Anger Management.

[ABSTRUSE]

I've been dealing with a lot of emotions lately, but the one that worries me is my anger.
It affects my ability to communicate, I will either be overly sarcastic or just do a complete flip out.

How do you deal with your anger issues?

~ABs~

 

[gauchecritic]

I don't. They seem to just dissipate after a short while. Neither can I hold grudges.

It's a poor way to be if you worry about what others think about you. I just don't really care.

If I'm angry about something I read in the local paper perhaps then I will write to the letters page to vent and let others know they should be angry too.

But if I'm angry because someone complains about me turning off the 'big screen' in my pub so that other drinkers can come in the room without having to face 22 men kicking a ball about, then I just vent to my brother and order another drink.

For a long time my 'philosophy' has been "It's all bollocks", and I try to apply it to all walks of life.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. Does it?

Gauche

 

[cloudy]

I obviously have anger problems, as most of y'all know, but only with specific issues. I try to walk away, and realize that I can't change people when they have decided that they're not bigots, when they so obviously are.....at least to me.

(the key word in that statement is "try." I don't always succeed)

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Thanks G & C,

Mine goes hand in hand with my depression.

Unfortunatly it makes it a little hard to be around me at times.

Anybody meditate?

 

[MercyMia]

This is a good question for me. I'm working on anger because it has the power to silence me. When I feel very angry, I clam up because I'm afraid I'll say something permanently damaging to the other person. I know this isn't good for me, though. What I've tried to do lately is put my anger aside and look at what triggered it as if I am not a participant in the situation. Then I sort of "referee," trying to see both sides of the story and come up with suggestions to both sides (myself and the person who angered me) on how to resolve the conflict. If I can (and it's not often that I can), I then approach the person who angered me and share my insights. My thoughts are not always welcome, of course. I'm learning to choose what people are worth investing this kind of time and effort in.



P.S. Anger also triggers depression in me, or a feeling of powerlessness, being unable to make things better.

 

[Guest]

its so hard for me to get angry.. the situation has to be extreme and then if i reach that point.. i merely explode verbally and its over.
letting things stew .. i dont understand that.. people can literally get physically ill when they keep things inside. thats a no go in my book.. just get it out.. let it go.. move on.

life is to short. i want to embrace the good while i can.

 

[Guest]

Abby, I was raised to believe anger was a sin. Very bad experience until I met my best friend, both of us in our mid-20s. She expressed everything, and well.

I do think real depression is greatly assisted by suppressed anger, so you're on the way to getting better.

The hardest bit is controlling or releasing it. At some point (in my 40s) I was able to disassociate my 'self' from the anger and either take it or leave it. Mostly I 'take' it if it seems it will help a situation (or communication), but I 'leave' it to dissipate if it merely looks useless. (I still work on that, though and end up apologizing to someone.)

You'll get it I'm sure, you've got the smarts and desire.

Perdita

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Abby, I was raised to believe anger was a sin. Very bad experience until I met my best friend, both of us in our mid-20s. She expressed everything, and well.

I do think real depression is greatly assisted by suppressed anger, so you're on the way to getting better.

The hardest bit is controlling or releasing it. At some point (in my 40s) I was able to disassociate my 'self' from the anger and either take it or leave it. Mostly I 'take' it if it seems it will help a situation (or communication), but I 'leave' it to dissipate if it merely looks useless. (I still work on that, though and end up apologizing to someone.)

You'll get it I'm sure, you've got the smarts and desire.

Perdita

Thanks P, once I learn to deal with my problems and be able to talk about them, it may help.
I see the dr. on monday to get my meds checked and I'm hoping that will help, as well as having him recommend the possibily of seeing a shrink.
Keep your fingers crossed.
~A~

 

[impressive]

I write. No, not erotica. Face-to-face, I get these mental blocks ... and I never seem to say what I really want to say. (I hardly ever raise my voice -- 'cept, unfortunately, at my kids.) So, whether or not I plan to deliver my missive, I write it all out. Really helps me focus and calm down.

What I've come to realize is that most people who anger me are NOT acting out of malice. That fact settles me more than any other.

Peace,

 

[impressive]

I just noticed the mention of depression in one post and I'm going to jump in with some unsolicited advice. I tried several anti-depressants and hated each of them. It seemed they took my "spark" and left me even more apathetic. I gained weight and lost interest in myself. I wasn't crying all the time -- but I wasn't doing anything else, either.

What has made the most difference for me has been omega-3 supplements. I've never felt better & I've been Rx-free for over a year.

Netrition.com has a good product, as does omegabrite.com

 

[rgraham666]

Myself, I treated anger as an addiction.

Which I believe it is. You get addicted to the adrenaline and endorphin rush that anger invokes.

So I treated it like an addiction and tried to stay away from the things that made me angry and to control my craving for anger. Which I discovered to my chagrin, I did.

I finally discovered that my anger was closely related to my feeling of powerlessness.

Growing up being told in every day and every way what a useless twat I was, got me to believing that. I hated being powerless and it made me angry.

So every time I feel powerless I get angry.

I ended up following the AA credo, "God grant me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference."

It seems to have worked, for the most part, so far.

 

[Boota]

I have worked very hard at getting my anger under control. I used to get so mad that I would black out and when I came around I would find out that I had really hurt someone. I came around in a van one time with all my friends piled on top of me and I was covered in blood. But none of it was mine. They told me that I beat two guys until neither one could move. That scared the shit out of me and I had to get control of my temper. If I didn't reign it in I have no doubt that I would be in prison today.

Meditation did work for me. Meditation and vigilance. I don't have the same anger issues anymore, and I haven't for a long time. It is something that you have to be conscious of at all times until it becomes second nature to let things slide. I still get mad occasionally, but I think before I start dishing out injuries. People who didn't know me back then see how easy going I am now and they find it hard to believe how I used to be whenever anyone tells them. My brothers wife used to go on about how mellow and quiet I am. When he told her about the time I tried to kill him when we were teenagers she was shocked.

If you really want to control your anger and you are devoted to doing it, simply being conscious of it is your best weapon. Recognize when something is getting to you and internalize it. Ask why it is bothering you so much. Take as many deep breaths as necessary. Physically remove yourself from the source of your anger. Whatever it takes. What helped me was the idea that I wasn't in control of myself. I hate that. It's one of the reasons I rarely drink and I never get drunk or do other drugs. I hate the idea that something external can be allowed to manipulate my emotions, so I just decided to stop it.

 

[Guest]

Try this:

Find a place that's quiet, with no one around.

At the top of your lungs start screaming: "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

Continue this non-stop until you laugh.

I know it sounds pretty stupid but try it. It's always worked well for me.

And if nothing else. You can always just cry on my shoulder. I got two of 'em. No waiting.




BTW: Depression is just anger without enthusiasm. If your gonna do somethin' do it right. Scream.

 

[impressive]

Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.

Damn, that's good. Mind if I steal it?

The screaming thing works for a while. However, I always ended up with a "good cry" as opposed to a good laugh.

The neighbors, on the other hand, really wondered what the hell was going on!

 

[Guest]

Damn, that's good. Mind if I steal it?

The screaming thing works for a while. However, I always ended up with a "good cry" as opposed to a good laugh.

The neighbors, on the other hand, really wondered what the hell was going on!

Go ahead, I did.

 

[CharleyH]

First off, don't take anger management lessons from Naomi Campbell

Like Gauche, my anger dissipates rather quickly, and I don't hold grudges. Of course, I do get irritated a lot, particularly with other people's indecisiveness in choosing a god damn toilet paper! How the FUCK DIFFICULT is THAT!



Simplistically, I look at life as too short to be angry long, too short to not forgive idiosyncracies, but long enough to enjoy all the beauty around me.

 

[sincerely_helene]

If it's any consolation, Abs, I quite enjoy your sarcastic retorts.

I've even started writing them down for future referance when I am running low.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

If it's any consolation, Abs, I quite enjoy your sarcastic retorts.

I've even started writing them down for future referance when I am running low.

Make a book and I'll autograph it for you.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Originally posted by ABSTRUSE
I see the dr. on monday to get my meds checked and I'm hoping that will help, as well as having him recommend the possibily of seeing a shrink.
Keep your fingers crossed.
~A~

I had anger issues too when I was taking a fairly high dose of the anti-depresent Remeron. I would suddenly start fuming at the least little indignity and frustration.

That went away when they decreased the dose.

---dr.M.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Shrinks are evil.
I trust them even less than the pill pushing Physicians.

 

[Guest]

Shrinks are evil. I trust them even less than the pill pushing Physicians.

Helene, I don't know what you mean by 'shrinks', e.g., psychiatrists, therapists, psychoanalysts, etc. Still, though I do all the work, I credit my therapist with helping me still be alive and continuing to become a more and better self. P.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Sorry, P. Was speaking from my personal experiances with the afore mentioned. I'm glad to hear you have a better medical system where you live. Here, they meet with you for fifteen minutes (if your lucky), slap a label on you, put you on medication stronger than what is considered illeagal on the streets, then send you on your way.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Nobody better laugh!!!!!!!!

I read it in a book, I forget the book, author, storyline, everything except the woman put bunny ears on her slippers. When she would feel bad or depressed, lonely or angry, she would put on her slippers with the bunny ears. And of course you can't take anything too seriously when you have bunny ears on your slippers.
They don't sell them any more, you have to buy a childs stuffed bunny-- gut it, skin it, chop its ear off ---- and then sew them on a pair of slippers. The anger management release of mutilating a bunny is also very good.


YES, I ADMIT IT, I HAVE SLIPPERS WITH BUNNY EARS ON THEM!!!

 

[sincerely_helene]

I hear that method is even more effective when you use real bunnies.

 

[Guest]

Lisa, luvvy, that's an excellent idea. However, as I have a live bunny who hops about at feet level, I'll have to find another silly thing to put on my slippers (hopefully without having to gut it).

Thanks, sweetie, I continue to learn from you.

Mum