Answers from members

[Oldjohnupthehill]

Are all of the "users" in the chat room lobby actually there? I have lost count of the number of members who say that they want to chat in their bio, but when I send them a few pms to their bio/status, etc. I wait and wait to find I am ignored time and time again. Finding someone who actually WILL chat is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Even if they said "not interested" it would be a result. If I leave the lobby I am logged out, so they must be there and must be getting signs that someone has PMed them. Surely they can't ALL have bad manners? I don't understand what is happening.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Not everyone who is there is open to chatting with someone they don’t know. They may also be engaged in a chat with another person or in one or more chat rooms and not open to more.

Further, just for background, when I log in to Chat, within second I get inundated with PMs from men I do not know and they continue the entire time I’m on. I think this happens to anyone with a female sounding username. I’m never there to chat with someone I don’t know and I don’t want to spend my visit answering all of those messages.

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

Not everyone who is there is open to chatting with someone they don’t know. They may also be engaged in a chat with another person or in one or more chat rooms and not open to more.

Further, just for background, when I log in to Chat, within second I get inundated with PMs from men I do not know and they continue the entire time I’m on. I think this happens to anyone with a female sounding username. I’m never there to chat with someone I don’t know and I don’t want to spend my visit answering all of those messages.

I get your point and didn't know that all of the females get inundated permanently and I understand it must be a pain. But where does that leave male new members? Nobody will ever actually GET to know you unless they answer in the first place. Men you don't know will remain that way. I didn't realise that it was a one - sided chat room where only the females get to pick and choose. I joined to talk to someone, not to be continually ignored. Am I, as a new male member just wasting my time?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I understand that you are here and wanting to chat with women. But, that does not mean that you’re entitled to that or that women are obligated to give all (or any) men here a chance. That’s just not how it works. People are here for a wide variety of reasons, not just to meet up and have sexy chats with each other.

In my experience, getting to know people here in the forums or in the chat rooms is a lot easier and generates more meaningful conversations and friendships than randomly private messaging people. YMMV.

 

[ChatBotAlpha]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I get WAY more PM conversations from people looking to continue something we've been discussing in a main room (or responding to PMs when I've wanted to do the same) than I've ever gotten by sending or receiving a random message from someone I don't know.

Get comfortable talking in the main rooms, start conversations people want to join in with (random sex questions generally get ignored because we've all seen them a hundred times before), get recognised as someone who can hold a conversation and is pleasant to talk to. No one, male or female, wants to be ambushed with "ASL" or "Submit to me *****" in a PM"

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

So,... a lot of the users aren't there in the lobby for chat? So why do they say pm me if you want to chat on their profiles?
Please forgive my ignorance, but that sounds like an invitation to me, so how can I not expect that not to mean what it says?
Also, are you saying that I am looking in the wrong place for chat on Literotica? Which forum should I be on?
Finally, I don't expect a reply to be my God given right, just a bit of courtesy, which I would give ANYBODY male or female who sent me a message, when I had asked for one. Good manners aren't only for men.
I am not trying to argue the toss with you for the sake of it and I am not the kind of person who needs to have the last word, but I do feel that the chat site is one - sided in the female's favour. And I also now believe that members should NOT write "pm me to chat" on their profiles unless they are willing to do so. This is totally misleading. I suspected that I was wasting my time. From what you have revealed to me, now I KNOW that I have been. I think my time would be better spent if I just concentrate on my stories from now on, rather than looking for something that I am not going to find?

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I get WAY more PM conversations from people looking to continue something we've been discussing in a main room (or responding to PMs when I've wanted to do the same) than I've ever gotten by sending or receiving a random message from someone I don't know.

Get comfortable talking in the main rooms, start conversations people want to join in with (random sex questions generally get ignored because we've all seen them a hundred times before), get recognised as someone who can hold a conversation and is pleasant to talk to. No one, male or female, wants to be ambushed with "ASL" or "Submit to me *****" in a PM"

ChatBot, - but I don't know what people are talking about in the main lobby. They are all private conversations between people who know each other about topics that I am not privee to. I am an outsider on there and I haven't got a clue what is going on. I have tried joining in other rooms, only to be blanked, I have tried setting up rooms of my own - zero response and they get taken off. Why? - Because nobody knows me or has heard of me.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

It is one sided and in the favor of women. Men outnumber women here astronomically. Alpha and I have both stated that our experience is chatting in the main rooms is likely to lead to more private chats. All of us were new once. That’s the best advice I can offer.

 

[jaF0]

I would STRONGLY suggest some time on the Playground or similar boards to get familiar with the tone of things here.

https://forum.literotica.com/forums/the-playground.27/

 

[ChatBotAlpha]

ChatBot, - but I don't know what people are talking about in the main lobby. They are all private conversations between people who know each other about topics that I am not privee to. I am an outsider on there and I haven't got a clue what is going on. I have tried joining in other rooms, only to be blanked, I have tried setting up rooms of my own - zero response and they get taken off. Why? - Because nobody knows me or has heard of me.

The rooms get deleted any time they go to zero users, that's a mod duty to keep the server load down. We all started new at some point, took me weeks of just making little comments here and there to get recognised. But currently in lobby the topics are TV shows and food, not sure how those cannot be safe to join in by anyone.

Failing that, try some of the smaller rooms that have interests that you share and join in there.

It really is as simple as that, but I accept simple things are not always quick or easy to do. but I promise you there are people in chat who join one day, get involved the next, and are part of the scenery a week later because they made the effort to keep joining in. Yes, the first few comments might get lost, but then you'll say something that others start to riff on, and then it just builds from there.

 

[Amaya_]

For an example of why I, and many others, don’t respond to random messages, I’m pasting an excerpt from my profile.

“Picture this :
Him> Hi
Me> Hi
Him> Let’s fuck
Me> No thanks
Him>Fuck you. You’re a skanky tease. Why even bother responding? Why do you think I messaged you?
Me>…
Him> Want to fuck?
Don’t be him.”

For a long time I would respond and attempt to be courteous, showing appreciation for the time spent in reaching out. More often than not I would get berated for that courtesy. People that want to respond will respond. People that don’t want to respond…won’t. It’s a pretty simple concept.

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

For an example of why I, and many others, don’t respond to random messages, I’m pasting an excerpt from my profile.

“Picture this :
Him> Hi
Me> Hi
Him> Let’s fuck
Me> No thanks
Him>Fuck you. You’re a skanky tease. Why even bother responding? Why do you think I messaged you?
Me>…
Him> Want to fuck?
Don’t be him.”

For a long time I would respond and attempt to be courteous, showing appreciation for the time spent in reaching out. More often than not I would get berated for that courtesy. People that want to respond will respond. People that don’t want to respond…won’t. It’s a pretty simple concept.

My comments are nothing like that. I don't want to "fuck". I don't even want to "wank". I want to stimulate my mind with a like - minded woman. Every single woman I pm would see that if they just glanced at what I say. Not every man is a brainless oaf, bragging about his huge cock and expecting women to swoon! Those people should join something else. This website is supposed to be about erotica, that is what I want to chat about. And if any actually read my pms and still don't reply then they are just plain bad mannered. "Sorry, not interested" would do. I would not give any abuse. I have just waited and waited. It is not my fault that the females get contacted by brainless oafs.

 

[jaF0]

Sending unsolicited PMs is bad manners.

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

I would STRONGLY suggest some time on the Playground or similar boards to get familiar with the tone of things here.

https://forum.literotica.com/forums/the-playground.27/

I will have a look at that link.

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

Sending unsolicited PMs is bad manners.

I was not aware that mine were "unsolicited" being as how every profile I have tried is in response to an invitation to pm them. I would argue that not replying is bad manners. Not my polite pms. Are you saying I should wait until somebody pms me first? In that case would their pm not be unsolicited and bad manners in your opinion?

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

It is one sided and in the favor of women. Men outnumber women here astronomically. Alpha and I have both stated that our experience is chatting in the main rooms is likely to lead to more private chats. All of us were new once. That’s the best advice I can offer.

I still maintain that women should not invite pms on their profiles and then ignore them. They should update their bios and state "no pms". Simple as that and people like me would not waste their time.

 

[jaF0]

Again, nose around the playground and get familiar with what is or isn't likely to be accepted or offend.

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

The rooms get deleted any time they go to zero users, that's a mod duty to keep the server load down. We all started new at some point, took me weeks of just making little comments here and there to get recognised. But currently in lobby the topics are TV shows and food, not sure how those cannot be safe to join in by anyone.

Failing that, try some of the smaller rooms that have interests that you share and join in there.

It really is as simple as that, but I accept simple things are not always quick or easy to do. but I promise you there are people in chat who join one day, get involved the next, and are part of the scenery a week later because they made the effort to keep joining in. Yes, the first few comments might get lost, but then you'll say something that others start to riff on, and then it just builds from there.

I will make polite small talk if necessary to anyone on a one to one basis. I do not feel comfortable trying to join in other people's random conversations. That is not why I joined the chat room, which I am now even more convinced than ever by the comments on this thread is a total waste of my time. As previously stated, I shall just concentrate on my stories.

 

[Thesunmaid]

Well considering I am a chat mod and I don't have any "PM me! messages on my profile and I will get usually minimum 5 to 6 pms an hour and most of the time I will have at least 1 to 2 of them with in seconds of logging in. And most of the time its not because I am needed as a mod. It tends to be something along the lines of"Hi I am (insert name) I am (insert age) and I am from (insert state or country)" Or I will get a random porn link that someone seems to think will make me gasp in lust and immediately pounce them out of their pants.(Spoilers it does not) But it is of course up to you. Sorry it did not work out.

 

[drusus]

Well considering I am a chat mod and I don't have any "PM me! messages on my profile and I will get usually minimum 5 to 6 pms an hour and most of the time I will have at least 1 to 2 of them with in seconds of logging in. And most of the time its not because I am needed as a mod. It tends to be something along the lines of"Hi I am (insert name) I am (insert age) and I am from (insert state or country)" Or I will get a random porn link that someone seems to think will make me gasp in lust and immediately pounce them out of their pants.(Spoilers it does not) But it is of course up to you. Sorry it did not work out.

No dick pics? Apparently that's a common opening line.

 

[Thesunmaid]

No dick pics? Apparently that's a common opening line.

I tend to lump the dick pics into the porn although you are right...the production quality is not the same.

 

[Beholders_Eye]

In Literotica Chat rooms -- I rarely try to interact in Literotica Lobby -- for me it is just a landing area. I have better luck clicking on the X and finding a room to join that seems more connected to my interests. In those rooms, I will click on a room member's profile to see what they say their interests are; this can be a good segue into a Private chat with that person. Yes, sometimes it is an unsolicited foray to that person, but what the heck, what is the chat for if not to try to make contact? You need to think through what it is you expect from a chat before you initiate contact.

If you are really an 'oldjohn', try the 60+ room. There are usually folks there who want to have conversations.

 

[littleminx99]

I know it might sound 'old-fashioned chat etiquette', but if you see someone in a room that you might like to chat with, whether they are actively chatting in that room or not, how about saying in the room 'Hello (insert nic here)' followed by 'Can I PM you please?' If they reply 'no' or they don't respond, you know not to waste your time, and move on. A bit of 'po-Lit-ness' never hurts anyone, whereas chocolates are always welcome.

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

Well considering I am a chat mod and I don't have any "PM me! messages on my profile and I will get usually minimum 5 to 6 pms an hour and most of the time I will have at least 1 to 2 of them with in seconds of logging in. And most of the time its not because I am needed as a mod. It tends to be something along the lines of"Hi I am (insert name) I am (insert age) and I am from (insert state or country)" Or I will get a random porn link that someone seems to think will make me gasp in lust and immediately pounce them out of their pants.(Spoilers it does not) But it is of course up to you. Sorry it did not work out.

My approach was to read their profiles and to write a couple of messages pertinent to some things that they had written followed by asking them if they would like to chat. Hardly typical male ego fueled blundering, but still not effective. I honestly don't know HOW I could have been more polite?

 

[Oldjohnupthehill]

I tend to lump the dick pics into the porn although you are right...the production quality is not the same.

At least you know that those people who send you those photos are picks!