And yet, I still miss her...

[CMK89]

Central Oklahoma born and raised in the city, moved in with my gf/babymomma to the country, where we started a homestead. We have one kid/daughter, who's recently turned 3.
My BM and I are still dating, though I was kicked out a few months ago. So we don't live together, due to some complicated circumstances, that mostly involves her mom. I visit every Tuesday and Thursday and spend weekends with them. So I see them quite regularly, and yet, I still miss them. I Love my Daughter and I know and see/feel that she Loves me. But I don't feel that from my gf/bm.
Even before the separation, we were becoming more and more distant. To where it felt like we were roommates that shared a bed. Even now, when I visit, I feel like I'm only wanted there to help with our daughter. I don't even get a kiss with "So how was your day?" We only talk about the necessities, such as what pertains to our daughter or the chores of the day/week on the farm.
We use to have a kinky relationship in the bedroom with power exchanges that we haven't explored in over 2 years.
I'm at the point where I'm not sure if her and our relationship is going to last, for she doesn't show any desire for me. I feel like she's only with me for our daughter.
I know threads aren't really meant for this, not meant for sob stories, I just really needed to get it out and maybe some others can relate in some ways. If you want to get your story off your heart, feel free to drop it here. Maybe you've been in a similar situation, and things are better with you and your s/o. If that's the case, what worked for you two?
Maybe it didn't workout, but the breakup made things better between the two of you. If so, how so?
I appreciate any and all who reads this and reaches out. Even if your advice or yoursl story doesn't help or relates to me personally, it could very well help someone else.

 

[Strixaluco]

You are not the only who has opened his or her heart on this forum. There are plenty of stories in some threads concerning for example sexless marriage... (mine included)

I'm at the point where I'm not sure if her and our relationship is going to last, for she doesn't show any desire for me. I feel like she's only with me for our daughter.

I have to say that it really sounds like that, the way you tell it. Maybe it would be fair to discuss it in the open?

 

[CMK89]

You are not the only who has opened his or her heart on this forum. There are plenty of stories in some threads concerning for example sexless marriage... (mine included)

I have to say that it really sounds like that, the way you tell it. Maybe it would be fair to discuss it in the open?

I brought it up/opened uo to her just last Tuesday again and she says she desires me, but uses being tired from the farm and Kins "our daughters nickname" and she has Kins sleeping in our bed. And she won't start the challenge of transitioning Kins back to her own bed. (Started when Kins had a cold about a year ago.) So what that tells me, is her comfort and personal time is more important to her, than a relationship.

 

[CMK89]

you are airing now

Airing?

 

[Strixaluco]

I can't say what worked for me, because nothing worked in my case. Well, we kind of got closer mentally when he got his terminal diagnosis and realised I am still not leaving him (and know I think know why he was afraid of that - not for the reason he told me).

But mostly both mental and physical intimacy was lacking, and the mental side usually feels worse. There's no good reason for not hugging, kissing and giving some attention in my opinion.

 

[CMK89]

I can't say what worked for me, because nothing worked in my case. Well, we kind of got closer mentally when he got his terminal diagnosis and realised I am still not leaving him (and know I think know why he was afraid of that - not for the reason he told me).

But mostly both mental and physical intimacy was lacking, and the mental side usually feels worse. There's no good reason for not hugging, kissing and giving some attention in my opinion.

I agree, a most recent example I can give. She hasn't texted me all morning and all day at work. Not even to see if I'm still alive.... granted I haven't yet either, I always would, until she kept distancing herself more and more, until my text Goodmorning was left unanswered

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Drop by occasionally, totally at random, with something light about Kins or her own wellbeing. Don't offer anything too serious or pry into anything, don't be completely disheartened by silence. If there is still a flame (however deeply buried) it might keep it burning until she decides to properly rekindle it.

 

[CMK89]

Drop by occasionally, totally at random, with something light about Kins or her own wellbeing. Don't offer anything too serious or pry into anything, don't be completely disheartened by silence. If there is still a flame (however deeply buried) it might keep it burning until she decides to properly rekindle it.

I would but her mom would go bonkers. She already makes statements that I'm trying to weasel back in, when I had specifically got with my BM about a schedule. I will call after work to check in on her and Kins. I will offer, and have follow through with anything they might need. Even if it's an inconvenience on my part. I'll take any discomfort, so long as it makes their lives easier/better. The only thing I won't give up is marijuana, because it's my meds. I don't have a med card though, because I'm not risking losing my 2A right. To add to that, her mom says I can't use/smoke weed on her property, but has talked of starting a grow operation on the same property.

 

[Strixaluco]

Now where's the logic in that

 

[CMK89]

Now where's the logic in that

In what part? My part, my BM or her moms pov?

 

[Strixaluco]

In what part? My part, my BM or her moms pov?

Forbidding you to smoke, but I understood the grow operation meant weed?

 

[Strixaluco]

Also saying she desires you, yet acting like that. Doesn't add upp.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

It sounds like your mother-in-law is unable to relinquish control. She appears to dominate your wife/girlfriend and sees you as effectively a love-rival. I'm afraid that without a steely determination from your lady then, as much as she loves you, she isn't going to be able to live her own life.

 

[Strixaluco]

@CMK89 Beware or you will be just used, one-sidedly. That dynamic sounds FAR from healthy.

 

[CMK89]

@CMK89 Beware or you will be just used, one-sidedly. That dynamic sounds FAR from healthy.

Oh, I'm aware of the level of mental health issues that's surrounding all this. I just can't abandon my daughter to all of it. I've grown in a lot of ways since she was conceived. And still have alot to learn. One way of learning and growing, is to not be afraid of voicing your situation. Everyone has a different walk but may have stepped into a similar light as yours. You might be in it together, supporting in knowing your not alone. They may have made it through, either for the better or worse but can still share what they took in during their time there.