another intresting problem

[Pyro Paul]

Okay, here is an intresting question that resently poped into my life. this is one of the few things that i will acctualy say that will be hard for me to deny and stay annonoymus about... so... Cherish this while it Lasts! it is the only thing youll get out of me!!

okay, well, my girlfriend,(yes i do have one) was suffering from an ailment and basicly disappered on me for a couple of months. Me, knowing of this ailment, figured her to be in the eylsian fields and my quick black heartedness of forgeting the pain quickly turned my emotions towards her off (being able to forget is a good trait, for the past is full of painful memories, some famous quote)

now, low and behold, out of the blue she comes up and reappears again saying that she is still alive, but has been basicly in a coma for the past few months. or a medical induced one at that. yay, she's okay, happy me. But now the real problem comes up.

Now that ive purged the sorrow and joy she brings me, i feel indiffrent towards her. now, deep down, i still love this girl to death, i would die for her to make her live for another day. but the joy she used to bring me is lacking now. now, is that a bad thing? could i relearn the joys and sorrows she has brought me and make new emotions with her? or should i say, im sorry love, but i moved on in your absence?

 

[LadyJeanne]

How long did you go out in the first place, and how compelling was the relationship? It also kinda depends on how you left it a couple of months ago. Did she just stop calling you? Or did she tell you she was sick, needed to take care of herself for a while, and she'd get in touch when she was better?

If it was a long-term thing and you were both really into each other, it's totally worth getting reacquainted and seeing what's what now.

If not, and if you don't really have the urge to see her now, then be upfront and just tell her that you understood the relationship to be over and don't see yourself changing your mind about that.

 

[yoshimitsu]

Now that ive purged the sorrow and joy she brings me, i feel indiffrent towards her. now, deep down, i still love this girl to death, i would die for her to make her live for another day. but the joy she used to bring me is lacking now. now, is that a bad thing? could i relearn the joys and sorrows she has brought me and make new emotions with her? or should i say, im sorry love, but i moved on in your absence?

Interesting situation. A little perplexing at least maybe without knowing more.
Your capeable of either. It's a matter of making the choice. First I think you have to figure out what the best choice is, then commit yourself to it 100%

 

[karndav]

how can you love someone sooo much your willing to die for them to have them live another day and yet feel indifferent towards them? Maybe your feelings aren't as strong as you think??

 

[EJFan]

how can you love someone sooo much your willing to die for them to have them live another day and yet feel indifferent towards them? Maybe your feelings aren't as strong as you think??

i kind of agree with this... or at least the same question came to mind for me as well. i think if you cared about her so much that you'd die for her then you must certainly be willing to at least CONSIDER getting back together.

i guess two things are possible... either you're being guarded with your feelings so you don't have to shut your emotions off when things get strained next time (which i can totally identify with).

OR

you're overstating the former and/or present feelings... you weren't actually willing to die for her and/or you aren't interested in getting back together with her at all.

a lot of people would probably have the same feelings you do right now... and it's more or less fear of the future; fear of getting hurt; fear of hurting her... all sorts of potential for bad things there.

if i were in your spot, the thing i'd consider first and foremost is her medical problem... whatever it is that she's dealing with it's clearly quite serious and has serious implications. are you prepared to live with that for however long it winds up being???

a lot of people think that if they stay emotionally distant from someone when they're sick that that makes them a bad person... that's not true. it only makes you a bad person if you lie to them or to yourself about what you can tolerate. if you can be a greater help to her from an emotional or physical distance then you'll be much better off than if you misrepresent your abilities and force yourself to deal with things you can't.

 

[Pyro Paul]

how can you love someone sooo much your willing to die for them to have them live another day and yet feel indifferent towards them? Maybe your feelings aren't as strong as you think??

because i define my values of life diffrently, im one of those people that dont have friends, i have aquantinces.

what i was trying to say in that specific sentence was, I love her to death and i would do anything for her, even lay down my own life if need be. but the emotions about specific things, like how i felt about what she did, how she acted, what she said or how perverse we where to eachother out of fun. i dont feel the rush of feelings that i used to get.

the mind set, that i want to spend my every breathing moment with them and talk untill the sun goes down.

for the most part, im saying i dont know what to say to her any more. i still love her, and would bite a bullet for her, but there is a gap between us now that was made through the extended (nearly 6 months) of no talking.

as for the questions of the situation, before she left she called me and left a few words with me, 'i might get better, im going to new york for treatment. love you.' then i didnt hear another word from her ever since then. around month 3-4 i began to feel the slow sinking feeling that, maybe she isnt coming back. she was really really sick when she left. maybe she left for the elsyian fields already... and ive been dealing with that thought for the past 2 months, then a few days back, she ups and calls me from new york saying she is getting better.

i guess its like im talking to some one that wasnt there for the past half year, and every time i wanted to call up some one, or embrace some one in my arms to help me through some of my darker episodes there was no one there. the feelings that she wasnt there for me, or that ive changed and she has had a chunk of her life just taken away and she will be exactly the same and come back to some one she hates...

 

[KarlMartinK]

Medical condition?

What kind of medical condition did she have? And how was it that she had this and you didn't know about it at the time? You make it sound like she just kind of disappeared and you found out later that she was sick some way or another. If you were serious about her, why didn't you find out what had happened to her sooner? Does she have family? An apartment where you knocked on the door and there was no answer? What was the deal?