Another WTF? moment

[rgraham666]

I don't understand much of human behaviour and this is a fine example.

Infidelity Inc.

I can't understand people who cheat on their SOs. If things are that bad, leave.

Otherwise, be happy with what you've got.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel that all I share with humanity is one of the major language groups and biochemistry.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I don't understand much of human behaviour and this is a fine example.

Infidelity Inc.

I can't understand people who cheat on their SOs. If things are that bad, leave.

Otherwise, be happy with what you've got.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel that all I share with humanity is one of the major language groups and biochemistry.

Ugh. Agreed. I would hate to get up every morning thinking that that was my day's work and contribution to humanity.

Monogamy is understandable. Non-monogamy is understandable. Deceit is pointless.

 

[R. Richard]

I don't understand much of human behaviour and this is a fine example.

The reason you cannot understand it is because it is not human behavior, it is inhuman behavior. Simple.

JMHO.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Re: Re: Another WTF? moment

The reason you cannot understand it is because it is not human behavior, it is inhuman behavior. Simple.

JMHO.

For men, it is probably related to what is sometimes called the Coolidge Effect. For either, it could be "Variety is the spice of life". Also for either it could be something that one SO enjoys but is a big turnoff for the other SO so the one who is lacking something goes to the internet to relieve that lack. This is not intended to be a defense of anybody, just a possible explanation.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I see your point Boxlicker - just think that if one finds oneself in such a position, surely the more decent thing to do is to admit the problem and deal above-board with the fallout. But then, I do think it is quite human behavior - that is, in the sense that humans can be right bastards to each other. It's the confluence of greed and cowardice - refusal to confront a painful problem joined to desire have one's cake and eat it too.

 

[Just-Legal]

God, those sites are just... opportunist.

But...

I love my partner to death, but (As some of you may know from an earlier thread) I have a deep attraction to someone else. I'd never tell my partner because it would destroy him... He wouldn't understand and I know this.

*sigh*

Complex life...

 

[Bridget69]

I've never agreed with cheating either.

 

[curious2c]

Having been the cheatee once years ago...I'd never do that to her...regardless. However...it does happen and for sometimes very stupid reasons. To go out and make money on such a thing...to me the fact that there could be people out there who would actually pay to cheat...I have to wonder.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Having been the cheatee once years ago...I'd never do that to her...regardless. However...it does happen and for sometimes very stupid reasons. To go out and make money on such a thing...to me the fact that there could be people out there who would actually pay to cheat...I have to wonder.

Yes, it suggests a level of callous premeditation and feckless greed that is really rather repulsive.

 

[fifty5]

I don't understand much of human behaviour and this is a fine example.

Infidelity Inc.

I can't understand people who cheat on their SOs. If things are that bad, leave.

Otherwise, be happy with what you've got.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel that all I share with humanity is one of the major language groups and biochemistry.

Hey RG, fucking someone new is a blast. Wasn't that so for you when your SO was new?

The true bottom line (IMO) is how you and your SO deal with that fact.

Genuine monogamy is one answer (but I simply don't believe anyone who says they haven't been tempted.)

Cheating is another - but cheating is cheating.

Honesty is another policy. Tell your SO about it before it happens; ask permission; and give permission if it crops up the other way round.

STDs (especially in the age of AIDS) is another issue - IMO (again) probably more crucial - but fidelity means faith. Keep the faith with your SO, and you needn't be totally monoganmous or a cheat.

Like I said to start with, fucking someone new is a blast. I seem to remeber seeing that the proportion of kids whose DNA doesn't match their mother's marriage partner's is something like 1 in 3. It happens - often - with or without the Internet.

Honesty is the best policy.

IMO

Eff

 

[Boxlicker101]

I see your point Boxlicker - just think that if one finds oneself in such a position, surely the more decent thing to do is to admit the problem and deal above-board with the fallout. But then, I do think it is quite human behavior - that is, in the sense that humans can be right bastards to each other. It's the confluence of greed and cowardice - refusal to confront a painful problem joined to desire have one's cake and eat it too.

What does greed have to do with anything. You might be thinking of lust which is another deadly sin completely. I also don't see what cowardice has do to with it. If a wife tells her husband she wants him to eat her pussy or if a husband asks his wife for a blowjob, and the one being asked is repulsed by the idea and refuses, and if the one who is refused goes out and finds somebody who will accommodate him or her, what is cowardly about that. Without defending such an action, it is not cowardice, it is opportunism. Actually, I might (I said MIGHT) even blame the person who is so straightlaced.

 

[doormouse]

OMG you found my home page lol

J/k

 

[BlackShanglan]

What does greed have to do with anything. You might be thinking of lust which is another deadly sin completely. I also don't see what cowardice has do to with it. If a wife tells her husband she wants him to eat her pussy or if a husband asks his wife for a blowjob, and the one being asked is repulsed by the idea and refuses, and if the one who is refused goes out and finds somebody who will accommodate him or her, what is cowardly about that. Without defending such an action, it is not cowardice, it is opportunism. Actually, I might (I said MIGHT) even blame the person who is so straightlaced.

What is cowardly is refusing to own up to one's actions. If the person asking for sexual favors considers them so important that the marital vow of fidelity will be abandoned if said favors are not supplied, then s/he should have the courage to make this clear and accept the consequences rather than finding a web site to aid in deceitful infidelity. Greed comes in when one wishes, essentially, to have everything - that is, have the marriage, have the affair, and have no consequences or difficulties in any of this. Indeed, it is tempting to have all of one's sexual desires catered to intensively, but if it is as the cost of deceiving a spouse to whom one has vowed exclusivity, this, to me, smacks of greed and cowardice. The forthright and honest thing to do, if one's desires truly cannot be moderated in understanding of the limitations of one's spouse, is to face the consequences of ending a relationship that has failed. It's a frightening task for many, but if one cannot be honest and faithful, it is the only appropriate step.

Note that I do not condemn those who come to mutually agreed arrangments moderating their monogamy. When this is above board, it's quite a different thing.

 

[cantdog]

On the other hand, someone must be doing it the other way, and probably a lot of someones, or these places would dry up.

I believe a lot of the appeal of these things is the fantasy. Many porn sites which feature thirtyish and late twentyish people append the cheating fantasy to the resulting photo shoots and videos, but they are porn actors and porn models just the same doing the work.

The fantasy is in the mind of the copy writer.

One of the ways to make money in this business is to write copy for porn or nude shoots. You do that by inventing a context for them, using fantasy. All those one-para blurbs and one-line captions in the porn mags are written by somebody, someone like, say, me.

Analogously, the fantasy context of these sites and services may be perceived as fantasy and participated in as fantasy. And IMHO more often than it would be for real.

cantdog

 

[sincerely_helene]

.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Moral and ethical onsiderations aside, this shouldn't be surprising. Prostitutes garner a lot more bussiness from married men than singles I am willing to bet. Where there is a market, someone will offer the service. If infidelity is a good market, people will compete to handle all your illicit sexual needs.

Money drives the world. Like it or not, that's a simple truth. anyone who has found themselves without money will attest to it's validity.

It should't surprise anyone. Callow, greedy, tawdry don't really make much impression when there are tons of greenbacks involved. At least not for a lot of people.

-Colly

 

[rgraham666]

Assorted thoughts here.

First, as a person who isn't in a relationship and honestly doesn't expect to ever be in one again, watching people fuck up a good thing by screwing around is quite simply mind boggling behaviour. A relationship may not be perfect, but, if both parties make some effort to work at it, it can be good.

I agree with BlackShanglang. I think it's greed pure and simple. Not surprising though as here in North America we're trained to be greedy from birth. The idea of restraint isn't one that many people can accept or understand.

And Colleen? If money trump ethics, no wonder we're in so much trouble.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Assorted thoughts here.

First, as a person who isn't in a relationship and honestly doesn't expect to ever be in one again, watching people fuck up a good thing by screwing around is quite simply mind boggling behaviour. A relationship may not be perfect, but, if both parties make some effort to work at it, it can be good.

I agree with BlackShanglang. I think it's greed pure and simple. Not surprising though as here in North America we're trained to be greedy from birth. The idea of restraint isn't one that many people can accept or understand.

And Colleen? If money trump ethics, no wonder we're in so much trouble.

Money has always trumped Ethics Rg.

Protestant kings persecuted Jews, not for religion, but because Jews had wealth. The same happened with the knights templar, the 4th crusade, as far back as money has been around I'm pretty sure.

In todays world, if you doubt it you are living in an alternate reality. Corporations destroy the enviormnet, trample the rights and well being of their workers and commit crimes by the bussel for more money. IEven the professons we think of as upright are rife with it. Doctors prescribe certain meds because the get kick backs, Clerics preach hate because it fills the church and swells collections, news anchors try to out do each other in the slimy sensational because the ratings are all important.

Where do you see ethics that money can't corrupt? In a few very rare men perhaps, but by and large, if enough money is involved most folks can't say no.

-Colly

 

[rgraham666]

I should have typed 'since' instead of 'if', Colleen.

Actually I would say it's power that trumps ethics. Money is a type of power after all.

Doesn't change the fact that 'Power corrupts' etc.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I should have typed 'since' instead of 'if', Colleen.

Actually I would say it's power that trumps ethics. Money is a type of power after all.

Doesn't change the fact that 'Power corrupts' etc.

In this case, I don't know that money equals power. A lot of people who engage in ethically destructive enterprises don't have or at least don't see that they have a viable alternative. Surely some of it is corporate backed, but I have to wonder if some of those engaged in the activity are in a situation where money isn't power, it's the difference in life or death?

I live on 737$ a month from disability. If my folks were gone and I hadn't qualified for disablity, I sometimes wonder where I would be.

It's worth considering.

-Colly

 

[rgraham666]

I'm in the same boat Colleen.

And I know where I would be. I would be, at best, living under a bridge somewhere, barely sentient. More likely I would be dead a decade now.

Money is a kind of power. If we didn't have it, we would have to catch or grow our own food and build our own shelter. So money replaces physical power.

The biggest problem with money is that it is unreal, but we have to treat it as real in our day to day lives. And being unreal, it is endlessly malleable according to our perception of it.

So we end up using it for purposes that it shouldn't be used for, like determining what our own value in this world is.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I'm in the same boat Colleen.

And I know where I would be. I would be, at best, living under a bridge somewhere, barely sentient. More likely I would be dead a decade now.

Money is a kind of power. If we didn't have it, we would have to catch or grow our own food and build our own shelter. So money replaces physical power.

The biggest problem with money is that it is unreal, but we have to treat it as real in our day to day lives. And being unreal, it is endlessly malleable according to our perception of it.

So we end up using it for purposes that it shouldn't be used for, like determining what our own value in this world is.

I'm always reminded of a line from the Matchmaker.

Paraphrased because I don't remeber the exact quote:

Now the difference between a lot of money and some money is very small, but the difference between some and none is huge.

 

[rgraham666]

I'm always reminded of a line from the Matchmaker.

Paraphrased because I don't remeber the exact quote:

Now the difference between a lot of money and some money is very small, but the difference between some and none is huge.

Good one Colleen. I'll have to remember that one.

 

[BlackShanglan]

That money and power generally win the battle against ethics is not a reason to fail to fight it. One strives to live a moral and ethical life, not because it is simple or pragmatic, but because it is right.

(Not that I think Colly was suggesting otherwise.)

 

[rgraham666]

Actually, I believe that leading an ethical life is simple and pragmatic.

Are you hurting others? Yes? Then don't do that.

Are you hurting yourself? Yes? Don't do that either.

Life is a complex thing. And difficult to get through. But deliberately making it more complex, like the people in the post I started this with, is unethical.

Has this thread been hijacked? Eh, who cares? I'm enjoying this.