Gorean-language sentences given in the Gor novels).

The word is usually seen in the feminine form "kajira" (pl. "kajirae"), as most slaves in the Gorean lifestyle are female; the masculine forms are "kajirus" and "kajiri" (following the rules of Latin nominative adjective morphology, as seen also with words such as "alumnus"/"alumna", etc.). The construction "kajiras" is incorrect, but is occasionally seen in third-party writing.

A common misconception among people practicing the lifestyle or playing out the Gorean theme online is that kajirae never refer to themselves in the first person, using the terms "me" or "I", instead being allowed only to refer to themselves in the third person. If one is adhering to the novels this is inaccurate, as virtually all of the kajirae in the Gor novels do often refer to themselves in the first person (the phrase "la kajira" being an example), with third person speech being uncommon in the text. However, the books do support the idea that third-person speech is considered distinctively slave speech (in Captive of Gor, chapter 15, Ute issues the command "Speak as a slave!", meaning in the third person), and that slaves may be specifically commanded to speak in such a way. In the books, a girl is ordered to speak in the third person usually as a punishment.

There exists various techniques in Gorean culture to teach Gorean slave corresponding conduct. Slave tasks may include not only sexual slavery, but also the ability to maintain a household, possess artistic skills, wear an appealing outfit and address the master in certain manner. Gorean slave women are branded, which means they are marked with certain signs burned into the flesh by the master to indicate their slavery. Another way to mark a slave as her owner's property is to put a collar on her.[2]
 
Gor isn't typically too well received. It is often considered fantasy and those displaying the characteristics of Gor are usually ridiculed. You almost always find it the stuff of online relationships and online chatrooms by people with little or no actual experience in anything bdsm which is another reason why it isn't really well received.

I myself don't put that much weight into it. If someone likes the ideas and the work for them, I hope they enjoy.

I DO take serious offense to dominants expecting all slaves to be like their Gorean ideals and treating all women in a Gorean way. That's nothing more than forcing your kink on others and that is never ok in my book.
 
Kajira are Gorean. I believe Wenchie (The Captian's Wench) has experience with Gor, and while I don't think I've ever seen KC (Kajira Callista ) discuss it, it's in her nick and she is one kick ass knowledgeable type chick, so she might know something about it. :)

CollarMe.com has a specific forum for Gorean practitioners of BDSM, also; you don't see much about it around Lit.
 
CutieMouse said:
Kajira are Gorean. I believe Wenchie (The Captian's Wench) has experience with Gor, and while I don't think I've ever seen KC (Kajira Callista ) discuss it, it's in her nick and she is one kick ass knowledgeable type chick, so she might know something about it. :)

CollarMe.com has a specific forum for Gorean practitioners of BDSM, also; you don't see much about it around Lit.


I am interested in learning.. even a slave submits to her master... I am wililng to submit, but I find myself... drawn to many of the more slave mindsets and aspects then just being a regular D/s submissive.... alot of the gorean theories apply to my mindsets... and I am not all that knowledgable about it... I really took it witha grain of salt for a while until I did some research on it out fisde of the "gore" websites that were online fiction.
 
Shay...

Before you claim to be really "drawn to this," please do a good amount of research on Gorean lifestyles and Gor in general.


i'll reserve my own opinions on Gor, but i urge you to make educated choices.
 
There are already quite a few threads around here on Gor and such...most don't seem to hold it in much esteem, partly because it is based on a series of fictional books, partly because it is usually something online and often embellished to give it kudos, and a whole lot of other reasons. If it rocks your boat, have fun...I personally find it too unrealistic to exist in a RL day to day relationship.

Catalina :catroar:
 
SheDevilShay said:
I really took it witha grain of salt for a while until I did some research on it out fisde of the "gore" websites that were online fiction.


All of Gor is based on fiction...a set of books. There is no basis in reality for this set of beliefs/practices...some of which are VERY extreme in both thought and action.
 
HottieMama said:
Shay...

Before you claim to be really "drawn to this," please do a good amount of research on Gorean lifestyles and Gor in general.


i'll reserve my own opinions on Gor, but i urge you to make educated choices.


I am drawn to learning more about this, because some of the "feelings" apply to me...

Its sort of like my non fiction writing stories (one of which is published on here) people complain because there's not enough spice.. I shrug and feel that I protrayed it as real life and thats what it was.. if they don't want real life as real life... go read fiction.

I realize the gore theory is from a fictional series of books... and while many of it is extreme and out there.. some of it IS practiced.. and some of the theories might apply to real life, depending on how you impliment them...

So personally... *shrugs*.. its not the "gore".. I like the name Kajira, I like what it stands for (by wikipedia's definition of slave girl.) I like the idea of being owned and possessed.. to me I don't just want to be a wife or sub, I want to be my masters property.

there's a secret part of me that really relates to some of the things they discuss.... and I wanted to learn more about it... *shrugs* If I cared what you guys though I'd have been to afraid to post!! but I am okay with honest answers.. if you can't give any useful advice, then I will just continue searching on my own.. (But I do get why this would bother some people.)


Edit : I mean no disrespect by what I was saying.. I do value your opinion and appreciate the time you take to post... I just meant that if its a rude opinion or not helpful, I will continue searching on my own...

I do appreciate your feedback thats insiteful (including why people dislike the theory of gore since its from a fictional series...)
 
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CutieMouse said:
Kajira are Gorean. I believe Wenchie (The Captian's Wench) has experience with Gor, and while I don't think I've ever seen KC (Kajira Callista ) discuss it, it's in her nick and she is one kick ass knowledgeable type chick, so she might know something about it. :)

CollarMe.com has a specific forum for Gorean practitioners of BDSM, also; you don't see much about it around Lit.

Yup I do. :)

the friends that introduced me to BDSM live in a Gorean style. The house currently holds the Master, his two slaves, a free man, and a girl who claims to be a house slave, but acts more like a free woman.

I love the books, and I have been trained in all of the slave positions, to it's been a while since I've been put thru my paces so I'm a bit rusty and hesitation would mean the switch. (not that I really mind that so much *giggles*)

I have seen it practiced in R/L and that house also belongs to an online rpg site that has a big "gor fest" every may where the members of the board go thru a weekend long live action role play.

There are certian aspects that carry thru to their life situation and some that stay role play, but for the most part, from what I've seen of any gorean's, the "hard core" stuff stays online. (i.e. sharing slaves with the whole comunity tho not nessisarily, the slaves in that house are often lended out for services of any nature durring fest and they serve both their master and the free man in the house).

Just as anything, what level is carried on is up to the parties involved. I personally never got into the whole role play thing, just not me.

I'd be happy to talk to you more personally on you're questions. As I don't personally practice gorean I don't claim to be an expert, but I would be happy to pass on my knowledge. :)
 
WriterDom said:
Some of the slave positions I like.


Me too.

Although I don't think they are "gor" positions, some of them just feel right and natural and when doing them I don't even consider that they have any relation to Gor.
 
SheDevilShay said:
So personally... *shrugs*.. its not the "gore".. I like the name Kajira, I like what it stands for (by wikipedia's definition of slave girl.) I like the idea of being owned and possessed.. to me I don't just want to be a wife or sub, I want to be my masters property.

I quoted the bit that stood out to me most strongly...

I do relate to wanting to find a way to quantify that deep desire to be completely "his"; however, IMO, that is a state of mind, more than anything else.

Food for thought -

I do no identify as a slave, if pushed I'll identify as submissive. What I really am is a Monica - a small business owner, mother, single chick, bibliomaniac, excellent cook, somewhat old fashioned, vintage geek type person. When I am in a relationship, I am also his. That means when I make the decision to "go there", I still refuse to identify as a slave, still twitch at the ID of submissive, still am everything else listed above... but he now sits at the head of the laundry list of who Monica is, which means he can pretty much do whatever he dammed well pleases with regards to me (sexually, intillectually, physically, emotionally, mentally), up to the point I decide I'm gone - which is not a decision I make lightly. There isn't a lable, a title, a stylistic form of BDSM,or anything external that makes me absorb that energy of "being property" (a term I'm not very fond of, but best describes the mental shift I'm speaking of)... he doesn't even necessarily need to view me as such. That state of being comes from within, nurtured by the energy of the dynamic I'm engaged in.
 
CutieMouse said:
I quoted the bit that stood out to me most strongly...

I do relate to wanting to find a way to quantify that deep desire to be completely "his"; however, IMO, that is a state of mind, more than anything else.

Food for thought -

I do no identify as a slave, if pushed I'll identify as submissive. What I really am is a Monica - a small business owner, mother, single chick, bibliomaniac, excellent cook, somewhat old fashioned, vintage geek type person. When I am in a relationship, I am also his. That means when I make the decision to "go there", I still refuse to identify as a slave, still twitch at the ID of submissive, still am everything else listed above... but he now sits at the head of the laundry list of who Monica is, which means he can pretty much do whatever he dammed well pleases with regards to me (sexually, intillectually, physically, emotionally, mentally), up to the point I decide I'm gone - which is not a decision I make lightly. There isn't a lable, a title, a stylistic form of BDSM,or anything external that makes me absorb that energy of "being property" (a term I'm not very fond of, but best describes the mental shift I'm speaking of)... he doesn't even necessarily need to view me as such. That state of being comes from within, nurtured by the energy of the dynamic I'm engaged in.


^^Yeah..that...

Great post CM.
 
CutieMouse said:
I quoted the bit that stood out to me most strongly...

I do relate to wanting to find a way to quantify that deep desire to be completely "his"; however, IMO, that is a state of mind, more than anything else.

Food for thought -

I do no identify as a slave, if pushed I'll identify as submissive. What I really am is a Monica - a small business owner, mother, single chick, bibliomaniac, excellent cook, somewhat old fashioned, vintage geek type person. When I am in a relationship, I am also his. That means when I make the decision to "go there", I still refuse to identify as a slave, still twitch at the ID of submissive, still am everything else listed above... but he now sits at the head of the laundry list of who Monica is, which means he can pretty much do whatever he dammed well pleases with regards to me (sexually, intillectually, physically, emotionally, mentally), up to the point I decide I'm gone - which is not a decision I make lightly. There isn't a lable, a title, a stylistic form of BDSM,or anything external that makes me absorb that energy of "being property" (a term I'm not very fond of, but best describes the mental shift I'm speaking of)... he doesn't even necessarily need to view me as such. That state of being comes from within, nurtured by the energy of the dynamic I'm engaged in.

I really liked this post and it has given me food for thought.. I may share your response with my Dom... thought I still am trying to relate to it on a more personal level.. some of it fits me... but some of it also confuses me..
 
CutieMouse said:
I do no identify as a slave, if pushed I'll identify as submissive. What I really am is a Monica - a small business owner, mother, single chick, bibliomaniac, excellent cook, somewhat old fashioned, vintage geek type person. When I am in a relationship, I am also his. That means when I make the decision to "go there", I still refuse to identify as a slave, still twitch at the ID of submissive, still am everything else listed above... but he now sits at the head of the laundry list of who Monica is, which means he can pretty much do whatever he dammed well pleases with regards to me (sexually, intillectually, physically, emotionally, mentally), up to the point I decide I'm gone - which is not a decision I make lightly. There isn't a lable, a title, a stylistic form of BDSM,or anything external that makes me absorb that energy of "being property" (a term I'm not very fond of, but best describes the mental shift I'm speaking of)... he doesn't even necessarily need to view me as such. That state of being comes from within, nurtured by the energy of the dynamic I'm engaged in.

I relate to a lot in your post, CM, except I *think* I set the boundary at a different place.

I can relate to the idea of searching for a label. I get a whole lot of satisfaction out of certain qualities of a D/s dynamic, but I can't be someone else's property, and I can't let someone do whatever they want with me. I know you have limits as well, but I think another difference is I have no desire to give up day to day decision making power over my whole self.

In that sense, I was really struck by cat's post elsewhere about having lived enough of her life in control that she was ready to give it up. I can kinda get that. But I'm not there.
 
intothewoods said:
I relate to a lot in your post, CM, except I *think* I set the boundary at a different place.

I can relate to the idea of searching for a label. I get a whole lot of satisfaction out of certain qualities of a D/s dynamic, but I can't be someone else's property, and I can't let someone do whatever they want with me. I know you have limits as well, but I think another difference is I have no desire to give up day to day decision making power over my whole self.

In that sense, I was really struck by cat's post elsewhere about having lived enough of her life in control that she was ready to give it up. I can kinda get that. But I'm not there.


I have spend my whole life raising everyone else... and I didn't want that job with my Dom... it took us 2 years to figure out what I needed and once I broke down emotionally and struggled for 9 months to tell him what I needed.. I am now getting it.. were just starting and learning as we go, but I honestly have never been happier and he seems happier to.. my son even seems happier...(probably because we are happier as a whole family now.)
 
(P.S. this a copy of a journal I wrote while figuring stuff out... so if anything offends you in this it wasnt' meant that way, it was just me writing down my collective thoughts.)



I started fighting with my husband about 9 months ago after I came to a very serious realization.



I was not happy in the relationship the way it was.. I needed him to be more than just my husband.

It took me 9 months to brave up the courage between fighting non stop with him to break down and tell him why I kept freaking out....



I wanted him to collar me. I wanted him to be my master outside of the bedroom and I wanted to learn how to live the lifestyle of Dom/sub role that would suit our personal needs mentally... not just physically.

It wasn't a game to me, it was more than that... I craved knowing my place and my role in our house hold.

I did not want to be in charge, and I had an automatic reaction to always saying "no"... just to say no because I was scared... it took me 9 months of soul searching to sit down and write him 12 hours worth of "stuff" to go over with me.... He is now happier than I have ever seen him before.. and to be frankly honest... so am I....



I think this best accurately displays how I feel about this, and I am thankful for all the resources available out there to me, to help me succeed, and know that my dom is patient, loving kind and considerate of my needs... while still being strong and firm with me. I need consistancy, structure, routine and motiviation, he has give me that.. I cannot thank him enough...



To understand the power of submission, one must first understand what being a submissive means, where it comes from and how it is expressed.

True submission is something that comes from deep within a person and is an essential part of their nature. It is something expressed from the soul and as such, it goes much deeper than the mere physical/sexual act of offering oneself to a Master for pleasure. A person can behave in a submissive manner but this is not the same as being "a submissive".

To offer oneself completely and utterly to another, to surrender all choice and "power" requires an exceptional inner strength. High self esteem and a knowledge that, in order to relinquish power to another as well as the understanding that one must possess, inner power is essential.

Embracing and expressing my submissive nature has given me the most powerful opportunities to find the deepest levels of trust, power and the intimacy that can only arise from the bond of a Master and sub. It is the ultimate expression of balance, the archetypal opposition of Yin (the receptive principal) and Yang (the active principle). Both sides being perfectly equal, yet forming a perfect whole.

As a submissive, my goals are to come before my Master as an empty chalice to be filled.....or a blank canvas to be painted....formless clay waiting to be moulded. Through this exchange, I know that I will become more than I was before....the Master takes the raw material, or the blank canvas or the raw gemstone and brings out the inner lustre. In this experience, what many misinterpret is that they assume the Master imposes his will upon the sub and she becomes whatever he wants her to be. I would disagree....to me, the Master brings out the qualities of submission in a more pronounced way. Rather than being told to "act" in a submissive way, it is the submissive's role to remove veil after veil until who she becomes is the perfect reflection of devoted service and in serving her Master, she finds an inner joy and balance that comes from knowing that with each veil removed, each boundary crossed, she becomes more of who she already is.
 
SheDevilShay said:
I have spend my whole life raising everyone else... and I didn't want that job with my Dom... it took us 2 years to figure out what I needed and once I broke down emotionally and struggled for 9 months to tell him what I needed.. I am now getting it.. were just starting and learning as we go, but I honestly have never been happier and he seems happier to.. my son even seems happier...(probably because we are happier as a whole family now.)

I haven't spent my whole life raising everyone else. I'm only 33, lol. There is another option besides having "that job" with your husband, and that's a partnership. But if what you have works for you, that's wonderful.

For me, a strong pull to being submissive was simply a reaction to having something of a control overload after a few years. I'm still drawn there, but will I be in a few years? I don't know if my "resting place," so to speak, is really as a submissive, or as a vanilla...or...vanilla plus? Lol...
 
intothewoods said:
I haven't spent my whole life raising everyone else. I'm only 33, lol. There is another option besides having "that job" with your husband, and that's a partnership. But if what you have works for you, that's wonderful.

For me, a strong pull to being submissive was simply a reaction to having something of a control overload after a few years. I'm still drawn there, but will I be in a few years? I don't know if my "resting place," so to speak, is really as a submissive, or as a vanilla...or...vanilla plus? Lol...


LOL...I like that vanilla plus :) That's what I have.
 
ecstaticsub said:
LOL...I like that vanilla plus :) That's what I have.


I raised my mother, I cared for my great grandmother, I took care of myself from the age of 2 +.... I was nearly starved to death as a child because my mom wouldn't feed me, I still have an issue sharing food and tend to take more then I can eat.... (fuck if I know how I managed to stay so skinny with my food hoarding issues...)

When I became a teen my grandmother (who got custody of me at age 3..) became ill... It was my job to help care for her. since my grandfather still had to work.

(she's got 2 artifical knee's, a hip, surgiers done on her nose, back, shoulders, wrists and stomache from an auto immune disorder)

When my little brother was born at a 11.. It was my job to help care for him...

When my sister was born when I was 15..I essentially raised her untill 2 years ago when they finally were able to start finding her and my brother an adoptive home...

I had my own place at 16.. paid my own bills worked... did everything on my own... (I also was going to college to get my psych degree, though I did not finish it.)

I KNOW I can survive and provide for myself if I need to.. I was a single mom before I met my Dom and married him... he provided me the security to let go of always being inc ontrol and "fixing" and raising everyone...

I panic'd about 9 months ago when I realized thats what I was doing... was giving up control... neither of us realized we were living this lifestyle until I panic'd and he started researching rape/abuse victims, and other books, psychology books... and then dug deeper... he completely ignored me and "cut me loose" for the last 9 monthsw hile I falterd and fell apart... I just woke up one morning and got the guts to tell him what I needed.

It probably saved our marriage. we've talked more in the last week then the last 2 years on sensitive subjects. I guess it came down to me choosing to allow him to be my Dom and respecting his role and need to be that for me... and I still question things I learned.. I did 17 years of therapy... and all they pushed on me was my need not to be spanked , and to get over my issues.. they never touched my sexuality or helped me understand myself.. all they did was try to teach me it was "wrong"...

My personality/nature I think, is what got me sexually abused... which is why I did such an extreme turn about.
 
Dammit ya'll went and quoted me when there's a typo in what I wrote.

*twitchtwitchtwitch* ;)

I should also mention that it took a few years to get to the place where I am now with regards to "head of Monica's laundry list". When I first started to work all this stuff out, I really really neeeeeeeeeeeeded to have a label, be an uber-submissive, ID as potential slave-type-person. I over analyzed everything I did, what I thought, how I felt. I tried to fit a mold until I grew up enough to not care about the mold.

Getting to where I can accept the "head of Monica's laundry list" place has been a blessing and a curse. I'm much more peaceful with regards to me, but I'm also finding myself feeling far more vulnerable. I quite happily (and with forethought and conscious choice) "went there" with Jeffrey, which means if it works, life is yummy, but if this falls apart completely, I'll have to reorganize my brain to get back to ground zero and start over again... which will just lick balls (to speak in the vernacular of the peasantry). Wheee! LOL
 
CutieMouse said:
Dammit ya'll went and quoted me when there's a typo in what I wrote.

*twitchtwitchtwitch* ;)

I should also mention that it took a few years to get to the place where I am now with regards to "head of Monica's laundry list". When I first started to work all this stuff out, I really really neeeeeeeeeeeeded to have a label, be an uber-submissive, ID as potential slave-type-person. I over analyzed everything I did, what I thought, how I felt. I tried to fit a mold until I grew up enough to not care about the mold.

Getting to where I can accept the "head of Monica's laundry list" place has been a blessing and a curse. I'm much more peaceful with regards to me, but I'm also finding myself feeling far more vulnerable. I quite happily (and with forethought and conscious choice) "went there" with Jeffrey, which means if it works, life is yummy, but if this falls apart completely, I'll have to reorganize my brain to get back to ground zero and start over again... which will just lick balls (to speak in the vernacular of the peasantry). Wheee! LOL



I am also over analytical and have to have everything click into place before I can let it go... its why restraint is so HARD for me, I have a burning passion desire to "learn" or understand what confuses me.. or interests me... its a "good" trait if channeled correctly... for the most part in the last year its been a self destructive habit.
 
CutieMouse said:
Dammit ya'll went and quoted me when there's a typo in what I wrote.

*twitchtwitchtwitch* ;)

I should also mention that it took a few years to get to the place where I am now with regards to "head of Monica's laundry list". When I first started to work all this stuff out, I really really neeeeeeeeeeeeded to have a label, be an uber-submissive, ID as potential slave-type-person. I over analyzed everything I did, what I thought, how I felt. I tried to fit a mold until I grew up enough to not care about the mold.

Getting to where I can accept the "head of Monica's laundry list" place has been a blessing and a curse. I'm much more peaceful with regards to me, but I'm also finding myself feeling far more vulnerable. I quite happily (and with forethought and conscious choice) "went there" with Jeffrey, which means if it works, life is yummy, but if this falls apart completely, I'll have to reorganize my brain to get back to ground zero and start over again... which will just lick balls (to speak in the vernacular of the peasantry). Wheee! LOL

Oh good. So, I can be forgiven for thinking, oh yeah, I can be a slave!
 
SheDevilShay said:
I have spend my whole life raising everyone else... and I didn't want that job with my Dom... it took us 2 years to figure out what I needed and once I broke down emotionally and struggled for 9 months to tell him what I needed.. I am now getting it.. were just starting and learning as we go, but I honestly have never been happier and he seems happier to.. my son even seems happier...(probably because we are happier as a whole family now.)

I'm sorry if this offends you as it is not my intention, but really your life has just begun at 22yo, not near something I would consider a point whereby you can declare you have spent your whole life raising everyone else as if it is a large span of your lifetime...I daresay you did not come out of the womb and immediately assume a leadership role in the life of those around you, though perhaps you may have demanded attention...the 2 are vastly different states. :rose:

Catalina :catroar:
 
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