Anonymous, by C. Eldridge

[Pure]

Why is/is-not this a piece of good writing? And in any case,
does it kinda grab you? why?

Anonymous

by Courtney Eldridge

in, _Nerve: Literate Smut_ [1998]

[start of story]
He fucked his girlfriend, and he fucked his wife. He fucked his neighbor, the chesty brunette who routinely powdered, lotioned, dressed, and undressed in front of her bay window in broad daylight and who requested he hog-tie her with men’s ties—so he bound her with whales and sailboats and anchors and then fucked her on the stained hardwood floor until she squealed. He fucked his best friend’s wife in his best friend’s mahogany four-post bed, and fucked his best friends wife’s best friend….

[later in story]
He fucked a scrawny baby dyke ticket-taker uptown, fucked her up the ass, for novelty’s sake; stuck his fingers in her mouth, cupping her chin, and, reaching around her tiny waist with his available hand, balanced her trigone upon his three middle fingers; and then he washed. He fucked an angel-faced bouncer, wearing chaps, off-duty, downtown, after downing a double shot of whiskey, straight. He fucked his statuesque dominatrix who was also off-duty, in her cavernous black dungeon, after she untied his balls, spat in his face, and repeatedly called him filthy names, deriding him for the hassles of latex care—but not quite up to her usual today, not today—so he fucked her tits instead. He fucked his sister-in- law's ruby lips, his pixie-cut sister-in-law, whose red lips peeled horribly due to her matte lipstick, and kindly accepted her Kleenex after coffee. He fucked his sister-in -law’s scruffy, collegiate boyfriend, then he came in her boyfriend’s unshaven face and wiped him clean with the same Kleenex, after tea. …//

Note: This is a short short story of maybe 850 words.
There is a change of tenor in the last part; {{ I won't tell the ending.}} Edited: See the second and final excerpt, below.

 

[TheEarl]

Sounds like apiece in the humour section. Can't remember who wrote it, but it's called #1 Cliche. Well worth a read.

The Earl

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Well, its got a helluva lot of action but, IMHO, the plot's a tad thin and there doesn't seem to be much character development.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[NoJo]

I like it. It's very 60's (like me): That was when saying 'fuck' a lot was still slightly risque and exciting. Reminds me of Terry Southern.

We used to play 'Fuck and Cunt' as kids (sort of next step up from 'Bangers and Mash'):

E.g. Winston Cunt (Churchill):

"We will fuck them on the shores, we will fuck them on the beaches, and we will NEVER surrender."

 

[NorthwestRain]

I like the flow it's got. Definatly worthy of a read.

 

[MathGirl]

Anonymous

by Courtney Eldridge

in, _Nerve: Literate Smut_ [1998]

He certainly was an active fucker, wasn't he?

 

[Pure]

On second thought, here's a bit more, from later in the story, then the end. Any comments on the first sentence, last para "He showered..." or its amazing second clause of almost 100 words
"then he called his mother'' up to 'hours upon hours' (italicked by me).

1)When does a sentence of this length 'work'? Is it clear? Ever tried to pull it off?

2) The story shows also a point I haven't heard much comment on: the compatiblity of first and third person narration in the same pov; here, shown in an abrupt transition. Does the change--which is actually not a shift of pov--work?

Anonymous,
by C Eldridge,
in _Nerve: Literate Smut_

[begin second excerpt]

He fucked his wife upon their kitchen table, twisting her left arm, then right arm, then both arms behind her back; he pinned her fine wrists and pulled her hair, watching her graceful neck and porcelain chin jutting foraward , before she changed her panties and primped for a business dinner, her social business.
[…]

He showered, then called his girlfriend, whose tits he’d soaped and kneaded that morning, his rosy handprints lashing her breasts, and who was indisposed, by the sound of her hoarse voice; then he called his mother, who was also indisposed, busy with her senility, and who no longer remembered his first name, often confusing him with a man she confessed loving long before his own father, asking when he would make passionate love to her as he once did, breathless as she recounted the first time, at the lake, after he threw her into the water, and gently laid her against the warm, jagged rock or against the juniper trees, wearing her white eyelet sundress, or that once while she sat on the tire swing kicking her tanned legs through the air, and he gripped the rope, cutting his strong hands—when would he love her as he once did for hours upon hours; then he called me, and spoke to my machine: I know you’re home; and so I was. Then: But you know how I feel about you; and so I do, though I still did not answer. I simply listened, before I wept, immediately erasing the message.//
[end]

 

[MathGirl]

F word

E.g. Winston Cunt (Churchill):

"We will fuck them on the shores, we will fuck them on the beaches, and we will NEVER surrender."

"We're gonna fuck ya now, Sheriff. And we're gonna fuck ya real slow."

George Carlin

 

[wildsweetone]

I'm amazed how easy it was to read those pieces you've posted Pure.

I think the key to reading them easily is the placement of the commas. They are all placed in a position where a slight pause in reading occurs naturally.

The smattering of description gives colour and I have an odd feeling that what you've shown me seems almost poetic.

Are the paragraphs broken exactly as they are in the original story?

 

[Pure]

Yes, paras. are as in the original, with the truncations shown.
Glad you liked the piece.

J.

 

[wildsweetone]

I found it very fast moving... found myself reading it fast. Did you?

 

[Pure]

WSG says

I found it very fast moving... found myself reading it fast. Did you?


Yes, the end has nice flow and the 'fuck' part seems to have increasing speed.... signifying...

Does the end make you wonder if the guy was doing all or most of that 'fucking' only in his head?

 

[MathGirl]

Does the end make you wonder if the guy was doing all or most of that 'fucking' only in his head?

I assumed from the start that this was all going on in the guy's head. Someone obviously didn't do all that fucking in real life. I believe the reader is supposed to be looking at things through his eyes and thinking his thoughts.

 

[gauchecritic]

It seems to me that there is a very deep and emotional thing going on in the story and the fucking, because of its repetition is very marginal to what the piece is really about, that is the change of POV as pointed out.

I still can't put my finger on what it IS about but it's definitely NOT about fucking lots of people.

I did enjoy it though.

Gauche