Any Dr Demento dorks here?

[Nora]

I have had this song stuck in my head for days. I know from a websearch that it's by Tim Cavanagh, but it's not listed on his website at all. I emailed him a few days ago, but of course have not heard back.

Does anyone happen to have a recording of it or even all of the lyrics? Here's what I remember, though I sincerely doubt I recalled correctly or in proper order:


It's the hottest new item on your grocer's shelf.
Wrap it in foil it'll toast itself
Try new, Ukrainian Uranium Bread

Rye or White, with just a hint of graphite
it's got a shelf life of 8 days
and a half life of 8 hundred thousand years
so it's sure to stick with it 'til supper

Well it's caused a lot of noise at the lunch counter
and an even bigger noise at the Geiger counter
buy 6 loaves throw away your breadbox
you'll receive free this handsome lead box
for your
Ukrainian Uranium Bread

And if you're looking for a tasty spread
that'll go so nice on that piping hot bread
try new Meltdown Butter today, yeah!
with (a bunch of chemical names I can't remember)
heats to 5,000 degrees
this butter melts down so easy!
It's new Meltdown Butter
from the cows with the udders that are like no others!

Meltdown Butter and Ukrainian Uranium bread!

 

[sunstruck]

I was when I was a kid and he was on the air here. I remember Wet Dream and Existential Blues as two of my favs.

Poppies! Popies! Popies!

 

[lavender]

 

[Burning Chrome]

Boot to the head!

 

[Nora]

Ya know, both of those are on the 20th Anniversary CD, Sunstruck! Along with "Masochism Tango" which shaped my young life... (ok, not really but it sounded good!)

 

[Nora]

Talk to Mischka. She has an odd obsession with choreographing Dr. Demento songs.

Cool, thanks for the tip! (and the really funny mental image!)


So totally not gonna mention dancing around my room pretending I was Frank Zappa while singing "Dancin' Fool"

 

[sunstruck]

Zappa? Talk to SaintPeter, he's obsessed. lol

 

[Nora]

lol we've done the zappa talk. *grin*

 

[acitore_vuli]

Fish heads, fish heads, rollie pollie fish heads...

 

[Nora]

Fish heads, fish heads, rollie pollie fish heads...

Fish heads, fish heads, eat 'em up yum!

 

[teddybear4play]

Just a "Weird Al" dork here.

TB4p

 

[phrodeau]

I can talk Zappa, Weird Al, Tom Lehrer, Flo & Eddie, and Ray Stevens. I don't know Dr. Demento.

 

[Nora]

All good choices, Phrodeau!

 

[tortoise]

they don't come
when you call
they don't chase
squirrels at all
dead puppies
aren't
much
fun

 

[tortoise]

Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to
leave because I'd go berserk?? Well...
You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see
I've gone completely out of my mind.. And..

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be
happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said
that loosing you would make me flip my lid.. RIGHT???
I know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed you laughed and
laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad... And..

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the happy home. With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket
weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you pay me back
for all my kind unselfish loving deeds.. Huh??
Well you just wait, they'll find you yet and when they do they'll put you
in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!!! And...

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa.
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy
to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming
to take me away, ha-haaa!!!
To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket
weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haa!!!
To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time... (fade out)

Hey, buddy!
Yes officer..
You a head?
No, but I'm catching up, ha ha ha....

 

[tortoise]

Never heard of 'im...

 

[SadnonMage]

Is he even still on the air anywhere?

I haven't heard a Dr. Dimento show in YEARS.

 

[Dietrich K.]

I STILL can't find him on the radio in the Rhode Island area

Hello!
We're those two dreadful children; we're always very bold.
We make a special point of never doing what we're told.
We're those two dreadful children; we search and we destroy.
We do a lot of damage for just one girl and boy.

We're those two dreadful children; we delight in causing pain.
We once tied up the housemaid and we beat her again and again.
And then, when she came 'round again, she made as if to shout
So we got a bunch of flowers and we stuffed them in her mouth.

We're those two dreadful children; our parents can't control us.
Between us we're so dreadful no reform school will enroll us.
We're those two dreadful children; so watch out for her and me.
We'll put thumbtacks in your slippers; powdered glass into your tea.

We we we we we we we we are are are are are are are
Those two dreadful children and we always go too far.
We we we we we we we we are are are are are are are
Those two dreadful children and we always go too far.

We've got a sense of humor but we havn't any cares.
Oh how I had to laugh when we kicked granny down the stairs.
On our tippy-toes we crept right up where she was standing,
And the tears ran down my face as she lay bleeding on the landing.
And when we called out "Mama! Quick! We think our granny's dying!"
And when Mama came a-running we pretended to be crying.
We said "We saw her trip"; they couldn't tell that we were lying
And since Granny was unconscious she was doing no denying!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

We're those two dreadful children; destruction is our aim.
The people who have delt with us are never quite the same.
We like to torture babies and to leave them in the rain.
We're those two dreadful children; we delight in causing pain.

We we we we we we we we are are are are are are are
Those two dreadful children and we always go too far.
We we we we we we we we are are are are are are are
Those two dreadful children and we always go too far.

"Say, do you remember when our Auntie stayed the night?"
"Oh yes, we crept up to her bedroom and we set her hair alight
And at the breakfast table next day Auntie looked a fright.
And out dear aunt, who was always given to understatement,
declared that she had slept 'badly' that night."

Like a rotten dental cavity
We're lousy with depravity.
Sell Mother down the river all for just one dime.
Some children are adorable.
We'd rather be deplorable.
We'd like to tell you more but we just haven't got the time.
(We're too busy being thoroughly detestable.)

And then, one day, a lady came to us and told us
That all we really wanted was love, and so...
We got her by the arms and legs and swung her in the air,
Then we kicked her in the stomach and we grabbed her by the hair,
Then we poked her eyes with pencils and stuck marbles up her nose,
Then we dragged her 'round the garden where the poison-ivy grows.
And after that we stopped and said "I think the lady knows... That"
We're those two dreadful children; we're always playing games.
We once burned down the house because we both felt like a change.
We're those two dreadful children...

But take one look into our sweet angelic faces and let it not be forgotten
That deep down at heart we're both really... ROTTEN.

We we we we we we we we are are are are are are are
Those two dreadful children and we always go too far.
We we we we we we we we are are are are are are are
Those two dreadful children and we always go too far.

 

[Nora]

lol thanks you guys! Tortoise? In case Ginny hasn't mentioned it lately, you are officially silly.

 

[crappie master]

The Doctor Is In

live365 net radio do a search for comedy


there are some Dr. Demento shows floating around in cyberspace some real funny old stuff plus some new funny stuff

 

[Mischka]

Tortoise, I think we were separated at birth.

Don't know Ukranium Urananium Bread, but here's one that I thought appropriate for Lit. I loved this one as a kid:

Freaker's Ball by Shel Silverstein

There's gonna be a Freakers Ball,
Yes, yes, tonight at the Freakers Hall,
Yeah and you know that you're invited,
One and all.

C'mon babies… grease your lips…
Put on your hats, and swing your hips.
Don't forget to bring your whips.
We're goin' to the Freakers Ball.

Blow your whistle…bang your gong --
Roll up somethin' to take along.
Feels so good… it must be wrong –
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

All the fags and dykes, they're boogyin' together --
Leather freaks dressed in all kinds of leather.
The greatest of the Sadists and the Masochists, too,
Screamin' "Please hit me!" and "I'll hit you."

F.B.I. dancin' with the junkies –
All the Straights swingin' with the Funkies
'Cross the floor and up the wall
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

Everybody is lovin' each other --
Brother with sister… son with mother.
Smear my body up with butter,
And take me to the Freakers Ball.

So pass that roach please and pour the wine --
I'll kiss yours if you'll kiss mine.
I'm gonna boogie 'til I go blind --
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

Black ones, white ones, yellow and red ones --
Necropheliacs lookin' for dead ones.
The greatest of the Sadists and the Masochists, too --
Screaming' "Please hit me!" and "I'll hit you."

Everybody ballin' in batches --
Pyromaniacs strikin' matches.
I'm gonna itch me where it scratches --
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball, y'all
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

I bolded my favorite bits.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Freaker's Ball was also recorded by Dr Hook back in the 70's.

 

[Ice Cold]

I liked bra size 45.... Here in the car, with my hand up her bra, will it really go far... in bra size 45....

I used to listed to Dr. demento years ago...

You might find the song on Kaza or a similar swap site.

 

[crappie master]

try this

www.krellan.com/demento/


It lists times and station on real player and windows media player for the dr. demento show