After reading switch space...

[BlkPnthr]

What are your thoughts on switches? Are they really into the D/s scene? Or is it something else? I am not making any implications. I am just curious what you all think.

 

[Georgia Girl]

As a switch myself I can say that I am very much into D/s. My submission is a natural state, it is part of who I am, the dominance is a learned behavior, I had to be aggressive to survive. Naturally I defer to the authority of a male and do not have much to do with weak men who don't have the capacity to make a decision. I find that in my interactions with women that my aggression tends to come out more. I have never submitted to a woman before but I am open to the possibility.

Dawn

 

[BlkPnthr]

*Smile* Interesting. I'm a Dom myself, but never thought of ever wanting to be submissive. Guess it's that compelling need to lead and not follow. Probably why so many hate me on the GB LOL. Anyways Thank you for your insight with having a personal experience with being a switch. It's thought provoking

 

[Georgia Girl]

*Smile* Interesting. I'm a Dom myself, but never thought of ever wanting to be submissive. Guess it's that compelling need to lead and not follow. Probably why so many hate me on the GB LOL.

I tend to not be overly concerned with the opinions of others, my general philosophy is that if you like me then lets explore it further, if not, it was nice meeting you, have a good day. There is something gained from each experience or interaction, we determine if we accept that or rebel against it.

Dawn

 

[BlkPnthr]

True....very true. To each thier own is not just a waste of words

 

[MissTaken]

What GG said:

I recently found myself in a position with a non BDSM friend wherein he wanted me to top him. I did the very best I could and did enjoy the play.

Would that make me a switch? NO! I realize my topping behaviors were just indicative of my submissive nature....he wanted to be topped, so I did it.

I do believe and have talked with switches who's inner needs did flux between Dom/sub.

 

[BlkPnthr]

What GG said:

I recently found myself in a position with a non BDSM friend wherein he wanted me to top him. I did the very best I could and did enjoy the play.

Would that make me a switch? NO! I realize my topping behaviors were just indicative of my submissive nature....he wanted to be topped, so I did it.

I do believe and have talked with switches who's inner needs did flux between Dom/sub.

I think this is a highly debatable subject. I have spoken with some Dom/mes who believe that any sub who switches is either false, or not into D/s for the correct reasons. My choices in words are probably poor right now, but I think you get the gist of my meaning. Others however do not believe that it is false, or wrong reasons. I don't think I have much of an opinion on this one way or the other, but many do. My main goal for this thread is to find out what each person thinks about it.

 

[cymbidia]

I don't switch.

I've Topped on a few rare occasions, never happily, always feeling kinda anxious about "doing it right".

I've also taken an active and seemingly Toppish role with a few Doms here and there through my years doing this. Using a strap-on, for example, can be seen as a Topping or switchy thing by some, and i've definitely used a strap-on with a few of my Dominants.

However, it was always at the direction of my Dom, for his/her pleasure, and a thing done to fill my sub need to please my Dom.

Is that switching?

I didn't *feel* out of my usual headspace. Much.

OTOH, we all know there are definitely real Switches around. SpectreT and RisiaSkye are but two that we know well. I don't understand their motivation/pleasure but then, i don't get what Dominants get from their thing, either.


BlkPnthr, these "Dom/mes who believe that any sub who switches is either false, or not into D/s for the correct reasons" seem kinda, well, judgemental to me. What are "the correct reasons"? Who decides? I'll volunteer. Then everyone will have to do BDSM my way or they'll be imposters.

Hmmm.

No, that won't work, will it?

There is no single "correct way". There is no list of appropriate subbie responses, no list of attributes that make a good Dom, and no list of rules of conduct that apply to us all.

And aren't we glad for that?
(Otherwise, if i get to make the Rules, you're all gonna be playing with sharps and having dangling glinting things at your privates!)

 

[BlkPnthr]

I don't switch.

I've Topped on a few rare occasions, never happily, always feeling kinda anxious about "doing it right".

I've also taken an active and seemingly Toppish role with a few Doms here and there through my years doing this. Using a strap-on, for example, can be seen as a Topping or switchy thing by some, and i've definitely used a strap-on with a few of my Dominants.

However, it was always at the direction of my Dom, for his/her pleasure, and a thing done to fill my sub need to please my Dom.

Is that switching?

I didn't *feel* out of my usual headspace. Much.

OTOH, we all know there are definitely real Switches around. SpectreT and RisiaSkye are but two that we know well. I don't understand their motivation/pleasure but then, i don't get what Dominants get from their thing, either.


BlkPnthr, these "Dom/mes who believe that any sub who switches is either false, or not into D/s for the correct reasons" seem kinda, well, judgemental to me. What are "the correct reasons"? Who decides? I'll volunteer. Then everyone will have to do BDSM my way or they'll be imposters.

Hmmm.

No, that won't work, will it?

There is no single "correct way". There is no list of appropriate subbie responses, no list of attributes that make a good Dom, and no list of rules of conduct that apply to us all.

And aren't we glad for that?
(Otherwise, if i get to make the Rules, you're all gonna be playing with sharps and having dangling glinting things at your privates!)

Very informative. THank yuo for the post cym, and yeah after your ending comments I am glad things do not go your way LOL Not big on recieving pain

 

[SpectreT]

I've tried explaining it before, to myself first, then to others in The Monster (the acronym thread that swallowed Saturn). I'll give it another go here.

I am something of a sensual hedonist; I don't so much have sex or make love as immerse myself in a partner. Their scent, taste, texture, the little moans they make, all are food for my soul, for my very essence. It is almost a form of worship, and this had me thinking I was submissive, especially when a girlfriend and I started playing B/D/S games with one another. There was something missing though, some part of me unfulfilled by just doing her bidding. We tried reversing the roles for a while, and everything just.... clicked.

I discovered within myself a wild joy that she loved and trusted me enough to let me control her, to let me formulate a game and play it out with her. Having her "helpless" and obedient, was just an incredible feeling of completion. Akin to, and intertwined with, the knowledge that the previous week it was me on my knees, my ass red and mouth filled with her taste, listening to her talk baby-talk at me. I knew, to some degree, what she was feeling, what she was going through, in her own mind.

I discovered that each role in this type of play was, for me, rewarding and fulfilled a need in me.

It did more than that; it helped me become more aware of myself.

I hope that helps; and you might want to read it to those Doms who think we Switches don't have our heads screwed on right.

As that girlfriend proved to me, some subs think we're missing the boat, too.

 

[perks]

I don't have much experience

I've never been submissive to a woman, and I've never been dominant with a man.

But then again, I don't have much RL experience, so maybe I should shut up.

Submissiveness seems to be natural for me, unless I'm with women, and then the ones that I want to be with, I couldn't imagine not topping them.

I don't know if I get "it" the whole BDSM thing. I know it intrigues me, and I want it. I just don't trust easily.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

The Switch

It does depend on the relationship I think. I also think it cycles of life we enter that influences us?

In one of my stories, the woman discovers her submissivness, is devoted to her Domme and years later becomes a Domme herself. Who is the stronger?

Of course many subs dominate anyway from the bottom, yes? or attempt to: I do not allow this, it is not polite

 

[Georgia Girl]

Both sides of my nature are ones that need extra exploration and it is exploration that I welcome. As stated previously, my submission is a natural state for me, the dominant side (my aggression) is learned behavior.

I recieve pleasure from giving pleasure, for my partner to be able to find that ultimate in pleasure through my body, my touch, through me is the greatest of compliments and yet it also yields a sense of power.

Does this mean I am trying to control from the bottom?

Dawn

 

[HotXBunz]

This reminds me of the old "butch/fem" or "homo/bi" debate in the lesbian world. There are some people who think you have to be one or the other or you are not a "real" lesbian. To the purists I am not a "real" lesbian because I have been married and have kids.

I switch. I like being submissive because I like pain, I like pleasing, I like being pushed to the edge. As for being Dominant, I like to give pain and I love being in control. My preference is submission because of my need for pain. My partner also has a need for pain that I gladly meet.

I was into this "lifestyle" before I even knew it was something of a fetish. I guess I was spared the "Leather Book of SMBD Rules" and thus left to explore both sides of my nature without having to check with the book/BB/expert to make sure I was being politically correct.

BlkPnthr, I think the folks your are refering to just want to put others in a nice tidy box. It helps them to sort out their world and sometimes helps to elevate their preceived place in the world. There is nothing worse in my opinion than someone who has to discount someone elses experience in order to make themselves look better. There will always be the purists but there has to be room on the line for degrees of every lifestyle. When I read what you said about some Dominants thinking switches are not in the lifestyle for the right reasons or that we are false I saw red.

I crusade against this mindset in others in RL all of the time. My way may not be their way but it works for me. When I need an expert to tell me how to do something I will ask, and I do ask because I want to learn, but this does not make me any less than someone who may live the lifestyle 24/7.

Thanks for starting this thread. The topic is indeed debatable as you said.

 

[RisiaSkye]

The Zen of the Switch--copied from The Monster Thread

I originally posted this question and my response about six months ago. Rather than retype it all, here's what I said then:

I'm Dominant much of the time. But, I am also submissive. You are not alone in that, but I don't know if we're unusual.

So, let's open a new topic, on behalf of me and chatbug.
Why does switching get such a bad rap?

This is something that I've wondered about a good deal. To me, my feelings and expressions of Dominance and submission are intrinsically linked to each other. Switching sides of that equation allows me to explore what it means to experience submission, and it encourages me to be a more honest, giving, and emotionally committed Domme. I wouldn't give either side up.

But, I hear from more "orthodox" lifestylers (otherwise known as the purity Nazis) that Switching betrays a lack of commitment to a role. I have been told that my enjoyment of both Top and bottom makes me not fully either--rather like a hermaphrodite, one particularly sensitive and tolerant person laughingly suggested. What do others think? Are switches lacking committment somehow?

I don't think so. It is an incredible experience of love to give ones' self fully to another, to trust them utterly, even with your will. Developing this trust is difficult and time consuming, but it is also the "therapy" that BlackBich and others have mentioned...an emotional and spiritual journey. One that has come to largely define what making love is about to me, in terms of emotional commitment. The blessing of submission is a wonderful gift to be able to give to another, and an incredible responsibility--one that I honestly think can ennoble the soul.

If there are soulmates, I picture it as a fully developed yin-yang balance. My Dominance is interwoven with my submission, as hubbie's Dom interweaves with his sub. When we come together, we create an integrated whole, a perfect (though shifting) balance of male/female, Top/bottom, serious/frivolous, etc. etc. The complexity of that balance is one of the biggest rewards of my life.

BDSM is a way to explore the complexity of that balance, to express it physically, emotionally, and spiritually all at once. I've had orgasms that lasted full minutes, moments of spiritual clairty so precise I felt more alive than I knew was possible, feelings of love and connection so overwhelming there aren't words to express them. If that's a "lack of committment," I'll take it and wear the disparaging judgement proudly.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I thihk that switching is only bad mouthed by the same types who bad mouth Dommes or anyone else who they want to discount. Just because someone says something, that does not make it so. i find it is ignorance.

I am a dominant, and I do not switch. It is my choice, and I am happy with it. However, switching may be the right choice for someone else. Being a switch is not better or worse tnan being a dominant or submissive. It is just another personal choice. If a person discounts your experience or disapproves of your choices,
ignore them. You can't please everyone, so please yourself.

Ebony

 

[SirVPL]

Which Switch r u?

I am a Switch that is on the Dominant side of the lifestyle... Every Switch to some degree has a Dominant or submissive side to them.

 

[SirVPL]

Switch

*Smile* Interesting. I'm a Dom myself, but never thought of ever wanting to be submissive. Guess it's that compelling need to lead and not follow. Probably why so many hate me on the GB LOL. Anyways Thank you for your insight with having a personal experience with being a switch. It's thought provoking

I Switch to offer a reward to my submissive. It is good to offer her control at times. It helps her explore other possibilities of satisfaction. Its often surprising what she might want to do to You.