Anal newbie

[farfallina79]

Can anyone help me? I am keen to try anal, actually i have tried it but it has either hurt or i have resisted. I am now in a new relationship and i know my boyfriend loves anal. I really tried to relax and he was so gentle and attentive using lots of lubricant. It began a bit painful but then it got better.

Will my anus stretch so it is not painful at all in the beginning or will it always be like this?

How can i avoid the sensation that i am about to go to the toilet? sometimes i get that feeling when he first inserts, whether it be finger or cock.

Any experienced anal sex goers have some advice for me? i would really appreciate it!

 

[infinity706]

Oh, if you keep at it, you'll definately stretch. Nowdays, I can lubricate something 1 inch in diameter or less and insert it with very little warmup at all and no discomfort. If you're willing to just continue on as you have, your body will eventually adjust on its own. If you'd rather not, you could certainly start with smaller toys and work your way up to his cock size.

As for feeling like you need to shit, that's pretty much unavoidable. That's just the body's natural reaction to anal pressure. As you probably know, it goes away after a little while, though. If you ever get into g spot/prostate play, you'll feel like you need to pee. Afterall, there's really no way to stimulate it without bumping into the urethra and bladder since it's attached to the first and in close proximity to the second.

 

[openminded_boca]

Practice makes perfect

but why post this thread when there are hundreds of active threads with the same question / answer????

take your time and do a little research before you create another thread. You will find other threads more to your liking.....

 

[SweetErika]

but why post this thread when there are hundreds of active threads with the same question / answer????

take your time and do a little research before you create another thread. You will find other threads more to your liking.....

Lots of people start new threads on topics like this because they don't know about resources like The Blank Manual sticky, know how to use the forum search function or google to find things, bother to look at the stickies or threads on the first page or three, they think they have different questions or just want their own thread. Dead-horse topics are a fact of life in How To especially and on Lit in general (even think about how many stories are written on the exact same thing and read very similar!).

Instead of criticizing people for asking about something like anal sex, it'd be nice if you'd "teach them to fish" for the information they need themselves by pointing them to informative threads, things like The Blank Manual and FAQs - Read Before Posting Help Questions stickies, instructions on searching (those can be found in the FAQs sticky) and even sites or books on the topic in question that might be helpful.

Farfallina, I don't think it's so much that the anus stretches over time, it's more that we learn how to deal with penetration with continued practice. Stretching is a temporary thing, and while it certainly helps during the act, our bodies don't remain permanently stretched (if they did, everyone who had lots of sex and/or a baby vaginally would have a gaping anuses and/or vagina, issues with bowel control, etc.).

With practice and the proper technique (there are some good guidelines, but this is going to depend on what works for you and your partner specifically), you should find anal penetration to be painless. That's not to say you won't have some uncomfortable/odd sensations sometimes, but it shouldn't hurt. And if it does, relax, stop what you're doing and see if you need to add more lube, change positions, go at a slower pace, add in another type of stimulation, bear down, etc., to avoid damaging those delicate tissues.

The Blank Manual sticky has some really fantastic advice and ideas on anal play and sex, so I'd strongly encourage both you and your partner to read through the Anal section of it. We found successful, painless anal can take a lot of trial and error, communication and coordination - it's really about both of us doing the right things at the right times, and (for us) the receiver controlling the speed and depth of penetration, at least at first. So, I feel like it's critical for both people to have the same foundation of information and be on the same page about it for the best experience possible.

Good luck!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think a lot of discomfort is usually down to nerves. The more nervous and tense you are, the more your anus will resist being penetrated with anything. Try getting some lube and opening yourself up gradually with 1, 2 or more fingers (yours or his). Also, if you make sure you get plenty of clit stimulation it should help relax you and mitigate discomfort.

 

[Burstplayer]

First post here. Thought I could add my recent experiences.

My wife and I have tried and failed at anal sex many times over the past couple of years. She has been great at trying to get it to work, but it has always been very difficult to get any penetration even though I was patient and used plenty of lube. I would eventually lose interest at the prospect of failing again and figure it just wasn't going to happen.

Initially, I thought she was tensing too much and not relaxing her ass enough to encourage my cock to slide in. Upon many tried attempts and now finally very successful and mind blowing anal sex, here's what works for us:

1.) Lots of foreplay for her. Get her very wet and even have her cum a few times in a very relaxed session where the man focuses strictly on what she likes.

2.) Start off with something small. A well-lubed finger works well, but invest in a small butt plug that you can gently work in-out and circle around. Then leave it in her ass for a while while you continue to pleasure her pussy.

3.) Work up to something a little larger. After her anus has accomodated the small plug, insert a slightly larger one to continue the stretching process. Add more lube and slowly work the medium plug until she's very comfortable with a larger object in her anus. What you are doing is essentially "training" her anus to eventually take your cock with ease.

4.) Work in a dildo that is slightly larger than the real thing. After 2 other plugs and a couple orgasms, her anus will be ready for the final prep. Add plently of lube to a dildo that is like your cock, but slightly bigger. Spend about 5 minutes or so working the larger tool slowly in her ass. When she's ready for the real thing she'll be more than loose enough.

5.) While the dildo is in her ass, now it's time to get ready for you. Have her perform oral on your while she's got the dildo in her ass. When you're hard as rock, apply some lube to your cock and swap the large dildo in her ass with your ready cock in the doggie-style position. It'll slide in just her ass just like her pussy and feel incredible for both.

It took much trial error for this to work for us. But now we're there.

Thanks for the forum and listening.

 

[Southern_Import]

Up until the last few months I was having the same problem you were. I love anal sex, and I know that I have the best orgasms of my life when my guy is buried deep in my.... but I digress...

although I would completely agree with everything that Burstplayer said, I have to say that my guy is not quite accustomed to bringing toys into the bedroom, so if you are in that situation, or you yourself are embarassed to have someone putting foreign objects in your rear, I would suggest a slightly different approach.

First, if you know you want to attempt some anal sex that day, spend some time on the Lit site reading a few nice stories to get you breathing heavy. Enjoy some self exploration, (but not too much!) and generally get yourself worked up for the night ahead of you.

Then, when the time comes, don't jump the gun, have him eat you while gently fingering your ass, or even rimming it if you're okay with it. At that point, hop on top of him and give your pussy some love, ride him for a bit at a nice pace, without making either of you too excited.

While you are still on top, lube him up really good and then go for broke! Gently nestle his head up against your hole, then slowly lower yourself onto him. I find that this is the best position to begin anal sex in, because you have absolute control over the depth and speed of entry, which should help to calm your nerves and relax your anal muscles. You should feel a tight, stretching, and even burning sensation. when it becomes too much. stop moving, breathe!, and then push out, like (pardon the image) you were trying to shit out his dick. this should allow him to enter you more fully and hurt you less.

A couple of things that I find help me personally are:

A glass of wine (only one) beforehand
a nice full-body massage beforehand (if you've got a good guy who's willing)

and (this is my magic secret)

Adam and Eve's EZ Anal Lubricant

it has lidocaine as the active ingredient so it will take the edge off any last bit of uncomfortableness that you may be feeling.

(a word of caution, listen to your body, if the pain is intense, you should stop what you are doing before you hurt yourself seriously.)

There you go hon, hope it helps. let me know how it works out!

 

[A_Kefka]

I'm sure others will say this too, but I dont' think anything that numbs you is a good idea. Personally I'd want to know if it was hurting too bad, dont' want to damage yourself and not know. On the other side, if you are numb then whats the point. If you are doing it and like it you should want to feel it.

 

[Southern_Import]

I'm sorry if I gave the wrong idea. the product I'm talking about definitely doesn't take away all feeling, it just takes the edge off of the beginning burn. You can still feel everything, and it still feels wonderful. Also I can say from experience that you can still tell when it's too rough. I honestly believe that half of it is in your head. If you don't expect it to hurt, then it doesn't hurt nearly as much.

 

[quietwoman187]

Can anyone help me? I am keen to try anal, actually i have tried it but it has either hurt or i have resisted. I am now in a new relationship and i know my boyfriend loves anal. I really tried to relax and he was so gentle and attentive using lots of lubricant. It began a bit painful but then it got better.

Any experienced anal sex goers have some advice for me? i would really appreciate it!

Like everyone said, take it slow. I would even try to avoid immediately jumping into anal but instead give yourself a couple weeks of anal foreplay, meaning day 1- massage the outer area and try the tip of the finger and then stop. Day 2 - try the full finger after a nice oral workup, but use the finger v.v. slowly. etc. & then move up to small toys and finally the tip of the penis (without full insertion), until you're stretched and ready. A lot of couples and males take their cues from porn and believe that with a little massaging, the anus is ready for penetration that same night. And, that isn't the case for the human body or the human mind.

Also, I know you said you're keen on it, but make certain you're doing it for you and not your boyfriend. In that since, I'd suggest waiting a couple weeks, if not, a couple months until your relationship is steadier, as this takes a lot of trust and interest in mutual pleasure (not just 'his' pleasure).

I don't want to seem like I'm shilling for her, but Tristan Taormino offers introductory anal sex videos for couples with the woman in mind. They're pretty inexpensive and you guys might want to consider purchasing it to use as a guide.

On a side note, you've probably already seen it, but one of the other posts in the sticky suggested using a bit of the douche ahead of time.

Good luck and be safe -

 

[Burstplayer]

Here's a link to the Tristan Taormino video mentioned.

http://www.tube8.com/anal/experts-guide-to-anal-sex/38152/

It's quite good.

 

[kskittles]

Just be patient, go slow...baby steps. Relax, and don't put any pressure on yourself. Over time it can be quite lovely.

 

[farfallina79]

Why answer the post with the question? Sorry, but unfortunately not everyone has scanned each post. Maybe next time.

but why post this thread when there are hundreds of active threads with the same question / answer????

take your time and do a little research before you create another thread. You will find other threads more to your liking.....

 

[farfallina79]

Thanks so much for your useful advice!

Lots of people start new threads on topics like this because they don't know about resources like The Blank Manual sticky, know how to use the forum search function or google to find things, bother to look at the stickies or threads on the first page or three, they think they have different questions or just want their own thread. Dead-horse topics are a fact of life in How To especially and on Lit in general (even think about how many stories are written on the exact same thing and read very similar!).

Instead of criticizing people for asking about something like anal sex, it'd be nice if you'd "teach them to fish" for the information they need themselves by pointing them to informative threads, things like The Blank Manual and FAQs - Read Before Posting Help Questions stickies, instructions on searching (those can be found in the FAQs sticky) and even sites or books on the topic in question that might be helpful.

Farfallina, I don't think it's so much that the anus stretches over time, it's more that we learn how to deal with penetration with continued practice. Stretching is a temporary thing, and while it certainly helps during the act, our bodies don't remain permanently stretched (if they did, everyone who had lots of sex and/or a baby vaginally would have a gaping anuses and/or vagina, issues with bowel control, etc.).

With practice and the proper technique (there are some good guidelines, but this is going to depend on what works for you and your partner specifically), you should find anal penetration to be painless. That's not to say you won't have some uncomfortable/odd sensations sometimes, but it shouldn't hurt. And if it does, relax, stop what you're doing and see if you need to add more lube, change positions, go at a slower pace, add in another type of stimulation, bear down, etc., to avoid damaging those delicate tissues.

The Blank Manual sticky has some really fantastic advice and ideas on anal play and sex, so I'd strongly encourage both you and your partner to read through the Anal section of it. We found successful, painless anal can take a lot of trial and error, communication and coordination - it's really about both of us doing the right things at the right times, and (for us) the receiver controlling the speed and depth of penetration, at least at first. So, I feel like it's critical for both people to have the same foundation of information and be on the same page about it for the best experience possible.

Good luck!