Aggressive?

[galaxygoddess]

I've been working on this story, and I'm annoyed with myself.

I go back and forth between loving what I write and hating what I write, and right now, I'm hating this.

I've put it back on the shelf off and on for over a year, and I pulled it out to write on it again, but I keep getting stuck on the opening scenes.

Katy is oblivious to her art teacher's advances, so he finally takes it upon himself to make a drastic move.

Here is the line: Without warning, he grabbed her wrist and lifted it above her head, pressing her back against the door. She barely had time to blink when he pressed his lips against hers.

Now, in my head, this is kind of sexy, a little aggressive, and completely unexpected. On paper, it reads like an attack. Which is not what I want. I mean, yeah there's a little non consent to this, but she's been oblivious to his advances, including the previous scene, however, these two lines make me want to throw my computer out the window.

Any advice on this, or am I just reading too much into my own effort?

 

[litfan10]

It is totally up to Katy's response.

If she is "Oh no!" well that is nonconsent and bad.

If she is "Oh! OH! uh, wow...ooooohhhhh." well then that is sexy.

As Rueben said, let Katy dictate the response as right now you as the author are battling with your character. Let the character rule.

Good luck!

 

[Ginlover]

As RubenR suggests and instead of grabbed how about he caught her wrist

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Now, in my head, this is kind of sexy, a little aggressive, and completely unexpected. On paper, it reads like an attack. Which is not what I want. I mean, yeah there's a little non consent to this, but she's been oblivious to his advances, including the previous scene.

Any advice on this, or am I just reading too much into my own effort?

Were they already a dating couple or if they’d even been flirting, I think I could be very sexy. As however she has expressed no interest in him at all, IMHO, it would be no different than if your man had done the same without warning to a perfect stranger on the street. Face slap, Twitter hurricane, maybe an assault charge.

You could write in a bit of flirting, maybe give a bit of body language and side glances; that might make it seem less aggressive. Or, if she decides she’s fine with it, maybe put it in NonCon? But, yes, under the circumstances, it reads like assault. Sorry.

 

[soulhouse]

Maybe you could just soften it with some dialogue to make it clear she doesn't mind:

Without warning, he grabbed her wrist and lifted it above her head, pressing her against the door.

“What the…” she said, her protestation cut short as he pressed his lips to hers.

He pulled away again, his face flush. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

“You could have just told me you liked me,” she said, smiling.

 

[lovecraft68]

Maybe have her gasp in surprise, and struggle just a little, but after a few seconds, she relaxes and begins to return the kiss?

Or after the that sneak attack kiss, he realizes he was caught up in the moment, let's her go, begins to apologize, then...she grabs his face in her hands and kisses him?

Guess it depends on how reluctant you want her to be.

 

[galaxygoddess]

I have her reaction afterwards as dazed confusion.

As RubenR suggests and instead of grabbed how about he caught her wrist

This sounds better to me, thank you

 

[galaxygoddess]

Were they already a dating couple or if they’d even been flirting, I think I could be very sexy. As however she has expressed no interest in him at all, IMHO, it would be no different than if your man had done the same without warning to a perfect stranger on the street. Face slap, Twitter hurricane, maybe an assault charge.

You could write in a bit of flirting, maybe give a bit of body language and side glances; that might make it seem less aggressive. Or, if she decides she’s fine with it, maybe put it in NonCon? But, yes, under the circumstances, it reads like assault. Sorry.

I do have her telling the friend, and the friend is going "call the police!" and Katy declines, now realizing she was missing his flirtations.

 

[galaxygoddess]

Maybe have her gasp in surprise, and struggle just a little, but after a few seconds, she relaxes and begins to return the kiss?

Or after the that sneak attack kiss, he realizes he was caught up in the moment, let's her go, begins to apologize, then...she grabs his face in her hands and kisses him?

Guess it depends on how reluctant you want her to be.

This is all really helpful, thank you. Because I want some going into the kiss, but some reluctance, some "oh yeah, I really shouldn't be doing this."

 

[TarnishedPenny]

This is all really helpful, thank you. Because I want some going into the kiss, but some reluctance, some "oh yeah, I really shouldn't be doing this."

Then, perhaps, have her say that before he leans down to kiss her.

She looked up at him, saw to her astonishment a longing in his eyes that made her loins feel heavy. How could she have missed it before this?

"I really shouldn't be doing this," she whispered.

Silent, his lips lowered to his.​

Good to go and her girlfriend only giggles and asks her for more.

 

[SimonDoom]

What RubenR said.

Context is everything. Standing alone, this sentence doesn't say much. Its meaning could change completely depending upon the narration that precedes it and follows it. It doesn't seem overly aggressive to me. Aggressive can be good. It depends on your story.

But, as RubenR noted, the real issue is what does Katy think. How does she feel. That's what ultimately will control how this passage comes across.

My suggestion is just to force yourself to write the whole scene and don't fuss too much over one sentence. When the scene is done go back over it. Focus on Katy's reaction.

 

[Jake_Raazor]

Perhaps double down on the aggression, but with Katy's reaction...

'Without warning, he grabbed her wrist and lifted it above her head, pressing her back against the door. She barely had time to blink when he pressed his lips against hers.

Startled, Katy felt herself responding, then in a flare of anger, she twisted away, causing him to step back. The slap shocked them both, the red imprint of her hand on his cheek. It had been instinctive, Katy stared at her hand, then at her teacher, both trying to assess the consequences of their actions.'

Then play on the conflicting emotions of both parties, Katy responding then rejecting him, his shock at her reaction making him rethink his behaviour, perhaps trying to atone, she cool at first, then maybe warming to him, or not...perhaps the slap triggers a shift in the power dynamic.

 

[HappySpouse]

For me, the lines could work if before that you’ve somehow established clear signs that she’s into him. Not just in her own head, but something that makes him sure she’s interested, maybe even him overhearing her say as much. Then, all the frustration of her missing him trying to tell her he’s wants her as well boiling over into that scene makes sense.

 

[NoJo]

I've been working on this story, and I'm annoyed with myself.


Any advice on this, or am I just reading too much into my own effort?

My advice: Understand your characters, and be honest about them. I suspect you, and your character may be a little conflicted as to the reaction.

I agree with other poster's comments about the protagonists' reaction being key, but I disagree with some of the value judgements I've read here.

Personally, the more conflict the better for me when I read a story, so I'd be more inclined to read on if there were more tension between them than by her yielding too easily to his advance.