Amazing 1st BDSM experience - how does a sub respond?

[winter_sub]

Hi all, this is my first post after my first BDSM experience as a sub (I'm female BTW) and I'm looking for some guidance on how/or whether I should respond following our encounter.

I've always read erotica in the area of BDSM, particularly being punished with sex, "having" to do things to my partner and let them do things to me. I've tried in the past to get my partners to try it out, but its just hasn't been there nature and I've always felt how uncomfortable they were.

I met this guy on Tinder chat and out of sheer boredom decided to get chat-kinky and he immediately responded! Stupidly I now know, we didn't set up much in the way of boundaries/limits, except for me telling him that my Boss respected my ass at all times... luckily for me that was enough and I met up with him 2 nights ago. The moment I walked in the door he had me by the throat.... ugh it was incredible and exactly what I had imagined but never thought I would find in a man.

I had the most amazing experience of my life and did things and have things done to me that I never thought would happen in reality or that I would enjoy the way I did. He had the perfect balance I was looking for, being a strong dominant man who was forceful and used his hands on my body and face to show me (I can't believe it, but he struck me - not enough to leave marks - several times and each time it was an intense thrill!).

We paused a few times to have a ciggie break and exchange some conversation, then back into it. Once I had pleased him I stayed for another 15mins or so and left (of my choosing).

I have been trawling these forums and have found them so amazingly insightful! I very much identify as a submissive and would love the opportunity to explore it with this guy, but having never done this before, I'm not sure how it works from here. We didn't talk at all about what we did, it just kind of finished and I had to go. I've left it 2 days now (well almost) and all I can think about is my Boss, whether he still wants to punish me, whether I was the right kind of sub for him, what I can do to make my Boss happy.

Not really knowing him, I'm not sure that he's looking for a sub, whether I can ask that...??? How how how do I become his sub?

This is such new territory for me and I would love anyone's insight. Thanks in advance!

 

[seela]

I'm glad to hear your experience was a good one and it ended well even if all the safety tips weren't followed. I've been in the same situation and my late night impromptu (and unsafe) booty call has now lasted 8 years.

How to move forward? The only way forward is talking, there's no going around that. You don't have to decide that he's going to become your dom and you his sub. You can look at this period as dating, it doesn't have to be all-in from the get go.

Do the same as you would with any person you've had a nice first date with and want to move forward. Talk with the guy, get to know him. See what he thinks of what happened and if he wants to get together again. Talk about safety and limits, preferences, wants and needs. Don't let this giddy feeling you have cloud your judgment, but definitely enjoy it.

Lastly, welcome to Lit.

 

[mescalito169]

Winter,

I'm so glad that you had a wonderful experience....

Hope you have many more.

 

[winter_sub]

Thank you so much for the wise advice! We've already started chatting again and it seems he does have experience in this kind of thing, but I feel kind of proud to mention he said something about me made him more rough! I feel quite lucky to have met someone that seems to be so compatible to what I want... or at least for now

I'll keep posting as I learn!

 

[Pinklovemuffin]

I too am in the beginning phase of a new relationship with my first experiences in this lifestyle. In my situation, we are taking it as it goes but there is a lot of patience needed on both parts just because life kind of gets in the way. It is an exciting journey. I am becoming more comfortable with my naturally submissive self and each encounter reaches a deeper level of passion. The one thing that I think is important (for me anyway) is that my partner also balances the rough with his softer side. It was a huge step for me to take that step over to the dark side. I'd love to hear about others beginning their journey. Sometimes it is not always easy to keep a level mind and I am sure there are plenty of different forms of submission in this situation. For me it was being spanked for the first time. The sex is amazing and getting better and better... We have a connection that is unique and much different than anything I have ever experienced, I think keeping an open line of communication is really wise. Although things are happening naturally for me at that point. But checking in with each other is always helpful.

 

[thelaughingcat]

Yay! Glad to hear that you guys are talking - it's always nice when you take a chance and it pays off

Good luck and stay dirty

 

[aace714]

New

Being a bit new to the game myself I found a very unique and lovely partner on here to share my dominant side with.We seemed to have clicked right from the start and have shared several adventures already. Sometimes I worry that I'm to rough with her but she seems to enjoy it as much as me.She brings out something so primal in me . I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.
After I smack her ass tonight I plan on filling it with my dick and a load of my cum. I know she'll like that

 

[MissShelly]

Communication.
Communication.
Communication.

Tell him how much you enjoyed it, and ask if he'd like to get together for coffee and to plan another scene.

Then tell him what you want, and what you expect. Ask what his expectations are. Make sure you two are on the same page and leave no room for miscommunication.

And for safety's sake.. please make sure you have safe words in place.

 

[EquinoxRising]

I met this guy on Tinder chat and out of sheer boredom decided to get chat-kinky and he immediately responded! Stupidly I now know, we didn't set up much in the way of boundaries/limits, except for me telling him that my Boss respected my ass at all times... luckily for me that was enough and I met up with him 2 nights ago. The moment I walked in the door he had me by the throat.... ugh it was incredible and exactly what I had imagined but never thought I would find in a man.

I had the most amazing experience of my life and did things and have things done to me that I never thought would happen in reality or that I would enjoy the way I did. He had the perfect balance I was looking for, being a strong dominant man who was forceful and used his hands on my body and face to show me (I can't believe it, but he struck me - not enough to leave marks - several times and each time it was an intense thrill!).

We paused a few times to have a ciggie break and exchange some conversation, then back into it. Once I had pleased him I stayed for another 15mins or so and left (of my choosing).

This is such new territory for me and I would love anyone's insight. Thanks in advance!

First, and foremost, be careful. So many moons ago in the 90s (lol) when AOL was still the "local ISP" I met a man offline from a local chat room. He was late twenties and I nineteen. He bound me to his bed with his neck ties (he was a med or law student, I do not remember which). It was an "okay" night. Nothing "bad" happened, but it wasn't memorable. Hell, I couldn't tell you his name or screen name anymore... Looking back, that was quite careless of me. We hadn't known each other online long, and our first meeting offline was directly at his apartment. Sure, most sane people wouldn't want to murder someone within their own home due to the clean up, but I had no idea if he was sane or not!

Do establish boundaries, hard limits (no matter how obscure they may seem - hell, I tell people I'm not into snuff and, therefore, "forced" oral is a no-no since I do not want to choke on my vomit and die ), and do let a friend know of your plans. Ya know? Someone who can check-up on you and/or if you don't call/text by a certain time would call the police, etc. One of my own personal things, also, when I do not know someone very well yet is to NOT engage in both bondage and gagging at the same time. After all, if you cannot utter a safe word or gesture with your hand(s), that could lead to trouble.

Not really knowing him, I'm not sure that he's looking for a sub, whether I can ask that...??? How how how do I become his sub?

While you two shared your cig break and "chat time", what did you talk about? I mean, like, does he have a girlfriend? If so, is he cheating or is it an open relationship? Would a D/s relationship be very casual to him, somewhat serious, very serious? Did he hint he'd like to see you again? Did you exchange cell numbers or can you only communicate with him on Tinder? If he seems to be a "casual" type of guy, next time you talk to him simply ask what he may like! It's usually best to be frank about topics instead of beating around the bush.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Just Say 'Thank You'...

Amazing 1st BDSM experience - how does a sub respond?
With gratitude and humility…
Politeness and courtesy are always appreciated, just say 'Thank you, sir'...

 

[Ishmael]

Hi all, this is my first post after my first BDSM experience as a sub (I'm female BTW) and I'm looking for some guidance on how/or whether I should respond following our encounter.

I've always read erotica in the area of BDSM, particularly being punished with sex, "having" to do things to my partner and let them do things to me. I've tried in the past to get my partners to try it out, but its just hasn't been there nature and I've always felt how uncomfortable they were.

I met this guy on Tinder chat and out of sheer boredom decided to get chat-kinky and he immediately responded! Stupidly I now know, we didn't set up much in the way of boundaries/limits, except for me telling him that my Boss respected my ass at all times... luckily for me that was enough and I met up with him 2 nights ago. The moment I walked in the door he had me by the throat.... ugh it was incredible and exactly what I had imagined but never thought I would find in a man.

I had the most amazing experience of my life and did things and have things done to me that I never thought would happen in reality or that I would enjoy the way I did. He had the perfect balance I was looking for, being a strong dominant man who was forceful and used his hands on my body and face to show me (I can't believe it, but he struck me - not enough to leave marks - several times and each time it was an intense thrill!).

We paused a few times to have a ciggie break and exchange some conversation, then back into it. Once I had pleased him I stayed for another 15mins or so and left (of my choosing).

I have been trawling these forums and have found them so amazingly insightful! I very much identify as a submissive and would love the opportunity to explore it with this guy, but having never done this before, I'm not sure how it works from here. We didn't talk at all about what we did, it just kind of finished and I had to go. I've left it 2 days now (well almost) and all I can think about is my Boss, whether he still wants to punish me, whether I was the right kind of sub for him, what I can do to make my Boss happy.

Not really knowing him, I'm not sure that he's looking for a sub, whether I can ask that...??? How how how do I become his sub?

This is such new territory for me and I would love anyone's insight. Thanks in advance!

That's up to him, not you.

Ishmael