Alpha sub

[SubmissiveDove5]

I was just reading another thread about alpha personality, and I'm confused again (Aren't I always lol). I understand how a dominant has an alpha personality, but isn't there such a thing as an alpha sub, especially when a Master has two submissives? If so, what makes the alpha sub an alpha? Is it just because se is the main submissive?

 

[shy slave]

Hey Dove

Thats a really good question and no I don't have the answer, but you'll be pleased to know I am confused now as well!

*sigh* just when I thought I was figuring stuff out lol

 

[sunfox]

I was just reading another thread about alpha personality, and I'm confused again (Aren't I always lol). I understand how a dominant has an alpha personality, but isn't there such a thing as an alpha sub, especially when a Master has two submissives? If so, what makes the alpha sub an alpha? Is it just because se is the main submissive?

Sure there is such a thing as an alpha personality in a submissive. I'd say I definitely qualify as an alpha, and there are a few more around here that are very alpha people.

I don't really feel the two things are mutually exclusive.

As for situations with two subs, I can't personally vouch for this opinion, because I'm too alpha to share. But I'd guess that the stronger personality will end up being dominant over the second, should one of them be more alpha than the other.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

ShySlave,

So sorry about the confusion. I guess I cause a lot of that, lol.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

The foxy one hit it when she said

But I'd guess that the stronger personality will end up being dominant over the second, should one of them be more alpha than the other.

My grrl is alpha to my boi (They are married). She was mine first and he was an addition. (as a gift from her to me). So it depends on the placement and personalities of the submissives involved...

pet

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Hmmm...I guess I should find someone who doesn't have an alpha personality then. Master wants me to find a girlfriend. I know that sounds like I have some jealousy, but he met me first, and he has mentioned a commitment down the road. I really want to keep it that way.

 

[Limbhugger]

I am very much an alpha personality. In my every day life you would never believe I am a submissive. Well, the most keen of intuition might.

That said, for me my daily role of having such a personality is what makes the submission that much more meaningful. It takes a very special personality to get me to submit. In fact, so far only my beautiful and loving wife has ever achieved it and I hope it is always this way.

Some have said I am a switch because I harbor such a strong will and can, if necessary, assume a "dominant" role. But I'm not really dom'ing I'm just allowing my natural characteristics to flow.

But even if I am being "dominant" to another it is under her watchful eye and so ultimately I am still a submissive in the end.

As for mutli-partner personality interaction, as has been said natural order will likely reign out in the end.

Alpha personalities can add a tremendous dynamic to play and relationships. My personality alone can create some extrememly difficult barriers for me. Ones in which I want to lash out and assert myself, yet I cannot. I must force myself deeper into my submission to allow those feelings and emotions to slip away. In the end, bringing me even closer to true freedom and the two of us even closer together.

Another interesting dynamic along this line would be say a "Mommy, Daddy, Girl (or boy)" type of relationship. The daddy may be dominant over the girl, but both are submissive to mommy (or any combination thereof...lol).

Now, I reckon if you were confused before I've managed to really twist your brain up...LOL.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Oh man! I'm going to have one heck of a time choosing the right sub, lol

 

[catalina_francisco]

lol, and many times, if not most, it is the Dominant who decides the alpha sub and may choose on organisational skills, experience, time available, or any number of things. Not always as easily predicatible as personality winning out to assert their alpha role...some Dominants would see that as having problems with either obedience or jealousy, or even worse, submission.

Catalina

 

[Esclava]

Very true, Catalina. A good Dom will most definitely dictate who the alpha sub is. In my relationship with Master and another, I am NOT the alpha sub. Even with my exigent alpha attitude and tendencies, Master has made it CRYSTAL clear which of us is the alpha sub.

So, IMOHO, even if you have alpha in your soul, you may not be alpha in the relationship - just because you were the first. You will always hold the distinction of having seniority, but only if Master allows that to have meaning in the relationship.

Dove,

If you want to give Master a gift that will please him, consider the reasons he has said he desires another to join you and look for someone who fulfills those desires. Pay close attention when he is speaking to you about locating another (whether it will be another slave, a submissive, or just a plaything). Let yourself focus, intently, on what he is telling you. It will give you more information than you think. Then use that information in your search - in more ways than one - you will be allowing HIM to make the decision.

And relax...it may not be easy, but if you listen to him with your heart, he will not steer you wrong. Good luck to you, sweetie!

Esclava

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thanks Catalina and Esclava, I will keep that in mind. I will have to wait until I talk to him again however, to get a better idea as to what he wants me to look for. So far all I know is that he wants her to be my best friend and able to fullfill needs and desires that I might be unable to fullfill for him. Sounds cruel, but it probably is reasonable.

 

[Esclava]

Thanks Catalina and Esclava, I will keep that in mind. I will have to wait until I talk to him again however, to get a better idea as to what he wants me to look for. So far all I know is that he wants her to be my best friend and able to fullfill needs and desires that I might be unable to fullfill for him. Sounds cruel, but it probably is reasonable.

Sounds like Master has already identified desires that perhaps (he feels) you are not quite ready for. I still stand by my advice. Master can tell you what he is/you are looking for. Be patient and attentive when he explains his desires.

Esclava

 

[sunfox]

Alpha personalities can add a tremendous dynamic to play and relationships. My personality alone can create some extrememly difficult barriers for me. Ones in which I want to lash out and assert myself, yet I cannot. I must force myself deeper into my submission to allow those feelings and emotions to slip away. In the end, bringing me even closer to true freedom and the two of us even closer together.

Did you ever just hit the nail on the head! That's exactly how it is for me a lot of the time, and I think for him, that is the thing about me that most interests him. The struggle for a naturally alpha person to submit is a constant thing, sometimes more successful than at other times for me.

 

[Limbhugger]

The choosing of a "play partner" is an extremely serious thing. Both the dominant and the submissive must communicate extensively and in depth with each other and with the prospects.

This is not something that can be taken lightly! I know I am straying off topic a bit here but bringing another into your sexual and deeply personal lives is an enormous decision and cannot be underestimated.

We all have our own understandings and knowledge of our own situations so what works for each of us is what is important. But do not see this as simply "sexual" as it never is. Sex involves emotions, period. Sooner or later those emotions will emerge. Often emotions will emerge that may have been unexpected in the beginning. That doesn't mean it is a bad thing but may require some very real and serious soul searching and honest discussion between all involved.

I am a little sensative to multi-partner play (non-bdsm) as we have indulged with mixed results. Those mixed results have largely been on account of me not realizing the needs of others but also because the situations just flat weren't right.

Bringing another into this aspect of your life is a major decision and should be treated accordingly. But you have already indicated that understanding so I wish you and yours all the best!

Steps off soap box

 

[Limbhugger]

Did you ever just hit the nail on the head! That's exactly how it is for me a lot of the time, and I think for him, that is the thing about me that most interests him. The struggle for a naturally alpha person to submit is a constant thing, sometimes more successful than at other times for me.

Have no fear, I can be a fuck of a submissive. Cranky, assertive, demanding, dissapointed, even bossy. But in the end, it's all superficial BS that is desperately trying to hide my true feelings. And more often than not, those true feelings are fear, insecurity, anxiety.

My front and lashing-outs just the surface behind my deeper self. A shield. It is a way of not looking into myself I know, or maybe a way of dealing with looking into myself...sometimes it can be a blur.

I am not a gentile sub nor am I an easy sub. Hence the deeper the submission and the greater the need for a strong dominant to tame my ravaged soul.

 

[FungiUg]

isn't there such a thing as an alpha sub, especially when a Master has two submissives? If so, what makes the alpha sub an alpha? Is it just because se is the main submissive?

Well... all of these things depend on the individuals involved, but generally, an "alpha sub" is the submissive in charge of, or ahead of, or on top of, or however you describe it... the main sub.

It's I think a simplification of interaction in poly D/s relationships though.

 

[ammre]

I'm definatelly an alpha sub.
If you were to look at me in a group of friends i'm normally the one who is most outgoing. I tend

I walk with my head up...
Why can't i submit with my head up?
On my knees and looking straight into a Dominant's eyes i feel a much greater connection and share of feelings than if i were to keep my eyes downcast. Maybe if it were a punishment or for some certian reason... but for the most part i'd look him in the eyes. It's almost a way to let him know... i may be submitting to you but i have the power to stop, so take what you're getting and cherish it. It sounds weird but i almost feel more powerful on my knees giving myself up to him.
Wow, That makes as much sence as having pride in your humility... :\ Yeah, i'm a confused one.

 

[AvaAdore]

i always thought the alpha sub was the "favourite" chosen by the dominant.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Either way, I hope that Master decides that I am his alpha. It would totally destroy me if he said another was to be his alpha.

 

[Esclava]

Either way, I hope that Master decides that I am his alpha. It would totally destroy me if he said another was to be his alpha.

Oh, sweetie! Don't look at it that way!

His decision may not come down to "the new toy" is better than "the old toy." I have no doubt that there are Masters out there that can be that superficial. But you MUST trust your Master to have been able to submit to him. Trust him enough to take care of you - no matter what title you have in his hierarchy.

If you DO find a suitable play partner and the relationship progresses into something where Master declares that the new additioin is the alpha, talk to Master about how you feel and I am sure - quite sure - that he will calm your fears and soothe your injured spirit. But, you have to let him know without the drama that I know will be welling up inside you. And submit to his decision with all the love in your heart for him. It may not keep you from feeling "destroyed", but it will allow you to serve him in humility without the "cat-fighting" that can occur when you don't agree with his decision and act out in defiance of it.

Esclava

 

[sunfox]

i always thought the alpha sub was the "favourite" chosen by the dominant.

This could be considered quibbling over semantics, but then... so are a lot of things on the board.

I would consider a favorite to be a primary sub, if there is to be a favorite.. whereas alpha as a designation is usually considered to be linked to discussions on an alpha wolf in a pack, or alpha human in a group.. it is more of a personality quirk than something another person can label you as.

If I were in a situation with more than one submissive... I may not be the primary, but I would always be an alpha. That is my personality, and I cannot change it.

I think that's the distinction being made, at least, that's how I see it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

You can always tell the "alphas". They are like fresh faced little puppies, always bouncing up and down and saying "Ooh ! OOh! Pick ME! I'm an Alpha!"

hi sunnie.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thanks Esclava, looking at it that way, I do feel better about it.

 

[sunfox]

You can always tell the "alphas". They are like fresh faced little puppies, always bouncing up and down and saying "Ooh ! OOh! Pick ME! I'm an Alpha!"

hi sunnie.

*looks up from chewing rosco's shoe*

 

[Netzach]

M is my live in, my most serious and my most treasured...
and in all situations he's the omega boy.
Get any of the other subs in the mix and he's the yes man.