Any advice for a new sub?

[ladybutterfly]

I am new to this site and I am in search of (to start with) an online relationship with a dom. I have had a few emails and have started to get to know a couple of people but I was hoping others subs might be able to offer me some advice on what to generally expect. If there is already a thread for this subject then I apologize for duplicating it. I looked and didn't see one. Thank you in advance for any advice.

 

[Desdemona]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164629

Try out those threads. Since you asked for advice, here is mine. Take it slow. Don't rush into a relationship.... esp online. Find yourself a subbie mentor who can help you along the way. And, read, read, read. Learn as much as you can about dominance and submission, then start slowly.

 

[MissTaken]

What she said!



Being on line is a good way to explore what makes your blood boil, but don't believe everything you read from the other end of the copper wires.

Take it slow, easy and have very no expectations. Then, you can never be disappointed.

 

[jhangel]

I would suggest reading some books. I have several that are good books. Here is a few that i suggest...... The Bottoming Book, Screw the Roses; Give Me The Thorns, Different Loving and SM101. That is just a few there are several others out there. A good place to find them is at Books A Million (www.booksamillion.com). A lot of these are on the relationship aspects of BDSM.

Good Luck!!

 

[ladybutterfly]

Thank you for the book titles I will be looking into those. I also am looking over some of links I have found. How would I go about finding a subbie mentor?

 

[nicedavid]

Hello,



I am a very very new Dom...but like it.....maybe we can explore..as newbies??

 

[Desdemona]

Thank you for the book titles I will be looking into those. I also am looking over some of links I have found. How would I go about finding a subbie mentor?

You hang out in a forum like this or wherever else you can find a bunch of kinksters and when you meet a sub that seems compatable, you talk to her/him about it. Sometimes its a formal mentoring relationship, sometimes it's very informal between friends. It's all about what you want in a mentor. It can be very very helpful.

 

[Zaudika]

I would repeat the wonderful advice above, and also say above all else, when you do meet someone, remember to communicate. Nothing is more important in a D/s relationship. It's what brings trust, companionship, and eventually love if thats what someone is looking for.

Talk.. talk.. talk.. get to know one another.

Also, it's usually good to avoid the ones that email you and start yelling out orders in the first two sentences before getting to know you at all.

 

[catalina_francisco]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=182795
And maybe this thread will not only educate you about the good, bad, and the ugly of online, but also provide some entertainment. Enjoy.

Catalina

 

[ladybutterfly]

Thank you for the posts. Please keep them coming. They are very helpful.

 

[Limbhugger]

Aw catalina you got to it before I did!!! Had the exact same thought...lol.

I don't understand the OL D/s relationship. Not knocking it I just don't get it is all. So I guess I can't help much.

Other than the "generals" that have been stated; limits, discussion, patience, clarity of thought, needs, wants, desires, expectations, all that kind of stuff.

 

[Guest]

new

New is ok, just remember to .ummmmmmm say hello, to me.. soon even..

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: new

New is ok, just remember to .ummmmmmm say hello, to me.. soon even..

I find it absolutely AMAZING what the words "new sub" will bring out of the woodwork.

~anelize

 

[Limbhugger]

Re: Re: new

I find it absolutely AMAZING what the words "new sub" will bring out of the woodwork.

~anelize

ROFL...Now that shit is funny!

 

[Dionysus2003]

Several people with good advice here and I support them all.

Take your time, never rush into anything, especially not until you feel sure about your own feelings for it, and you feel ready for the next step.

Diving into situations too soon can turn you off things right away, whereas if you used time and patience you would enjoy them completely instead.

Read, as someone pointed out - but don't get lost in the library. One can't get all knowledge from reading - one has to experience as well, so one knows what it is like first hand and not just from others. But all in due time, and not until you are ready.

You may come across dominants that say you are ready, and try to push you into things you don't want - in my eyes that is the wrong thing to do. Nothing shall be done before the one submitting is ready for it, or almost craving it, in my opinion.
Respect for the limits of the one that submits is extremely important. It all comes down to what was mentioned about communication - the most important thing of it all. Without communication you are not going anywhere, and that goes for both body and soul.

Unless there is a total open-ness and honesty both ways - you will not get there. That is - you might get there - but not without bad experiences and learning the very hard way. Which is not how it should be.

Respect yourself, remember you are an individual with your rights to be respected and cared for - a submissive/slave is not a doormat - unless that is what the person wants to be.

Another cliché is that every journey starts with small steps - but it is so very true. There are no giant leaps in this lifestyle.

If walked right however, without leaps you have a wonderful world ahead of you - safe journey and good luck