Lust Engine
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Native Alien said:
Let's hope not and wish curri the best of luck.
almost ready to cheat on wife
- Thread starter curri91
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Let's hope not and wish curri the best of luck.
Pdxmwm
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evolution
My view on this has evolved over 50 plus years and three marriages; I’ve seen relationships and lives destroyed in the pursuit of extramarital sex, but not as a result of the success or failure of the pursuit. Most often the participants of the affair weren’t honest with themselves or with each other, or participating in the affair was an avenue or excuse to end the marriage.
If you are committed to your marriage, and circumstances compel you to seek additional emotional or physical gratification, then be totally honest with your extramarital partner, and insist she (he) returns the favor. Love and sex outside your marriage can exist and be very gratifying, but as long perceive it as “cheating”, guilt will keep you from experiencing anything beyond a momentary physical release. It’s when both you and your extramarital partner see your relationship as assisting and strengthening each other, that you’ll truly derive the pleasure and comfort that’s possible.
A relationship of this type requires the utmost in truth and trust between two people. Once that is established, don’t be surprised if a very strong emotional bond develops, and feelings of love quickly follow. You may tell yourselves that you won’t become emotionally involved; however, your heart will overrule your head, and the best you can hope for, is to control your actions, and be true to your most important commitments.
My view on this has evolved over 50 plus years and three marriages; I’ve seen relationships and lives destroyed in the pursuit of extramarital sex, but not as a result of the success or failure of the pursuit. Most often the participants of the affair weren’t honest with themselves or with each other, or participating in the affair was an avenue or excuse to end the marriage.
If you are committed to your marriage, and circumstances compel you to seek additional emotional or physical gratification, then be totally honest with your extramarital partner, and insist she (he) returns the favor. Love and sex outside your marriage can exist and be very gratifying, but as long perceive it as “cheating”, guilt will keep you from experiencing anything beyond a momentary physical release. It’s when both you and your extramarital partner see your relationship as assisting and strengthening each other, that you’ll truly derive the pleasure and comfort that’s possible.
A relationship of this type requires the utmost in truth and trust between two people. Once that is established, don’t be surprised if a very strong emotional bond develops, and feelings of love quickly follow. You may tell yourselves that you won’t become emotionally involved; however, your heart will overrule your head, and the best you can hope for, is to control your actions, and be true to your most important commitments.
Don't cheat!
Warning lecture ahead:
You will feel GREAT for about 4 days ( two days before you actually cheat and the first two days of wild passionate sex.
And then you will feel so awful you'll want to throw up for 3 days straight.
And the worst part is you will never be able to REALLY get over it. The things is you will want her forgiveness, and you can't get it without telling her ( or letting her find out ) which is too cruel for you to do.
You will survive but it'll be (very) painful for you.
End lecture:
You mentioned she is not on birth control and you are depending on a condom to catch everything (I may have gotten this wrong), have you considered a spermicide? Maybe she's nervous about getting pregnant? Have you had any "surprises"?
I hope things work out well for both of you.
Warning lecture ahead:
You will feel GREAT for about 4 days ( two days before you actually cheat and the first two days of wild passionate sex.
And then you will feel so awful you'll want to throw up for 3 days straight.
And the worst part is you will never be able to REALLY get over it. The things is you will want her forgiveness, and you can't get it without telling her ( or letting her find out ) which is too cruel for you to do.
You will survive but it'll be (very) painful for you.
End lecture:
You mentioned she is not on birth control and you are depending on a condom to catch everything (I may have gotten this wrong), have you considered a spermicide? Maybe she's nervous about getting pregnant? Have you had any "surprises"?
I hope things work out well for both of you.
TAKEMEE
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Lust Engine said:It's actually nice to see someone trying to stay within their marital vows as opposed to asking the general public for "permission" to cheat on their wives. It's nice to know you still love your wife. Seek the counselling that you need; hopefully she'll come around and realize how much this hurts you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Good luck!
Amen to that. I agree
deliciea
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Almost
ok to start with Do you really want to cheat on your wife sex or no sex will the love you say you have be there when you do cheat
Second don’t count how few a times you have sex count how many times you get to make love to her
my Ex-husband got to the point that he wrote down the days that we did it on the calendar hey that made me want to give him loving more often (right) a marriage counselor is what you need to seek with or with out her and maybe when she sees you are trying to save this marriage she will want to help
ok to start with Do you really want to cheat on your wife sex or no sex will the love you say you have be there when you do cheat
Second don’t count how few a times you have sex count how many times you get to make love to her
my Ex-husband got to the point that he wrote down the days that we did it on the calendar hey that made me want to give him loving more often (right) a marriage counselor is what you need to seek with or with out her and maybe when she sees you are trying to save this marriage she will want to help
Overdrivenat40
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Um, this is more typical than you think.............
Most men married for a fair amount of time CAN relate to this thread. Sorry, ladies, that is the truth. More and more the guys feel more and more frustrated by the lack of activity between the sheets...........and it isn't just because we're prehistoric animals that do not show our wives love/tenderness/respect.
My wife's sex drive is just nowhere near mine...........I'm nowhere near as frustrated as some of the responders (once a YEAR! Yikes...........) as once or twice weekly is pretty well the norm for us, with the occasional dry spell (pardon the pun) for a week or two without. She's athletic, runs 4-5x a week, lifts weights, is in excellent shape and extremely healthy. I'm 6'4, 200, blond/blue and am considered a chick magnet by friends of ours (both male and female) and it is frustrating to have a mismatched sex drive. Maybe it's the 'same dish every night boredom thing'?..............In our case, it seems there is no real 'problem' but a 'typical' married couple issue.
Love my wife beyond question but this issue is real and many, many married guys face it...............and it's your fault, girls! (JUST KIDDING, LADIES!)
Most men married for a fair amount of time CAN relate to this thread. Sorry, ladies, that is the truth. More and more the guys feel more and more frustrated by the lack of activity between the sheets...........and it isn't just because we're prehistoric animals that do not show our wives love/tenderness/respect.
My wife's sex drive is just nowhere near mine...........I'm nowhere near as frustrated as some of the responders (once a YEAR! Yikes...........) as once or twice weekly is pretty well the norm for us, with the occasional dry spell (pardon the pun) for a week or two without. She's athletic, runs 4-5x a week, lifts weights, is in excellent shape and extremely healthy. I'm 6'4, 200, blond/blue and am considered a chick magnet by friends of ours (both male and female) and it is frustrating to have a mismatched sex drive. Maybe it's the 'same dish every night boredom thing'?..............In our case, it seems there is no real 'problem' but a 'typical' married couple issue.
Love my wife beyond question but this issue is real and many, many married guys face it...............and it's your fault, girls! (JUST KIDDING, LADIES!)
Lust Engine
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TAKEMEE said:Amen to that. I agree
Thanks for agreeing with me Takemee. I'm just hoping that Curri & his Mrs. are doing okay. I hope that if you're reading this Curri, I want you to realize that you're being supported here and we're still wishing you the very best of luck. We hope things are going well, you guys are communicating & talking it through (either together or with a counselor).
Let us know even if it hasn't reached any kind of conclusion. We'd love to hear if things are steadily improving even.
G
Guest
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Rosamund said:Ok, well I'm a Lady and I can identify with you men. I want more than he gives me. I have cheated on him, and the result was a tremendous amount of guilt. He has told me that he is just not affectionate and I have to deal with that. I don't know what the answer is.
Wow, someone ought to do a poll on this and see what ratio of men to women are doing without.................
I really appreciate all the support I have gotten and all the feed back you have given. My wife and I have talked and we are working on everything right now. We are trying to talk about our problems. We always use to talk quite a bit but I guess I just never noticed how much it slacked off. What with the kids and different work schedules. I think we are working it all out though. I will try and keep everyone posted. Please forgive me if I don't post replies as quickly as I should. Im sure you all understand. Talking is deffinitely the answer here. The sex life has not really picked up but talking has helped a little and Im sure it will help more as time goes on. Thanks!
pierceheart
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Boy that really sucks pierceheart. Im sorry to hear that.
My wife and I talked again last night. We discussed that she is always stressed about work, kids or money. I tried to explain to her that those things will be there for the rest of our lives. I told her to try not to let those things stress her out so much because they are not going away. As for the money it shoiuld only get better with time once the kids are old enough to watch themselves and we don't need to pay for the sitter. Then she told me she doesn't feel sexy enough because I lost all this weight and she is still so big. I told her I lost the weight for her and the kids so I would be around longer for them. It didn't seem to help. It's almost like she is trying to find excuses. Im not sure....
My wife and I talked again last night. We discussed that she is always stressed about work, kids or money. I tried to explain to her that those things will be there for the rest of our lives. I told her to try not to let those things stress her out so much because they are not going away. As for the money it shoiuld only get better with time once the kids are old enough to watch themselves and we don't need to pay for the sitter. Then she told me she doesn't feel sexy enough because I lost all this weight and she is still so big. I told her I lost the weight for her and the kids so I would be around longer for them. It didn't seem to help. It's almost like she is trying to find excuses. Im not sure....
Random Variable
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not so fast!
I really like that you talked with her and you said what you did about her weight. Here's my take on it-----
I believe that if she is telling you about these things--don't dismiss them! They are probably not just excuses! If she is feeling insecure--about looks, money, kids, she is going to have low libido.
They don't sound like excuses at all. If your money situation is precarious --or she thinks it is-- you've got to fix that. What is your debt load? Is there big tension about purchases, especially luxury or entertainment items?
You might have to surrender some control (that takes some courage). A thing that really worked in our marriage was to establish two separate (but 2-name) checking accounts. My wife doesn't work; I provide a set amount each month and then don't worry about how she spends it. She likes it because it gives her total freedom within that amount and I'm not looking over her shoulder. I like it because I know what nut I have to cover every month.
A woman is very vulnerable, esp. with kids.
To be honest, if you are looking for money relief from something like less future baby-sitting, you are cutting it too close to the edge. Expenses with kids only go up. Also, who is going to be watching them? I'll tell you: Mr. Televison and Ms. Video Game.
Hey, she's telling you something. Take it seriously. Even if they are 'excuses', you need desperately to remove even the slightest excuse. This may mean a major change in your attitude.
The same goes for the other problems--weight, being tired, etc.
Also, don't think one or two good heart-to-heart talks is going to suddenly restore her sexual drive. This is something you've got to commit to doing.
I say listen up!--And good luck!
R.V.
curri91 said:
I really like that you talked with her and you said what you did about her weight. Here's my take on it-----
I believe that if she is telling you about these things--don't dismiss them! They are probably not just excuses! If she is feeling insecure--about looks, money, kids, she is going to have low libido.
They don't sound like excuses at all. If your money situation is precarious --or she thinks it is-- you've got to fix that. What is your debt load? Is there big tension about purchases, especially luxury or entertainment items?
You might have to surrender some control (that takes some courage). A thing that really worked in our marriage was to establish two separate (but 2-name) checking accounts. My wife doesn't work; I provide a set amount each month and then don't worry about how she spends it. She likes it because it gives her total freedom within that amount and I'm not looking over her shoulder. I like it because I know what nut I have to cover every month.
A woman is very vulnerable, esp. with kids.
To be honest, if you are looking for money relief from something like less future baby-sitting, you are cutting it too close to the edge. Expenses with kids only go up. Also, who is going to be watching them? I'll tell you: Mr. Televison and Ms. Video Game.
Hey, she's telling you something. Take it seriously. Even if they are 'excuses', you need desperately to remove even the slightest excuse. This may mean a major change in your attitude.
The same goes for the other problems--weight, being tired, etc.
Also, don't think one or two good heart-to-heart talks is going to suddenly restore her sexual drive. This is something you've got to commit to doing.
I say listen up!--And good luck!
R.V.
complicity
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Hang in there!
Originally posted by curri61
Stick with it curriman and you'll hopefully get there in the end.
My wife and I have almost the same situation, I say almost because things are better now. She too changed her pill
which helped, and I've just had the snip which hopefully will make things even better removing the need for her to have any oral contreception at all.
We've both come to the conclusion that with kids and work etc what other time do you have free in the day? So we had to start making time for each other.
The great thing from my point of view was that Ok we were not making love with the same frequency that we used to, but when she did get horney she was / is insatiable, which made things a little easier to bear for me.
This weekend my sis is taking the kids for a long weekend, and we're making plans to just be together. The only fly in the ointment is that my wife has to go in to the office Saturday morning, but shes asked me to go in to help her close the office and tidy things up. As she said it she had a knowing twinkle in her eye, as the last time we did this we ended up having passionate, all out, no holes barred sex her desk!
The point I'm trying to get at is, that this wouldn't have happened a few years ago! You have to stick with it!
Good luck
Originally posted by curri61
Stick with it curriman and you'll hopefully get there in the end.
My wife and I have almost the same situation, I say almost because things are better now. She too changed her pill
which helped, and I've just had the snip which hopefully will make things even better removing the need for her to have any oral contreception at all.
We've both come to the conclusion that with kids and work etc what other time do you have free in the day? So we had to start making time for each other.
The great thing from my point of view was that Ok we were not making love with the same frequency that we used to, but when she did get horney she was / is insatiable, which made things a little easier to bear for me.
This weekend my sis is taking the kids for a long weekend, and we're making plans to just be together. The only fly in the ointment is that my wife has to go in to the office Saturday morning, but shes asked me to go in to help her close the office and tidy things up. As she said it she had a knowing twinkle in her eye, as the last time we did this we ended up having passionate, all out, no holes barred sex her desk!
The point I'm trying to get at is, that this wouldn't have happened a few years ago! You have to stick with it!
Good luck
Last edited:
Overdrivenat40
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Rosamund said:
It amazes me that there are women who are being *neglected*..............flat out amazing to me. Guess not every guy is as driven..............I give up.................
I have to admit that I too am surprised at the number of us women that are.. ahem... neglected! Here I've always thought that I was so different and strange...
My hubby was the culprit in our sexual downslide.. still is unfortunately, but I think I'm a closet nympho He actually started councilling and got put onto Paxil for generalized anxiety and panic (I had no idea!!) I always thought I was the only one who stressed over bills and groceries and stuff like that! Men and their internalizing!!
Once a lot of the anxiety was lifted, he became much more interested in the goings on in the bedroom.. Good thing too, as I was about to go and get me some toys that plug in to the wall.. Man the power bills we would have had!!
A good side is that Paxil increases male staying power...
:: sigh :: Now if only they had something for getting rid of the "Honey, I have to get up early for work"'s....
I believe good things are worth fighting for, and as long as you are willing to try and make things better in your relationship, you will succeed!
Luck to all!
L.
My hubby was the culprit in our sexual downslide.. still is unfortunately, but I think I'm a closet nympho
He actually started councilling and got put onto Paxil for generalized anxiety and panic (I had no idea!!) I always thought I was the only one who stressed over bills and groceries and stuff like that! Men and their internalizing!!Once a lot of the anxiety was lifted, he became much more interested in the goings on in the bedroom.. Good thing too, as I was about to go and get me some toys that plug in to the wall.. Man the power bills we would have had!!
A good side is that Paxil increases male staying power...
:: sigh :: Now if only they had something for getting rid of the "Honey, I have to get up early for work"'s....
I believe good things are worth fighting for, and as long as you are willing to try and make things better in your relationship, you will succeed!
Luck to all!
L.
Lust Engine
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littlecat said:I believe good things are worth fighting for, and as long as you are willing to try and make things better in your relationship, you will succeed!
Luck to all!
L.
I think littlecat put it so VERY VERY succintly here. The vows you made years ago were valid then and they are still probably worthwhile hanging onto. Fight & claw for that relationship. You've put a lot into it; it'd be a shame to give up on it so easily. SO get in there & FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT (not physically but for the relationship!)
It IS worthwhile.
Thanks all for the support on this. Sorry I have not replied for a while now.
We have not talked too much in the past week or so except in passing. She has been at work or I have. Then the kids and such. Hopefully I have the youngest trained on going to bed in his bed now. That will help a little I think. Not much else going on then that. Still having the so called dry spell. I spoke to a friend at work I guess I don't feel so bad he hasn't had any for 4 months!
Im just so tired of it all... Im not even sure it matters any more if Im active with her or not. It almost feels like we're going through the motions anymore and masturbating is the only release I have left. *sigh*
Signing off.... Nights everyone.
We have not talked too much in the past week or so except in passing. She has been at work or I have. Then the kids and such. Hopefully I have the youngest trained on going to bed in his bed now. That will help a little I think. Not much else going on then that. Still having the so called dry spell. I spoke to a friend at work I guess I don't feel so bad he hasn't had any for 4 months!
Im just so tired of it all... Im not even sure it matters any more if Im active with her or not. It almost feels like we're going through the motions anymore and masturbating is the only release I have left. *sigh*
Signing off.... Nights everyone.
Lust Engine
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You've invested quite a bit of emotional stock in this relationship already and you've also got the kids to think about. Hang in there and continue to make the effort to talk. Keyword being EFFORT!
Hang in there. Fingers crossed for ya!
Hang in there. Fingers crossed for ya!
