An Interesting Exercise

[wildsweetone]

Here's an exercise I came across yesterday online that I thought might be worth passing on.

Write a six sentence paragraph with no word repetition.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

OK, I'll give it a try!

"What is it about Daniel that makes my knees shiver?
Why does he affect me this way?
There are no sexy features at all over him.
Yet whenever we meet, our bodies react to each others' presence.
Attraction and lust fills the room.
I wanna fuck you senseless, baby!"

 

[NoJo]

Wow, that's hard... I really like your para, SF -- It reminds me of a Haiku, for some reason. Could you do it in Swedish??

Sunday was only three days away.
Jessica realized she must tell him, before he stood saying "I do", about this little adventure of Annie and hers.
Jack had a temper that would flare up without warning.
Four magpies croaked harshly in the trees overhead.
"If anyone here knows any reason why these two people..."
Suddenly it became so obvious: Marriage can't be built on lies.

 

[wildsweetone]

It sure isn't as easy as it looks. You're right though SubJoe, Svenskaflickas piece does sound poetic. I think it's the brevity of the sentences.

The six sentences have to make sense within the single paragraph too you know.

So, while you have no repetitions within your piece SJ, I think that it doesn't quite meet the standards of a paragraph.

What you've written is very clearly visualised though. Wow.


Here's one I've been playing with for half an hour...

Geoff’s jacket smelled musty with torn patches on the elbows. His jeans were worn and stained brilliant red from paint spills. One frayed hem dragged along hot tarsealed footpaths. A roll-your-own cigarette dangled between thin cracked lips. Perspiration beads dripped down clammy pale skin. He reeked of cheap wine.


My problem was 'a'. I had three of them to get rid of.

The other point I've had to watch was which tense I was in.


or this one...

Fire whipped through tinder dry countryside. Houses stood as tall sentinels against mother nature’s harsh treatment. Burning brush turned gum into ash. A scream reverberated between trees, unheard by humans. It hit an earpiercing high note before stopping. The arid smoke had singed her young lungs.

 

[NoJo]

I think this is a brilliant exercise, WSO -- it forces you to think about every single word you use, no matter how insignificant the word may seem. Wonderful!

 

[Just-Legal]

Eeek, thats HARD!

Ok, this was all I could come up with...

Harry Boy-Who-Lived Potter had got the bloody Defence Against Dark Arts position. God damnit, that was Snapes job and everyone knew it! How on earth he'd managed it… totally beyond comprehension. At least some people thought they knew what they were doing. Slytherin house still had its Potions Professor. If only a distinctly unhappy one.

Must see a doctor about this addiciton..

 

[wildsweetone]

I'm really glad you've enjoyed it SubJoe

I can't for the life of me find which website I picked it up from.

I found another one a while back too.

Write about roasting a hot dog without using the words 'roast, hot dog, fire, stick'.

Write about eating a piece of birthday cake without using the words 'birthday, cake, fork'.

I have tried those yet, but I will before the week is out.

great try Just_Legal, but I think I found two 'they's in your paragraph. oh and I just spotted two 'had's, two 'it' and one 'its'... keep working on it, don't give up! you're learning loads, and so am I Thanks for giving it a go.

 

[NoJo]

Nat's first taste of chocolate

Nat's face glowed orange, reflecting the solitary dancing candle flame. His smile broadened all the way through the song, as he turned from one to the other of us. There he sat, grinning, the centre of attention of his his family. He stared raptly at this brown shny castle. Was it something to eat? Something good?

"Blow, Nat, blow it out!" Mummy had to help. I put the light on.
Mummy started to cut into it. "My do it? My do it mummy?"
So Mummy let him help with the knife and shove a huge piece onto his place.

Slowly the hand plunged into the chocolate. Slowly four fingers went into the mouth. And the grin widened further. He couldn't believe that life could hold such amazing pleasures.

We all looked at him, laughing. Grandpa said: "Just wait, Nat. There's even better still to come..."

 

[wildsweetone]

and the reason for this was? sorry i'm particularly dense at the moment...

 

[Just-Legal]

Harry Boy-Who-Lived Potter was back at Hogwarts.

Whoop-de-fucking-do, Severus thought. Still, Defence Against Dark Arts wasn't exactly taxing. Probably why he favoured the idea of it.

After years teaching incompetents to brew Potions, a change equalled rest.

Wishful thinking, Severus!

Any better?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Whoop-de-fucking-do, Severus thought.

ROFL

 

[wildsweetone]

Just-Legal, I like it lol

I can't pick any word repetitions The exercise is to make one paragraph though. Remember, one idea equals one sentence and one idea equals one paragraph. Can you think up six sentences for one single idea, thus making a complete paragraph?

I think though that you've probably picked up on the words you use more than once with what you've posted here already.

by the way, i'm no expert. i'm learning too

 

[DVS]

OK, what's interesting about this?
It makes me think. My head hurts when I think.

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

Rhiana blipped the throttle once more. Flames crackled from twin exhausts shining like mirrors, lighting darkness behind. Thunderous growls echoed in an empty street. A wicked smile played about her lips as gloved hands slipped into Manual First and steered straight ahead. "Isn't this delicious?" She thought to herself. "Wouldn't Steele or Keery be so proud now?"

I like that so much I think I'll use it in the final paragraphs of Rhiana

ax

 

[wildsweetone]

SlaveMasterUK: well done! i can't see anything repeated and it runs smoothly. I'm not sure if her thoughts should be a new paragraph though. And, I think that 'She' should have a lower case 's'.

I'm so glad you tried it. Can you notice the difference when you compare it to a straight paragraph you've written elsewhere? Did you have one specific word that you found you repeated? - no need to answer those questions, they're just food for your personal thought.

DVS, get off your bottom dear and have a go. I DARE YA!

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

I'm not sure about putting Rhiana's thoughts into another paragraph, they feel kinda 'right' where they are to me... Let someone better on grammar decide.

I have never been certain about how to grammarise before and after speechmarks tho but hey this is about word repetition not grammar!

Still it was darned good fun... I love challenges. Gimme another!

ax

 

[wildsweetone]

lol Well heck I sure aint no expert or nuffink And, virtually everybody's better at grammar than I am so I wont take offence at that

Another exercise.... hmmm Okay here's a couple that I haven't tried myself yet...

***
1. Write about eating a piece of birthday cake, without using the words:

birthday, cake, fork.


2. Write about sailing, without using the words:

sail, boat, water.
***

Let's see what happens. Good luck!

 

[Singularity]

Seven Sentences....

I did a modest bit of adaptation from the first paragraph of Chloe's Obsession. I hope I didn't miss any duplicates.


From the moment she stepped out of a taxicab in front of an elegant little boutique hotel, every man was staring. Men scanning her face; their unabashed, envious gazes roving hungrily. Checking out tits, ass, and smile to measure it for a blowjob. Staring, leering, undressing Chloe with their eyes. Fantasizing about ripe, young flesh. On the covered - yet not hidden or concealed - body parts paraded – no –flaunted in public. Wanting to get inside this dreamgirl's openly displayed sexuality.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=76015

Singularity

 

[wildsweetone]

Hi Singularity

2 x 'a'

2 x 'to'

2 x 'the'

Pretty good! I looked at your original paragraph. What a difference! Do you like it?

A good tip from Weird Harold is to copy and paste into a different font. That helps the eye to see differences. It works too

 

[Singularity]

Damnation!

I stared at that for close to 30 minutes. Here is the corrected version:

From the moment she stepped out of a taxicab in front of an elegant little boutique hotel, every man was staring. Men scanning her face; their unabashed, envious gazes roving hungrily. Checking out tits, ass, and smile - measuring it for blowjobs. Fantasizing about ripe, young flesh. On covered - yet not hidden or concealed - body parts paraded – no –flaunted in public. Wanting to get inside this dreamgirl's openly displayed sexuality.

I think I passed the make-up exam.

Actually, I like the original better. The flow of the words is too choppy without the necessary 2 and 3 letter words as semantic lubricant. A nice exercise, though. And worth it for the discipline it imposes.

Singularity

 

[Just-Legal]

Laughter pervaded the air as the celebration continued. Helen giggled along with the rest of them, awaiting the culmination with bated breath.

James brought it out, a break with tradition. It was usually her mother who bore the favoured object. But Helen didn't care. James was her life, and it was fitting, on the day he had asked her to be his wife, that he would bring it.

Since the year she had set her fringe on fire, her hair had been tied back at this moment. Leaning over, she blew, extinguishing the twenty little lights, and smiled.

"Another year, another pile of calories!" A grin, and then she sliced, and picked it up using her fingers, much to her mother's disgust.

It was white sponge, liberally filled with jam, and Helen smiled wickedly. Her favourite. Pink tipped tongue dashed out to lick up a fragment of jam that was attempting to escape, and she heard a soft, strangled moan come from James.

She was nothing if not a tease.

Opening her mouth, Helen took a bite, letting the flavour fill her mouth. A quick chew and swallow later, she leaned over to let her lover see if he liked the taste...

--

Any good?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Must see a doctor about this addiciton..

Don't you dare!!!

 

[NoJo]

and the reason for this was? sorry i'm particularly dense at the moment...

My post was the birthday cake challenge. Obviously it didn't quite come off!

 

[indigo sky]

Must see a doctor about this addiciton..

don't worry you're not alone!
Good luck getting an appointment considering Book 5 has been ranked #1 on Amazon since the day it was announced.


As of this post only: 133 Days, 12 Hours, 8 Minutes, and 46 Seconds left until Order of Phoenix

 

[Pookie]

My post was the birthday cake challenge. Obviously it didn't quite come off!

I loved it! I could just see that one year old in my head trying to figure out what all the fuss was about, although he figured out what the cake was for very quickly!