Mskey
Witchy Woman
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2004
- Posts
- 1,019
I have never been one who was unwilling to admit when I was wrong. Eating crow is never a fun experience, but there are times when it is not only necessary, but in fact essential. This happens to be one of those times.
Rather then pollute anyone elses threads with what has become a decidedly ugly and bitter dispute I have decided it would be best to do it in an open thread.
First and foremost my disagreement with Sheath is no secret, and so I do not feel the need to mince words or speak in innuendo. I apologized more then a month ago for following my heart and honoring a promise to my friend which caused her pain. Despite what she may think, my anger at her was not driven out of jealousy over her relationship with this man, or over any happiness it may have brought her. I have never wished her ill in any of her endeavors. As I said in my original apology letter, I admire and respect her for what she has been through and for her immense talent as a writer. However in the long run I have no real life foundation to support a relationship with her, I did with the man in question and therefore honored it and kept his secret. No, my anger did not stem from jealousy, but rather from the fact that I took sole responsibility on my shoulders for all the hurt, anger and dissapointment keeping that secret caused her. I was not the married man who neglected to inform her of his status. Perhaps I should have taken some blame for guilt by association, but to make me the bad guy and forgive him was absolutley inexcuseable in my book. My anger stemmed from what I percieved to be digs she took at me indirectly and from the fact that anytime I happened to mention my own relationship with this man publicly she took offense and complained to him. My anger stemmed from the things I heard from this man whom I have cared deeply about for many years that disturbed me. Things which I had no opportunity to either confirm or deny through Sheath as she had me on ignore. So No, I wasn't jealous of her relationship with this man. No I never wanted what she had with this man. All I wanted was to protect my friend. All I wanted was some of this forgiveness she is forever preaching about for following my heart and protecting a friend- yet another thing she is forever supporting.
Am I without blame in this matter? I am not. I am I without fault or flaw in all of this? I am not. Neither am I the only guilty party.
Either way I'm not here to cast any more blame.
I am here to eat my crow. I'm here to eat my crow because things that I had assumed about this man, things that I had thought were the truth about this man I have in fact found out to not be the case. I based so many of my actions in this affair on those assumptions. Assumptions rooted in a 15 year friendship that I have no choice but to now call into question. I based my actions on believing things that were not true. I know now that had I known the truth in it's entirety I would have approached things very differently. I know now that had I been made fully aware of the situation instead of being kept informed with one sided half truths which I can now feel were designed to help fuel this very thing that I would have done things so much differently.
I know there are those who will not believe me. I know there are those who will still think of me what they will and to be honest I have come to accept that. I don't expect anyone here top reach out a hand to me or to say understand. I know full well what an imbicile I have been made to appear. I know full well how nasty I have appeared. All I can say is that for those on here who seem so enamored of Karma that my downfall came from a person I had never thought would lie to me and there should be some satifaction to come to them from that.
My creation of another SN for both my husband and I to use was brought about because I was having problems logging on with this one and partly because I thought it better to remove myself from a name that had become offensive to an integral part of this community. There was no subversion or deciet to it.
So there it is. Take what you will from it, but I will at least admit when I am wrong in my actions.
Rather then pollute anyone elses threads with what has become a decidedly ugly and bitter dispute I have decided it would be best to do it in an open thread.
First and foremost my disagreement with Sheath is no secret, and so I do not feel the need to mince words or speak in innuendo. I apologized more then a month ago for following my heart and honoring a promise to my friend which caused her pain. Despite what she may think, my anger at her was not driven out of jealousy over her relationship with this man, or over any happiness it may have brought her. I have never wished her ill in any of her endeavors. As I said in my original apology letter, I admire and respect her for what she has been through and for her immense talent as a writer. However in the long run I have no real life foundation to support a relationship with her, I did with the man in question and therefore honored it and kept his secret. No, my anger did not stem from jealousy, but rather from the fact that I took sole responsibility on my shoulders for all the hurt, anger and dissapointment keeping that secret caused her. I was not the married man who neglected to inform her of his status. Perhaps I should have taken some blame for guilt by association, but to make me the bad guy and forgive him was absolutley inexcuseable in my book. My anger stemmed from what I percieved to be digs she took at me indirectly and from the fact that anytime I happened to mention my own relationship with this man publicly she took offense and complained to him. My anger stemmed from the things I heard from this man whom I have cared deeply about for many years that disturbed me. Things which I had no opportunity to either confirm or deny through Sheath as she had me on ignore. So No, I wasn't jealous of her relationship with this man. No I never wanted what she had with this man. All I wanted was to protect my friend. All I wanted was some of this forgiveness she is forever preaching about for following my heart and protecting a friend- yet another thing she is forever supporting.
Am I without blame in this matter? I am not. I am I without fault or flaw in all of this? I am not. Neither am I the only guilty party.
Either way I'm not here to cast any more blame.
I am here to eat my crow. I'm here to eat my crow because things that I had assumed about this man, things that I had thought were the truth about this man I have in fact found out to not be the case. I based so many of my actions in this affair on those assumptions. Assumptions rooted in a 15 year friendship that I have no choice but to now call into question. I based my actions on believing things that were not true. I know now that had I known the truth in it's entirety I would have approached things very differently. I know now that had I been made fully aware of the situation instead of being kept informed with one sided half truths which I can now feel were designed to help fuel this very thing that I would have done things so much differently.
I know there are those who will not believe me. I know there are those who will still think of me what they will and to be honest I have come to accept that. I don't expect anyone here top reach out a hand to me or to say understand. I know full well what an imbicile I have been made to appear. I know full well how nasty I have appeared. All I can say is that for those on here who seem so enamored of Karma that my downfall came from a person I had never thought would lie to me and there should be some satifaction to come to them from that.
My creation of another SN for both my husband and I to use was brought about because I was having problems logging on with this one and partly because I thought it better to remove myself from a name that had become offensive to an integral part of this community. There was no subversion or deciet to it.
So there it is. Take what you will from it, but I will at least admit when I am wrong in my actions.
