Another ‘Writerly’ inquiry on the sexy side

[amicus]

If you write stories in which male and female interact and you try to be accurate and honest, it can be a very enlightening experience, I think.

You can, I suppose, just let it ‘flow’ without regard as to whether what you write is just fantasy, wishes, dreams, whatever, or if it is a reflection of your own personal perceptions of how you, as an individual, actually think and act about the process.

I think I can state with honesty that the male, regardless of attachment status, is always aware of the females he encounters in his day to day wanderings or patterns of life.

And when his eyes or his nose focuses on said female, what does he see or sense?

I suppose…that some, when required to look ‘up’ at a female taller than he, is instantly repelled by that realization.

Imagine all the possible combinations of physical appearance, including attire, that may elicit an immediate response, positive or negative.

Suffice it to say that each male has a different set of values as to what attracts him and what does not.

I sometimes curse the vast masses of those who do not think about such things and just act or respond naturally as they were acultured to do, as opposed to those who deign to think and, gasp, write about such things.

When a man looks upon a woman, or a boy upon a girl, or a guy upon a gal, use the term that suits you, what does the male think of when he views her?

“Oh, man, I’d love to nail that!” “Wow, to get my hands on her!” “Jesus, what a knockout” “Oh, my God, she’s beautiful/marvelous/wonderful/exciting…(add your own). Or. “God, how can I meet her?” “Those eyes! I’m lost in them!”

Perhaps the male in question is fixated on large or small breasts, or large or boyish hips, or the waistline or the neckline or shape of the face, oval, round, pointed chin, hair style, a thousand variations on a theme.

All of that I can write about as I am that ‘aforementioned’ male who both observes and thinks and writes, sometimes in fantasy sometimes not.

But when a woman looks upon a man, or a girl upon a guy, or a gal upon a guy, use the term that suits you, what does she think of when she views him?

I am on shaky ground here, does she ‘think’ or does she, ‘feel’, her perceptions?

Although I am male, I find that many of my stories beg to be written from the female point of view and therein lies the rub.

I think I do okay, as I have mentioned before, those who read sometimes doubt my gender as my writing implies an understanding of the female beyond what most think a male is capable of…however, in the subtleties and nuances of first impressions, I often wonder if I really understand what the female thinks/feels, in terms of initial attraction and interest.

One of my young protégé’s said, “Shoulders…” That is what she sees first and if they don’t please her, she sees nothing else.

Others say, eyes, or smiles or height and weight and the way they walk or stand….one college girl says, ‘a Mohawk haircut’, now if she didn’t have an 180 IQ, I would disregard her opinion, but then….?

So, ladies of Lit and the AH, fellow writers all, if you can put aside your hatred of my political leanings and share the world of fiction writing from your feminine perspective, I would truly enjoy reading what you think.


Amicus…

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Good question, Ami. Let me propose an additional one. How do women's age, maritial status, sexual orientation, etc. change their initial preceptions of and reactions to, a male?

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Vermilion]

If you write stories in which male and female interact and you try to be accurate and honest, it can be a very enlightening experience, I think.

You can, I suppose, just let it ‘flow’ without regard as to whether what you write is just fantasy, wishes, dreams, whatever, or if it is a reflection of your own personal perceptions of how you, as an individual, actually think and act about the process.

I think I can state with honesty that the male, regardless of attachment status, is always aware of the females he encounters in his day to day wanderings or patterns of life.

And when his eyes or his nose focuses on said female, what does he see or sense?

I suppose…that some, when required to look ‘up’ at a female taller than he, is instantly repelled by that realization.

Imagine all the possible combinations of physical appearance, including attire, that may elicit an immediate response, positive or negative.

Suffice it to say that each male has a different set of values as to what attracts him and what does not.

I sometimes curse the vast masses of those who do not think about such things and just act or respond naturally as they were acultured to do, as opposed to those who deign to think and, gasp, write about such things.

When a man looks upon a woman, or a boy upon a girl, or a guy upon a gal, use the term that suits you, what does the male think of when he views her?

“Oh, man, I’d love to nail that!” “Wow, to get my hands on her!” “Jesus, what a knockout” “Oh, my God, she’s beautiful/marvelous/wonderful/exciting…(add your own). Or. “God, how can I meet her?” “Those eyes! I’m lost in them!”

Perhaps the male in question is fixated on large or small breasts, or large or boyish hips, or the waistline or the neckline or shape of the face, oval, round, pointed chin, hair style, a thousand variations on a theme.

All of that I can write about as I am that ‘aforementioned’ male who both observes and thinks and writes, sometimes in fantasy sometimes not.

But when a woman looks upon a man, or a girl upon a guy, or a gal upon a guy, use the term that suits you, what does she think of when she views him?

I am on shaky ground here, does she ‘think’ or does she, ‘feel’, her perceptions?

Although I am male, I find that many of my stories beg to be written from the female point of view and therein lies the rub.

I think I do okay, as I have mentioned before, those who read sometimes doubt my gender as my writing implies an understanding of the female beyond what most think a male is capable of…however, in the subtleties and nuances of first impressions, I often wonder if I really understand what the female thinks/feels, in terms of initial attraction and interest.

One of my young protégé’s said, “Shoulders…” That is what she sees first and if they don’t please her, she sees nothing else.

Others say, eyes, or smiles or height and weight and the way they walk or stand….one college girl says, ‘a Mohawk haircut’, now if she didn’t have an 180 IQ, I would disregard her opinion, but then….?

So, ladies of Lit and the AH, fellow writers all, if you can put aside your hatred of my political leanings and share the world of fiction writing from your feminine perspective, I would truly enjoy reading what you think.


Amicus…

What are you asking Amicus? What attracts us about men in general? I'm not sure it's really possible to answer that - every man is unique and each man has something uniquely attractive. With my fiance it was his voice and his smile. With other men in the past it has been their hands or their shoulders or whatever...
x
V

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

V,

My impresiion was Ami's query had to do with women's initial, viseral reaction to a (good looking?) male.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[amicus]

Good question, Ami. Let me propose an additional one. How do women's age, maritial status, sexual orientation, etc. change their initial preception of and reaction to, a male?

Rumple Foreskin

~~~~

Ah, Rumple, you complicate what I had hoped to be a rather simple inquiry.

Age certainly plays a part, marital status also, but then that involves a morality issue and I did not wish to engage in that. But, 'sexual orientation', I don't deal with same sex attractions, that is my choice, take that as you may.

Amicus...

 

[amicus]

What are you asking Amicus? What attracts us about men in general? I'm not sure it's really possible to answer that - every man is unique and each man has something uniquely attractive. With my fiance it was his voice and his smile. With other men in the past it has been their hands or their shoulders or whatever...
x
V

~~~

I apologize for the inadequacy of my inquiry, I struggled over how to pose the question but thought if I described some male perspectives, it might clarify.

Yes, each person or either gender is different and unique, but there are generalities, I suppose, as mundane as hair color, height, weight, style of dress, aggressive or passive walk or stature, it is, I think, that initial observation and perception that I , as a male, think I know, but from the female perspective not sure.

You answered some by saying, 'voice and smile' and then 'hands or shoulders', but 'whatever', grins...is what I am looking for...


Amicus...

 

[Vermilion]

~~~

I apologize for the inadequacy of my inquiry, I struggled over how to pose the question but thought if I described some male perspectives, it might clarify.

Yes, each person or either gender is different and unique, but there are generalities, I suppose, as mundane as hair color, height, weight, style of dress, aggressive or passive walk or stature, it is, I think, that initial observation and perception that I , as a male, think I know, but from the female perspective not sure.

You answered some by saying, 'voice and smile' and then 'hands or shoulders', but 'whatever', grins...is what I am looking for...


Amicus...

Seriously - what is it you want to know?

Why a certain woman might be attracted to a certain male?

God knows - I've been attracted to some ugly buggers in my time and turned off by some very 'attractive' ones. Guess chemistry of some kind is the key issue you're missing here...

 

[keeblercrumb]

Sorry.... Rookie-itis and an apparently locked up post.

 

[keeblercrumb]

What are you asking Amicus? What attracts us about men in general? I'm not sure it's really possible to answer that - every man is unique and each man has something uniquely attractive. With my fiance it was his voice and his smile. With other men in the past it has been their hands or their shoulders or whatever...
x
V

This reminds me of a true story about five years ago when a group of my fellow Americans and myself were having a dinner party with our newly employed local staff here in the middle of the Russia. The staff we hired were typically bi-lingual (hired for translation purposes) and female (language majors... go figure..).

One of my compatriots, who was want to think out loud and not too deeply, voiced the "factoid" gleaned from who knows where..

"Is it true Russian women like to smell men's body odor?"

There was stunned silence as we all suddenly tried to pretend we were sitting at a different table and had not heard him.

Finally, one our sexier new employees, Nastya, slowly smiled and replied...

"Well Mark, if you mean when I sit next to a man on the bus who smells, do I like it? No."

"But if you mean when my boyfriend and I have just had hot sweaty sex? Yes, I love the way he smells."

It is all in the context, I guess.

-KC

 

[egelante]

I am on shaky ground here, does she ‘think’ or does she, ‘feel’, her perceptions?

Although I am male, I find that many of my stories beg to be written from the female point of view and therein lies the rub.

I think I do okay, as I have mentioned before, those who read sometimes doubt my gender as my writing implies an understanding of the female beyond what most think a male is capable of…however, in the subtleties and nuances of first impressions, I often wonder if I really understand what the female thinks/feels, in terms of initial attraction and interest.

One of my young protégé’s said, “Shoulders…” That is what she sees first and if they don’t please her, she sees nothing else.

Being male might hamper me in actually answering your question (though, as I do not understand it, perhaps this is irrelevant), but it does not seem to preclude me from making a few observations.

Without wishing to be obtuse, I think that you might be over-estimating the differences between men and women. Also, I wonder if you are muddling two discrete situations: meeting someone and seeing someone at a distance.

The problem for me is going to be getting my thoughts across: I have a short concentration span, so I apologise if I drift.

So...to begin with: me, the male meeting someone.

In a situation where I actually meet someone, be they male or female, I am on many levels estimating them - not in a judgemental way, but in a fashion that will allow me to interact with them better. Some of this will be purely abstract thought - mental notes of things like voice, dress, posture, and so on.

But on another level my reactions are intuitive. I do not "think" that someone bearing themselves and wearing clothes well exudes confidence, I simply feel their confidence. I gain a (generally fairly accurate) impression of them from what I feel as I listen to what they say, how they say it, how they move, and how that relates to everything else I've already noticed.

If it applies, I "feel" whether or not they are attractive. I might "think" that they could be sometime in the future.

And that brings me to the other situation, me, the male observing someone.

When seeing someone I don't know at a distance, I work entirely differently: the person is removed from me, my thoughts are removed from them, I do not particularly "feel". I might abstractedly "think" that I like a given line of the body, or the cheekbone or whatever striking feature they may have. I might "feel" that it is beautiful and makes them more attractive, but that is still slightly abstract.


Now. The first case seems to be "feeling", the second "thinking". And so perhaps the differences are more attached to situation than to gender? To the mood that someone is in when another walks past more than to a set pattern...

 

[amicus]

Seriously - what is it you want to know?

Why a certain woman might be attracted to a certain male?

God knows - I've been attracted to some ugly buggers in my time and turned off by some very 'attractive' ones. Guess chemistry of some kind is the key issue you're missing here...

~~~

I guess that is part of it Vermilion, one of the things I have noticed is that some very attractive, cultured, intellectual women have been 'with' some very 'ugly buggers' with no discernible redeeming factors and I have been at a loss to comprehend. Chemistry, eh, sighs...perhaps.

I don't find men sexually attractive in the least, but I am knowledgeable about what a 'handsome' or 'virile' man implies and I can recognize such, be it John Wayne, Cary Grant, Matt Damon, or Sylvester Stallone, or a dozen other matinee marvels that seem to attract the ladies.

So...'chemistry', eh, don't you have to get a little close for that?

Just asking...smiles...


Amicus..

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

~~~~

Ah, Rumple, you complicate what I had hoped to be a rather simple inquiry.

Age certainly plays a part, marital status also, but then that involves a morality issue and I did not wish to engage in that. But, 'sexual orientation', I don't deal with same sex attractions, that is my choice, take that as you may.

Amicus...

Adherence to the KISS Principle is usually well justified.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Vermilion]

~~~

I guess that is part of it Vermilion, one of the things I have noticed is that some very attractive, cultured, intellectual women have been 'with' some very 'ugly buggers' with no discernible redeeming factors and I have been at a loss to comprehend. Chemistry, eh, sighs...perhaps.

I don't find men sexually attractive in the least, but I am knowledgeable about what a 'handsome' or 'virile' man implies and I can recognize such, be it John Wayne, Cary Grant, Matt Damon, or Sylvester Stallone, or a dozen other matinee marvels that seem to attract the ladies.

So...'chemistry', eh, don't you have to get a little close for that?

Just asking...smiles...


Amicus..

Matt Damon is wetter than a swimming pool. Virile my arse. He's a big girl.

Ewan McGregor baby, yeah <nods emphatically>

x
V

(Because I felt you deserved a threadjack after what you did to my poor ickle thread )

 

[egelante]

Matt Damon is wetter than a swimming pool. Virile my arse. He's a big girl.

Ewan McGregor baby, yeah <nods emphatically>

x
V

(Because I felt you deserved a threadjack after what you did to my poor ickle thread )

I agree... Ewan McGregor all the way...

 

[amicus]

Being male might hamper me in actually answering your question (though, as I do not understand it, perhaps this is irrelevant), but it does not seem to preclude me from making a few observations.

Without wishing to be obtuse, I think that you might be over-estimating the differences between men and women. Also, I wonder if you are muddling two discrete situations: meeting someone and seeing someone at a distance.

The problem for me is going to be getting my thoughts across: I have a short concentration span, so I apologise if I drift.

So...to begin with: me, the male meeting someone.

In a situation where I actually meet someone, be they male or female, I am on many levels estimating them - not in a judgemental way, but in a fashion that will allow me to interact with them better. Some of this will be purely abstract thought - mental notes of things like voice, dress, posture, and so on.

But on another level my reactions are intuitive. I do not "think" that someone bearing themselves and wearing clothes well exudes confidence, I simply feel their confidence. I gain a (generally fairly accurate) impression of them from what I feel as I listen to what they say, how they say it, how they move, and how that relates to everything else I've already noticed.

If it applies, I "feel" whether or not they are attractive. I might "think" that they could be sometime in the future.

And that brings me to the other situation, me, the male observing someone.

When seeing someone I don't know at a distance, I work entirely differently: the person is removed from me, my thoughts are removed from them, I do not particularly "feel". I might abstractedly "think" that I like a given line of the body, or the cheekbone or whatever striking feature they may have. I might "feel" that it is beautiful and makes them more attractive, but that is still slightly abstract.


Now. The first case seems to be "feeling", the second "thinking". And so perhaps the differences are more attached to situation than to gender? To the mood that someone is in when another walks past more than to a set pattern...

~~~

Well, thank you Elegante, don't recognize your name, but appreciate your thoughts and you gave birth to one of my own...

Something in what you said keyed something...a cocktail party, crowded room, people close together, moving here and there, a woman sniffs and follows a man, maybe it was a commercial for a cologne or an aftershave, dunno, but the 'chemistry' bit, could work both ways and either is worth a story, I have a poem somewhere, called, 'Her Perfume'.

Feeling and thinking...yes....worth a muse or two.

Thanks again...


Amicus

 

[egelante]

~~~

Well, thank you Elegante, don't recognize your name, but appreciate your thoughts and you gave birth to one of my own...

Something in what you said keyed something...a cocktail party, crowded room, people close together, moving here and there, a woman sniffs and follows a man, maybe it was a commercial for a cologne or an aftershave, dunno, but the 'chemistry' bit, could work both ways and either is worth a story, I have a poem somewhere, called, 'Her Perfume'.

Feeling and thinking...yes....worth a muse or two.

Thanks again...


Amicus

In a sense, I think you missed the point of that, in that the "think" and "feel" parameters were derived from you opening post. I'm making the point that this isn't so much a gender difference as a contextual one.

 

[amicus]

Matt Damon is wetter than a swimming pool. Virile my arse. He's a big girl.

Ewan McGregor baby, yeah <nods emphatically>

x
V

(Because I felt you deserved a threadjack after what you did to my poor ickle thread )

~~~~

Sighs...I did apologize for your ickle thread...gads, girl...



Ami

 

[amicus]

In a sense, I think you missed the point of that, in that the "think" and "feel" parameters were derived from you opening post. I'm making the point that this isn't so much a gender difference as a contextual one.

~~~

Therein, I think, we have a disagreement, as I think it is very much a gender difference.

To be honest with the forum in general, this thread was just a precursor to a larger inquiry concerning what men get from sex and what women get from sex, also, which, again, I think, is totally different for each.

Again, and I reiterate, this inquiry is not of a personal nature, rather a professional one, as writers who attempt to relation fictional representations of real life circumstances.

And of course it deals in generalities, how else can one form a base of understanding?

Amicus...

 

[egelante]

~~~

Therein, I think, we have a disagreement, as I think it is very much a gender difference.

To be honest with the forum in general, this thread was just a precursor to a larger inquiry concerning what men get from sex and what women get from sex, also, which, again, I think, is totally different for each.

Again, and I reiterate, this inquiry is not of a personal nature, rather a professional one, as writers who attempt to relation fictional representations of real life circumstances.

And of course it deals in generalities, how else can one form a base of understanding?

Amicus...

If you're choosing to view this as the writer's function, then surely you must acknowledge that reality deals most with specifics, and that the knowledge of a general trend can only serve as something to be played with in the same way as a cliche.

Surely there is enough literature to culture an understanding of the generality, and even more painfully, the stereotype. I'm quite uncertain as to how well this medium would help you in that, other than perhaps creating a list of words and concepts to apply or avoid applying to either sex because they are or are not "generally" accepted. Such already exist, to my knowledge, although perhaps not in the same place.

In a sense, years of experiencing, observing, listening to, and connecting specifics are the only things we can do to create a useful base of knowledge in this area... And that knowledge will tell us that to rely on generality, and in particular gender, to form expectations is dangerous.

And so why not use the opportunity to discuss the specific and contextual instead?

 

[Arafura]

I have a friend who goes for two things: shoulders and teeth. Teeth must be straight and white and healthy. Shoulders, brawny, strong, in her memorable wording: "shoulders you can grab while you fuck".

You say this:

When a man looks upon a woman, or a boy upon a girl, or a guy upon a gal, use the term that suits you, what does the male think of when he views her?

“Oh, man, I’d love to nail that!” “Wow, to get my hands on her!” “Jesus, what a knockout” “Oh, my God, she’s beautiful/marvelous/wonderful/exciting…(add your own). Or. “God, how can I meet her?” “Those eyes! I’m lost in them!”

about men's reaction to women. I think there are many times when women have similar reactions to men, particularly, getting lost in someone else's eyes. There is an equivalent "damn I wanna jump him" sentiment (that's really not so sentimental).

However, my own experience has been one of piqued interest. Something about him, a look, an expression he makes, a smile, an infectious laugh, a sparkle of intelligence in his eyes. It makes me want to know more. I am curious. Aflutter.

I recognize something in him, hard to describe, a spark, something kindred. This can occur with a variety of shapes and sizes and looks, this spark, and I think that's why it's difficult to capture.

However, Ewan McGregor. Yes.

 

[Vermilion]

However, Ewan McGregor. Yes.

See? He is universal...
x
V

 

[gauchecritic]

I'm not sure that first impressions are all that important when it comes to relationships. A quick drunk fuck in an alley behind the dance hall is a different matter.
But when it comes to relationships there needs to be something other than smouldering eyes or big tits.

On height. Being six foot tall myself (5'11" if you need the truth) I don't meet a great many women that are taller. In the past I've found some immediate attraction to taller women (my wife is 5' 9")
At work there was a new woman started, she was slightly taller than me, well muscled (ex-tennis pro), blond hair, nice figure and laughed at my jokes. I found her attractive.
A couple of weeks ago another woman started work there. Same height, blonde hair, slightly heavier (but I do enjoy curves) and I couldn't be less attracted.

I recall a pop song from many years ago which had as refrain "I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see, if I was looking back at her."

Knowing you are 'attractive to' is a big attraction.

 

[angelicminx]

Ami, I haven't read many of the other posts, so I may be way off base, but I'll answer what I think is your question, and then I'll attempt Rumply's.

Sometimes the first thing that gets my attention is a voice. A deep timbre in a male voice is likely to cause whiplash. Think James Earl Jones or Tone Loc. (The two that come to mind immediately.) I get chills down my spine and get the urge to speak to the owner of the voice, just to hear him speak. Over the years I've learned to suppress the 'Don't talk to them, you might say something stupid' voice inside my head and press on with any innane thing that might come to mind.

The same can be said for a 'smokey' voice from a woman. It's not necessarily a sexual attraction, but a thrilling desire to hear her speak. Impressive has such a voice.

On a purely visual level, I admit to some shallow attractions. I love to see a man with lots of muscle. Broad shoulders, narrow waist, muscular legs, tight ass, etc. I don't, however, think to myself, "I'd love to fuck him." Or "I wonder how he fucks." If my enjoyment of the 'eye candy' even gets to the sexual level it's usually a thought of, "I wonder how soft his lips are." "I wonder how he kisses." "I wonder how his hands would feel on my skin." "It would feel great to be hugged by him."

At the same time, a man of 'average' build, muscularly, who is lifting something I know from experience to be heavy, without the appearance of struggle, I nearly swoon with excitement. Considering my size, any man who could 'carry me over the threashold' without straining himself has the potential to make me delirious with desire.

I find 'ice' blue eyes fascinating, belonging to either sex. Bright green, I get lost.

I love being around tall men. They tend to make me feel tiny and secure. Add muscle mass to that mix and my heart is racing.

Now, my awareness of the people around me, males specifically, changes day to day. Most of the time I don't pay much attention to who is passing by or give more than a passing thought to someone I've spoken with. It takes something special to make me stop and say, "Wow, I need to interact with that person." I flirt with some of the people I do business with, because I like to make people smile.

Generally speaking, when I see an 'attractive' person, of either sex, I think, "Wow, he (or she) is hot!" or "Nice ass." There are times I catch myself staring and have to look away. My grandmother ground it into my brain as a child that, "It's not polite to stare."

I have an appreciation for the beauty of the human body. Most times, I feel, that appreciation is rather shallow, focusing only on societal standards that I grew up with of what is beautiful and what is not. However, I have met a lot of people that do not meet those standards of physical beauty which I find beautiful through the course of conversation, or just with a smile that seems to light up the room. I keep an open mind and don't remove a person from a potential partner list just because the initial jolt of attraction is not there. Sometimes it takes a minute or two for lightning to strike, or there's a delay in the firework fuse.

 

[angelicminx]

Good question, Ami. Let me propose an additional one. How do women's age, maritial status, sexual orientation, etc. change their initial preceptions of and reactions to, a male?

Rumple Foreskin

I'm now very happily married and I find myself, more often than not, not being aware of the people around me on a 'sexual level'. The sweaty palm reaction is just not there.

 

[angelicminx]

~~~

Well, thank you Elegante, don't recognize your name, but appreciate your thoughts and you gave birth to one of my own...

Something in what you said keyed something...a cocktail party, crowded room, people close together, moving here and there, a woman sniffs and follows a man, maybe it was a commercial for a cologne or an aftershave, dunno, but the 'chemistry' bit, could work both ways and either is worth a story, I have a poem somewhere, called, 'Her Perfume'.

Feeling and thinking...yes....worth a muse or two.

Thanks again...


Amicus

This is going to sound really gross, but I have been around a few men whose body odor turned me on. I don't know why, but they smelled really good to me. And no, I know it was their own personal scent I was smelling, not some fragrance purchased somewhere.