Hi, as many people know I have retired from the bdsm life as I just don't have the time anymore to fully commit to being a true submissive. During this time I have met and started dating an amazing guy though. He is vanilla but honestly not bad in bed. At first the thought of him made me soaked. However the past week, it's like I can't get turned on anymore and I don't understand. He's visually attractive to me, and even though he's vanilla he still appeals to most of my turn ons, not to mention the fact that he is.. Well gifted down in that area. It's not that I'm not attracted anymore, I am, I just don't get turned on anymore and can't even get wet enough to make the sex enjoyable. Any advice, please?
Any advice?
- Thread starter shysub21
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IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
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What's with the all or nothing approach?
There is lots of kinky sex to be had without being a true submissive, whatever that is.
There is lots of kinky sex to be had without being a true submissive, whatever that is.
GooodGurrl
Really Really Experienced
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Just one week?
Submissive or not, sexuality and desire is a fluid thing. One week of not feeling aroused isn't indicative of anything wrong. It could be stress related, hormonal, tiredness, cyclical, or just your body not feeling it that week.
Like you said, you still find him attractive and it definitely sounds like you still *want* to be sexual with him. It's most likely a temporary thing. Nobody is 100% sexual 100% of the time. Everybody has highs and lows in their arousal.
Wait, give it time, if it continues into a problem over a longer amount of time, then perhaps look into some alternative approaches. Nothing drastic, just a different way of approaching it. Be romantic and sensual with him, not necessarily sexual. Explore other avenues of your relationship and, after a time, perhaps your desire will come back.
If you truly do get worried, however, perhaps visit a doctor. But I don't think you need to panic at this stage.
The most important thing to do is relax.
Submissive or not, sexuality and desire is a fluid thing. One week of not feeling aroused isn't indicative of anything wrong. It could be stress related, hormonal, tiredness, cyclical, or just your body not feeling it that week.
Like you said, you still find him attractive and it definitely sounds like you still *want* to be sexual with him. It's most likely a temporary thing. Nobody is 100% sexual 100% of the time. Everybody has highs and lows in their arousal.
Wait, give it time, if it continues into a problem over a longer amount of time, then perhaps look into some alternative approaches. Nothing drastic, just a different way of approaching it. Be romantic and sensual with him, not necessarily sexual. Explore other avenues of your relationship and, after a time, perhaps your desire will come back.
If you truly do get worried, however, perhaps visit a doctor. But I don't think you need to panic at this stage.
The most important thing to do is relax.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Just the stress you are causing yourself over this could be making the whole thing worse. As it's already been suggested, chill out. It's only been a week, but in that week you've also been building up stress. You could be trying too hard and that's not going to work, either. And when your attempts don't work, the stress just compounds even more.
Anything I love can sometimes get boring. When that happens, I take a break from it, just for a bit. Eventually, the urge returns, sometimes as if a dam has broken, and everything is again right with the world.
I'd suggest taking a break from any connection with sex for a short period of time. I'd guess, after a period of time, your desires will return and sex will once again be enjoyable.
Anything I love can sometimes get boring. When that happens, I take a break from it, just for a bit. Eventually, the urge returns, sometimes as if a dam has broken, and everything is again right with the world.
I'd suggest taking a break from any connection with sex for a short period of time. I'd guess, after a period of time, your desires will return and sex will once again be enjoyable.
