"AMan Possessed" full story now live

[crisdixon]

"A Man Possessed" full story now live

For those who had asked on the earlier thread that I post when the full story went live, it is now: https://www.literotica.com/s/a-man-possessed-pt-01-02

Looking forward to hearing what you think.

Specifically looking for two things:

• Overall reaction - the rating has been low, so clearly people reading in the "Loving Wives" category don't like it - no one's commented yet, unlike with Part I. Would love to know what people don't like about it.
  
• The description of sex. I like to go into vivid detail and really paint the scene. Yea or nay?

 

[NotWise]

Overall reaction - the rating has been low, so clearly people reading in the "Loving Wives" category don't like it - no one's commented yet, unlike with Part I. Would love to know what people don't like about it.

I had to make myself read it so that I could give a reaction. It didn't draw me in or tweak my interest, except in a few instances where I admired your use of English.

I got through the whole story without a feeling that I knew or understood anything about any of the characters. That makes it hard for me to appreciate the sex.

Did I read too quickly? It seems like the whole chain of events in which she arranges the cuckold scene should be there, but isn't.

The description of sex. I like to go into vivid detail and really paint the scene. Yea or nay?]

The description is lavish. I might have appreciated it more if I knew or liked the characters. As it is I found it hard to read. I guess that makes it a nay.

I don't know your goal in writing. If you're doing it entirely for your own enjoyment then you don't need to change a thing. If you're doing it at all for your readers then you need to pay attention to the low score--which is extra low in this case because it's in LW.

You have good command of the language; if you want to please your readers then I have no doubt in your ability to do it.

 

[hylas_]

I'm afraid I didn't enjoy the 2nd chapter as much. The 1st chapter was different and strange and a little bit poetic. The 2nd chapter read a bit more like a conventional wank fantasy to me, and one that didn't really work for me.

Especially in the last part of the 2nd chapter, the woman stopped making sense to me as a character. It's not that the 1st chapter had given me all that much information about her, but she "felt real" to me. But towards the end of the story, she became more like a paper doll without any internal life, who was just there to fulfill the protagonist's fantasy. How did this woman, who seemed like a relatively ordinary person with a relatively unremarkable workplace crush, suddenly arrive at orchestrating a freaky scene like that? And why just once? It just doesn't scan. It's also odd that, after this entire story, I can't work out whether she actually cares about her husband or not.

Her co-worker is confusing as well. First of all, why would he agree to any of this? Why would he agree to being so intimate and vulerable in front of a complete stranger? And why are the two men in the room barely even aknowledging each other? The whole set-up is just awkward. It feels like you needed a 2nd man in the scene for the cuckold fantasy to work, but you weren't at all interested in writing him, so he ended up as basically a cock and little more.

Re: the way you write sex, there are some very nice parts in there. I liked it when the co-worker ate her out, spanked her, and especially when he penetrated her right in front of the protagonist. However, in other parts, the sex didn't really hold my attention. I'm not sure whether this is because of the way it's written, or because I didn't really understand the characters anymore. Maybe I would have liked to read a little less about what they are doing with their bodies, and more about what is going on in their heads (why they are doing those things, how it makes them feel, what they taste and smell, etc.)

I also had some trouble with the "body logistics" at times (who is where, in what position, etc.), but that could also be just me (I'm not a native English speaker).

Hope my feedback wasn't too harsh... I do think you are talented, and I intend to read whatever you upload next.

 

[crisdixon]

Not too harsh at all - very constructive feedback. I had an intent that clearly didn't come off, and you zeroed right in on it. I meant for her to appear as indulgent. She's gotten him to share his fantasy; she makes it happen. But I can see now - I didn't make it believable in the context of the story. Mystery solved. Thank you for taking the time to read it and reply at length!