After Midnight

[InnerKitty]

She smiled the smile of a child caught in a lie. "You're sweet, you know." she kissed his cheek. "A tee shirt and lounge pants sound great."
Involuntarily she yawned, quickly covering her mouth with her hand, " I guess I am a little tired. I'll be right back."

She headed for the bathroom, once there, she peed afterwhich she washed the nights make-up off of her face. There was a brush on the counter, black and silver hairs caught in the bristles. She smiled and brushed her own golden red hair, getting all the hairspray out of it, making it soft. It fell about her shoulders a silken stream of gold. she smiled, now shadow would see the real her. She hoped he would be scared off! She looked at the brush, the golden hairs mingled with the black and silver, rather pretty she thought. She cleaned the brush and through away the hair.

Then she opened the door. "Shadow? You got those nightclothes handy?"

 

[DrStein]

Shadow moved into his room to get some night clothes for her. He gathered up a pair of red plaid lounge pants and an old Rush T-shirt. While waiting, he also changed into a pair of black lounge pants for himself with no shirt.

When Champagne stepped out, he couldn't help but smile. She was a gorgeous young lady and didn't really need the make-up. As a matter of fact, her natural beauty had a charm to it that all the glitz and glamor of her work seemed to want to hide from the world.

He handed her the clothes and smiled. "There are a couple glasses on the endtable and a Brita pitcher in the fridge in case you get thirsty." He kissed her on the cheek once more. "I'll see you in the morning."

 

[InnerKitty]

"Oh, Thanks!" taking the proffered clothing she noticed the shirt. "Oh, I LOVE RUSH! Did you see them in concert? I always wanted to, but haven't yet."

she blushed a little at his kiss and hugged him back. "Okay, good night."

She turned and went back into her door, at it's threshold she hesitated, "Shadow, I really have had a nice time tonight." She smiled and started to enter the room.

 

[DrStein]

"So have I," Shadow murmured. "So have I..." He switched off all the lights and retreated to his room for the night.

Unfortunately, his inner demons didn't want to let go so easily. He slept badly, still haunted by the dark images of his past. The memory of the crunch of metal around him jarred him from his sleep with a start. His eyes adjusted to the low light quickly and he realized how heavily he was breathing. He swallowed the lump in his throat back down and sighed in remorse. He couldn't forget...

Climbing out of bed, Shadow stepped out into the living room before opening the glass doors out onto the balcony. He stood there and watched the streets below, wondering when his inner demons would ever let him sleep.

 

[InnerKitty]

Champagne always had a tough time going to sleep in a new place.
Usually she'd spend half the night tossing and turning or starting at every new sound.

She heard Shadow quietly padding down the hall and she lay there for a moment, wondering if she should get up.

At the sound of the glass doors sliding open and the street sounds that followed, she decided to take a chance and get up too.

She quietly exited her room and softly padded across the living room to the glass doors.
She stood there watching shadow for a moment, the way the light from outside outlined his body, the position of his shoulders, the shine of his hair.

She took a chance and quietly stepped up beside him, touching the small of his back with her hand. she thought about speaking, but decided not to, she simply gazed out into the night and listened to the sounds of the city.

 

[DrStein]

Shadow heard Champagne come out, but didn't look at her. He was too lost in his own thoughts. "I have a hard time sleeping on nights like this."

His mind was racing, though his face was an emotionless mask. "It's been 9 years, and I still can't stop it."

On an impulse, Shadow decided to do something he'd never done before. "It was my father's birthday, and we were out celebrating. On the way home, we came to a crossroads. I was riding in the back seat.

"The light turned green and we pulled into the intersection just as two cars came racing in. A group of frat boys got drunk and decided to drag race. They slammed right into us."

Shadow didn't even notice the tears that slipped down his cheeks. "My father was killed instantly. My mother died two days later in the hospital. I was released a month later with a broken arm and collar bone. Of the five men who hit us, only one was killed. Wasn't wearing a seat belt."

He had never spoken of the accident since the day he was released from the hospital. It still hurt like a knife twisting in his heart, even after nine years.

 

[InnerKitty]

Champagne moved between Shadow and the railing until she was in front of him. She looked deep into his eyes pushing his hair back from his face, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks as tears wet her own. One arm around his waist with her other hand she pulled his head to her shoulder. Gently she stroked his hair as he released his sorrow.

"Oh Shadow..." was all she could manage and all she felt she could say.

 

[DrStein]

Shadow wrapped his arms around her, his body shaking with silent sobs. He felt the pain of his world shattering just as sharp as if it had been yesterday. He just stood there and let it out until he was numb and had no more tears to shed.

He felt like there was a hole in his heart, a sensation he wasn't unfamiliar with. But in Champagne's embrace, the hole didn't feel quite so big and cold.

 

[InnerKitty]

Tears slowly coursed down her cheeks and she felt Shadows' tears falling on her as well, and that was okay.
She hugged him tightly and let him cry. He seemed to need it. She continued to stroke his hair. She would wait as long as it took for him to calm down.

 

[DrStein]

The sobs eventually died down. Shadow swallowed back the lump in his throat with some effort and steadied his breathing. "I threw myself into my work after I was released from the hospital. It was all I had left."

He slowly led them back into the apartment and sat on the couch. "It was the only thing holding me back from suicide." He held onto Champagne's soft hands, looking her directly in the eye for the first time since his confession.

 

[InnerKitty]

Tears coursing down her own cheeks, she wiped his dry. "What a horrible thing to keep locked inside... Oh, Shadow, it is all so sad. Didn't you have anyone to take care of you? No relatives, no family friends? It's a wonder you didn't die."
Impulsivly she reached out and hugged him to her chest, once again stroking his hair gently, stroking his shoulders gently.

"It isn't fair such a thing should happen to a child. And then he be left alone. Damn them! Damn whoever should have taken you in for not being there for you, for a child alone." Without thinking, she kissed the top of his head. "It just wasn't fair" Fresh tears threatened to begin again.

 

[DrStein]

"I was 17," Shadow stated plainly. "I don't have any other relatives, at least none that would have anything to do with me. Long story. I spent a year with a fake ID getting into nightclubs. I would crash on the couches of friends I'd made that night."

He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "You're right... It wasn't fair."

He stood up and walked around the room. "It's been 9 years. I've gone from nothing to where I am today. I've travelled, I've seen my shows come to fruition. I even got a chance to meet one of my heroes on a trip to Japan last year."

He turned back to Champagne and sighed. "But that one night is still hanging over my head. I don't know what to do."

 

[InnerKitty]

"And professional help doesn't ... ah, help?"

She stood and walked up to him, "Shadow, it is a terrible thing, but sometimes talking about it, letting it out allows you to heal... perhaps..." she hesitated, reaching out to his face, her hand cupping his jawline, "perhaps, you need to forgive yourself for living..."

 

[DrStein]

Shadow said nothing. He knew therapy was the only logical answer. But if he had one great fault it was his pride.

He always tried so hard to never let anything anyone else said about him internalize itself into his mind, but Shadow also knew what the perception of his condition was. Few people truly understood clinical depression, or could even comprehend the pain he had gone through these last 9 years. All he ever heard was coward this, and weakling that. They didn't understand, nor did they want to. How many people would have simply given in to suicidal urges if they'd gone through what he did?

"I have a brother..." Shadow said at last. "He's the only other one who knows. He hated me for leaving him, not that I blame him... and we've only started speaking to each other again in the last year."

He looked up at Champagne and held her hand that rested on his jaw. "You're the only one I've ever been able to talk to. For that alone, I'm eternally grateful."

He leaned in slowly and gently kissed her on the lips. He lingered a moment before drawing back just as slowly and staring into her eyes.

 

[InnerKitty]

OOC: sorry it has been so long...

IC:
Caught in the moment, trapped by the saddness that raidiated from his body, Champange leaned into him, and returned his kiss. She wanted to kiss away his pain, to see his smile, hear his laugh... wrap her arms around him and save him from the cruel world.

She reached her arms around his waist and held him. She kissed him long and deeply pressing her body agianst his, feeling his hearbeat with her skin.

She noticed how hard his body felt, how warm, how her own body was reacting to him. Her temperature was rising and she had butterflies in her stomach. She tried not to think of that... but he was a lovely male. Trim, muscular... haunted... just the way she always liked them. Musicians and now magicians... [/B] she rolled her eyes inwardly at herself. She shouldn't be thinking of him this way, she should be empathetic... not .... aroused. She was kinda ashamed of herself.. but no too much.

"I'm so sorry Shadow, so very sorry..." she brushed back an errant lock of hair from his eyes, and asked in a low voice, "when was the last time you slept the whole night through?"

 

[DrStein]

Shadow locked his eyes into hers, refusing to release his gaze. "A couple weeks ago, to be honest. The nightmares come and go... and it's hard to predict when they'll pick up again."

He tangled a hand in her silky hair, relishing its softness as his eyes held hers. He slowly stood up, bringing Champagne up with him. "I can't ask more of you than you've already given me... And for the warmth and compassion tonight I'm eternally grateful... But I'll regret this if I don't say it. I want to make love to you."

Shadow had never in his life made himself more vulnerable before another person as he had just now. But whatever Champagne's answer, he would not regret it. He could feel again. And whether he would feel joy at her acceptance or the pain of her rejection, it would only serve to confirm to him that he was still alive and had reason to stay alive. He had nothing to lose.

 

[InnerKitty]

with a great feat of self control, Champagne managed not to let her mouth fall open.
This was not what she'd bargained for, in fact she should probably leave.
She took a deep breath and regained her composure.

"Back at the club..." she swallowed, "you told me that that was not what you wanted from me." she had to tread lightly, she didn't want to offend him. She genuinly liked him and didn't want to lose a budding friendship. She touched his arm lightly, "I-I should probably go, I am sorry, I didn't mean to send you mixed signals. I really like you... I do... but we just met a few hours ago... please understand."

She looked deep into his eyes hoping for understanding, hoping for all the world that he'd not notice her blush of embarassment.

 

[DrStein]

For a moment, Shadow said nothing. Finally, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. "I can feel again," he said at last. "If I can hurt, then I can feel happiness again."

He gently put his hands on Champagne's shoulders and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry for shocking you that way. I needed to know for certain I was still alive. I know that doesn't make much sense..."

He turned and slowly walked over to the phone by the kitchen. "I'll call you a cab. I've asked more of you than I had any right to already."

 

[InnerKitty]

thanks for waiting

Champagne followed Shadow to the phone. She didn't want it to be like this, he was hurting and it was because of her. But she didn't want to go to bed with him this soon. He was very attractive.. even sexy.. oh god VERY sexy, but she was not a hooker nor a whore. She didn't want to start being what everyone automatically thought of her anyway. She didn't think Shadow had thought of her that way, but maybe she'd been wrong. She hoped not. But the moment to ask that question had passed. And now... well, now a perfect night had been slammed into the pavement.


"Shadow, please, don't be upset with me." she touched his arm tenitively, "I really am not that kind of girl. I am not a prositute. I am sorry if I didn't make it clear or if I sent you the wrong signals. I really didn't mean to hurt you."
She looked in his eyes with sincerity. Please understand.

 

[DrStein]

"I'm not mad at you," he said softly. "I know you're not a whore. What I did was take a risk because I had to. Pain is one of the few ways left for me to tell I'm alive anymore."

There was a grim assessment. All the more so now that he actually said it out loud. "Your answer was irrelevant. Yes or no, I would be able to feel something, anything again. Anything besides that emptiness that comes from the nightmares."

At this he paused, one hand still on the phone that sat in its cradle mounted on the wall. He clenched his eyes shut and set his jaw. "The one at fault here is me. I wasn't honest enough with you. I never imagined when I met you that I would ask what I did a minute ago... but at least you were true to your word."

 

[InnerKitty]

Champagne thought for a moment, then reached out for the hand he had on the phone pulling it to her cheek. "You don't have to call a cab just yet."

Keeping his hand firmly in hers she lead him to the couch. "Sit here just a minute."
She went around the room turning off any lights that were on. Then went down the hall to the bathroom and turned that light on, closing the door slightly.
In the guest room she removed the blanket from her bed. Returning to the couch, she sat down.
"Shadow I want you to lay your head in my lap." she sat at one end and arranged the pillow comfortably in her lap. "Come on," she urged gently, pullling his arm toward her, " it'll be okay, just lay your head here" she patted the pillow, "I'll chase the nightmares away tonight."

 

[DrStein]

Shadow sat staring at her a moment. Finally he leaned down slowly and rested his head on the pillow. He stared up at her for the longest time, just watching. He was amazed she could forgive him for all this. His heart felt like lead though he couldn't be certain why. It was altogether a strange feeling, one he couldn't quite explain.

Finally, he drifted off to sleep.

 

[InnerKitty]

Champagne tried to not feel self concious that he stared at her. She looked down at him in her lap with a gentle smile and slowly petted his hair.
Gently she stroked his forehead, willing away his tension and saddness. Deep in her throat she hummed a calming tune, full of slow variations on a theme, the tempo slow and measured as a sleeping persons breath.
As he slowly fell asleep she smiled, but continued her spell. Watching his eyes and face for any change.
"Sleep a dream of peach shadow.... see the beach up ahead? the water's gentle lapping at the edge.... it is warm, the sun shines down on your fur, warming you, the water rolling in and out with your heartbeat, above you birds call. All is calm... I am here ... all is peace..." she whispered low as she stroked Shadows forehead.

 

[DrStein]

Shadow turned over in his sleep so that he was facing Champagne. Whether or not her attempts to influence his dreams were truly working, he seemed more at peace than she had ever seen him before. His tail stirred slightly, hanging off the edge of the couch and his hands found one of hers. His hold on her was gentle and a little clumsy as one might expect of a sleeper.

He seemed almost like a child. Small and vulnerable...

 

[InnerKitty]

She smiled and relaxed a bit, fighting off her own drowsiness. Softly she continued stroking his fur with her free hand and humming. He was beautiful when he slept.
His bravado gone. All that was left was the frightened needy boy asleep on her lap.

"I'm right here Shadow, you can relax" she whispered low, hoping somewhere deep in his psiche he heard her. Sweet peaceful dreams. "