Along came a spidey...

[EmeraldKitten]

Yikes!
I was sitting out on the patio with the laptop, drinking my coffee, smoking cigarettes; just basically enjoying my morning.
Something crossed into my line of vision...
It was a freaking SPIDER! HUUUGE SPIDER!! Coming down off his little web, and landed on the keyboard!!!
He sucked himself back up his web the minute he touched the computer, but OH MY GOD I almost passed out.
I get chills just thinking about it. He was an inch away from my hand.

I hate spideys, I hate spideys, I hate spideys. They're useless and scary.

Maybe I'll write a story about it.

Okay, do continue with your morning.

 

[litfan10]

Love your descriptions/narrative! <chuckles>

Okay, while not a big fan of spideys by any means, I do find that they take care of the annoying bugs that really drive me crazy, so I try to leave them alone unless they are in the bedroom which is off limits to the little (okay sometimes big) biters.

Please do continue your day, I am hoping for some more cool stories on that spider-free computer of yours.

 

[wishfulthinking]

Did you get ciggie or coffee burn, or too stunned to move?

They say Australia has some big mama bugs, but I swear to god the cockroaches in the UK are big, black and freaking scary.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Litfan, thanks, I do what I can, lol.
I know they really aren't useless, but jeepers, I just dont ever wanna look at them! I leave them alone too. I make my boyfriend take care of my light work. I'm too afraid I'm gonna try and step on one and it will run up my leg.
n
Wishful, no burns to speak of lol, and I had to move- the neighbor man let his dogs out and my dog went ape-shit, so I had to retrieve him. Needless to say I moved slowly as I stood, because I would have been an absolute unhappy camper had that sucker gotten in my hair, lol.
The part that bothered me about that though? I didn't get to see him get all the way back up into the plant from whence he came since I was getting my asshole dog. For peace of mind, I pretended he was happily ensconced in his little spidey nest, and I grabbed the laptop and got the hell in the house.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Nobody panic! I have this under control!

I came back outside with my coffee, cigs and 'puter, and I waited for the other shoe to drop.
(Or in this case, that same spidey to drop. .)
It happened!
Down he came, lookin' all... spidey-ish.
He is now just a smudge on the bottom of an empty cigarette pack.
(My boyfriend is at work so I had to do it myself.)
I can now safely sit out here without being terrorized by a, well, 8 legged terrorist.

Thanks for your concern everyone, but I'm safe now.

eta:
OH MY GOD ITS NOT SAFE!!!
I just got relaxed, ready to enjoy myself again, and the worlds biggest spider crawled up onto the patio.
I jumped and ran over that one. I think it was one of those wolf spiders, or.. or.. something. I'm gonna try and find a picture.
I am back in the house, and very unhappy about my feet being on the floor.

 

[Handley_Page]

Wolf spiders live outdoors. Thto my mind is the House Spider.
They can get real big. (5 inches front to back; I measured it)

 

[glynndah]

Spiders are nice. I like spiders.

Centipedes and millipedes, on the other hand...

*shudder*

 

[theravenfox]

I'm a spider fan too. We take them outside as gently as possible when they are in the house.

 

[TE999]

Here in the tropics, we have a spider that goes by several names such as Carolina Jumper, Giant Crab, Huntsman or Housekeeping spider. Most people refer to it as "What the fuck is that?!"

It grows to 6" from leg tip to leg tip, runs as quick as thought and can show up anywhere in the house. I went in my closet one evening, flipped on the light and one was on the wall, level with my eyes, less than a foot away...I about shit!

It ran and your could hear it's legs drumming on the wallboard...I never did find it.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I married a biologist. For years in our house the motto whenever a spider (especially one of some size) appeared, the cry went up "Wait until Mom gets home!" The rest of us just went into another room . . .

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Big spidey stories! ! lol.

Yikes.. I just.. don't like them,
Had I seen one that big, a foot away from my face, I can tell you with all certainty I woulda tinkled in my pants. Just sayin', lol.
I can't let them live. If I let them live, then I don't know where they go. What if I wake up in the middle of the night with it on my chest, staring at me with it's little beady eyes??
The bigger they are, the worse they freak me out. When they need their own zip code, I have an huuuge issue.

My favorite spidey story...
My best friend and I were taking a drive, just to waste gas. We had the top down in my car, and had just turned onto a new road. I glanced down, and by the gear shift was a spidey. Small-ish, but too close for comfort.
There wasn't anyone behind me, so I took my foot off the gas and started coasting, keeping one eye on the 8 legged terrorist, We had the radio up and were singing, being ridiculous. As our speed decreased, she looked over at me and gave me a funny look.
"What are ya doing?"
"Nothing.."
Let me say, she hates all spiders of all sizes. I had to go to her house one day and rescue her. A spider had her trapped in her bathroom, lol.
Anyway, she must have seen my eyes shift to where the terrorist was, because her smile fell, and she started looking around.
And Mister Spidey was spotted.
She screamed. Not a weak little pussy woman scream, but a 'Jamie Lee Curtis ain't got nothin on this bitch' scream.
At this point, I was pulling onto the side of the road, and my friend was out of the car while we were still rolling. Of course, as soon as I stopped, the stupid thing ran.
New round of screaming.
I told her to stop it, and looked for Mr. Spidey. Couldn't find him.
My friend spoke. "I'm not getting back in that car til you kill him."
I looked up. In her mad jump from a moving car, her glasses had flown off her face, and she was missing a shoe. At this point, I started laughing.
She did not.
"I mean it. Kill him. I want to see his little dead body before I get in that car."
To make a short story long, I found Mr. Spidey, and he was damn hard to kill. He met his maker on the end of a straw out of my drink.
The rest of the drive was miserable, because she kept looking around for his family that she insisted I offended because I killed him.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Where I went to college the entomology department was huge, huge. There were twenty-three full professors of bugs and such. Anyway, one of the high points of the department was the wonderful butterfly collection on display up on the third floor. It was sort of the local equivalent of submarine races to take a date up there and then out onto the lawn under the palm trees. So the first time I try to take HM out, we head for the collection only to find the usual door into the building locked. So we went looking for another door and found one on the ground floor/basement. As we walked along the subterranean hall (have I ever mentioned that I'm claustrophobic?) she suddenly stopped and exclaimed, "Oh look at this!" One of the profs was the world's authority of the tarantulas of the Southwest and on the wall, in mason jars--alive!--he kept his complete collection. HM starred at them all in fascination and naturally ol' macho-bear here couldn't retreat in terror as he would have preferred. I gritted my teeth and leaned forward to inspect on particular khaki-colored specimen with cream stripes on it's legs. The tarantula jumped from the back of its jar to the front and I leaped from the front of its jar to the other side of the hall, a new world's record for the indoor standing reverse broad jump that remains unequalled in the annals of sport! She looked pityingly at me, said something like "Oh, don't you like spiders?" and allowed me to take her upstair to see the butterflies.

 

[Lady_Guenivere]

This thread gives me the heebie jeebies...yikes! I HATE spiders!

 

[EmeraldKitten]

The tarantula jumped from the back of its jar to the front and I leaped from the front of its jar to the other side of the hall, a new world's record for the indoor standing reverse broad jump that remains unequalled in the annals of sport! She looked pityingly at me, said something like "Oh, don't you like spiders?" and allowed me to take her upstair to see the butterflies.

Hahahaa.. I'd laugh harder if I wouldn't have been so scared, lol.
I got chills reading that.. I woulda been jumping wiith you!! (And wet my pants, I'm sure. )

Lady, I agree! lol

 

[TE999]

Another spider we have down here is called the Orb or Yellow Garden spider. Orb because of it's circular web, which can be several feet across; Yellow Garden because it's yellow and black and rather large...4-5" from leg to leg...they keep their legs in line with their bodies fore and aft unless moving to catch prey tangled in the web.

They spin their webs across openings to catch insects flying by, and occasionally they catch you if you aren't looking where you're going. They can't hurt you, but having it's web plastered all over your face has to be experienced to be fully understood.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Another spider we have down here is called the Orb or Yellow Garden spider. Orb because of it's circular web, which can be several feet across; Yellow Garden because it's yellow and black and rather large...4-5" from leg to leg...they keep their legs in line with their bodies fore and aft unless moving to catch prey tangled in the web.

They spin their webs across openings to catch insects flying by, and occasionally they catch you if you aren't looking where you're going. They can't hurt you, but having it's web plastered all over your face has to be experienced to be fully understood.

I've done that before. Hate it. lol.

I had a spidey make a web in my drivers seat last summer. It went from my steering wheel, to the back of my seat, to the rear view mirror, to the door. THe spidey was sittin in the middle of his web, waiting to eat me.
I'm glad I looked and didnt just hop in.
MY attempts to foil his web only served to make him drop into my car.
So I made my aforementioned friend drive me home. lol