Am I gay?

mc44k

Experienced
Joined
Oct 18, 2011
Posts
85
This may not make sense but it is what I feel. I still have not had my first man to man encounter. I have thought for a while the sex with a man sounds very erotic and something that I wish I could explore. I have been in chat rooms and have looked at m2m sites, on and off for about six years. Never really thought of myself as man only kind of guy. Last week as I was driving, it felt like I finally said to myself its ok to be gay. It felt almost like a peace had come across me. My wife and I had been having issues for a while now, mainly due to the fact that I haven't:confused: desired to have sex with her. This weekend we went to the beach, just the two of us. After making love to her, this thought came into my mind, "is that the last time I will have sex with my wife?" Where did that come from.
This is the reason that I think I may be gay.
Tell me what you think.
:confused: :confused:
 
u will have more sex with your wife plus some.Did u ever think about threesomes etc?
 
This may not make sense but it is what I feel. I still have not had my first man to man encounter. I have thought for a while the sex with a man sounds very erotic and something that I wish I could explore. I have been in chat rooms and have looked at m2m sites, on and off for about six years. Never really thought of myself as man only kind of guy. Last week as I was driving, it felt like I finally said to myself its ok to be gay. It felt almost like a peace had come across me. My wife and I had been having issues for a while now, mainly due to the fact that I haven't:confused: desired to have sex with her. This weekend we went to the beach, just the two of us. After making love to her, this thought came into my mind, "is that the last time I will have sex with my wife?" Where did that come from.
This is the reason that I think I may be gay.
Tell me what you think.
:confused: :confused:

Are you gay? I have no idea. (only you can answer that question)

You certainly have a curiosity and perhaps a desire to experiment with some same sex relations. Does that make you gay? No.

Does it make you bi? maybe bi-curious....

Talk to you wife about how you feel, it is only fair to her too.

HTH, at least a little.
 
I know this won't be everyone's opinion, but personally I think we spend too much time focused on labels for ourselves. When I first started fooling around with other guys I thought I might be gay to start with, yet I was still very attracted to women. It turns out, just like women, I'm not sexually attracted to EVERY guy I see. I don't really like the term "Bi" to be fair.

I think we're just attracted to certain individuals - who cares if they're the same sex? I do agree with Topher that you should talk to your wife about this. A marriage is worth a hell of a lot.
 
mc44k

I am not a therapist or an expert on this subject (though I did stay in a Holiday Inn-if you recall those funny commercials).

I know others may disagree but here is my input

1) There are many questions and answers that only you know. In fact, there are some questions and answers you probably have not even thought about as it relates to your sexuality/wife/family/background etc...

2) With being #1 said, my friendly input would to seek a family therapist to help you down the path so you can make the appropriate decisions for you, your wife and family. I know some people do not like to go to a therapist but take it from me, it helped me to blow off some steam and focus on the issues at hand.
Also believe me, when you go to the therapist, it will be hard work and it may take some time to get where you need to go as it relates to this issue and other possible struggles that you are facing.

3) Please understand that you are not the only married guy who has struggled with his sexuality. I hope some of the married guys on Lit who have had some of the same experiences, thoughts concerns, actions etc... will give their input.

4) At this point, just take it day by day. Do not doing anything rash that might kill your marriage especially if you still love your wife.

5) Offer yourself some grace. Do not beat yourself up over this like I did for so many years.

6) I know some people will laugh at the following statement but as an active Methodist, my prayers go out to you to in your search for your answers on your sexual ID, marriage relationship etc...

That is my two cents worth. (probably not worth two cents-laugh)
 
Well, it seems to be pretty safe to say, that you are attracted to men. And yes, there really is nothing wrong about that. Which leaves the question if you are attracted to women as well. Since you have married a woman and have sex with her, and as it sounds for a long time until recently, I guess that women are doing at least something to you.

If you don't want to have any sexual contact with women, then it would probably really be the best thing to separate. There are enough stories of men who lived married to a woman for a long time before they realized that this really wasn't what they wanted and needed. It could be the case with you.
But for many people being attracted to one sex does not mean not being attracted to the other. If that's the case with you, then it would probably be a better idea to work things out with your wife. Again, it sounds like a kind of problem that many heterosexual couples have and that often can be fixed.

Maybe, and that's a big maybe here, since you havn't told us that much about your situation, you being attracted to men and not being able to share this with your wife was what made you feel uncomfortable about your sexuality, which could be the source of the problems with your wife. You said it felt great to admit your attraction to men to yourself. Feeling bad about yourself can be a big problem for relationships and take all the fun out of them for everyone involved. Now that you've come to terms with it yourself, maybe you feel better about sharing it with your wife as well. Having it out in the open might make things easier for both of you and help to work things out. That is, if you still feel potentially attracted to women at all.
 
I know this won't be everyone's opinion, but personally I think we spend too much time focused on labels for ourselves. When I first started fooling around with other guys I thought I might be gay to start with, yet I was still very attracted to women. It turns out, just like women, I'm not sexually attracted to EVERY guy I see. I don't really like the term "Bi" to be fair.

I think we're just attracted to certain individuals - who cares if they're the same sex? I do agree with Topher that you should talk to your wife about this. A marriage is worth a hell of a lot.

Well me on the other hand, thinks that we as human being need labels. Without them how in the hell else are we going to judge someone, especially if that someone is a concern to one's well being and personal life. Without any labels, or prejudging someone before they end up in a relationship wasting their precious time, people could up in a world of hurt in the long run.

But that's just my little two cents.
 
Yes you are not only gay, you are Liberace gay. The best thing you can do is tell your wife immediately. See if you can get some man to agree to move in with you and then go out and buy His and His towels.

http://www.google.com/search?q=libe...&ei=fbXwTr_0Henv0gG5-ImhAg&sqi=2&ved=0CEUQsAQ

You know my favorite food is a beef tenderloin but I can't get excited about this if I eat it every day. Variety is the spice of life. We were neve meant to be monogamous. Go out and suck some cock and see if this is really what you want to do. You may be surprized. You may get this knky urge out of your system. You may love it
 
Last edited:
Back
Top