An alt needs a hand

[lostthoughts]

Im giving fair warning - this is an alt. I am an ah regular and Im having trouble with my sex life. I trust all of you so i thought Id ask. Im a bit embarrased though

I've recently experienced a sudden down turn in sex drive. Ive got a very hot girlfriend and Im usually very ready to go with her or with my right hand. However recently Ive not had as much interest in going solo and when i do I dont always come. also Ive had issues with keeping erect even with my girlfriend. Some times its up and then disappears for now reason and some times its down and wont come up even with great provocation.

Im in my mid twenties and cant work out why Ive suddenly lost my libido. The only answer i can possbly think of is stress but ive never had a problem before.

Any one got an (useful) suggestons?

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I've had similarproblems. If you don't feel any other ill effects in your life (loss of circulation, problems breathing, and so on) than it probbaly is stess (it was for me).

However, maybe you should see a doctor just to make sure. I'm a bit of a hypocrit saying this, as I don't go unless I need to be hospitalized, but it's the right course of action. This coulkd be a symptom of something else that needs treatment.

On the other hand, if they tell you that you are stressed and offer you medication, don't take it. Rather, find what is stressing you and deal with that instead.

 

[neonlyte]

It is not an easy situation to come to terms with. I've hinted at my similar problems in the past, so I'll not shelter behind an alt. I lost my libido for a period of three years. My penis collapsing away on starting intercourse. I'm significantly older than you so age may have been a factor, and stress in my case, though you wouldn't know it from my sweet nature on Lit

I had some good advice from one AH woman, she listened to my problems, even though she had enough of her own to contend with and advised me to discuss the problem with my partner (wife for 32 years) and experiment with different ways. Now my wife obviously knew all about the problem, but she's a take-it or leave-it kind of girl, after 32 years of sex... it's not the main thing in our lives. But we did talk about it, we talked about the part we wanted sex to play in our lives, how it made us feel, what we wanted from the other... things complacency had stopped us from doing.

One of the first things we agreed was sex should be completely spontaneous - in this loss of libido situation - being told 'not now' isn't going to help. We also worked out when having sex was going to be the most convenient - no rush, plenty of time, and no pressure. At those times, she or both of us was going to get off, no matter how long it took. My going flaccid remained an option - so what, use other ways, you still both get something out of it. And we experimented, found solutions that turned us both on sufficently to complete the deed.

I've had one 'dud' in the last twelve months, so something is working. Of course, I don't know your situation and you need to find a solution that fits. If you have a regular partner, you need to sit down and explain and ask her to help you through, but don't forget, she has to feel the centre of your life both to help you and for you to give her the satisfaction she needs from agreeing to help you.

Good luck, you can PM me if you have questions you don't want answering in open forum.

ETA: I ought to add, we are enjoying the best and most frequent sex for more than a decade, fnding a solution actually improved both our sex lives.

 

[bill1955]

My brother-in-law had a similar problem. He's in his mid-40's. He gets testosterone supplements, just don't ask me in what form. Says they help a lot. Good luck. Don't worry about it. The last thing you neeed is performance anxiety.

 

[Guest]

Do you exercise a great deal?

A couple of years ago this sort of experience happened to my husband. Over the course of several months he had more and more difficulty achieving and maintaining.

Finally I made him see his doctor. The cause? Too much bicycle riding. He'd been putting too much pressure on those nerves and blood vessels.

Sometimes there may be a physical reason and thus it can be easily treated. Hubby was relieved. And he doesn't miss the exercise bike one damn bit.

Call your doctor, check physical causes first. My husband's doctor had heard it all before and didn't make him feel stupid or embarrassed, he told me later.

Good luck to you, sweetie.

 

[Liar]

Periods of high stress and high level of dissatisfaction with my life in general have affected my sex drive that way in the past.

Apart from your sex life, are you happy with where you are in life/work/family/interrests/relationship/friends? Or is there one or more of those aspects that you really don't like?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Yes. The last real taboo topic.

ED is one thing. Loss of libido is something else. One's physiological and one's psychological, though it's amazing how the two factors cross back and forth and influence each other

Hey, I'm 60 years old and no longer interested in pretending I'm Mr 24/7 superstud. I also suffer from serious depression which robs you of libido (though in my case it seems to be the opposite is true) and take all sorts of meds for that, many of whihc cause eithe rerection problems or inorgasmisa (inability to reach climax), and take stuff recreationally too, so I've had my share of all sorts of interesting sexual dysfunctions. And eufunctions too.

The old AnnlLanders method for distinguishing between psychologiacl and physiological was to tape a strip of postage stamps around your dick when you go to bed and see if the strip is broken in the mroning. Supposedly that shows you had an erection in your sleep, so the hydraulics are working okay. (Never worked for me. I always ripped the things off in my sleep anyhow. They hurt)

But it sounds like you can get it up but have trouble maintaining it, and that's a perfectly legitimte problem to take to a doctor. (I think I hear that since Viagra became available, something like 20% of male visits to their doctors are now about ED issues.) Besides being sex-related, ED be symptomatic of diabetes, circulatory diease, hypertension, low-grade prostate or uriniary tract infection, STD, and I'm sure a bunch of other things. He can check you out for all that easily, and then send you to a urologist for a more thorough exam if you need it. If nothing else, he'd be happy to prescribe you some Viagra or something and you fool around with that (or sell it to your friends who of course "don't really need it but just want to see what it's like." Yeah, right.)

My guess is though, given your age and that it seemed to start with this girl, it's probably psychological. Most people - including men who've never experienced it - think that ED is no big deal, the body's kind of "not tonight, honey", and an occasional bout isn't a big deal. But once it becomes a pattern, it can really be pyschologically devastating. You get seized by performance anxiety and you focus on what's going on down there obsessively. And there can be all sorts s psychological contributuons, from really liking her to sceretly resenting her, or You may just be feeling pressured to perform, or keep up with her, or impress her.

But I'd certainly go to a doc for a blood workup and a prescription.

 

[FallingToFly]

Im giving fair warning - this is an alt. I am an ah regular and Im having trouble with my sex life. I trust all of you so i thought Id ask. Im a bit embarrased though

I've recently experienced a sudden down turn in sex drive. Ive got a very hot girlfriend and Im usually very ready to go with her or with my right hand. However recently Ive not had as much interest in going solo and when i do I dont always come. also Ive had issues with keeping erect even with my girlfriend. Some times its up and then disappears for now reason and some times its down and wont come up even with great provocation.

Im in my mid twenties and cant work out why Ive suddenly lost my libido. The only answer i can possbly think of is stress but ive never had a problem before.

Any one got an (useful) suggestons?

First, de-stress your life, and taake some of the pressures off of yourself. Second, sit down with your girl and talk to her, and explain how you feel. Third- go see your doctor and rule out bacterial infections, viruses, etc. Fourth-try ginseng. Siberian is really the best, American doesn't have the same strength. And finally, detox. Drink water, maybe invest in one of those small personal tea pots and some good quality jasmine or green tea. Cut back any junk food and/or alcohol for a few weeks, take a multi-vitamin formulated for your age, an extra B-Complex vitamin for energy, calcium for th erelaxing effect it has on your nerves, and echinacea (just stay close tothe restroom for a few days.) for the cleansing properties.

 

[Guest]

How does one "de-stress" their life? Is it really that simple?

I would agree with the extra hydration, however.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

How does one "de-stress" their life? Is it really that simple?

I would agree with the extra hydration, however.

It's not simple but it's worth trying to do.

 

[FallingToFly]

How does one "de-stress" their life? Is it really that simple?

I would agree with the extra hydration, however.

Oh, it isn't simple at all, lol. Everyone has a different method- set aside an hour a day for meditation, start indulging in scented bubble baths, cut away as much dead weight as you can... none of it is easy, but it's worth trying.

Meditation and music work for me, and long midnight drives to nowhere in particular.

 

[Huckleman2000]

For something so "natural" (ie, birds do it....), the engineering of an erection seems like a Rube Goldberg device if you look closely. Several systems come into play (so to speak), and a failure in any of them can lead to the same symptoms. The most obvious, I suppose, is vascular - something interferes with the flow of blood engorging the penis. This could be due to blood pressure issues, circulatory issues, and so on, which in turn could be caused by other diseases such as diabetes. As bill1955 noted, the endocrine system of hormones could also be the culprit. Like blood flow, any number of factors from diet and exercise to stress or aging can disrupt hormones.

And then there's the psychological. Not that the mind isn't also a physical system, it's just devilishly bound up in all the others. Loss of libido is one common symptom of depression, for example, though not always. Despite that, many (most, probably) drugs that treat brain illnesses have some sexual side effects. Not because they interfere with blood circulation or hormones, directly, but because they interfere with the mechanisms of arousal. Getting, and staying, interested in sex depends on a focused thought process easily disrupted by any number of anxieties or distractions. Dealing with those stressors can deplete the brain chemicals that help to trigger the whole process of arousal, and they need recuperative sleep or other types of downtime to replenish themselves. Sometimes, though, the stress happens because of something more closely associated with the act itself - relationship or personal issues that come to the surface at the most innappropriate time. You can fake an orgasm, but an erection is either there or it isn't.

Finding the root cause involves a process of elimination, and that's what medical professionals are trained to do. Start with your family doctor, who can rule a lot of factors in or out. They deal with this sort of thing all the time.

 

[neonlyte]

How does one "de-stress" their life? Is it really that simple?

I would agree with the extra hydration, however.

Not at all easy - especially with a family demanding attention.

I (in agreement with the SO) cut away the surplus. Re-organised my life to focus on the things I want to do and tackle the things I need to do without 'stressing' them. Of course, I no longer have a young family to worry about, we are reasonably independant financially , and that all helps. One the other hand, my de-stressed life has been plagued with illness So I'm not sure one can win!

Hydration is essential, get those i/2 litre plastic bottles, fill 4 a day with filtered water, drink 4 a day.

 

[Alessia Brio]

First, de-stress your life, and taake some of the pressures off of yourself. Second, sit down with your girl and talk to her, and explain how you feel. Third- go see your doctor and rule out bacterial infections, viruses, etc. Fourth-try ginseng. Siberian is really the best, American doesn't have the same strength. And finally, detox. Drink water, maybe invest in one of those small personal tea pots and some good quality jasmine or green tea. Cut back any junk food and/or alcohol for a few weeks, take a multi-vitamin formulated for your age, an extra B-Complex vitamin for energy, calcium for th erelaxing effect it has on your nerves, and echinacea (just stay close tothe restroom for a few days.) for the cleansing properties.

I am a believer in insulin being a huge factor in libido, so the whole hydration-supplement-diet thing rings very true to me. Granted, I'm only working from my own data, but I really do think that insulin is every bit as influential to mood as the reproductive hormones. Get a handle on that, and it's much easier to "de-stress" your life.

 

[Antfarmer77]

Horny Goat Weed ( I'm not kidding...that's what it's called) It's almost the same as that stuff they sell on TV for ED (The ad with "Smilin' Bob)

 

[Selena_Kitt]

How does one "de-stress" their life? Is it really that simple?

It's not as difficult as people make it out to be, sometimes... it's just a matter of actually taking the steps to create a less stressful environment.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, right?

So make a list of your stressors, and look at those things you can change. Job sucks? Time to look for another one. Relationships? Who in your life is valuable to you? Are you maintaining friendships with people who are sucking energy out of your life? Where are you spending your time? Too much of it doing something for someone else? There are lots of places you can cut corners, if you really look.

Then it's on to those things you can't change... that's where acceptance comes in. Not an easy concept, to understand or to do... but once you have it down, you're going to have a LOT less stress in your life. Unfortunately, it's difficult to get someone to that point... it's a matter of practice... My mantra for this one is: "What is, is." There are things we can't change... why rail against those things? It's a waste of time and energy...

And then keep up maintenance... keep de-stressing... question every new thing or project you take on... is this what I REALLY want to spend my energy on? If you can do that, you'll be well on your way to easing your stress load...

 

[kendo1]

I found a decrease in my sex drive a year or two back. As did my wife.
In our case it probably was stress, worrying about our business.
Being self employed is not always a good thing. Money problems do not help.

We closed the business down and I started a new business.

Our sex life has improved (tremendously!).

I'm pretty close to 50 now. There is hope.

The best thing we did was a trip up the east coast of Scotland, without kids.
Freedom, good food and a soft bed.

Sometimes just getting away from it all helps.


Ken