Another orgasm thread - but a little different this time!

[Rydia]

Hey y'all, I've been registered for like 5 years but this is my first post!

So I know there are tons and tons of orgasm related posts here on Literotica. Believe me, I've red through a whole crap load of them. But none of them seem to really fit my own personal case.

I don't have self-esteem issues, I don't have a fear of sex, I'm not sexually inhibited. I masturbate and I enjoy both sex and masturbation very much. I'm pretty sexually liberal and I'm really open to new ideas and fantasies and all that good stuff. But I've never had an orgasm.

I've been masturbating since I was... like 13 years old? And I'm 21 now. And for a long time it never bothered me that I didn't orgasm because the masturbating still felt damn good, there was just never any climax. I had sex for the first time when I was 18 and my sex has life has been great - except for the no orgasm thing. Just like with the masturbating, for the first two years or so, I really didn't mind. The sex was still very enjoyable and not climaxing wasn't really an issue cause I figured it would happen eventually and I knew that for most women, it just takes awhile.

But damn, isn't it about time I had the big O? I know many women have issues with orgasms. And I even took a human sexuality class this past semester and talked to my professor (who has been a sex therapist for 20 years) about the issue and she said that the number 1 problem for most women is that they don't know how to properly stimulate themselves. I know how to stimulate myself! Based on the advice I've picked up here on Literotica over the years, I think I've developed some pretty awesome masturbation techniques and acquired some really great toys to help things along (I looove my magic wand). My boyfriend is a really great lover, and he indulges my fantasies and makes sex very enjoyable.

I just never ever climax. It all just feels good. But there's no wave of intense pleasure, no shuddering, nothing like that.

There's nothing wrong with me physically. I'm young, fit, I exercise. I have no STDs. All my genitalia is fine and working. It's not like I have desensitivity in my clitoris or anything, and I have no issues with arousal, desire, any of that.

It's starting to really piss me off. It doesn't help that most of my girl friends have had orgasms and of all the close girl friends I have, I'm the only one to never have an orgasm. Even my more prudish girl friends have had orgasms and that just grates me.

All the advice I've ever read here on Literotica encourages women to just find out what stimulates them and work on pleasuring yourself. I've done that. I've been doing that for years. Still no orgasm.

What's the deal? Anyone else have the same issue?

I just think it's so sad that for someone who enjoys sex so much, that I've never had that feeling of climax or resolution.

 

[SweetErika]

It sounds like you're doing everything right. A couple of things you didn't mention:

- Are you fantasizing or reading a really hot story while you're masturbating?

- Do you feel a build up of tension, then it kind of just plateaus, or what? Can you describe your process a bit more?

- Have you narrowed down what types of stimulation are better than others for you? That is, do you seem to get more aroused/closer with some types more than others?

- How long have you been wondering about your lack of orgasms? Is it possible you're putting enough pressure on yourself for it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

- No history of any kind of abuse or assault?

And, I know you say everything's working physically, but have you seen a female urologist or someone who specializes in sexual disorders and had the tests done? There are medical conditions that can prevent orgasm altogether, so I think it's important to get checked out thoroughly, especially since you've tried most everything else for a long time.

 

[PertPerth]

Practise makes perfect!
While I was abused as a child, I never had any problems with me, myself and I in the bedroom. Like you, Rydia, I had been masturbating since I was about 12 or 13, but never to orgasm. That was, until I turned 27. I still remember the first time - I was so happy! Once you've had one, the rest will be easy.
I wouldn't worry too much just yet, you're still young and women tend to reach their sexual peak later in life (apparently). Just keep enjoying yourself - it'll come.

 

[bakedbeams]

Well if there are no other issues, then it really is a matter of relaxing and letting it happen. Yes erotic literature helps.

I know that sometimes ones mind just flicks off. I find when I'm in that sort of place, reading some explicit material at the same time helps to keep me on track so to speak.

In the end .. I believe that the big O is all about letting yourself go. If you can achieve one through masturbation then it will happen in bed with a partner. If my old memory still serves me, I was able to achieve the O through masturbation, but I was sexually active for several years before I was able to achieve it with a partner.

Seriously try and relax, and it will happen. Just let go

 

[kimbernee]

Interesting. Do you feel any building sensation at all, like you're coming close to something?

I have two different orgasm sensations. There's a definite bang kind of sensation and then there's something I call rolling waves. I love rolling waves but they don't really crescendo. It's like each peak is higher than the last one and they could go on forever building higher (although they do stop unfortunately) but there's no bang. Having both kinds, I love them both. I wouldn't give up either. When I'm having rolling waves I'm not wishing for the bang, just for the waves to keep rolling.

Maybe you're having rolling waves? Maybe it's good?

 

[DRoc]

Rydia;

You sound almost like a mirror image to myself except that I have orgasmed with masterbating and only about a total of 10 mayeb 12 times while have sex. Occassionaly while receiving a hand job. Never while receiving oral.

While I have never seen a doctor about it since I know I can orgasm, it has been an issue between my wife (RozieMozie). At times she would feel that she is not good enough to please me (which is further from the truth) or that she is doing something wrong, which she does soooooo many things right to the point they are practically perfect. But alas it still does not happen with out me helping it along.

With me it could be that I have just grown accustom to the way I masterbate or maybe not being circumsized has something to do about it. I do not know.

With yourself I can suggest thinking of a fantasy while masturbating, watching porn (amature is my preference. Realistic instead of scripted), read a sex story while you are masturbating.

I could even suggest going to see a doctor. It might be something physical.
Good luck.

 

[Rydia]

It sounds like you're doing everything right. A couple of things you didn't mention:

- Are you fantasizing or reading a really hot story while you're masturbating?

Oh I've done both. Sometimes a nice hot story or video. Sometimes just good ol' imagination.

- Do you feel a build up of tension, then it kind of just plateaus, or what? Can you describe your process a bit more?

Yes, it's exactly that. The pleasure builds up and it all feels good, but there's never any release or anything like that. Just a build up of pleasure until eventually it just plateaus. And I never really feels as though I'm building up toward anything. Like, I always hear about girls feeling that they're "getting close" but I never get that feeling.

- Have you narrowed down what types of stimulation are better than others for you? That is, do you seem to get more aroused/closer with some types more than others?

Oral sex is probably my favorite thing ever. But clitorial stimulation with a vibrator (not direct but through the hood) is a favorite as well.

- How long have you been wondering about your lack of orgasms? Is it possible you're putting enough pressure on yourself for it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I've been really happy with my sex life, even without orgasms for awhile. This is mostly due to the fact that I was under the assumption that most women have trouble with orgasms and for some women, it's just a matter of time rather than effort. As in, older women are more likely to orgasm than younger women. I figured it would happen eventually and I didn't worry about it.

But apparently I was wrong! A couple months ago I met up with some of my girlfriends from high school and we got to talking about our sex lives and every single girl except for me has had an orgasm. Even if it wasn't with sex, they were able to orgasm at the very least through masturbation. A friend of mine who recently lost her virginity and hardly masturbates told me she had her first orgasm recently. And after taking the human sexuality class this term in College, I found that most females my age WERE having orgasms. That's when I really started wondering what was up.

- No history of any kind of abuse or assault?

Nope, nada. I had a perfectly happy childhood/adolescence. And I have no issues with intimacy or sex or anything like that. Just this stupid orgasm problem.

And, I know you say everything's working physically, but have you seen a female urologist or someone who specializes in sexual disorders and had the tests done? There are medical conditions that can prevent orgasm altogether, so I think it's important to get checked out thoroughly, especially since you've tried most everything else for a long time.

No, I haven't gotten anything tested specifically in regards to the orgasm issue. I have had physicals and annual pap smears and everything is ok. What are the kinds of medical issues that can prevent orgasms? All the info I can find on inability to orgasm points the problem at psychological issues or lack of knowledge/experience in stimulating oneself.

Sexual function wise, everything works fine in me. I have no issues with arousal or desire. Lubrication, vasocongestion, increased heart rate, sex flush, erect nipples, it's all there! All but the orgasm.

 

[SweetErika]

Hmm...

What do you do when you get to that plateau feeling? Do you keep going, or back off for a little bit, then try again?

I'm not sure what physical conditions (apart from the obvious) can cause inorgasmia, but I'm sure there are some, and that's something I'd definitely ask a doc who specializes in female sexual issues. Also, a doc would be able to experiment with things like medication. ED drugs like Viagra are used off-label to help some women.

It's possible you just need a really specific combination of sensations to come, too. For instance, maybe it's a matter of combining clitoral with vaginal/g-spot and nipple stim or something. Or perhaps you need to have a certain part touched in a certain way to send you over the edge.

You might also be one of those women who is a late bloomer in this specific area, and something will change as you get older, have a baby, etc. While it's not the norm, some women are like that.

Keep experimenting, eliminating possible causes and your faith (easier said than done, I know! ). You have a good attitude, and I don't think this is a hopeless case at all.

 

[solyanka]

ugh, i'm in the same boat as you.. kinda.

I can orgasm while masturbating, but never while touching myself. I can only orgasm while rubbing my legs together and having an intense fantasy/image/reading literotica.

And i think that since that intense fantasy is missing when I have sex and since I dont know how to stimulate myself in any other way than crossing my legs and putting pressure on my clit, i never orgasm during sex. with a guy around i think about way too many things to be able to concentrate on my fantasy.

i bought a rabbit... i tried playing with myself but i just get bored and give up. it feels mildly pleasant but not good enough to keep doing it. and sex feels good but i've come close only once.

i'm in my first relationship, and my boyfriend is uncut. he orgasms very quickly i guess because without the loss of feeling from being cut, he's really sensitive and cant keep going for long periods. although i dont know if having sex for longer would help. i get bored of that too.

 

[SusyQ]

I've been really happy with my sex life, even without orgasms for awhile. This is mostly due to the fact that I was under the assumption that most women have trouble with orgasms and for some women, it's just a matter of time rather than effort. As in, older women are more likely to orgasm than younger women. I figured it would happen eventually and I didn't worry about it.

But apparently I was wrong! A couple months ago I met up with some of my girlfriends from high school and we got to talking about our sex lives and every single girl except for me has had an orgasm. Even if it wasn't with sex, they were able to orgasm at the very least through masturbation. A friend of mine who recently lost her virginity and hardly masturbates told me she had her first orgasm recently. And after taking the human sexuality class this term in College, I found that most females my age WERE having orgasms. That's when I really started wondering what was up.

So what you're saying is that everything was just fine until you started talking to other women about their experiences and then apparently some human sexuality class told you that "most" women your age had orgasms? Have you thought about the fact that maybe the issue here isn't your "inability" to have an orgasm, but the fact that you're comparing yourself to everyone else?

There's really no way to compare the amount of pleasure different people experience. It may well be that you are feeling just as good as these women who are having orgasms, you're just not having the spasming, shuddering sensations at the end. If that was satisfactory before, why worry now?

No, I haven't gotten anything tested specifically in regards to the orgasm issue. I have had physicals and annual pap smears and everything is ok. What are the kinds of medical issues that can prevent orgasms? All the info I can find on inability to orgasm points the problem at psychological issues or lack of knowledge/experience in stimulating oneself.

A major cause of anorgasmia in men and women is medications. If you are taking medication for depression, anxiety, anything that effects your neurotransmitter metabolism, that may be the culprit.

 

[Rydia]

So what you're saying is that everything was just fine until you started talking to other women about their experiences and then apparently some human sexuality class told you that "most" women your age had orgasms? Have you thought about the fact that maybe the issue here isn't your "inability" to have an orgasm, but the fact that you're comparing yourself to everyone else?

The reason why it was satisfactory before was because I always expected that orgasms would eventually become part of my sexual life and that the inability to orgasm was just a natural part of being a woman. Obviously, I know now that this isn't the case. The reality is, the reason why a lot of women struggle with orgasming isn't because of "that's just the way it is", but because of things such as lack of stimulating masturbation, history of sexual trauma or abuse, etc etc.

So now, with new understanding about sex and the body and the mind and, it's caused me to become concerned about the fact that I have been doing everything right for years and yet there is still no orgasm.

There's really no way to compare the amount of pleasure different people experience. It may well be that you are feeling just as good as these women who are having orgasms, you're just not having the spasming, shuddering sensations at the end. If that was satisfactory before, why worry now?

I don't think so. I've never ever had a feeling of resolution or climax or anything like that. I conclude my masturbation sessions when I feel I've spent enough time out of the day pleasuring myself, or if I start getting super wet and sloppy and decide I need a shower, or other such reasons rather than because I got to a point of great sexual satisfaction. You know when women talk about being "almost there"? Like they're approaching something and they can feel that? I've never had that feeling. Never felt like I was just on the verge of something extremely pleasurable, let alone feel that sensation of extreme pleasure.

A major cause of anorgasmia in men and women is medications. If you are taking medication for depression, anxiety, anything that effects your neurotransmitter metabolism, that may be the culprit.

Nope. No medication at all. I'm healthy healthy healthy. The worse thing for me would be the occasional (once or twice, every couple months) headaches, and even then I don't really take aspirin.

See this is what I'm talking about. Everytimethe issue of anorgasmia comes up, whether it's here, in magazines, in class, on Loveline, WHEREEVER, the person always has some underlying issue. Whether it's that they're sexually repressed, or they've never properly taken the time to explore their own bits and pieces to find out what's pleasurable to them, or if they have some sort of physical condition, but I have none of these things. And it's frustrating because I can't even figure out why it is I can't have orgasms and if I can't do that, then there's no way for me to remedy the situation.

 

[infinity706]

Well, orgasms are actually triggered by a special nerve cell called a genital corpuscle. They're mostly found in the clit and the nipples. Maybe there's at problem with those?

Well, I looked it up. I found that some nerves take longer to mature than the end of puberty. Maybe the fact that some women just miraculously start having orgasms later in life could be due to them having slower maturing genital corpuscles.

 

[Tyr51]

Couple of things to add here...

You seem to have a very specific expectation of what an orgasm is supposed to feel like.

You wrote:
"But there's no wave of intense pleasure, no shuddering, nothing like that."

Orgasms don't always feel that way. In fact, there's a fabulous chance that they wont feel that way for you at first and perhaps not for awhile.

I had my first orgasm at gosh.... 18 or 19 or so.
I was pretty worried because I couldn't really tell the difference between that feeling and the need to urinate. I started masterbating in the tub because I felt safer that way. I eventually found a mentor, a better masterbation technique, and after many months of actively working towards it I started having my first small orgasms. They were not earth shattering. They were not intensely pleasurable. It was pretty simple: I was sexually tense, and then not really so much.

After a year or so of working on it, I eventually got to the shuddering "omg this feels great" phase. Not all of my orgasms feel like that, though, even today.

So, my advice ultimately is to masterbate towards the goal, know that you're still maturing sexually (I just hit 30, and oh my.... sex is a LOT better than when I was in my early 20's), and that what you read is likely not the experience you're going to initially find.

And, if all else fails, talk to your doctor.
It could be that your clit is hooded, or you have other challenges that can be medically addressed. :\

 

[spiritguy]

a possible issue with orgasm can be diet. if you have a lot of foods with soy in them for example. soy has quite a bit of estrogen in it and if there is too much eaten it throws the hormone balance off. Women need the right balance of testosterone and estrogen to "get off" so to speak. just a thought.

 

[carlisme]

I'm a guy, but here's my two cents....Perhaps you are not turned on by men? Before I get flamed, hear me out. I am basically straight, but I have fantasized about being with a guy. When this impulse first hit, I immediately suppressed it and felt it was not proper. Now I am looking for my first cock to suck; a tough admission to myself that I had to make. I am getting more comfortable with my sexuality and am willing to try.

I don't have a problem with orgasms with women as I am prmarily straight, but the thought of sucking some cock turns me on.

All I am saying is perhaps you might like some woman to woman contact....If this is not anything you are interested in then I wish you luck

 

[sunandshadow]

Here's a question, when you're masturbating, do your muscles tense? Also, are there techniques or combinations of techniques you avoid using because they feel overwhelming? To me the 'almost there' sensation is mainly characterized by compulsive muscle tensing and the regular pleasure of touching my clit turns sort of fiery (the heat sensation is one reason why many women think is feels similar to needing to pee). The orgasm itself is when that tensing is suddenly released and turns into pulsing, and the heat is released by a breaking a sweat/breaking out in goosebumps sort of sensation.

On thing I recommend women try if they are having trouble getting an O is a dab of Vix Vaporub or similar menthol substance on their clit because this is like a chemical shortcut to the firey part of the almost-there sensation.

 

[1sexy_figit]

have you possibly tried stimulating gels that increase sensitivity. i did not have frequent orgasms till i used a stimulation gel that contained l-argine for a few weeks and then it was much easier for me to have them regularly by myself or with a partner. if that does not help all i can say is what others have already said you just may be one of the few women that is a late bloomer so to speak.

 

[Genius_Of_Love]

You are only 21. Don't worry about it! It will happen eventually, I promise. Just relax, keep doing what you are doing and enjoy yourself. Don't stress about it, I swear it will happen.

 

[BlueSugar]

Vaporub isn't usually a good idea! And I'm pretty sure it says on the bottle don't use on exposed skin or genitals.

Stick with the stimulating gels. Try Orgasmix, or Cleopatra's Secret... both are pretty darn good.

 

[sunandshadow]

Vaporub isn't usually a good idea! And I'm pretty sure it says on the bottle don't use on exposed skin or genitals.

Stick with the stimulating gels. Try Orgasmix, or Cleopatra's Secret... both are pretty darn good.

It says external use only but that's all. The clitoris is thinner skin but it is external. I wouldn't recommend using it every day, but a little dab once in a while works great for me and seems to have no effects other than the intended burning sensation.

 

[infinity706]

Vaporub isn't usually a good idea! And I'm pretty sure it says on the bottle don't use on exposed skin or genitals.

Stick with the stimulating gels. Try Orgasmix, or Cleopatra's Secret... both are pretty darn good.

So, where would you put it if you didn't use it on your skin?

 

[WriterDom]

You are completely normal. Female orgasm is a myth. Believe me, I've been with lots of women and not one has had an orgasm!





Yes, I'm kidding. It wouldn't hurt to see a sex therapist.