Angels, Demons and Alex 12

[bashfullyshameless]

...is now up. I imagine anyone who's already been waiting for it will see it in the new stories list before they see this note here, but I figured what the hell. I'm absolutely willing to do a little public whoring in the hopes of more readers!

Feedback is totally welcome. I've actually adopted a few ideas from readers so far -- a couple of them are here, a couple others will make it into future chapters.

A query for those who are reading: is the sex getting old? It's mostly been the same two partners, and while I'm holding my own interest with it, I have concerns with it because of the very nature of this site. My own personal ideas of kink are pretty mild compared to what happen in many of these stories. I genuinely believe that the high ratings I've been getting are mostly from good grammar/mechanics and the non-sex parts of the story, but "ADA" is so contingent on sex that I really don't see it as anything but an erotic story.

I think it's too much sex to be re-worked as a non-(or less-) erotic story, but again, it's not exactly extreeem pr0n.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

We're lazy, give us a link.

 

[Jedi_Khan]

I've often found myself while reading other stories skimming over the sex scenes because they were either so long and drawn out or had gotten old.

However, I haven't gotten to that point yet with your stories, bash. But just in case, I'd suggest that unless the scene involves someone new or someone that has only gone once or twice before, or that there will be some sort of revelation that comes out during the scene, you keep the sex scenes short and sweet, if not glossing over them completely.

For example, I'd say that for chapter 13, you could potentially skip the entire weekend sex-fest between Lorelei and Alex, unless there's something that happens that you really want to portray, such as Lydia or some other demon making a move, or there was some hot maid that joined them for some fun (with Lorelei's encouragement, of course). You're welcome to show the adventures of Onyx and Molly, or maybe even go back to Taylor and possibly Audrey.

But yes, you kinda are correct. The high ratings are mostly for your excellent mechanics (i.e. spelling and grammar) and your superb dialog. I really did love when Alex crushed Lydia's ego with that deadpan line, and then Rachel laying down the law later on. Loved it!

Awhile ago, in one of the comments you put on your story in response to others, you mentioned that you might consider giving Alex some sort of "abilities" that potentially develop as a result of the bond. I have a few suggestions on that note.

While it may not be original, I'd suggest some form of telepathy that develops between Lorelei (and later Rachel) and Alex only, a la The Genie Chronicles. It kinda makes sense considering that during Alex's session with Onyx, Lorelei felt like she was actually the one directly receiving Alex's pleasures. You could start out with the telepathy being limited to maybe line of sight or a quarter mile (some relatively short distance), then as time progresses, have the range of the telepathy increase.

Another suggestion would be to have Alex be able to endure a bit more outside of intimate relations, like being able to take a beating better or endure physical extertion for longer - maybe add a little more strength (not superhuman, just a bit more than one would expect from someone his size). Again, this makes sense considering that he can endure marathon sex sessions with Lorelei; all that "working out" has to affect other aspects not just his sexual endurance. Plus, you've already said that as a result of the bond, he's going to have a very long life.

Whatever you decide for Alex's "abilities," I'd suggest keeping it small and not overly exotic.

I look forward to reading the next chapter, and each one after that. Keep up the good work!

 

[bashfullyshameless]

Link to 12: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=501586


Jedi,

Thanks for the input. I've been kind of leaning more toward glossing over or summarizing rather than doing a play-by-play every time Alex & Lorelei get it on at this point. One of your suggestions is very much on the way next chapter, but I won't tell you which.

As for Alex developing unusual abilities: he's still going to be entirely human rather than supernatural. Yes, he's got extra-spiffy stamina & he's more "endowed" than he was before, but that's really only for sex. The fact that he can take a beating is more his own tenacity than a legacy of what sleeping with Lorelei has done to him...one could banter back and forth about whether or not she makes a huge difference there, but that's really just minutia.

If he has a superpower, it's his ability to surround himself with gorgeous, sexually open-minded, non-possessive women who are either straight-up bisexual or at least bi-curious. The giant statistical anomaly presented by this is not lost on me, but hell. It's pr0n for god's sake.

(I have been really, really flattered by the people who have noted that there's a lot of emotion in my stories, but at the same time, part of me thinks, "Guys, it's smut. Did you miss the whole part where people are boinking against a car?")

 

[Jedi_Khan]

Of course he's gonna stay entirely human. I wasn't suggesting that he become something other than human.

Okay, so Lorelei "gives" him some sexual bonuses, but I wonder what Rachel will provide once she and Alex get it on? Just some food for thought.

And no, we didn't miss the boinking against the car. It just got kinda eclipsed later on by Alex brushing off another succubus and Rachel's badassness.

Anyways, I do hope that next chapter is coming along smoothly. I'd give it about a week before people start really pestering you with questions like "When's the next chapter coming?" and stuff like that. Unlike them, I'll be patient and bide my time. Have fun!

 

[nigil]

I really like your story there.
And it's not getting old yet, since there is progression even if not so much between Lori and Alex.
Some side-plots or events will make it look less flat (I liked Molly talking 'cat'). Maybe revisit some characters, like Tyler, so they don't look like used and abandoned dolls to the reader.
Now I'm antsy for the action when Onyx and Lorelei clash. That should be good
Hope they become friends eventually and Onyx can learn a few tricks from her later on.

Anyhow, I loved Genie Chronicles but something like that telepathy stuff suggested wouldn't fit this story in my opinion.

That said, all over it's a little 'normal' for my taste. But that probably fits the masses and got you that rating. I could do with more kink and it feels like you ventured there (Alex and his mother) but backpedaled later? For me it would be fun if Alex explores their newer master/slave understanding further with some bondage. The Angel could do a little dominating the demon too... oooh, so she get's to find her darker side too. Would be only fair on The Balance
But I guess that won't happen.

Your hinting at a finish line makes me a little uneasy. That reincarnation and old souls talk is not my cup so much.
But looks like there will be major bang with the Pit. And a memorable story always needs some drama.