Any BI's out there?

[misshum]

I have a question...how can you tell if a girl or woman is Bi without coming right out and asking her?

I am Bi, but am afraid to ask some female aquaintences for fear of losing them as a possible friend.

 

[bw08641]

I'm a guy...

Don't know if you mind a guy replying, but I have wondered the same things for guys. I am fairly new as a Bi and wasn't sure how to approach a guy I was interested in without offending him if he wasn't Bi, himself.

I hope more experienced Bi's will offer us some much-needed advice.

 

[misshum]

Not at all...

No, I don't mind a guy answering at all. I welcome all the advice I can get. Although it would be helpful if another woman would reply, too.

I would like to know what the experience has been of other Bi women.

 

[coachmn]

Tell

My experience over a lot of years is to tell the person your interested in what your own sexual orientation is. Everyone wants to avoid rejection. So some patient listening is always a good idea first. But if the other person seems open minded and accepting of other people it is a pretty safe bet that even if they will not jump in the sack you won't be rejected as a decent human being. If the other person responds with simple acknowledgement and changes the subject, all is not necessarily lost. Give the person time and space to think about the new information. Obviously, if the person has already BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT you may have just solved that persons dilema of wanting to ask and maybe more.

 

[misshum]

Thanks!

Thanks for your reply. That makes sense.

 

[bw08641]

Yeah, good answer.

I have found myself being eaither a little TOO forward or NOT forward enough at times. I have tried to listen to conversations to see if I could pick anything up about them being Bi.

Hey, MissHum, are you in a relationship with any other females?

 

[misshum]

Right now I have an online sub, not working out too good, though. But, no I do not have a relationship with any particular female right now.

 

[bw08641]

I would be more than happy to be you sub! I would do whatever you asked.

 

[misshum]

Not interested.

In case you didn't notice, the thread is called "Any Bi's Out There?"

 

[Samuelx]

Don't lesbian and bisexual females have gaydar ? I didn't think it was only a gay/bisexual male talent. Oh, well.

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Don't lesbian and bisexual females have gaydar ? I didn't think it was only a gay/bisexual male talent. Oh, well.

I think it's harder to tell with women. I knew a few guys from high school and I thought they were gay or had rather feminine tendencies. But I didn't say anything because I could have been wrong, or more importantly, offended them. But now they have come out to me. On the other hand, one of my girl friends from high school came out and I had no idea.

If a woman doens't blatantly make advances towards girls or says something about her interest in them, or she's not a stud/masculine, it's pretty hard to tell a lot of the times.

 

[misshum]

I think it's harder to tell with women. I knew a few guys from high school and I thought they were gay or had rather feminine tendencies. But I didn't say anything because I could have been wrong, or more importantly, offended them. But now they have come out to me. On the other hand, one of my girl friends from high school came out and I had no idea.

If a woman doens't blatantly make advances towards girls or says something about her interest in them, or she's not a stud/masculine, it's pretty hard to tell a lot of the times.

Thanks for the response. That's what I think, too. There's a guy I've met that I'm pretty sure is gay...or at least acts rather feminine, but I just can't tell about the woman.

Thanks, again!

 

[Xtinas_Girlfriend]

Thanks for the response. That's what I think, too. There's a guy I've met that I'm pretty sure is gay...or at least acts rather feminine, but I just can't tell about the woman.

Thanks, again!

No problem. Hope it works out better for you than it did for me though, hahaha...ha...sigh

 

[anneob2002]

Maybe I am just a little dense but figuring out who is bi has alwasy taken me 3 or 4 months. The only exception was an older woman I was with but that was because she was very direct.

Ultimately I think all the moments of revelation have envolved a little alchohol and an innocent dig on guy in general that is someone turned into some comparison how girls are better with kissing or foreplay and before long I would be in a heart pounding, spine tingling and passionate kissing and caressing.

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Gaydar is tough with either sex unless that person really leans towards a butch dyke or a fem boy...

I also think it is more difficult to tell with women, but i think there tends to be an advantage with women as well. In my experience, women are not as easily offended when gently and respectfully aprroached about their receptiveness to a ff encounter. The majority take it as a compliment even if they are against the possibility. I have also found that a flirtatious discussion of the possibility plants a wonderful seed in her mind.

One particular incident comes to mind. In a dance club in chicago... i approached a woman to compliment her on her dancing and style and asked if she would mind if i bought her a drink simply to thank her for the sheer entertainment of her presence on the dance floor. She had been dancing with a guy. She was receptive to the drink, but as the conversation got more flirtatious she made it clear to me that she was straight, "but thanks for the compliment." However, i saw her weeks later and although i did not approach her again, i did make eye contact and smile. Later on in the evening she came to me and started flirting outrageously. Told me that since i had spoken to her she was having a tough time Not thinking about being with a woman. *g* Her sexuality turned about to be more fluid than she had realized.

Find the opening in a chat and gently nudge. Hope i didn't run on too long, but the question did intrigue me.

 

[dizzylia]

Gaydar is tough with either sex unless that person really leans towards a butch dyke or a fem boy...

I also think it is more difficult to tell with women, but i think there tends to be an advantage with women as well. In my experience, women are not as easily offended when gently and respectfully aprroached about their receptiveness to a ff encounter. The majority take it as a compliment even if they are against the possibility. I have also found that a flirtatious discussion of the possibility plants a wonderful seed in her mind.

One particular incident comes to mind. In a dance club in chicago... i approached a woman to compliment her on her dancing and style and asked if she would mind if i bought her a drink simply to thank her for the sheer entertainment of her presence on the dance floor. She had been dancing with a guy. She was receptive to the drink, but as the conversation got more flirtatious she made it clear to me that she was straight, "but thanks for the compliment." However, i saw her weeks later and although i did not approach her again, i did make eye contact and smile. Later on in the evening she came to me and started flirting outrageously. Told me that since i had spoken to her she was having a tough time Not thinking about being with a woman. *g* Her sexuality turned about to be more fluid than she had realized.

Find the opening in a chat and gently nudge. Hope i didn't run on too long, but the question did intrigue me.

Excellent advice. I've found the same thing now and then, actually. A seed, indeed.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

good post!

Gaydar is tough with either sex unless that person really leans towards a butch dyke or a fem boy...

I also think it is more difficult to tell with women, but i think there tends to be an advantage with women as well. In my experience, women are not as easily offended when gently and respectfully aprroached about their receptiveness to a ff encounter. The majority take it as a compliment even if they are against the possibility. I have also found that a flirtatious discussion of the possibility plants a wonderful seed in her mind.

One particular incident comes to mind. In a dance club in chicago... i approached a woman to compliment her on her dancing and style and asked if she would mind if i bought her a drink simply to thank her for the sheer entertainment of her presence on the dance floor. She had been dancing with a guy. She was receptive to the drink, but as the conversation got more flirtatious she made it clear to me that she was straight, "but thanks for the compliment." However, i saw her weeks later and although i did not approach her again, i did make eye contact and smile. Later on in the evening she came to me and started flirting outrageously. Told me that since i had spoken to her she was having a tough time Not thinking about being with a woman. *g* Her sexuality turned about to be more fluid than she had realized.

Find the opening in a chat and gently nudge. Hope i didn't run on too long, but the question did intrigue me.

I can relate. Thanks for sharing this

 

[03greygt]

bi curious wife

I tried to email you back but it did not work. My wife gets wet watching girl on girl porn. She thinks if we do another girl that i will like her more. Write me at bigdude31513@yahoo.com.

 

[Stegral]

gaydar Glitch...lol

Gaydar is tough with either sex unless that person really leans towards a butch dyke or a fem boy...

Funny thing is I haven't been with a female... really have no inclination of it (although I was toying with the idea after the smack in the face dump my last b/f gave me) & yet because of the way I present myself alot of ppl think I am lesbian or bi.... a few are confused when they are told I am straight...
I am a Truck Driver... I work in a male dominated field that I have to bone up for & act all tough & what not, because pretty & cute just doesn't happen .... I wear pants & sneakers... it has to be pretty special for me to get into a dress & heels... So ALOT of the time I am seen as a "butch"...

Just my 2 cents but I had to put it in... because even the "gaydar" is off track sometimes...

 

[PredatorSmile]

I'm bi. I'm sort of new to being bisexual, though. For most of my life, I considered myself to be lesbian. Why ? I loved women. Girls were pretty, and sexy, and fun. I even lived with a woman, for some time. And then one day, on my college campus, I met a young Black guy. He was tall and cute. He was also very shy. All the girls on campus seemed to want him. We became pals. Even though I love women, most of my friends are male. Male friends dont give you drama. Anyhow, I started hanging out with him and then we became something more. We were both virgins in a way. I'd had sex with women before but I had never even kissed a man. I was the first woman he slept with. He was the first man I had ever slept with. We split for some time. I needed to figure things out.
I hooked up with 2 other guys and 3 girls in the time that I was split with him. Then, I returned to him. I love sex. I realized that I had never been in love before. I was in love with him. I told my dad. I told my brothers. Everyone was used to thinking of me as "the lesbian tomboy". And here I was, head-over-heels in love with a man. Now, I keep wanting to let my man know that I am okay with the fact that he is bisexual but I dont know how to tell him. Most men dont like it when women run through their things and that's how I discovered the proof that he was bisexual. I wonder if he has had male lovers. Although I love him a lot, he is NOT sexually experienced. He's new to these things, I think. I'm a veteran at the love and sex thing. I've been fooling around with girls since I was 14. That's when I slept with a 17-year old girl. My BF was 18 when we first slept together. He's 20 now. I bi and he's bi but the fact that he is bi makes me feel a bit insecure. I can honestly say that he's the only human being on earth whom I love.
Does he feel the same about me ? My gay friends tell me that for a bisexual guy, the sex urge to be with a man is pretty strong, often stronger than whatever attraction the bisexual guy in question might feel for a woman. I hope/pray this isn't true.

 

[Anniejustagirl]

excellent point.

Funny thing is I haven't been with a female... really have no inclination of it (although I was toying with the idea after the smack in the face dump my last b/f gave me) & yet because of the way I present myself alot of ppl think I am lesbian or bi.... a few are confused when they are told I am straight...
I am a Truck Driver... I work in a male dominated field that I have to bone up for & act all tough & what not, because pretty & cute just doesn't happen .... I wear pants & sneakers... it has to be pretty special for me to get into a dress & heels... So ALOT of the time I am seen as a "butch"...

Just my 2 cents but I had to put it in... because even the "gaydar" is off track sometimes...

I can totally see where the uninformed would mistakenly categorize you, but i'm interested. These people that think you are gay or bi... are they gay, bi or straight?

I mean gaydar is way more than how a person dresses. It's attitude and presentation of beliefs.. the way a person talks with other people is often a great indicator. I mean a person can dress for work and comfort and still not have that butch swagger, just as a for instance. Not saying that gaydar can't be wrong at all. I've missed myself, on several occassions and it's not something that everyone has in their bag of tricks. It can get better and more accurate over time, but that's simply about being more sensitive to people in general rather than just searching out family.

Oh, and by the way... would you like a seed of thought planted?!

 

[Anniejustagirl]

I was in love with him. I told my dad. I told my brothers. Everyone was used to thinking of me as "the lesbian tomboy". And here I was, head-over-heels in love with a man. Now, I keep wanting to let my man know that I am okay with the fact that he is bisexual but I dont know how to tell him. Most men dont like it when women run through their things and that's how I discovered the proof that he was bisexual. I wonder if he has had male lovers. Although I love him a lot, he is NOT sexually experienced. He's new to these things, I think. I'm a veteran at the love and sex thing. I've been fooling around with girls since I was 14. That's when I slept with a 17-year old girl. My BF was 18 when we first slept together. He's 20 now. I bi and he's bi but the fact that he is bi makes me feel a bit insecure. I can honestly say that he's the only human being on earth whom I love.
Does he feel the same about me ? My gay friends tell me that for a bisexual guy, the sex urge to be with a man is pretty strong, often stronger than whatever attraction the bisexual guy in question might feel for a woman. I hope/pray this isn't true.[/QUOTE]

As you discovered in your own life, your sexuality can be a fluid thing. Isn't it possible that your bf had the courage to explore his own bisexual feelings because of your own comfort level with your very own evolution?

I cannot begin to imagine the insecurity that you are feeling. Back in my more cynical days i was a firm believer in "Least in love, most in power", but you started from a friendship basis with your boyfriend and i think true friendship has more power still! That has been proven to me time and time again over the years.

I find that when i have a tough subject to broach with someone, the best way to start is to speak from my own experience and feelings and then to ask for their opinion on my situation, even if it's just how they might feel about the way i am. That could be a way to get into the right ballpark for a discussion of his sexuality. Just a thought.

I'd love to hear how it goes if you do have the discussion with him. Hope it works out well for you!

 

[Anniejustagirl]

sorry

That quote was from PredatorSmile and i somehow messed it up.

My apologies

 

[Stegral]

I can totally see where the uninformed would mistakenly categorize you, but i'm interested. These people that think you are gay or bi... are they gay, bi or straight?

One was Lesbian, 3 are Bi & way too many were straight (or are at least as far as I knew) I have a fairly wide spectrum of friends...

Oh, and by the way... would you like a seed of thought planted?!

What seed may that be???

 

[Anniejustagirl]

One was Lesbian, 3 are Bi & way too many were straight (or are at least as far as I knew) I have a fairly wide spectrum of friends...


What seed may that be???

Amazing! I wouldn't have thought so many varied people would pick up only on the surface cues.


The seed... Are you sure that you 'really have no inclination'? You sound like you would be a most fascinating date!