am I SUPPOSED to feel like this???

[wenchhh]

I need some feedback from all of you more experienced subs out there. I just recently had my very first real dom/sub experience. oh my GOD, it rocked my world! I expected the spankings... the hair pulling... the commands. Was relieved to find that I enjoyed it even more than I imagined I would. Master was kind, stern, loving, strong, understanding, demanding, sensual and intuitive to needs I didn't even know I had. I'm hooked, kids. I say that with a blush. Here is my thing. Am I SUPPOSED to feel this way? I feel like I can't get enough. I see him online and my body tingles. Trying to keep cool and not hound him with IMs, emails, phone calls. Am I succeeding? Rarely. He says he doesn't mind, and expects it from me. The fact is, *I* mind. I'm a 40 yr old woman for Christ's sake! I'm constantly thinking of ways to make him happy. Replaying things he's said, things we've done, thinks I want to try... in my head. A lady where I work said "this is not a democracy" in reference to her kids, and I had to actually leave the room, it made me grin so big. This is the most excited I've been in a long long time, and tho I am reveling in it, I also HATE it! I'm very in control of my real life. I hold a job where I am in control, make big life or death decisions, and train others. I raise my kids to know that what Mom says goes, and even my 6'4 military husband acquiesces to my strong personality. So, WTF??!! I am embarrassed beyond belief at my behavior with Master. He laughs and tells me not to be, that it is how he wants me. Somebody give me some good advice here, I'm feeling like Sybil, and afraid I'm going crazy. (sorry this is so long, wanted you to get the whole picture)
~his lil girl~
Wenchhh

 

[CutieMouse]

Sub Frenzies

 

[Evil_Geoff]

What Cutie said.

sub frenzy is a very intense period when someone discovers a safe outlet for these feelings that have probably been pent up for years, if not decades. It's like opening the top a warm bottle of Pepsi... WHOOSH out comes the rush of foam!

It's pretty normal. You will find your equilibrium soon but in the meantime you want to try/do EVERYTHINGALLATONCEOMGIT'SGREATWHICHWAYDOIGOWHICHWAYDOIGO?

Now, for the wet blanket.

You mentioned your husband. Is he informed of your relationship with your Master and has he consented to that relationship? Are you ready for the consequences if he is not aware, hasn't consented, and finds out? Not saying I disapprove, mind you. But you need to really, REALLY keep that in mind.

 

[wenchhh]

Thanks EG, for your reply. You scare the hell outta me, but I'm psyched that you'd read my post, say nothing about replying. I know, I'm so queer.
No, to answer your ?, my husb. doesn't know. He knows that I have picked up some kinky preferences of late, and attributes it to my finally reaching my sexual prime. We have a "don't ask, don't tell" kinda policy. He knows about lovers I have had, and has dealt with it. (little does he know, if he'd just spank my sorry ass, I'd probably have a lot LESS of them!) I suspect that sometime in the future, he will know. Yes, I am aware of the consequences, and am prepared to deal with them. It won't be a deal breaker. Thanks for the reality check. The reminder is always welcome, tho causes grumbles. Cest la vie.
Thanks, man.

 

[subfem1963]

I feel like that everytime i see my Master, i get so nervous and excited at the same time.
I am visiting him on Friday and staying till the Monday, I'm already in a fluster and i'm not even there yet. Lol.
I also have to limit myself to emails, phone calls and txts, it is so hard though, as i just love the contact, but i would hate to become a nuisance to him. Having said that he tells me he loves the contact too, and can be as bad as me.

 

[CutieMouse]

I do believe it's sub frenzy, but at the same time, I must admit I get the silliest little thrills (almost on a daily basis) from realizing a perfectly normal thing can be used for an alterntive purpose; sometimes I end up with a secret smile and have to govern myself in the midst of perfectly inocent conversations.

[Like the other day when one of the roomie's kidlets commented on how 'No one would ever eat soap! That would be silly!' Yeah... sure... mhmmm... (mind wandering...) ]

So it is possible to be wandering about and have that somewhat giddy state triggered, without being in the midst of the "sub frenzies"; the trick is recognizing and controling oneself when it occurs.

 

[wenchhh]

thanks sub_fem, I don't feel quite so alone in this anymore. The site on sub_frenzy was really good, tho it KILLS me to recognize myself there. damn.
Yeah, cutie, I totally know what you mean. But then again, controlling it is half the fun.

 

[SilkVelvet]

Am currently (mentally) sitting on my hands, waiting for the man I hope (cross everything ) will be my Master, to call me - though I am aware that he was going to have a tough day today and may feel tired and not in the mood to talk.

If it were vanilla I would just call and say hi, but as it isn't I don't know whether to or not. I already called Monday and we chatted while he drove to work and he wasn't a bit put out that I called. I texted him today but he didn't reply as busy but I wasn't expecting a reply, it was more a Good Luck message.

I feel really anxious, because although if we get together he will be my 2nd Master, I just couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect Master for me.. and I want him..

So although not frenzied (yet) I know what you mean !

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Thanks EG, for your reply. You scare the hell outta me, but I'm psyched that you'd read my post, say nothing about replying. I know, I'm so queer.

_I_ scare you? Who? Sweet innocent, fuzzy cuddly Bear, ME??

What did I do? *LOL* It's not like I bite peoples heads off and steal their souls or nuffin. Well.. not unless they ask real, real nice...

... The reminder is always welcome, tho causes grumbles. Cest la vie.
Thanks, man.

You are very welcome wenchhh. The reason I tend to toss reality checks (particularly at someone showing symptoms of sub frenzy) is that I have seen submissives AND Dominants do some incredibly, mind-bogglingly, rash things while in the throws of that frenzy. Yes, there is an equivalent state that can happen to Doms. Quick example from a good friend of mine...

sub falls head over heals for my friend, who's been a Dom in the lifestyle many years. Said sub professes her love, leaves her job, family, life, everything to be with him. she swears her undying love and loyalty, goes out on her OWN (not at his request or command mind you, on her own! ! !) and gets "Property of _Insert_Name_Here_" tattooed across the small of her back...

Six months later she decides this Master/slave stuff is for the birds and decides to go crawling back to her husband... Only now she has someone else's name inscribed on her body...

It's intense, it's heady, it feels oh so incredibly good! And there's nothing wrong with feeling like you do. Just be very, very careful as you go forward. Do not do anything that will possibly alter/change/or even destroy the life you have now. Until you are absolutely, positively sure that what you are going to will be worth more to you than the life you leave behind.

Wrecked marriages, nasty custody battles, lost jobs, alienated family is a damned heavy price to pay for 6th months of fun.

Just a word of caution for the wise. While I am a sadist, that kind of hurt I don't like seeing...

 

[FurryFury]

Other's have put such great posts on this thread already.

I just want to say the high you have right now is a precious thing. I'm glad you are enjoying your experiences so much.

*smiles*

Fury

 

[intothewoods]

_I_ scare you? Who? Sweet innocent, fuzzy cuddly Bear, ME??

What did I do? *LOL* It's not like I bite peoples heads off and steal their souls or nuffin. Well.. not unless they ask real, real nice...

You have "Evil" in your username! It's scary! If it weren't for the Gryffindor reference in your siggy, I'd still be covering my eyes when your posts come up.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

You have "Evil" in your username! It's scary! If it weren't for the Gryffindor reference in your siggy, I'd still be covering my eyes when your posts come up.

*grins impishly*

Like Harry, I could have gone either way...

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Wenchhh,

I'm pleased it was such a positive experience for you. I've been feeling pretty frenzied myself for a long while now due to not getting what I need. I have a weekend with someone new planned in a few weeks who I have agreed to switch with (if it feels right, if not we just plan on getting drunk & putting the world to rights).

On one hand I so WANT it to 'feel right' but on the other I keep worrying how bad I'll feel after if it all goes as we hope but then not be able to see each other very often as we live 150 miles apart?

 

[wenchhh]

EG, I guess what scares me is that... well, I am discovering that I have this nasty habit of not knowing when I've had enough, and you... well, you could very well whip/beat me into next week and I'd still have teeth clenched, whimpering but not proclaiming that safe word til hell freezes over.
you mean Business, Mr., and I'm just a lil ole chicken. Hey, if I ever outgrow that, and get permission, maybe I'll request your services! lol. Um, luv ya but don't hold your breath!

 

[CutieMouse]

EG, I guess what scares me is that... well, I am discovering that I have this nasty habit of not knowing when I've had enough, and you... well, you could very well whip/beat me into next week and I'd still have teeth clenched, whimpering but not proclaiming that safe word til hell freezes over.
you mean Business, Mr., and I'm just a lil ole chicken. Hey, if I ever outgrow that, and get permission, maybe I'll request your services! lol. Um, luv ya but don't hold your breath!

Not to ruin his reputation, but Geoff is a sweetheart. I had the pleasure of having a very scattered lunch with him and Janey a few weeks ago (as my gaggle bounced around the McD's playground, caused potty break interruptions, and generally acted like the chaotic little gaggle they are LOL).

I bet he can be scary when he wants to be, though.

I do understand where you're coming from, Wenchhh. There are several gentlemen at Lit who used to scare the pants off me, but it's been a few years now, and they don't scare me anymore... I've grown up a lot, have better control over all those frantic "Oh my goodness this is so fabulously frighteningly cool/scary/yikes!" knee jerk sorts of feelings, and am better able to recognize there are *people* behind all those deliciously wicked ideas. (Okay that does and does not help with the yikes factor sometimes...)

You'll eventually figure out how to balance your emotions and desires with common sense; everybody does.

 

[Ice2000]

_I_ scare you? Who? Sweet innocent, fuzzy cuddly Bear, ME??

What did I do? *LOL* It's not like I bite peoples heads off and steal their souls or nuffin. Well.. not unless they ask real, real nice...



You are very welcome wenchhh. The reason I tend to toss reality checks (particularly at someone showing symptoms of sub frenzy) is that I have seen submissive AND Dominants do some incredibly, mind-bogglingly, rash things while in the throws of that frenzy. Yes, there is an equivalent state that can happen to Doms. Quick example from a good friend of mine...

sub falls head over heals for my friend, who's been a Dom in the lifestyle many years. Said sub professes her love, leaves her job, family, life, everything to be with him. she swears her undying love and loyalty, goes out on her OWN (not at his request or command mind you, on her own! ! !) and gets "Property of _Insert_Name_Here_" tattooed across the small of her back...

Six months later she decides this Master/slave stuff is for the birds and decides to go crawling back to her husband... Only now she has someone else's name inscribed on her body...

It's intense, it's heady, it feels oh so incredibly good! And there's nothing wrong with feeling like you do. Just be very, very careful as you go forward. Do not do anything that will possibly alter/change/or even destroy the life you have now. Until you are absolutely, positively sure that what you are going to will be worth more to you than the life you leave behind.

Wrecked marriages, nasty custody battles, lost jobs, alienated family is a damned heavy price to pay for 6th months of fun.

Just a word of caution for the wise. While I am a sadist, that kind of hurt I don't like seeing...

Hmmmm... perhaps it is my male shovanistic view coming out but I feel it is the dom's responsibility to keep there head about them and make sure bad things don't happen from foolish behavior. Responsibility goes along with the control.

WTF was your friend thinking putting his name on a newbie sub in 6 months Geoff? Hell I've had hardons that lasted longer than that.

 

[CutieMouse]

Hmmmm... perhaps it is my male shovanistic view coming out but I feel it is the dom's responsibility to keep there head about them and make sure bad things don't happen from foolish behavior. Responsibility goes along with the control.

WTF was your friend thinking putting his name on a newbie sub in 6 months Geoff? Hell I've had hardons that lasted longer than that.

If you read Geoff's post carefully, you'll see the woman in question had the man's name tattooed all by herself, without his permission.

 

[midwestyankee]

If you read Geoff's post carefully, you'll see the woman in question had the man's name tattooed all by herself, without his permission.

[hijack]Sort of makes you want to suggest a literacy test for membership, doesn't it?[/hijack]

 

[Ice2000]

ahhhh... sorry I miss read.

that would explain it.. didn't makes sense to me that a dom with experience would let that happen knowingly

oh gosh don't do that midwestyankee... I would be the first one booted

I have a left brain right brain thing going on... I can run the numbers to launch the space shuttle in my head.. but my literary skills are laughable.

 

[wenchhh]

smart thinking...

EG and Ice, for that matter...
I didn't address this earlier when you gave me the advice EG. I DO appreciate it, from you, and from anyone more experienced than I. I've a decent head on my shoulders tho, so will take what you say and add it to my own thoughts, and go from there. Wanted you to know that tho I am somewhat... ok, very, frenzied.... I have no intentions of f'ing up a good thing. My marriage, and my family are good things. We've been thru a lot, the ole man and I, and my life is good, really good. This Master of mine, he is just the icing on the cake. What I've experienced with him is the ONLY thing missing from my marriage. One of the first conversations we had involved a discussion about how we were both happy in our marriages and would never leave them. He told me I'd not be his only sub, and to live with it or go away, essentially. I'm cool with that. I need that boundary, to help with my own.
As for the dom keeping the subs feelings and behavior in line, I don't really need that, and think there is no need for cheuvinistic behavior or opinions. I need my Master to luv me and guide me and teach me and let me know when he's happy or displeased, and what to do if he's not. I don't need someone to keep tabs on my personal behaviors. I think he knows that, and respects it. Ice, it's the stupid subs fault for putting ANY guys name on her body. WTF was she thinking? I'd never EVER do that. Isn't that a general rule of tattooing? I thought it was. Boy, I hope my Sir doesn't read this, he's gonna beat my ass. Thanks tho guys, for the input.

 

[wenchhh]

and btw Ice, oooh, a man who can do numbers exCITES me! LOL

 

[catalina_francisco]

So this has moved into real life face to face encounters and not online? If so, over time the frenzy might diminish a bit and become more grounded.

Catalina

 

[Ice2000]

I totally agree that if she did this on her own she needs her ass kicked, I hope he at least took care of that when she got home.


Now...Wench

I think your post makes my point. Your desires could overwhelm your good judgment, that is what Geoff was warning about. And a little help from your Dom is important when your in this state. I still argue it is his responsibility to keep your head screwed on straight.

 

[wenchhh]

Ice, you are SO wrong. My desires have remained my own, it hasn't jeopardized anything, and I still maintain that I can make those decisions for myself. Your poor sub, she doesn't stand a chance, does she? As for my Master, he really seems to like me this way, open and frenzied and wanting to please him, desperately. He TRUSTS me to keep my head. Guess that's why I dig him so. Oh, that and that CRAZY thing he does with his belt..... (grin)

 

[wenchhh]

Yes Catalina, I guess I didn't make that clear, that I had met him, and he has asked me (well, kinda sorta assumed) to be his sub. I hope it mellos a bit, after all, I have a professional life to live. Not too much tho, this is the most alive I've felt in many many years. Does anyone out there relate?