Am I abandoning my kids.....

[chewbacca71]

The wife gave me the "this is over " speech tonight. I had a feeling it may be coming. I can not afford to support a household for them here , and also one for myself. I will have to move far far away and live with relatives to be able to afford to support the family. This will mean pretty much leaving my kids, since I will be thousands of miles away. Am I abandoning my kids to be able to make ends meet and support them while moving away? Or am I doing the right thing for them? Please any thoughts, suggestions , will help. thanks.

Chewey

 

[SexySlut2]

First off it is not just your responsibility to support your children, it's hers too. Just because you may have to move does not mean you are abandonning your kids. As long as you keep regular contact with them and they know you are there for them it's not abandonment. Sure, it will be hard on you and your children if you do move, but sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to. Hopefully they will understand the reason behind it.

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Tough question to anwser.

And one I'm not really qualified for. But - being in a similar position - my heart goes out to you.

 

[Guest]

chewbacca,

It's a very difficult situation when something like this happens. I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here...it's really a matter of how everyone is going to handle being separated. As Juspar said above, I don't think I'm really qualified to give you answers either, but I think we can all support you in whatever decisions you make.

From experience, though, I can only say that no matter what happens, make sure your children know they are loved and that the connection is always there for them...that no matter where you live, you are only a phone call away. Make sure they understand as best as they can that they were not the reason for the ending of the marriage.

It's never easy...please be good to yourself, though.

 

[chewbacca71]

Thank you both for the responses. I cant help but feel that I am leaving them behind, but I hope someday they would understand why I had to go .

 

[chewbacca71]

Thank you enchanted, make that three reponses. My worry is that the kids are too young to fully understand.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Chewbacca, don't leave.

Don't.

Do whatever you have to do to stay near your kids.

Whatever. You. Have. To. Do.

It's that simple.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[chewbacca71]

Thank you for those that responded. Especially Enchanted for the kind Pm, I needed that. Everyone have a good night. Its time to try and get some sleep.

Chewey

 

[bored1]

I understand exactly what you are dealing with as I have been there. Money isnt everything. I to had to make that decision. The reality of divorce is that everyones lifestyle changes. I recall living in the burbs with all the ammenities, now its a little rented condo,and no more xtras. the standard of living for the entire family has declined. That in itself is rough on kids. Why make it rougher by moving away? I dont know how old your kids are but I do know they grow up fast. By not being around you lose something that money can never buy

 

[Rambrat]

Stay...and be a part of their life...nothing is more important to them then the time you spend with them. It's the smallest things that count...they'll remember that you played with them far more than they'll remember what you bought them. Time spent...

and it goes so quickly...

I know exactly how you feel...

 

[erosman]

Don't limit your options. Don't get tunnel vision, and fail to see the opportunities that you can create with your own ingenuity. Give to your kids what is in your heart, and don't let anyone or anything sell you short on this. The only limitations are the ones that you decide to embrace. At the end of the day, you will have to live with your choices...make them count. Lit is a great place to bounce your ideas around as well. You have friends here.

 

[Summery]

I can only reiterate what other's have said. Any way possible stay near your kids. You can't get time back. I can only assume it would be much tougher for the kids and for yourself as well to be far apart. Way all your options and view all your resources closely before making any final decision.

 

[Juspar Emvan]

o shit

 

[Guest]

 

[chewbacca71]

Thank you

I have not been on Lit much since I posted this thread, but I want to thank those of you that posted on the thread. Also, thanks for the nice pm's, I needed them at this point in time.

Chewey

 

[tigerjen]

Just read....

and even though I have never been married, I do know
a co-worker who has two young daughters living w/ their
mom all the way out in Montana.....and that's a long way
from CT.........he's money strapped at times, but he
manages to send them bday presents, christmas
presents, and every summer his two girls come to CT
for the summer, which is really great.....

Please, Chewey, don't' move too far......stay near your
kids as much as possible......I know they love you to
pieces......and to be part of their life is a thousand more
times important than the money.....the money will come
in time......if you need a friend to talk with , you know
I will be there.



tigerjen

 

[MissTaken]

Chewbacca?

I just wanted you to know I am thinking about you....

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

If you need to talk, pm me. I don't have the answers, but I have an ear and broad shoulders.

 

[Pamela]

It is so hard to give advice without knowing the whole situation.

Why exactly are you moving? Did your marriage fall apart? Is it only because of money that you have to leave? Why is it solely your responsibility to support the kids? Does your wife work?

Sorry for the interrigation! But to truly give sound advice, more information is needed.

My heart goes out to you.