ANOTHER story to read

[Masterslut]

Hi all --

Just wondering if anyone would take a quick looksee at my first submission. My pet liked it, but since she's more then likely to adore anything I do, I would like more objective opinions if you please. I am open to any and all suggestions. Thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43067

Here is my pet's first submission as well if anyone would be so kind to check her's out.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43090

 

[solid_]

Masterslut,

Good first submission I liked the flow of your tale but for some reason it didnt do anything for me. Didnt arouse me, could have been hotter.

 

[Impetus]

I'm in agreement. Good effort, but not particularly arousing. There was a sense to the whole thing that was not particularly 'grounding'. (Bad word choice for an in-flight sex story, I know, but still...) The first few paragraphs hit me with a sort of 'what exactly is going on here' vibe. She's here? She's not? They're in first class? I'd work more on establishing a mental image of everything so that you can play around in it instead of creating it as you go, but that's just my style. (I'm not even very good at pulling it off)

-I