An interesting twist

[Ray Dario]

I just recieved a feedback on my new story "Trailer Trash"

Shamless link

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=37642

It was an annonymous feedback but here is what he/she said.

"Fucking Aye great story mate! I bloody loved the ending. Gave it a 1 cause it's the number 1 story I read today! Keep up the great work!!!"


I have mixed emotions about this.

Ray

 

[MaxSebastian]

Yikes!


No offence intended to anyone in particular, but it sounds like a Glaswegian.


Bad luck

 

[peterpan]

Mate!

I tried to vote on your story, but it said I already had??? I hope I gave it a nice score.

I have never really gone for the s-word based storyline, just not my thing, but I sort of liked the aftertaste of this tale.

 

[Ray Dario]

Re: Mate!

I tried to vote on your story, but it said I already had??? I hope I gave it a nice score.

I have never really gone for the s-word based storyline, just not my thing, but I sort of liked the aftertaste of this tale.

While I'm not an expert on how Laurel and Manu really control this, from what I've heard if you share your internet IP address, like at a coffee shop, library, or at work where a single T1 or T3 connection serves for all internet access then you could be blocked from voting because someone else voted using that machine or another machine that shares the IP address.

Anyway thanks for the sentiment.

My mixed emotions flow from the VERY positive nature of the feedback, but then the low vote because the reader misunderstood, or simply ignored, how the voting works.

Now with over 200 votes, I doubt very much that his vote has influenced my overall score significatly, so I just look at it as positive now.

In retrospect, and judging from some of the feedback I've recieved, I think I got a little too cute with the ending. Live and learn.

Ray

 

[meris]

On the contrary Ray, I loved the ending. What a great way to give the story an ending and yet leave it open in case you feel the desire to write a second 'chapter'. I'll definitely read more of your stories. ps ... love your oompa loompa!

 

[Ray Dario]

Meris

Thanks for letting me know you liked the ending of "Trailer Trash"

Most of the feedback I've gotten either really like it or absolutely hate it.

And about the avatar, everytime I get really tired of it someone comes along and tells me they like it. Guess I'll stick with it for now.

Just wish my butt was as cute as KillerMuffins then I have something better to post with!

Ray

 

[jon.hayworth]

Well Ray I have just read your story, and rated it as a nice piece of Pornographic writing. Maybe the guy had tossed himself off so often while reading it that he'd shot his last brain cell!

I disagree with Max - sounds more north of England than Scots - The salutation Mate is not used in Glasgow more likely to be "Hey Jimmy ..."

To be honest I had a problem with the ending - I wanted a little more closure, at least a hint of where their relationship was going to go. To be honest I wanted page 2. It left me feeling as women say they feel after a "Wham-Bam, Thank you Mam" fuck.

But overall I liked it.

jon

 

[Ray Dario]

Well Ray I have just read your story, and rated it as a nice piece of Pornographic writing

Well, it is a sex story but gosh I hate the label "Pornographic Writing!"

To be honest I had a problem with the ending - I wanted a little more closure, at least a hint of where their relationship was going to go. To be honest I wanted page 2. It left me feeling as women say they feel after a "Wham-Bam, Thank you Mam" fuck.

That seems to be the most prevelent opinion of the ending. Like I said live and learn.

Ray

 

[jon.hayworth]

Ray,

When I used the word "Pornography" it was not meant as a put down.

If you go to Essays and Reviews and read my article entitled "Possibly the Oldest Profession ??" you will understand why I used that word.

My apologies if the spelling is a bit FU but I make my own wine and at the moment am in the midst of quality control checks hic!!!

I am sure that if you take a look at the essay it will give you food for thought if nothing else.

jon

 

[Ray Dario]

I just finished reading your article.

You make an interesting point, which I decline to debate, but I am still dislike the label. More for the connotations it holds for the majority of people than for any other reason.

Still I am glad you enjoyed the story and as the American Natives were misquoted in an excellent John Wayne film.

"I will endeavor to perservere!"

Ray

 

[KillerMuffin]

Ray, if your butt was as cute as mine, men would want to fuck it. If you swing that way, please write a story so I can slowly read it with glazed eyes and furtive glances toward the door in case someone walks in and catches my er... nevermind.

I didn't notice that the ending was cute. I did notice that it didn't give closure. There was no indication what Sam was going to do, kick her out or keep her. That left me hanging in the air, not a pleasant place to leave a reader.

If you had left the last line off, I would have had a sense that he intended to keep her with that new change in their relationship. That would have been closure. But by him saying, "We've got to talk." that gives me the impression that the entire fuck session that transpired before might not mean anything. He'd already laid down the rules. "This is the way it's going to be from now on." And now he wants to discuss it? Left me hanging.

 

[Ray Dario]

Ray, if your butt was as cute as mine, men would want to fuck it.

Well you're right there KM! BTW What happened to the really wonderful pic that you used to use?

If you swing that way, please write a story so I can slowly read it with glazed eyes and furtive glances toward the door in case someone walks in and catches my er... nevermind.

Sorry never been my thang, but I might write a story about it just to be able to imagine you with your hand ...

I didn't notice that the ending was cute. I did notice that it didn't give closure. There was no indication what Sam was going to do, kick her out or keep her. That left me hanging in the air, not a pleasant place to leave a reader.

If you had left the last line off, I would have had a sense that he intended to keep her with that new change in their relationship. That would have been closure. But by him saying, "We've got to talk." that gives me the impression that the entire fuck session that transpired before might not mean anything. He'd already laid down the rules. "This is the way it's going to be from now on." And now he wants to discuss it? Left me hanging.

Yep, that has been the concensus. No closure. Dumb rookie mistake on my part. I just fell in love with the line and forgot to end the story. I hate when that happens. All I can say to my readers now is, "I'll do better next time."

Thanks for giving me feedback KM. I always appreciate and respect your comments.

Ray

 

[rigged4dive]

Ray, I’m going to have to go contrary to public opinion here, and tell you I liked the ending. It didn’t seem at all inconsistent to me. How many of us have experienced that amazing shift in perspective that comes with orgasm, sometimes known as, “The Coyote Syndrome.” As for not finding out how the lack of fidelity or shift in sexual roles ultimately effected their marital bliss, well, I really don’t care that much, although, I pretty much assumed that they would ultimately stay together for further adventures and escapades. That was a hint, son. I thought the final line left the story with a sort of Nick and Nora Charles kind of feel. Loved it.

 

[Hitchhiker]

Sorry Ray, but that story was Porn to me. I shall say no more

 

[Ray Dario]

Sorry Ray, but that story was Porn to me. I shall say no more

Ah yes, the old "You suck!" comment with no advice or constructive critisim. So terribly useful and always endearing.

Come on Hitchhiker, if your going to tell me I suck at least give me a little hint on how to do better.

Ray

 

[peterpan]

Yep, that has been the concensus. No closure.

That was what i liked. Without the end the rest of it was porn, wasn't it? When you include the end, the rest becomes purposeful.

____Lets summarise the plot:________

<--sweet, shy wife

_SCENE I_
<--slutty gang bang....
<--..watched by husband.

_SCENE II_
<--Husband waits at home for wife
<--etc

_Conclusion_
<--Where are they now?

____________

Ok so the first scene is just the husband discovering that his sweet wife is not what he thought, and he is shocked yet turned on.

Second scene to me explains that she was not being emotionally unfaithful, she just has overwealming needs that for some reason she was totally unable to ask of her husband although she wanted it from him. Perhaps she was afraid of losing him.

So in the end you are just left to imagine the moment where their relationship opens. I think lots of people live in this nightmare where the are with somebody, but not really WITH them. There is no real contact. Sex is polite. I imagine her relief and gratitude when somebody cracks open her can of worms, and then likes worms. So I imagine how he feels to (potentually) be held with gratitute instead of politeness.

ps: the actual reason for this post: yes I did get it the first time

 

[LivingUnicorn]

I liked the ending!

 

[Ray Dario]

Thanks Peterpan, I appreciate your feedback and support.

My thoughts when writing the story were to write about a man who thought his world was okay but then events lead him to discover that his world was not okay and the change that occurs to him because of those events.

One of the four or five stories that exist according to some experts.

That is why I felt there was an ending. The change had already occurred in the character and everything after that wasn't really a part of the story. But I was wrong. In the story I had set up a conflict (the possibliity of him tossing her out) that I didn't resolve and so I left a subplot hanging. I either should not have set up the conflict or I should have resolved it. It would have been easy. I could have ended the story with something like

"He held her hand, his eyes brimming with hot tears now that he had vented his anger and lust. He knew that if they were going to stay together he had to take the innitiative. He looked into her eyes. She couldn't meet his gaze and looked down, barely holding back her sobs. Lovingly he took her chin in his hand and said, 'We need to talk.'"

Or

"He looked at her, his eyes narrowing with subdued rage as he realized he could never trust her again, and said, 'Now get out bitch!'"

Either ending would have resolved the issue and been better than my ending. Personally I like the first one.

As far as the Porn thing.

To me porn is like the bad porn flicks you see. No plot, no real character, just raw sex.

I absolutly hate my writing being called porn. I take a great deal of time and effort trying to give my characters life. Perhaps I suck at it, maybe my characters are all cardboard, maybe my plots all are thin, but I don't think so.

I know I'm not a world class writer, yet, but Each story I write I learn something. I take all feedback seriously and try to improve and to just dismiss me as a porn writer is insulting.

Okay, enough ranting.

Ray

 

[peterpan]

Sorry about using that word since you add already indicated an aversion, but I didn't mean that the rest of it WAS porn, just that if you take any erotic tale and remove the human element what remains is just mechanics.

Maybe I am just an optimist, but I had assumed the best from the original ending. Anyway you can't please everyone.

 

[jon.hayworth]

Ray,

As I keep on saying you should not get so hung-up over the words. To me the use of the word Erotic to describe sexually explicit art - whether art be writing, picture, film or verbal story telling; is like in Victorian times when they coveredup furniture so that you could not see the legs - because they might be sexually arousing.

I would agree there are degrees of quality in Porn, there are also degrees of quality in any other art form. I want to write good porn - maybe even at times thought provoking porn, if you re-read it after you have had a wank. But what I am writing is sexually explicit ergo it is porn.

I went to a party Saturday night, someone said to me "What you doing?"

Me: "Writing."

Q: "What about."

Me: "I've found my genre, I'm writing porn. I suppose you could say I am a Pornographer. - More people talked to me than ever before - people wanted the website address and the party had a contingent clustered around the host's computer looking at my stories.

I had people unbearing their sex lives, - "this would make an interesting story". Plus a few offers of sex.

Best regards

jon

 

[Ray Dario]

To everyone who read my earlier rant, I apologize!

Usually I don't let myself become offended like that, and in this case it was not warrented. All I can plead is a lack of sleep or perhaps just too much stress in my life, both poor excuses.

It occurs to me that this thread has gone very far offtrack, my fault again. The original post wasn't really supposed to be about the ending to my story, although it seems that is how it was taken. It was about a guys feedback where it seemed to me he liked the story but then voted a 1 because he either mis-understood or simply ignored the voting system.

However I much prefer the direction this thread has taken and all the extreamly helpful discussion that has taken place. As always you guys are great! And I apologize again for getting my panties in a wad over a word!

Gotta love this site eh!

Ray