Any Bad experiences with Anal Beads

[Booty123Hunter]

Hi,

I was reading this funny BDSM book in which Trump character has bad experience with anal beads. Any bad/good experience with anal beads?

 

[RejectReality]

Someone told me a story at work once about hooking up with a girl that like them. He got them all in, and then she says, "pull them out."

He did — like he was pull-starting a lawnmower.

Apparently the results were less than pleasurable for her.

Sometimes, adverbs are an absolute necessity. S-l-o-w-l-y.

 

[Bramblethorn]

When your very first forum post is a link to something for sale on Amazon, it's kinda hard to know whether this is a genuine attempt at conversation or just spam :-/

 

[sr71plt]

When your very first forum post is a link to something for sale on Amazon, it's kinda hard to know whether this is a genuine attempt at conversation or just spam :-/

Not that hard to figure it out when the link is to a self-published porn book.

And my experiences with anal beads have been pretty good.

 

[Ewobbit]

Well, there was a time when a rather well known porn distributor put them in a package of stuff my wife and I ordered as a bonus and we put them up in the top of a closet, unopened, and forgot about them until our son and his girlfriend were helping us pack to move.

'Twas a bit uncomfortable to try to explain to the girl child we hoped would make an honest man out of the boy child (at 40) and think about giving us grandkids.

 

[beachbum1958]

When I was still a junior doctor, working in the Accident & Emergency unit at University College Hospital in London, I had one guy who'd decided to try anal beads on himself, and I don't know how, or why, but he'd poked them all the way up inside his rectum and couldn't get them out again. It took me 40 minutes with two nurses to hold him down, a curved haemostatic forceps and a couple of elastic bands to get enough purchase on the by now pretty slick beads to pull them out again. That was an easy one; Saturday night, about 3:00 am was usually when the influx started of people who'd been standing naked on stepladders and fallen onto the only upright object in the room came in to have beer bottles, washing-up liquid bottles, vacuum cleaner tubes, courgettes/cucumbers/summer squash, and on one memorable occasion, a ship in a bottle yanked out of their rusty bullet-holes. After seeing all that at such a tender age, I've somehow never been able to work up any enthusiasm for the idea, and neither has the wife; her attitude is that if I poke anything up hers, it had better be a suicide note, because she will kill me...

 

[someoneyouknow]

When I was still a junior doctor, working in the Accident & Emergency unit at University College Hospital in London, I had one guy who'd decided to try anal beads on himself, and I don't know how, or why, but he'd poked them all the way up inside his rectum and couldn't get them out again. It took me 40 minutes with two nurses to hold him down, a curved haemostatic forceps and a couple of elastic bands to get enough purchase on the by now pretty slick beads to pull them out again. That was an easy one; Saturday night, about 3:00 am was usually when the influx started of people who'd been standing naked on stepladders and fallen onto the only upright object in the room came in to have beer bottles, washing-up liquid bottles, vacuum cleaner tubes, courgettes/cucumbers/summer squash, and on one memorable occasion, a ship in a bottle yanked out of their rusty bullet-holes. After seeing all that at such a tender age, I've somehow never been able to work up any enthusiasm for the idea, and neither has the wife; her attitude is that if I poke anything up hers, it had better be a suicide note, because she will kill me...

It's amazing how many people are climbing up ladders, naked, at 2:30 in the morning, isn't it?

 

[beachbum1958]

It's amazing how many people are climbing up ladders, naked, at 2:30 in the morning, isn't it?

Believe me, climbing naked up ladders wasn't the half of it; the range of household utensils, appliances, and strange, unidentifiable objects people seem to have an irresistible urge to insert into themselves and each other, use on themselves in ways the manufacturer never intended, or adapted to do strange and eye-watering things to themselves with was astonishing to say the least; some waters are just too deep to plumb...

 

[Bramblethorn]

It's amazing how many people are climbing up ladders, naked, at 2:30 in the morning, isn't it?

Or making phone calls in the shower with the phone set on vibrate.

 

[lovecraft68]

Or falling on paper towel tubes with pet hamsters trapped inside them

 

[Ewobbit]

Or falling on paper towel tubes with pet hamsters trapped inside them

Noooooooooooooo!

We all agreed to let the gerbil die his shitty death, damn it!

 

[someoneyouknow]

Believe me, climbing naked up ladders wasn't the half of it; the range of household utensils, appliances, and strange, unidentifiable objects people seem to have an irresistible urge to insert into themselves and each other, use on themselves in ways the manufacturer never intended, or adapted to do strange and eye-watering things to themselves with was astonishing to say the least; some waters are just too deep to plumb...

I completely understand. I remember many years ago hearing about the guy who thought a belt sander would make himself feel good. Too bad the sandpaper tore through the front of his jeans.

 

[beachbum1958]

I completely understand. I remember many years ago hearing about the guy who thought a belt sander would make himself feel good. Too bad the sandpaper tore through the front of his jeans.

We had people come in with things stuck inside their penises, things stapled to their penises, their hands super-glued to their penises, a couple who'd slathered their privates with superglue and gone at it then discovered why it's called 'Superglue', and idiots who used brass curtain rings as cock-rings and panicked when they couldn't get them off again. Every weekend we ran the gamut from 'OK, that's just weird' to 'WTF...?', including one woman who'd tried to insert a kitten, 'to keep it warm and mother it', and was brought in with a severely lacerated pudenda because the cat objected quite strenuously; I had no hesitation in sectioning her under The Mental Health Act; anyone who tries to send a pussy home by inserting it in another pussy is in my book several sticks short of a bundle. If it's weird enough, bendy enough, or long enough, someone will try and insert it or use it like a fleshlight...

 

[jomar]

Is that a band name or a story title?

 

[DirtyAllie]

In college one of my room mates masturbated with a kielbasa and the end of it broke off.

 

[someoneyouknow]

This is very on topic. I came across this article: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-number-one-reason-people-go-to-the-er-2016-02-15?dist=tbeforebell which ranks the top ten reasons people go to the ER (excluding medical conditions and such).

Within that article is a link to this Twitter account: https://twitter.com/usinjuries which is a bot set up to list injuries as reported by NEISS (the folks who did the report). Direct from the Twitter bot:

40YO M STATES THAT GIRLFRIEND PLACED A GLASS DILDO IN HIS RECTUM AND HE IS UNABLE TO REMOVE OBJECT RECTAL PAIN PRESSURE DX RECTAL FB ADM

 

[beachbum1958]

.....

 

[redzinger]

In college one of my room mates masturbated with a kielbasa and the end of it broke off.

I once used a can of mousse, with the top on. (What can I say? I was 18, sharing a room with another girl, and totally frustrated.) The top popped off and it took some time and very awkward manoeuvres to get it back out.