Anger Anonymous

[rgraham666]

Hello. My name is rgraham666 and I'm an addict.

I am addicted to anger.

I was raised by another anger addict and an enabler. I was taught that the only really allowable emotion was anger. I was taught that it was correct behaviour to react to every tiny little frustration with fury.

And that fury felt good. God, what a high it is! The warm feelings rushing through you as the adrenaline surges. The utter high as the endorphins envelop your brain.

What a complete and fucking rush!

But like all addictions there were a lot of problems attached to it.

Since I was either high or on a downer, my behaviour was often strange. I couldn't quite mesh with the rest of the world. This, of course, made me angry. So it fed my habit.

And as all addicts do, I needed more frequent and larger hits to maintain my high. So any little frustration, or big one that I could do nothing about, set me off. I ended up living in a haze caused by my habit.

But the human body can't handle something like this. Soon, all the triggers were too scarred to be set off. I couldn't feed my addiction anymore.

So my fall was as deep as my high. And that was very far indeed. That fall was nearly all the way to the grave.

I'm much better now. I've spent a lot of years examining my soul, learning who and what I am, what my limitations are and what my power is.

I very rarely get angry now, and it no longer holds any joy for me. And in many ways, I've put it aside, regarding it as a part of me that is of no use to myself or others.

But I still remember how it felt, and some of me still misses it. I'll always be an addict.

 

[impressive]

Angry or not, you have a beautiful spirit, Rob.

 

[rgraham666]

Thank you Imp.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Women are often taught that anger is an inappropriate emotion and should not be expressed. I think that's bullshit. Anger can be channeled into determination and productive action, and need not be suppressed at all times.

My heart goes out to you, my friend. And kudos for your efforts to control your addiction. It is an admirable feat.

 

[TxRad]

Hmmmm, have you been reading the story of my life?

Luckily I learned early the pitfalls of anger, I had the perfect example right in front of me growing up. And yes, Mom was the enabler and the instigator in a lot of cases....

I feel for ya Rob... The military, bullet holes and hospitals give me time to think and figure out what I was doing wrong....

One thing about it though.. without the highs then you can't see the lows and without the lows you can't appreaciate just how good the middle really feels....

Hang in there brother, everything happens for a reason....

 

[rgraham666]

Women are often taught that anger is an inappropriate emotion and should not be expressed. I think that's bullshit. Anger can be channeled into determination and productive action, and need not be suppressed at all times.

My heart goes out to you, my friend. And kudos for your efforts to control your addiction. It is an admirable feat.

Thank you LadyJ. And to you Rad.

I think, as is so often the case, it is a matter of balance.

In my case, anger was the only emotion allowed. If I had other emotions, ones I wasn't supposed to be bad for having, the anger wouldn't have been a problem.

And as LadyJ pointed out, anger can be useful. It's not always an inappropriate emotion.

But I'm still having problems with other emotions. I still don't really know how to accept or nurture them.

Almost all human behaviour is learned. I had very bad teachers.

 

[Guest]

Hang in there brother, everything happens for a reason....

I believe everything does happen for a reason. But it doesn't have to be a good reason.

You can't beat yourself up when bad things happen to good people. Sometimes they just happen.

Rob, you are certainly one of the nicest people I've ever met on-line. Whatever your struggle has been, you are handling it with strength and dignity.

 

[rgraham666]

Thank you sarah.

 

[erise]

Anger to me is like highwire walking. As long as you focus, you can use it to get ahead. But if you don't watch your step, the fall is painful, possibly lethal.

You seem to have learned this, rgraham (Rob, is it?), and come out on the wiser side of it. Too bad not more people have that insight.

 

[R. Richard]

Hello. My name is rgraham666 and I'm an addict.

I am addicted to anger.

Hello, my name is R. Richard. I am not an addict, I am a user.

I grew up in a violent, inner-city neighborhood. Rage was the tool I used to survive. Rage increased my strength, sharpened my reflexes and even allowed me to detect things about me that normally only an animal could sense. I am alive today because of rage.

If rage was a tool, I did not like rage. Rage requires a lot of resources. I was already having trouble acquiring the resources to feed myself. Rage required more food. However, rage provided the strength to acquire the needed food. I honed the tool.

 

[rgraham666]

*bump*

 

[McKenna]

I think I was on vacation when you first posted this Rob, but dang! I can so relate!


All I can say is thank God for therapy. It does a body good.

 

[rgraham666]

It does indeed, McKenna.

I bumped this because there's been a sudden outbreak of anger here. I just wanted people to know how much damage anger can do.

The problem is that anger and hatred are the two most socially acceptable addictions so far too many people find nothing wrong with them. But I think they're more dangerous than crack or smack.

 

[gauchecritic]

It does have a use RG, but as you say, you used it more than reasonably. Like using pliers as a hammer.

With a small adjustment anger is passion. Anger burns but passion fades.

Don't ask me what the adjustment is, I have no idea.

 

[Alexis Haines]

With a small adjustment anger is passion. Anger burns but passion fades.
Don't ask me what the adjustment is, I have no idea.

I know what it is for me... responsibility. As in the ability to respond, instead of react. Easy to say.

Thank you, RG. Don't know what the anger was that made you respond the way you did; but sometimes you wonder how other people find it so easy when you find it so hard, and then you see a post like this and you realize they don't, actually. I think you're doing great.