ALLERGIC TO MARY LOU RETTON! The Olympics Support Group thread

[shereads]

Wasn't gymnast Mary Lou Retton the cutest, bounciest, most determined little thing in leotards? And doesn't her stunning triumph at the 1952 Olympics seem like it happened only yesterday?

Are you looking forward, as I am, to her inspirational cheerleading in Athens this summer, where, if she's even half as perky as she was last week on the Today Show, goats' milk will curdle into feta cheese while it's still in the animals' udders?

Honest to God, pornsters, I don't think I can handle the Olympic Games if that elfin huckster's jingoistic chirping is typical of what we'll be getting dosed with between Orange Alerts for the duration. It's already a challenge not to pull an Elvis and shoot at the TV whenever Bela Karoli's name is mentioned, ever since I read an account by a former gymnastics student of how he helped girls postpone the disastrous advent of puberty by reminding them that breasts made them look like "fat cows" and complimenting sudden, dramatic weight loss. Doesn't that make you want to throw up? Or eat some waffles?

Me too.

Is anyone else dreading the games, yet drawn to them like goats to a salt lick?

 

[CharleyH]

ROFL - Please explain to me the ribbons!!!!!

 

[shereads]

Charley, the ribbons are symbolic of the bond that unites a team of young athletes until the moment one of them is singled out for an on-air interview.

"C'mon, America! Let's see some support for Team USA! These girls are awesome!"

~ Mary Lou Retton, broadcast co-anchor

 

[CharleyH]

LOL. So this is a male and female event?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Mary Lou Retton is my hero.

I have an impression of her teeth on my desk.

 

[shereads]

Is it a favorable impression?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Is it a favorable impression?

It's a first impression.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I miss the East German women with beards.

In one of his books, Kurt Vonnegut has some character going to see a girl swimming champion who's been practicing day and night for the last ten years. When someone asks him why, he says, "I want to see the girl whose father raised her to be a fish."

---dr.M.

 

[Clare Quilty]

ever since I read an account by a former gymnastics student of how he helped girls postpone the disastrous advent of puberty by reminding them that breasts made them look like "fat cows" and complimenting sudden, dramatic weight loss. Doesn't that make you want to throw up? Or eat some waffles?

I agree. I have a similar moral quandry where ballet is concerned. Little girls inculcated into the world of ballet at a very young age, much like their gymnastic counterparts, end up looking as though they've been adapted by natural selection into a hideous sub-species of homo sapiens sapiens.

I'm neither looking forward to the Olympics nor dreading them. I'm not a television watcher. Other than seeing the recap on Yahoo, I'll barely notice they're here.

 

[shereads]

Uh-oh. I did a quick google for a picture of Mary Lou's teeth as a gift for Abs, and found something disturbing in her bio. I have a feeling we'll be hearing a lot of this sort of thing:

"MARY LOU RETTON catapulted to international fame at the..." Etctera.




Who else just experienced a disturbing blood-glucose fluctuation?









Mary Lou Retton, just moments before her teeth catapulted to fame, performed a double-back-flip dismount and landed on Abs' desk:

 

[Subo97]

Olympic dreams

Summer Olympics are never as much fun as the winter ones, in my opinion, due to the lack of danger. Like a true NASCAR fan, I want to see the agony of defeat, I want to see a ski jumper slide off the end of the ramp and dive sideways to his doom. Personally, I think Track and field would be so much more fascinating if they added potholes.

I also think water polo was so much more fun when they used horses.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Uh-oh. I did a quick google for a picture of Mary Lou's teeth as a gift for Abs, and found something disturbing in her bio. I have a feeling we'll be hearing a lot of this sort of thing:

"MARY LOU RETTON catapulted to international fame at the..." Etctera.




Who else just experienced a disturbing blood-glucose fluctuation?









Mary Lou Retton, just moments before her teeth catapulted to fame, performed a double-back-flip dismount and landed on Abs' desk:

that is eerily fascinating....her teeth follow you around the room.

 

[shereads]

I miss the East German women with beards.

Conversely, the Men's Gymnastics competition is universally free of shaving stubble. What's up with that?

 

[shereads]

I agree. I have a similar moral quandry where ballet is concerned. Little girls inculcated into the world of ballet at a very young age, much like their gymnastic counterparts, end up looking as though they've been adapted by natural selection into a hideous sub-species of homo sapiens sapiens.

True. They can at least be thankful their careers don't follow the gymnasts' path: a single, globally televised opportunity to perform for judges who will decide that one of you is a ballet dancer, two of you are understudy material, and the rest of you have been purging your waffles for nothing.

"Aww...It's a shame about that landing! She was awesome in rehearsal. This is not only a major set-back for Team USA, it leaves the American Ballet Company with no marquee name for Giselle this season."

~ Mary Lou Retton, co-anchoring the Olympic Ballet Dancing competition

 

[shereads]

Re: Olympic dreams

Summer Olympics are never as much fun as the winter ones, in my opinion, due to the lack of danger. Like a true NASCAR fan, I want to see the agony of defeat, I want to see a ski jumper slide off the end of the ramp and dive sideways to his doom. Personally, I think Track and field would be so much more fascinating if they added potholes.

I also think water polo was so much more fun when they used horses.

You don't hold your breath just a little when the men gymnasts are on the balance beam?

Even when they do those mid-air turning splits?



You must have forgotten the Ribbon Gymnastics strangulation tragedy in Barcelona. I haven't! Everyone thought it was part of her routine. Poor thing. Best scores of her career, too.

 

[Clare Quilty]

True. They can at least be thankful their careers don't follow the gymnasts' path: a single, globally televised opportunity to perform for judges who will decide that one of you is a ballet dancer, two of you are understudy material, and the rest of you have been purging your waffles for nothing...

True the competition is slightly less cut-throat, but then the potential rewards aren't as great. As a gymnast, if you get it right the one time that it really counts, you will be set for life, never having to do another days work. In addition you are guaranteed a Wheaties box, an action figure in your likeness and at least one commercial for a feminine hygiene product.

 

[Monazwx]

The best thing about the summer olympics is . . .

. . . when it ends.

 

[Guest]

I stopped watching the Olympics years ago. I do recall the Roumanian girl who got a perfect score so that must be the year I stopped. There are books on the abuse of girls training for athletic events, and on ballet's more recent dangers. I didn't stop watching cos of that stuff (unknown at the time), but cos I could not stand the commercialization of the shows and the general crappiness of the announcers.

Ballerinas used to look like real women only a couple decades ago. Technique has advanced to the detriment of the art I believe. No good ballet teacher should accept a girl student under ten or allow her to wear pointe shoes before her legs and feet are ready (generally not before 10 years). Awk, there's too much to say about this, so I won't.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

True the competition is slightly less cut-throat, but then the potential rewards aren't as great. As a gymnast, if you get it right the one time that it really counts, you will be set for life, never having to do another days work. In addition you are guaranteed a Wheaties box, an action figure in your likeness and at least one commercial for a feminine hygiene product.

Every football or basketball player knows the real money is a shoe contract. The tradition of paying women athletes in freight-car flats of the advertised product goes back to Cathy Rigby and KotexGate.

There's a fabulous joke here, but it has to be performed, and there's something ruinous to a joke about explaining how it would look if you could see it. If only!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I haven’t watched the Olympics in decades… can’t imagine why anyone still does.

This post was worthy of bumping a twenty year old thread? K.

 

[RejectReality]

This post was worthy of bumping a twenty year old thread? K.

The "similar threads" feature the forum has knows no time.

My guess is there's probably a MLR thread going on in politics right now, and it flagged this one as similar.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Wow, that’s quite a bit of thread necromancy.

That said, does Literotica usually do an Olympics event or contest?

 

[EmilyMiller]

It’s so weird, you guys (maybe some people I know) were doing this shit when I was in kindergarten. WOW!

Em

 

[ToPleaseHim]

The "similar threads" feature the forum has knows no time.

My guess is there's probably a MLR thread going on in politics right now, and it flagged this one as similar

Ah, I bet you’re right! I have seen some odd threads show up in that similar threads section. I don’t really pay attention to it, though, and forgot it exists. (Sorry for the snark, @kinked_a_bit)

 

[MrPixel]

The "similar threads" feature the forum has knows no time.

My guess is there's probably a MLR thread going on in politics right now, and it flagged this one as similar.

So. Hmm. Could this systemetized dredging-up of decades old discussions fall under the category of "Artificial Stupidity"?