Aftercare for Doms

[L0tus]

I know after a long session of pain, tears, and having my limits pushed hard, I need to be cuddled, caressed, and tenderly rejuvenated into a safe space. Submissives can't be the only ones who need aftercare. I read a post. A dom had engaged in many scenes in a short time span. She's a sadist and after her last scene, she burst into tears. She sobbed "I hurt her." (There's more to the post but I'll keep it short and simple)

This post had my brain cycling furiously. Underneath the layers of a dom, they are quite human and they need aftercare just as much as subs. I know that I can't compare all situations to the post but I'm really perplexed on how to give a dom aftercare. One way I see it is allowing a dom to be affectionate after a hard scene if not just a simple one.

Any thoughts on how to give a dom aftercare?

 

[Veroe]

Maybe not for something physical other than something like Whipping elbow or something, but psychologically...yeah I totally agree with you. Doms need as much aftercare as a sub.

Afterall violence even in the context of a consensual S&M relationship can be a emotionally dangerous thing for the one dealing it out just as much as the one receiving it.

The best thing I can think of is have moments of connection between dom and sub after ward to detox so to speak. Depending on the nature of the relationship like eating ice cream on the couch and watching tv together afterward. More than that...the sub telling the Dom how much she appreciates him.

 

[MeekMe]

I know after a long session of pain, tears, and having my limits pushed hard, I need to be cuddled, caressed, and tenderly rejuvenated into a safe space. Submissives can't be the only ones who need aftercare. I read a post. A dom had engaged in many scenes in a short time span. She's a sadist and after her last scene, she burst into tears. She sobbed "I hurt her." (There's more to the post but I'll keep it short and simple)

This post had my brain cycling furiously. Underneath the layers of a dom, they are quite human and they need aftercare just as much as subs. I know that I can't compare all situations to the post but I'm really perplexed on how to give a dom aftercare. One way I see it is allowing a dom to be affectionate after a hard scene if not just a simple one.

Any thoughts on how to give a dom aftercare?

Yep, d-types are people, too.

Aftercare varies from person to person. Sometimes being left alone is what's needed. Sometimes lots of cuddles. Some people like comfort food and a favorite movie. Sometimes it's more first aid related.

If we do something particularly intense, my husband likes to relax with a video game. I asked him about it and he said he liked the normalcy of it. Doing something he enjoys that is just normal for him. It works out for both of us because I don't care for cuddling after. I like sweets and hot tea. Which is just an everyday kind of night for us. I have a small snack and tea while he enjoys some gaming. We sit comfortably in silence apart.

Also, not everyone needs or wants aftercare. It's best to discuss this before and after with your partner. Sharing feedback is a great idea. （＾_＾）

 

[Moonlit]

My One says that giving me the aftercare I need, watching over me through it, is his aftercare.

 

[LWulf]

I love cuddling and such but I need alone time to collect my thoughts afterwards. I think many of my past girlfriends just never understood that about me. They thought my needing alone time was me withdrawing from our relationship, either that or I "wasn't Dom enough for them."

Whenever someone says "what do you need?" what they mean is "what can I do to help?" This is commonly an extrovert personality trait, and extroverts gain or regain energy by doing things and interacting with others.

Respecting what the other person needs and only doing that, is what will allow a relationship to flourish.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This place reminds me of a state hospital back ward where folks pretend to be all kinds of things. Mostly guys in girl suits and girls dressed like Hermann Goering and Jackie Gleason. Crazy fuckers like you.

 

[Netzach]

I communicate a lot about what people can and cannot expect in regard to aftercare with me, because what I expect pisses off about 90 percent of the pansexual BDSM scene.

I will ointment your scrapes. I will kiss you on the forehead. I will tell you you've been a good boy girl puppy, what have. (Provided you have actually been good whatsoever.) I will respond to you attentively if you are exhibiting major shocky or flying symptoms, with a blanket and hydration etc. I will NOT zoom in with blanket and cocoa and fawning simply because I've flogged you and you exist and PEOPLE NEED BLANKETS. Wha?

CARE and MAINTENANCE flows down. Pampering and service flows UP. Your job is to put away the gear I've just tormented you with, and express gratitude and affection to ME for the skill, time, attention, and discipline I've just doled out. Massage if I like you. Cocktails or late night snacks if I want to decompress with you. Love notes the next day. Peeled grapes. Constructive feedback when I solicit it, which I do, because I believe in improvement and mastery of my own show.

 

[kittiGoddess]

deleted

 

[DesEsseintes]

Not all Doms are sadists. I wonder if this also applies to those of us who do not engage in a great deal of pain? I haven't felt the need myself for any aftercare, as such - I do often want my own space, but then that has always applied to me, in any relationship, including non-sexual ones.

I can quite understand that the complex negative capability required to hurt someone you care for can occasionally break down, as in the instance the OP mentioned. But, like everything else, I don't think it can be universal.

 

[LWulf]

Hmm. I suppose I should have mentioned I am quite sadistic which is why I need to get alone time to normalize myself. I try to only do as much harm as "required" but at times it can be like candy to me. More. More! MORE! :maniacal laugh:

In all seriousness, it's only in recent years and it's been years since the last time I was with someone which may account for the desire to go overboard, but I always seek to maintain control, which again is why I need alone time.

I cuddle afterward to show any punishment is over for the "infractions" and having been dispensed, all is forgiven. (more for them than me). Unless it was used as a form of foreplay, which then, screw the cuddling! heh