An introduction and some shameless promotion

[CyranodeMelbourne]

An introduction and some shameless begging to read my stories

Hello Everyone

Not sure whether this is the right etiquette, but I am new to Literotica and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm an almost 30something from Australia who loves reading, writing and spending way too much time online. I have been writing erotica for a while now and recently discovered Literotica.

I write erotica for two reasons. One is for the enjoyment of my female friends, the other is because (like, I am sure many here) I am trying to write a novel of my own and I find that as Stephen King said the best way to get better at writing is to write and write, and then write some more.

It is easy to judge the success of the first reason, though as a gentleman I won't say too much, but when it comes to judging how my writing is coming along it is much harder. So, when I found Literotica I decided to start submitting some stories and seeing what other writers thought of my technique and how I could improve.

I have some stories ready for feedback and a few awaiting approval, and I would appreciate any comments. I am more than open to constructive criticism so if you think they suck please feel free to say so. In my opinion, dialogue is my biggest weakness but another set of eyes may find other areas I need to work on.

Anyway, I am enjoying reading the stories of others and learning from them, and I look forward to getting to know you all.

My first two stories can be found here:

Turkish Delights
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=347507

A treasure hunter finds more than gold in a hidden cave

Little Blue Riding Hood
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=347504

A new take on Little Red Riding Hood that shows not all wolves go about on four legs

 

[Lalah]

I love new and erotic takes of old stories. I'm bookmarking your profile to give it a look when I get the time.

Edit: Did I say loot!? I meant look...

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Thanks, Lalah, nice to meet you

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

Hi!

I read little blue riding hood and got a good chuckle! I liked the twist on the wolf in the grandmother's bed!! I will have to look at the other one too. Welcome to lit! Watch out for the trolls!!

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Hi Emerald! Thanks for taking the time to say hello and to read my story.

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

New Stories

Hello Everyone,

I have two new stories for your reading pleasure. Both are the first chapters of an ongoing storyline, so any feedback will have a part to play in determining their longevity

Faerie Tale Chapter 1 – Sleeping Beauty Awakes

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=346943

An adventurous knight in search of a princess to rescue braves a dark tower

One Elle of a Time Chapter 1 - My night on the town

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=346942

A boring work conference takes a turn for the better

I hope you enjoy and look forward to your feedback.

Thanks!

 

[starrkers]

A bit late for me tonight, but I will have a look when I get a chance (may take a week or so - kids still on holidays y'know).

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Starrkers,

No worries, whenever you can would be great

 

[mjl2010]

I read Little Blue Riding Hood. A good chuckle.

Two things I'd suggest.

1. Have someone read for you before you submit, an editor wouldn't hurt.
2. Some of your paragraphs are long. We need the whitespace. Forget what they said in school about paragraph structure, this is fiction. Six to eight screen lines is your goal, with ten to twelve being the max. I had a hard time not skimming or skipping in a few paragraphs.

I'll read more of your stuff. This was a fun read.

MJL

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Hi MJL2010,

Thanks very much for the feedback! I've asked someone to edit my stuff for me, and they've accepted so hopefully that will help. Also, thanks for the tip on my paragraphs, I will keep that in mind.

That's the sort of feedback I was looking for, gives me something to work with.

 

[Guest]

Welcome!

I love your Lit name and your introduction and I'm looking forward to reading your work!

 

[AsylumSeeker]

You Have Talent

There's no doubting you have writing talent. The descriptions are very good. But I do see some minor errors that can easily be resolved. Paragraphing, breaking sentenceces into smaller chunks, is also a player.

I'm also a writer that's seeking to expand to the upper echelon, and will likely die trying. Good luck.

 

[cloudy]

Join us in the Author's Hangout.

We play over there an awful lot, but once in awhile we actually talk about writing. It's also a great way to meet your fellow authors, find an editor or beta reader, and learn something in the process.

Welcome.

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Hi sweetsubsarahh

Nice to meet you and I like your user name too


asylumseeker,

Thanks, that's a very nice thing to say! I've had a few people mention the paragraph thing to me, so I am working on that. I fidn it hard though as I tend to blather a bit lol

Cloudy,

I plan on it Right now I'm between ISPs (on dialup for now) so I have limited net access, but I hope to spend a lot of time there

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Hello again

I have two more stories up for your reading pleasure:

Cum Fly With Me

Inspired by a trip to Sydney and a boring plane ride

One Elle of a Night Ch 02

The next installment in an ongoing story. It's amazing how long a five minute walk can take so long when one is distracted.

I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome!

 

[starrkers]

I finally got to read one today. Blue Riding Hood.

You write well. But...
Your paragraphs are quite long, in places too long. I opened Turkish Delights first, but didn't read beyond the first par. The strain of keeping place in the long par was too much for my eyes (just getting over a migraine, which doesn't help).
Point I'm trying to make, and being bloody long winded about it too, is you need to allow for the medium. Long pars in print are fine, but for some reason, monitors and long paragraphs don't work well. People tire reading them and tend to bail out for something easier.

A proofreader is also a good idea - pick up typos before you submit.

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Hey Starrkers,

Firstly, thanks for taking the time to read my story and for giving me some constructive criticism.

I've been told them same thing by a few people about the length of my paragraphs and my proof reading, both of which I am working hard on as I submit more work. I have to admit the paragraph thing is something I am struggling to adapt to though, but I understand why it is important.

Thanks again.

On another note, does anyone else ever read a reader comment and think, "what the hell are you talking about?" As much as I appreciate all feedback, I've had two so far which have been completely ludicrous and given me votes of 0 for what I consider rather unfair reasons. Part of the deal I guess, but I needed to get that off my chest!

 

[starrkers]

Yep! Sometimes the aliens drop in to leave coments

I have a series of comments that ended in an argument on the nationality of Mel Gibson - had absolutely nothing to do with the story, but I found it funny so left them up.

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Hello everyone!

My newest chapter in my Faerie Tale series has been approved and is waiting, no, yearning for your feedback!

Faerie Tale Ch02 - Into the Woods

I have listened to the feedback I have been getting and I have tried to make my paragraphs shorter and my typos less frequent. Feel free to tell me whether I have suceeded or failed in my endeavour. Also, please let me know how my dialogue is going, as I really struggle with this.

Thanks again for reading.

 

[strangenickle]

Also I would like to add your writing is very good.

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Thanks, strangenickle, for taking the time to read and for your kind words! It is greatly appreciated.

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

After checking my votes etc I was going to share my excitement about finally getting a "H" but it isn't there! *sobs* I thought it was 10 votes or more at 4.5?

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

*breaks open the bubbly*

 

[starrkers]

Good things come to those who wait
The votes show immediately on your submissions page, but it takes the rest of the site longer to catch up (sometimes several hours).
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y286/starrcats/smilies/congrats.gif

 

[CyranodeMelbourne]

Starrkers,

I'm afraid patience has never been one of my virtues! lol


Hello everyone! The newest installment in my Faerie Tale series up, I would love any feedback or criticism.

Faerie Tale Ch03 - From Dream to Nightmare

Things take a creepy turn as our hero finds that the woods can be an easy place to get lost.

Thanks for reading